Well, things were a bit hectic over the holidays. I can’t believe it’s been almost a month since my last post. It’s not that nothing has been going on, just that I haven’t had a lot of computer time (or when I have my wife’s been around and that would be awkward…). Anyway, just a quick update for now with some more coming in the following days.
I informed my wife New Years Day evening, after being used for some super hot sex (no, I didn’t get to), that I had a total of 24 orgasms the previous year.
“Wow! Is that all? You averaged one every two weeks…”, was her response.
I told her that it did indeed average out that way, but that there were three months where I only had one orgasm and three months where I had three orgasms. She told me she thought my keeping stats was a little strange, but that she would think about upping my average for this year. I told her I would appreciate that.
Here’s my new perspective on this topic. I’ve done orgasm control for over a year now, but kept the stats for 2008, so I’m basing everything on that year. I’m still a fairly young man. I enjoyed the denial while it was going on, and I get a thrill out of the fact I was able to survive on only 24 orgasms. I’m glad I did it. However I have been feeling lately like I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Let me put it another way. I’ve been shaving my head for the last 14 years. When I started I had a thick head of hair. A few years ago I let my hair grow out for a month and although I was not totally surprised, I was a bit shocked at my hair loss. Although I’ve loved having a bald head, I feel like I wasted probably five or six years of having thick hair. Some day in the future, hopefully the distant future, I may not be able to get erections or orgasm regularly. I’d hate to reach that point and think about how I wasted opportunities when I was younger and still having multiple erections throughout the average day.
Now, I’m not saying I want the control to end, just that it would be nice to increase the frequency a bit. Having said that, it’s been nine days since my last orgasm.
An interesting thing, though, and something I want to right about more at length, but I’m running out of time, is how things become habit, or become the natural order. We’ve been at our arrangement long enough now that there isn’t much thrill in 90% of what we do anymore. Not that it’s unpleasant or anything like that, but I don’t get that submissive rush anymore from most of what we do. But we still do it. It’s just the way we are now. Now it’s just normal for my wife to hand me her cup to be refilled, even while sitting around with friends at a kids birthday party where you refill your own drinks at the fountain. Oh, there goes a wife with two cups to refill. There goes a girlfriend filling her boyfriends cup. Oh, there I go to fill my wife’s cup. No need to fill my own because I just did that a couple of minutes ago while also filling the kids cups. We, at least I, hardly even think about these things anymore.
I discovered another aspect of this New Years Day morning. I had to work NYE so my wife took the kids to a friends house and stayed the night. When I woke up in the morning I had the house to myself and some morning wood. I thought about the fact it was a new year and the slate was clean, so to speak. I decided it wouldn’t do anyone any harm if I started the year off with an orgasm. I didn’t think my wife would mind. I considered calling and asking for permission, but didn’t. Anyway, I started masturbating and as I reached the edge I stopped. I waited a bit and edged myself again. I did it maybe three of four times before stopping and getting up to take a shower. It was weird. I clearly could orgasm, but couldn’t really bring myself to do it. I told my wife about that at the same time we had the orgasm stats conversation later that night. She just smiled as I admitted I just couldn’t bring myself to cum without her explicit permission. I mean, I could, but I wouldn’t and didn’t. It’s just not how I am anymore.
Anyway, I’m out of time. I’ll post more later if I can find the time, otherwise it will probably be tomorrow.
Happy New Year!
Filed under: D/s, chastity, female led relationship, kink, life, masturbation, orgasm control, orgasm denial, submission, wife led marriage
“An interesting thing, though, and something I want to right about more at length, but I’m running out of time, is how things become habit, or become the natural order. We’ve been at our arrangement long enough now that there isn’t much thrill in 90% of what we do anymore. Not that it’s unpleasant or anything like that, but I don’t get that submissive rush anymore from most of what we do. But we still do it. It’s just the way we are now.”
You hit that nail right on the head. We don’t do as much stuff as you do, and my beloved is still not as comfortable (or perhaps willing) at this as yours, but even the things we do have become almost “routine.” In our case that’s mostly my kneeling at the bedside before I get to come to bed. And the buzz is much less there. It is a good time to reflect on “Why are we doing this?” and “What does this mean.”
The big mystery to me is what it means to her. Time to have that conversation (again) I guess.
As for the future, maybe I’m just lucky, but (advertising not withstanding) I know 70 and 80 year olds with happy sex lives, so I wouldn’t worry about wasting opportunities if I were you, just as long as the arrangement you have is working.
Thanks for writing – I get a lot out of what you do.
And Happy New Year.
Jamie
Happy New Year AFH.
Your certainly not alone, I think that everyone suffers, if suffer is the right word with, the 90/10 rule. 10% fun sex, and being wife led, 90% everyday normal vanilla relationship. In reality, its probably closer to 99/1 because 10% suggest 2,4 hrs per day which is certainly not true in my case.
I think we have all talked about “routine” at one point or another in our developing WLM, and it seems that you are no different to the rest of us. What concerns me is that while routine is fine and can still be wife led and therefore still meaningful, I think that there is a danger that a wife that is not fully engaged with the concept of a WLM or may not even want to be head of the household, will be just happy to let things run with very little input from her.
That is why I think in the past I have personally always been trying to illicit some form of more regular acknowledgement, rather than just assume that the things that I do are wife led, becuase I do them.
I didn’t mean to make it sound like it’s one sided, or that we’ve gone back to a more vanilla life. What I mean is that we are doing all the same things that used to give me that submissive rush, but now it’s very ordinary. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. If anything it’s nice to know that it’s really all about her and not ONLY about me getting a rush from doing submissive things. I don’t get the rush most of the time, but I still do all the same things.
On the other hand, she may not be getting the rush from telling me to do things any more, yet she does still reap the benefits…
During the holidays my cleaning schedule went out the window because of so many other things going on. I still cleaned, but it wasn’t to my usual schedule. Anyway, one night as my wife went to bed I asked her if I could borrow her Ipod ‘if’ I decided to mop the floor. Her response was, “what do you mean, ‘if’”? I got the message and mopped the floor. That response would have sent me into subspace a year ago. Now it just sent me to the kitchen to mop, lol.
what is your punishment regimen? What offenses arepunished? How?
There is no punishment regimen or anything like that. My punishment is that my wife is upset. That’s bad enough.