It’s been a while since I’ve last posted, mostly because everything is so “routine” now.  There hasn’t been anything new to write about for the most part.  Not that that’s a bad thing, just kinda boring.  The second anniversary of our Arrangement is coming up and everything is great, although a tad dull.  I’m sure it’s partly because it is now so “routine” and partly because I crave something new and exciting.  But I think my wife is also slipping back into her “I hardly ever want to have sex” mode that she occasionally enters.  It’s unfortunate that she sometimes feels that way because whenever she gets over it and ends up having sex several times in a week she looks back and regrets not having sex more often (and I’m sure she ends up feeling guilty about it).  Sure, I want to have sex more often as well, but I know it’s tougher on her than me.

Along with the lack of sex comes the lack of denial.  Of course this leads to one of those quirky, kink related paradoxes where although I was only allowed one orgasm in October it was the only time we had sex.  Therefore there was no orgasm denial.  Granted, it’s a technicality, but this is what I end up thinking about.  Hopefully this will change soon.  She went out of town this past weekend and the night before she left we made love.  After she came she told me I was allowed to orgasm as well but I had to do it in another room because she needed to get to sleep.  I asked for permission to wait, not because I was trying to control the situation, but because I can’t imagine having an orgasm that doesn’t in some way involve her.  I can’t remember the last time I sat alone in a room and masturbated myself to an orgasm.  It’s been well over two years, I know that much.  You’d think it would actually be appealing after all that time but it is the opposite.  The thought of it seems like a let down.  She told me it was OK for me to wait, but expressed that I had already waited a long time.  I told her it had only been four weeks and didn’t feel like a long time at all.  Again, just being honest, not trying to control the situation.

Something else of interest happened as well.  She nearly cried after her orgasm that night.  Yes, it was a pretty intense orgasm, but she told me it was so emotional because it was all from me, no toys involved or anything.  She told me she didn’t know I could still make her cum all by myself.

That comment created all sorts of interesting thoughts on my part.  Part of me felt like a stud and was proud.  The counterpoint to this should be that I would feel badly about her thinking I couldn’t do it without the help of her toys.  Of course I don’t.  I feel good about that too.  It’s nice that I can feel good about her thinking I’m a complete stud while also feeling good that she thought she needed her vibe to help her cum because I just didn’t have it in me anymore.

Well, I’ll leave it there for now.  We haven’t really talked about the Arrangement in a while and with our two year anniversary coming up we are probably due for a “State of our Union” talk.  It will probably consist mostly of both of us talking about how we’d like to do more but other life obligations keep getting in the way or just wear us down too much.  That’s alright, though.  It always feels better after we talk about it.

Since starting our arrangement football season has been a little strange.  On Sunday’s, or whatever day my favorite team ends up playing, things get all turned around.  My wife enjoys letting me sit and relax and watch football while I do a minimum of jobs around the house and she generally takes care of business around the house.  Usually it will involve grocery shopping and or cooking up a nice brunch and then a Sunday dinner.

Well, yesterday was no different, except that I also had a sore back and was distracted by some other thoughts.  As my wife got dinner ready I was researching something on the computer while trying to also keep an eye on whatever game was on.  She told me she was going to need my help finishing dinner to which I made some grunting noise apparently.  She let me know that my answer was far less enthusiastic than she expected from me.

“Yes, my love.  How can I help you”, she prompted.

I repeated the words back trying to focus on her and not pay attention to that amazing run happening on the TV.

She wanted me to finish the mashed potatoes.  Hmmm.  I’m a pretty darn good cook, but I don’t make mashed potatoes.  She does.  Always.  So I get some stuff out and then stand there looking stupid while she stops what she is doing and tells me what to do.  I do this wondering why she just doesn’t do it since there are probably ten other things I could be doing instead.  When I finish I return to the family room and watch more football.

This was apparently the wrong thing to do.  My wife let me know that when I had finished I should have asked her what else she wanted me to do.  At this point I did my best to REALLY focus and helped her finish with everything and get dinner on the table.

