The Paradox

I’ve read in other blogs how difficult it is to properly spoil the one you love when you aren’t feeling well.  I have found this to be very true.  Over the last 2 weeks my children have gotten sick, I’ve gotten sick and I’ve been extremely tired from working my new job.  I get home much later than before and only get a few hours of sleep on the nights I work there before I have to be up to watch the children as my wife heads off to work.  It’s left me feeling weak and pathetic.  I don’t enjoy feeling week and pathetic.  My poor wife has had to deal with us all being sick at different times and has worried about my lack of sleep.  The house has fallen into disarray despite her hard work at cooking, cleaning etc.  I almost feel like all the hard work I’ve put into the last few months has been erased and I have to start over (the house work part, that is).

On the other hand, I had an amazing night with my wife on Sunday night.  Finally rested and feeling better we had a delicious dinner and wine and conversation and caught up on our favorite TV show, which is how we usually like to spend our Sunday nights.  Anyway, after dinner and desert we relaxed a bit and she seemed to enjoy asking me to get her things (without my having to prompt her).  She had a genuine smile on her face as she asked me to get up and get her a drink.  I was more than happy to do so! 

I offered a foot rub and she eagerly agreed.  I asked if she would like me to use lotion and at that moment she realized that she actually had some special “foot lotion”.  I have to say that using the lotion was great, I think it made it more pleasurable for both of us.  I commented to her how much I had enjoyed rubbing her feet and mentioned that it was like “making love” to her feet.  I probably should have said “sensual” but I implied “sexual” (which wasn’t completely untrue, but misleading).  She then asked me if I had a “foot thing”.  I assured her I did not.  I’m not averse to feet, but I do not have a foot fetish by anymeans.  I explained that I had a thing for her, not her feet.  I told her that after 2 weeks of no sex (do to the illness and tiredness etc…) I just really got into massaging her feet.

After a while she led me to the bedroom.  After several minutes of kissing and touching (quite passionately) she gave me the lightest pressure that let me know she wanted me to go down on her.  I was very eager to!  After a few minutes of oral pleasure she let me know that she wanted me inside her.  After two weeks of wanting entering her was a heavenly experience.  I lost myself inside her and I can’t remember the last time I heard her moaning so loudly. 

She asked me to go down on her again and I did so with gusto, although a gentle gusto, lol.  I could tell she was close, and normally she wants to cum with me inside her, but it seems like this time she was so into it she couldn’t bring herself to stop me.  So as her moans gained in volume she brought herself off grinding on my tounge.  Then she said “Now”!  I quickly entered her and began thrusting.  She continued to cum and she slowed me down until I layed still deep inside her as she writhed in orgasmic bliss.  Eventually she tapped me on the shoulder and squeaked out an “OK”.  I got off of her and she continued to writhe around for another minute or so.

She told me that she couldn’t remember ever having an orgasm like the one she had just had.  She said it had just kept building and going on and on.  It made me so happy to give her such pleasure and I let her know it.  I kissed her some more and stroked her arms and back and asked her if I could cum.  She seemed a bit taken aback and said “I thought you didn’t want to”.  I felt as confused as she was.  “I don’t, but I do”, I poorly explained.

Oh, the paradox of submission, lol.  After 2 weeks without an orgasm I hadn’t even expected to last long enough for her to cum before me, and since she had cum first, she tried to give me what I want, which is to be allowed to please her without reaching orgasm myself.  Only I do want to cum.  But I don’t.  Ahhhhhhhh!!!  Where does it end?  So I thought about it a bit and explained that I guess I needed some kind of guideline to follow, so I suggested what I see written in many FLR sites, the 3:1 ratio.  I told her that I wanted her to cum three times before I could cum.  I saw concern creep into her eyes and assured her that I didn’t want to try to make her cum 3 times in one night (she insists she can only cum once).  I told her that if it took a week before she reached 3 orgasms than that was how long I had to wait.  I hope she embraces this as she has slowly come to enjoy some of the other aspects of my adoration. 