As I was setting the table she made a joke about how my service went to hell a day after she had let me “cum in her sweet pussy”.  She then spent the next few minutes teasing me and getting me all hot and bothered before having to sit and eat dinner.

Now, perhaps it is true that my orgasm the day before had something to do with it.  Personally I think it was more the mindset that had been over the last couple of years during football Sunday’s.  I basically have been allowed to act like any other random hubby instead of her househusband who caters to her needs.  Plus my back hurt.  Mostly I think it was the “alpha” male football thing, though.

Of course her comment/joke to me about my service going to hell after she let me cum flipped my switch and I was in a better mindset for her the rest of the night.  It also sent me into a little fantasy world.  ”Yes, my love.  Three weeks is far too soon to be allowed an orgasm.  I think six weeks would be more appropriate.”  To be honest the look in her eye is what really set me off.  Although she was joking there seemed to be something behind her comment.  It seemed to be a calculated joke, not something she had just thought of.

I guess only time will tell.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I had changed my attitude about expecting sex.  It was still a pretty new idea to me when I posted it, but I have to say that it has had a dramatic effect on my mental stability.  We are in what I would call a “lull”, but really it’s just life.  Colds, kids, work… the typical things.  It’s not lack of interest, just diminished opportunity.  In the past I’m sure I would have lamented this.  Poor me.  Three weeks with barely any intimacy.  But I have to say that I’m doing great.  Would I prefer more intimacy?  Absolutely!  But I no longer expect it, so I’m not disappointed.  There has even been a few times where my wife has told me that she wanted some action but due to whatever reason we couldn’t.  That probably would have really sent me spiraling out of control before.  Now I’m just content to know that what we have is real and sex or no sex doesn’t change that.  She is the boss and that makes us both very happy.

That’s not to say that I’m not horny as hell.  Because I am.  Really.  Really.  Horny.

Last week she did surprise me a bit.  I had gotten up early to do something and she had told me that I could go back to bed for a little nap.  I took her up on that offer.  A few minutes later she was in bed next to me.  I was so close to sleep.  Next I felt her leg across my lap and heard a familiar buzz.  ”Good for her” I thought as I was drifting off.

“I want you to lick me”.

So much for telling me to take a nap.

No longer tired I went down on her and brought her to an orgasm.  She told me I could edge myself and I dared ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask for quite a while now, “will you please edge me”?

At first she seemed a little taken aback, but I’m sure she saw the puppy dog eyes I was giving her.  Then she got a wicked look in her own eyes.  I was expecting her to lie next to me and half heartedly masturbate me for a few minutes.  Instead she straddled my legs.  That was a surprise.  Then she leaned over and wrapped her lips around my cock for a moment.  I assumed it was for lubrication.  Then she completely shocked me by giving me a real, honest to goodness blow job.  Well, as much of an honest to goodness blow job as one can get in ten to fifteen seconds.  That’s how long it took to get me to the edge.  I probably could have lasted a few more seconds, but I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to stop her or myself in time.  Hell, I’m probably being generous with thinking it lasted 15 seconds.  All I know is that she had a little chuckle at how quickly I got to the edge, “that didn’t take long”.  She totally got off on her ability to tease me with her mouth for a brief moment knowing I wouldn’t be allowed to cum.  It has been years since she had used her mouth like that and now it is fresh in my mind how amazing it is.  And it is fresh in my mind that I will be lucky to feel it again any time soon.

Well, it ended up being a pretty great weekend.  Of course, it was nothing like I imagined, which it never is.  I said at the end of my last post, “I’m really having a hard time keeping my mind from thinking about all sorts of deviant things, lol.  Oh, the possibilities!”.  Of course this was after explaining that I now understand that it’s best to try not to expect anything, that way you are less likely to be disappointed.  Well, I wasn’t disappointed, even if it would have been fun to do all the deviant things I was fantasizing about.

It turned out to be fairly vanilla, well aside from being told to clean the master suite so that it “felt like a hotel room”, and the pre-party orally induced orgasm my wife enjoyed while I remained in the device.  The device remained off the rest of the weekend, although the cock ring stayed on most of the time.

We had a good time at the party and got to know some new friends a little better.  I guess it’s not completely uncommon, but I was actually a bit surprised to see the two other husbands in our little circle we had formed serving their wives.  I usually don’t see too much of that at the few parties or events we attend.  We all sat around a table, but whenever a wife needed a drink the husband got up and got it.  Did a wife want something else?  Her husband attended to it.  It was nice to see.  I’m not implying this means anything, other than the husbands aren’t jerks.

Eventually we left and headed home.  Her toys had been left on my pillow, but as she had told me earlier in the evening while I went down on her, she would not be needing the dildo that night.  She told me she needed a “good, long, hard fucking”.  She did use her vibe a bit to get warmed up, then had me go down on her again for another orgasm.  Finally she told me she wanted me inside her and it was just good old fashioned sex.  It honestly was very much like the sex we used to have years ago.  I held her in the same ways and made the same moves.  After she came she told me I was allowed to cum and soon did.

The next morning we did something we haven’t been able to do for a long time.  We slept in and woke up and had morning sex.  It was very much like the night before, old fashioned sex.  The same pattern we’d had for years.  I go down on her, then we have sex, then she cums, and just like old times, she allowed me to orgasm again.

WOW!

I hadn’t had two orgasms in consecutive days since… when did I say I started doing this?  It was incredible!  As I lay next to her all I could think was, man, I could enjoy that feeling every day!  I mean, I used to enjoy that feeling multiple times a day!  I mean… Oh… My… God!  What have I done?

It was actually a very enjoyable self inflicted (well, I guess her telling me to cum a second time really induced it) mind fuck.  Yes, I thought about how insane it was to not cum whenever I wanted, but I’m not about to stop what we are doing.  I also know it’s a lot of fun to NOT cum.  Especially for weeks.  You can’t not cum for weeks if you are cumming all the time.

While sitting and watching football last night my wife asked me if I had fun over the weekend.  I assured her I did.  I appreciate that sometimes she just wants to get laid.  I don’t have any problems with that.  I’m sure she was a little worried that I’d be disappointed because she didn’t get all “domme-y” and keep me locked up while she used the dildo.  What is more important to me is that she gets what she wants.  Sometimes she wants it kinkier than other times, and that is great.  This time she wanted it in a very vanilla way.  What’s great about that is that it is so rare for us that it was exciting!  I’m sure she isn’t about to start letting me cum every day, so having that happen in a way could be considered incredibly kinky.  We were doing something “outside the norm”.

As a matter of fact it will probably be a lot more difficult these coming weeks as the memory of how amazing it is to have orgasms only hours apart.  Although I felt incredibly wiped out all yesterday, today I’m horny as hell and ready for more!

I just finished writing a comment on Thumper’s latest post, but it disappeared when I tried to send it through.  That kind of thing usually frustrates me, but this time it wasn’t so bad because the more I thought about it, the more I thought I could write about it.  So now it’s a post here instead of a comment there.

I totally understand the feelings Thumper is experiencing right now.  It was a little over a year ago that my wife kept me denied for five weeks for the first time.  In the middle of that period I started feeling a frustration due to what I perceived as apathy as opposed to Orgasm Control.  I felt like she just wasn’t really paying attention, not that she wanted me to wait.  My worries were for nothing as the wonderful payoff made me understand that she had indeed intentionally made me wait that long.  That assurance has made the wait in between orgasms much easier.  Because I don’t doubt she is in control, I am free to feel the wonderful frustration of longer periods of chastity to the point of the amazing/confusing moment of “I just want to cum, I hope she doesn’t let me”.

But even recently I was still finding myself having feelings much like Thumper.  I finally realized that I was setting myself up for disappointment by constantly being mentally prepared for sex.  I know that six out of seven nights my wife is more likely to just go to bed, yet every night we are together I seem to put myself in a sexual mindset.  The fix, of course, is pretty obvious.  I finally seem to have accepted that most of the time we just aren’t going to have sex.  Now, instead of being ready for sex, I’m expecting her to just go to sleep.

Last night as she lay in bed and I went to wish her good night and go through our little nightly rituals (fetching her water, etc.) she said to me, “I know that you were probably hoping for some hot sex tonight, but I’m really tired.  You can wait a couple more days, can’t you”?

It was very sweet of her to acknowledge my desire and in the past I may have been very disappointed.  Instead, I had already assumed she was just going to bed and was already thinking about what I was going to watch on TV.  I wasn’t even upset when she forgot to give me my “number” for the night (the edging exercises).

On the other hand I’m now really hyped up about Saturday night.  The kids are going on a sleepover and my wife and I are going to a nice “grown up” party and will have the house to ourselves afterwards.  I’m really having a hard time keeping my mind from thinking about all sorts of deviant things, lol.  Oh, the possibilities!

Although I often mention our “talks” about our arrangement, we don’t really discuss it as often as it may appear.  Sure, we can openly talk about it, but it’s not like we do it all the time.  In between, though, when I’m not really sure how to talk about a certain topic, I send out feelers.  I make comments here and there and judge reactions.  I ask certain questions as well.  I need to do this to help figure out what is in my head.  Once I get things figured out enough I can have a conversation about it.

I realised last night that I think my wife is doing the same thing right now.  I think she is making a bit of an aggressive move and is sending out feelers to gauge how I’m dealing with it.  She has made certain comments and asked certain questions.  Nothing too obvious, but it seems to me she is making a mental leap herself and is trying to figure out how it is working in her own mind.

I mentioned in a previous post that she recently used me for oral services while keeping me locked in my device.  It was a fantasy type moment for me and I later told her that.  Since then she has repeated the scene several times.  She also told me during my last release that she found it incredibly sexy to know that my cock is bound while she has amazing orgasms.  She has mentioned it, or made implications about it turning her on a couple of other times as well.  The first time she said it to me I just assumed it was to get the reaction from me that it got, an orgasm.  She had made it clear that she wanted me to cum that night and after her orgasm she doesn’t generally like waiting around for me.  When she really wants me to cum she can generally make it happen pretty quickly.  So, I assumed the comment about how hot she thought me wearing the device while she used me was for effect, not necessarily true.  As I said, though, she has made the same implication a couple of other times.

A couple of nights ago we had a similar oral episode.  She was much more matter of fact about the situation to the point where after I got undressed and asked her if I should get her toys her response could have easily been summed up with, “Duh”.  It is a given at this point (apparently) that I am to bring the toys to bed when she is interested in sex.

As usual she started out with her mini vibe as I lay next to her.  When she was ready she had me go down on her.  After a while, lost in my own little world, I felt her slip in her dildo.  I moved my hand up to use it for her but she pushed it away and told me to “concentrate on my one job”.  I completely lost track of time as I flew through sub space while she writhed in pleasure.  Eventually she pushed me away and came down from her high.  When she could talk she turned to me with a smirk.

“I know you like to quantify everything, but I can’t tell you how many orgasms I just had.  They were continuous most of the time.  They could have been hundreds”.

I’m sure I was shaking visibly as I lay next to her.  I wanted to explode.  I didn’t want the moment to end.  It was the perfect moment where I have the feelings of “all I want to do is cum” and “the last thing in the world I want to do is cum”.  She eventually dismissed me from the room with the duty of edging myself four times before bed.

Last night, about 24 hours later, as we sat watching TV I noticed that my tongue, which had been sore all day, finally felt normal again.  I commented on this to my wife who replied, “Well that’s nothing.  Only 24 hours?”.  I replied that it must be getting used to the workouts.  At this point she tentatively asked me, “Did you have fun last night”?  With that question and some of her comments and implications I believe she really likes what she is doing and is doing it for herself, but wanted to make sure it wasn’t too much for me.  From the beginning she told me that she was a little worried about pushing me to far, something I assured her she couldn’t do.  Not that I can’t be pushed to far, I just know she wouldn’t be interested in any of the things that would be “too far” for me.  Anyway, it seemed pretty clear to me that she wanted to be sure that what she was doing was OK, that it wasn’t too rough on me.  Of course, as I said it is fantasy fodder for me, but it’s nice to know she is concerned.  It’s also nice to know that even though it’s fantasy fodder for me, it clearly something she likes as well, and likes so much that she felt it might be too selfish on her part.  A year and a half ago if i could have constructed a fantasy scene for us to play it would have been this scenario.  In fact, a year and a half ago she asked me to tell her some of my fantasies and I told her this.  I’m sure that knowledge was in her head the first time we did it.  I think she may actually have been surprised at how hot it was for her as well.  I think that’s why she was looking for the reassurance when she asked if it was fun for me too.  When we eventually have our next “talk” I hope she brings this up.  If not maybe I’ll ask her.

Speaking of quantifying…

I’ve been allowed 13 orgasms so far this year and not counting this month there have been 4 months where I was only allowed a single orgasm.  I told this to my wife last night and her response was, “and?”.  I replied, “nothing, just numbers” and stepped away from that land mine.

I’ve often thought about letting a friend or two of ours know about our arrangement.  Frankly it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  There is one friend of ours that I’m sure could handle it, and probably would love the idea.  I’ve brought it up with my wife in the past and she agreed that if we told anyone it would be this one person.  The last time we talked about it, though, she just didn’t feel the need to let anyone know.

I keep wresting with the idea because it probably isn’t  the smartest thing in the world to do.  And yet I really want somebody to know.  Part of it is probably just a further desire for more kink.  If person X, the person my wife and I agree would be the first to know, knew would she expect me to wait on her when she visits?  Would she treat me differently?  Probably not, but in the fantasy world it’s exciting to think about.  I’m not talking about sex or anything either.  I’m talking about her sitting with my wife and asking me to get her more coffee.  Sure, it’s fantasy fodder, but it’s not the only reason I want to let somebody know.

I also want people to know because I’m proud of our arrangement.  If person X knew shew would undoubtedly be very excited for my wife and want to know all the details.  She may very well even be envious.  We are both fairly sure she wouldn’t be repulsed by it… she’s not the most vanilla person in the world by any means.  If X knew then my wife could talk freely with her about our arrangement.  Would my wife want to?  Although she says she doesn’t need somebody to talk to about it, she often tells people everything short of the “kink factors”.  She loves to tell people that I’m her stay-at-home husband.  While other women she works with will complain their husbands don’t cook or clean she loves to tell them what I’m making for dinner (or recently made) and what cleaning job I’m likely doing at the time.  Of course, many of these people try to make me feel better and tell me how they know “another at home dad” and how “he’s OK with it” too, assuming that I’m ashamed of my status but probably shouldn’t be too much.

Then again, just telling plain old anybody could be very dangerous.  Person X is like family to both of us, but as for other close friends, well, anything can happen.  Misunderstandings lead to complete fall outs all too often.  One tiny tiff could turn into a free-for-all that leads to exaggerated emails to my wife’s boss and co-workers about how she is a dominatrix or some other crazy stunts.

I suppose we could always search the internet to find like minded couples in the area, but that doesn’t really satisfy the desire for a friend to know.  I don’t particularly want to make new friends just so we can know somebody who knows about our arrangement.  It might be cool to know somebody else locally in a similar arrangement, but I think it would probably lead to a stronger desire to let a friend know.

I realise the smart move is probably to just keep it to ourselves.  But in a few weeks Person X will be in town visiting.  It would be great if she knew.  But she won’t know.  She’ll just know that I’m a very awesome husband who is lucky to have a very awesome wife.  But she already knows that.

I hope my last post didn’t seem to negative.  My intention was to point out that our emotions can get the better of us, even when we know we are not behaving rationally.  It wasn’t an earth shattering moment, just something that I felt like writing about as it’s happened enough times that I’m sure other people can relate to it.  In the end it wasn’t a big deal and my wife has probably forgotten about it by now, perhaps it didn’t even stand out enough for her to think twice about.  On the other hand, even by Saturday afternoon we still seemed to be a bit out of synch with each other.

That was remedied by Saturday night.  I got home from work and we sat down and hung out for a bit.  Well, she sat while I knelt.  It felt good and seemed to put us both in a better frame of mind.  She had me massage her feet and get her things from time to time.  Then she brought me to the bedroom.  After stripping down to just my device she had me “present” myself to her.  She removed the device (a first for her) before having me go down on her.  After some orally induced orgasms she wanted me inside her and soon orgasmed again.  At that point she told me that having waited three weeks (she’s keeping track now?) she would allow me a release.  I was very happy and continued to make love to her.  She then reiterated that I could come NOW.  I started thrusting more urgently but got the tap on my butt that let’s me know when she is done with me.

“If you can’t cum now you can masturbate until you do”, she told me as I rolled off of her, “but go to another room”.

I asked her if I could have my orgasm in her presence and she told me that if I wanted that I’d have to wait.  So I continue to wait.  I don’t know if that was selfish on my part or not.  The idea of cumming by myself in another room is so foreign to me now.  I honestly can’t remember the last time it happened.  It just was not a sexy thought and I much prefer to wait until I can be with her while I orgasm.

I woke up the next morning to find her toys under my pillow.  As usual she had taken the children out allowing me to sleep in a bit.  She explained to me later after I told her that I cleaned her toys and put them back where they belong that she had awoken early and was horny so she decided to have a few more orgasms.  I wanted to point out that she could have woken me up to help out and that I could have had my orgasm then, but she isn’t stupid.  Of course she knew that.  She preferred to take care of herself while I slept next to her with my cock in the device, denied the pleasure she was enjoying.  I was left to clean up duty, left to wait for opting out after she granted me a release.

Before returning home with the children she called and gave me instructions for the morning, things she wanted done before she arrived.

I’d say we are once again in synch and we are both very happy.

The kids are now in school and my wife took off Monday so that we could have some time alone together.  Unfortunately she was feeling a bit depressed so her plans for a sexy day together didn’t really happen.  She apologized to me several times and I asked if she would just like to lay down and cuddle for a bit just so we could be close.  We did and it was nice, but I could tell she was still feeling very bummed out.  We chatted a bit and thinking it would make her feel better (uh, oh) I thanked her for the two wonderful experiences we’d had over the last week and told her they were “fantasy-like” or something along those lines.  Now, my intention was for her to feel less guilty about not wanting sex when she had planned for it by letting her know that she had been so amazing lately.  After a few moments she apologized for not being that way all the time.  I immediately felt horrible and tried to explain that it wasn’t a complaint about other times, rather something very special that I appreciated as being above and beyond.  She told me that she knew I meant it that way, and from what she said I got the impression that she wished she was just “on” more in that sense, as in it was really sexy for her as well but her libido and having kids, etc. prevent her from feeling that way all the time but she wished she did.

I let it go and we held each other quietly for a while before getting up and doing some chores.  As I worked I thought about it.  I thought about my fantasies and what it would be like if my wife were “on” more.  Frankly, the thought of that reality was a bit overwhelming.  I thought about how the escalation would make me feel, and although I’m sure it would be very exciting at first, maintaining that excitement would be very difficult, I imagine.  You build a tolerance towards everything, so escalating a large amount would be very intimidating.  What would happen when one of us was sick and couldn’t give the other the thrill they needed.  What would happen when we go through our little bouts of depression which are already hard enough.

As if to verify my thoughts my wife has continued in her funk all week.  I, of course, can’t help but anticipate some sort of sexual encounter between us, but there has been none.  This was brought to a head Wednesday night for me.  I was sent home from work early do to lack of business.  I was a bit excited about this as I’d get to spend more time with my wife.  I arrived home to her paying bills and she was not happy to see me.  She was not happy to see me because money is very, very tight right now, and for her to see me meant that I got sent home from work early, which meant work was slow, which meant I wasn’t making enough money.

So I was on the bad end of an extended complaint about the bad shape we are in until the end of the month.  Fair enough, really.  She does make the majority of the money and is in charge of finances.  If she has to bear that end I could at least bear the complaints.  But as her bed time grew near, and our time together shorter I started feeling very down about having spent our time together with her complaining at me.  This of course made me feel guilty about thinking more about how I felt than how she felt.

When she finally noticed the time I was sure she was going to go to bed, but instead she hesitated.  I built up the slight hope that she would tell me to join her in bed.  She was clearly debating whether or not she could stay up a little longer and finally she decided she could.  That’s when she turned on the TV to watch a show she had recorded earlier.

At that point I felt resentment.  How many times has she put off sex because it was “bed time”?  Not “I’m too tired”, just “it’s too late”.  So, I can’t even win out over a TV show?

This caused a huge spiral of guilt at my other feelings, all of which I really couldn’t prevent and was entitled to.  I’m human.  We can’t really control our emotions.  What I felt that I did that was inappropriate, though, was pout.  And I got the feeling my wife saw me pouting and wasn’t saying anything about it which just fueled the mixed up emotions I was already feeling.

When the show was over she got up and got herself a glass of water and took her allergy medicine and headed off to bed.  That seemed like the final snub as 99% of the time this is the last thing I do for her before she goes to sleep.

After she’d been in bed a few minutes I went in to kiss her goodnight.  She asked me if I was OK and I told her I wasn’t.  She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I couldn’t really explain it right then because it would probably make her feel guilty and that would be wrong because it had nothing to do with her, it was all in my own mind and I was acting inappropriately.  This brought a brief tear to her eye and she said, “thank you” before going to sleep.

It didn’t keep me from feeling crappy about the whole thing, though.

The next day I apologized for being pouty the night before and she told me I had every right to be after taking all that crap from her.  She then apologized for being so miserable all week and we generally tried to make each other feel better about feeling bad.  And yet, all I could think of was how she wished she would be more “on” and yet didn’t even do some of the simple things that she has been doing for two plus years now.

Completely unfair on my part, I know.

Last night was better though, and I think that’s when I figured out that my worries about her being “on” all the time were probably well founded.  I have one amazing week and when she didn’t “keep up the pace” I felt neglected and resentful.  While understandable it is entirely inappropriate for our arrangement and only makes things worse.

I’m glad she can have these wonderful moments sometimes, where everything just seems magical and meant to be, and I’ll leave the fantasies to the fantasy world.  I’m really just glad we have what we do and although I’d never say “no” to an increase in action, it’s only because that is a fantasy.

I think my wife and I have recently realized something that should have probably been obvious long ago.  This is FUN!  Aside from all the other benefits we both get from our arrangement we can really have fun with this.

It seems that after our little lull we have both started having a lot more fun with this than before.  Not that we feel like we are playing a game, but my wife seems to be able to joke about things instead of feel like anytime she says something to me that should be “domme-y” it doesn’t really have to be serious.  For example, recently we were discussing dinner and she told me the two options and said, “it’s entirely up to you”.  Then, barely containing laughter she turned to me and pointed and said, “wait, nothing is ever up to you”!  We both had a good laugh as she picked the dinner she wanted.

This could have been played out several different ways, but my wife chose to be playful the way we are about most things.  She didn’t choose a serious tone and look down her nose and tell me it’s not up to me, and she didn’t taunt me with it and bring out feelings of humiliation.  Those other things would have been nice as well, but making a joke about it was just fun.

Of course jokes aren’t the only reason I now realize this can be fun.  It’s also the understanding that it doesn’t have to be serious all the time.  I guess this goes along with my confusion about the idea of a “24/7″ type discussion that comes up in blogs occasionally.  I consider my wife and I to be “24/7″ because when she agreed to it she agreed that it would be all the time.  That doesn’t mean that something kinky is always going on.  During our little lull very little happened at all, but there was always the understanding that we have an arrangement and that it was to be honored at all times.

So, it now seems obvious to me that our arrangement doesn’t have to be serious all the time.  It’s whatever we are making it at that moment, and right now my wife seems to just be having fun with different aspects of it, nothing particularly kinky or exciting, but things that usually bring a smile to at least her face, if not both of ours.

My wife also seems to be pushing the boundaries a bit more.  I don’t know if this coincides with realizing things don’t have to be serious all the time or not, but she really seems to be a little more open about things right now.  I mentioned this to her last night and she didn’t think too much of it.  She still felt as if things she may say or do wouldn’t necessarily let people in on what we have going on, but to me she is definitely being more open.

Last Saturday night was a perfect example of this.  I got home from work much earlier than expected, just as my wife, kids and mother-in-law were finishing dinner.  The kids left the table and my wife and mother-in-law got up and went to watch some TV.  By way of greeting from my wife I got, “Hi!  You are just in time to clean up from dinner”!    As I cleaned she again pointed out to her mother, “Isn’t it great that (my name) comes home from work and cleans up our dinner”?

Her explanation to me was that she was just trying to point out to her mother what an awesome husband I am.  But there was a look in her eye that said she didn’t really care if her mom read more into it or not.

While that was the most blatent recent instance it is really the increasing frequency of such instances, especially in front of her mother, that stand out.  While any individual statement may leave something to the imagination of the person she is speaking to, many such statements can make people stop and wonder.  I think this is really another way she was just having fun with our arrangement.

Thankfully she is also having more fun by having more orgasms.  Not only is she taking more advantage of opportunities when she is obviously in the mood, but it appears she is also taking more opportunities to put herself in the mood.  And on one occasion just took advantage of an opportunity.

While her mother was visiting we took a short trip to the beach.  After going back to the place we had rented for lunch my wife told her mother to keep the kids at the pool and we would prepare lunch.  I quickly jumped in the shower to get the sand and salt water off of me and a minute later my wife jumped in with me… errr… jumped me.  She took me to the bedroom and told me to get to work.  Thankfully she had me go down on her first as I was slow to get an erection with the knowledge that the bedroom door didn’t lock and her mother or the kids could come barging in from the pool with little notice.  After bringing her to a couple of orgasms she asked me if I wanted to cum.  While my brain screamed “OH MY GOD YES!!!!” my mouth said, “I want whatever you want”.  Her response was, “Good, it will be more fun to make you wait”.

Moments like that are so wonderful.  They are also often the stuff of fantasy, so as soon as she said it I had a hell of a time controlling myself.  I wanted to just start pounding away while the magical words were fresh.  My mind reeled in the agony and ecstasy of the moment, getting exactly what you love so much and turns you on so much that you just want to erupt in orgasm.  Ahh, I love those moments.

It amazes me to think that we had another one of those moments last night.  We watched a little TV as I folded laundry.  At the end of the show we were watching my wife told me she was going to bed.  I wanted to ask her if I might be allowed to go down on her, but I couldn’t think of the right words, so instead I asked her if I could “help her relax” before bed.  I guess she understood my euphemism and told me to get her allergy medicine and a glass of water and take them to her in bed.  I got them and entered the room and knelt at the side of the bed (did I mention I’m doing the kneeling thing again as she made it clear to me that she enjoys it?).  As she sat up and swallowed the pills she told me that I may use my mouth on her and told me to get her toys.  I got the toys and stripped down to just my cock ring and the device.

I slid into bed and made a move to kiss her.  She intercepted me and redirected my mouth.  Although it was not the first time that I’ve gone down on her while wearing the device it is still a rare enough occurrence as to be another “fantasy” type moment.  And it only got better.

After her first orgasm she got her dildo and had me use it while licking her.  Finally she’d had enough of me and used her mini vibe and the dildo together while I lay off to the side trying not to whimper in subspace to loudly.

After another orgasm I thought she would be done, but instead took my hand and had me grip the end of the dildo while she held onto my caged cock.  The power exchange of the moment put her over the edge as she had a final, enormous orgasm.  When she had gathered herself she told me to edge myself six times before bed, but to do it somewhere else as to not disturb her.

This is so much fun!