Monday was a bit of a busy day for me and I didn’t really get to spend much time with my wife or family, despite the holiday.  I did get home in time to relax a bit with her before she went to bed.  I felt a bit guilty because it quickly became clear that she had worked non-stop all day to clean the house.  The kitchen was clean and the floor was mopped.  She was surrounded by folded laundry and there was another basket yet to fold.  I ate and we talked (I had worked through dinner and hadn’t eaten since lunch).  Too soon it was time for her to go to bed.  She seemed tired, so I didn’t expect more than a kiss goodnight from her.  After her bedtime rituals (flossing, brushing, etc.) I found her in bed.  I sat beside her and she asked if I would come “keep her company” for a while.  I needed no more encouragement.  As she rolled over to fix her pillow and get comfortable I stripped in record time, lol.  “That was quick”, she noted.  I was rock hard very quickly as I had refrained from masturbation after our super hot sex the night before.   It didn’t seem right as my wife had tried to please me by denial, so I decided I could wait longer.  She was clearly fealing very frisky and asked if I thought I could make her cum like she had the night before.  I was very eager to try.  Compared to Sunday night the mood was less “passionate” and more “immediate”.  I eagerly went down on her and she was ready for sex before long.  As I entered her she seemed a bit startled.  She said that she couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so hard.  Either could I, lol.  Then again, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone 15 days without cumming!   The sex was incredible and soon we were both on the brink of orgasm.  Unless I slowed, however, I was sure I would cum too soon.  I told her I was close and she told me to cum.  I did, and I was a bit suprised by the feeling.  It wasn’t the usual series of contractions.  Instead it was more of a feeling of relief than pleasure.  Instead of contractions it just felt like release.  It felt like it had been held back for so long that in the end as soon as there was a relaxation it all just burst forth on it’s own.  For a moment I was confused by the lack of climax.  It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t what I was expecting.  But I couldn’t stop to think about it very long, as my wife was grinding away beneath me and spreading her legs.  I went down on her and she writhed and moaned as I made love to her with my mouth.  She cried out and rolled over.  Again she seemed to have one of the most intense orgasms ever.  When she had settled I told her that at one point she sounded like she was in pain.  She said she almost was, but in a good way.  She also expressed her pleasure with my new techniques.  I’m not sure what those techniques are, lol, but I’m glad she’s pleased.  Perhaps it’s just that she is starting to “appreciate” my desire to give her all the pleasure she deserves?  I hope so.

Feeling her wrath…

The other night while paying bills my wife came across a credit card bill of mine.  I was folding laundry and watching tv when she came storming into the room demanding to know how I spent so much money in so few days.  I was taken aback by the whole thing and didn’t know what to say.  We have been together for a long time and have had maybe 2 or 3 fights in all those years.  I couldn’t remember the last time she was this angry at me.  As she read off the bill to me it became clear.  I explained that when she went out of town to see her sister she told me not to use the debit card because she knew bills would be tight with me not bringing in money while I was home with the kids 24/7.  So, I had to use a credit card for all the shopping and gas and what not.  She was still angry, but after that I think she was more angry at herself.  She pointed out that she told me to take that credit card out of my wallet in the past.  She may have, but I didn’t recall her saying so.  Needless to say I took it out immediately afterward.

I felt horrible about the whole thing.  It wasn’t a pleasant experience at all.  Yet, underneath it all was a strange feeling.  A feeling of… excitement?  I’m not sure.  But as small as she made me feel, it was good to see her being so powerful and controlling.  Don’t get me wrong.  I was in no way sexually excited or enjoying the situation in any way at all.  But I guess I was proud to have such a strong wife.  Strong because of her look of utter disbelief and anger that I could be such an irresponsible idiot with our money, and strong because although she was still angry she was able to apologize to me for yelling at me, while still pointing out that I should know better and that some of the purchases she still disapproved of.  To be honest, I’m not sure one of the charges is legitimate.  I’ll have to investigate that.  At one point I was almost sure she was going to take away my credit cards entirely, which I would not have been very happy to do, but I would have done it.

I wonder how I would have reacted to all this a few months ago, before I realized that she had been running the show all along.  It probably would have turned into an argument instead of being one sided and it may well have ended up with me walking out of the room as I hate to fight, so in the past I’ve just walked out of arguments until we’ve calmed down (the 2 or 3 times we’ve had them, lol).  I think the fact that I’ve come to understand our dynamic better helped resolve the situation more easily.  I wonder if she see’s that?  I wonder if she considered taking away my cards?  I wonder if in the midst of her anger she considered some kind of punishment?  I’m not sure that I ever want to find out.

Mother’s Day

We had a pretty nice Mother’s Day, I think.  I had been asking my wife for a few weeks what she wanted, and she kept telling me she had to think about it.  Well, she finally got around to giving me a list of things just a few days before Mother’s Day.  So, I went shopping.  I copped out a bit and decided to get her a gift card.  But, I didn’t want to only get her that.  I thought I should get her something practical from her list as well, so I thought I’d buy her some new underwear.  Nothing sexy, just some new undies.  Well, I walked into the department store hoping I’d be able to find something suitable without spending too long in the store (I just really don’t enjoy clothes shopping all that much, lol).  As I approached the women’s department I started feeling a little uneasy.  By the time I reached the undergarments area and I saw other women shopping for things as well I aborted the mission.  There was no way I was going to be able to shop for ladies underwear by myself.  It was just far to embarrassing.  That’s OK, I thought to myself.  I’ll get her some pajamas instead.  Once again, I wasn’t out to get her anything sexy, just some nice practical pj’s.  Hell, even that was too much.  For one thing it was right next to the panties!  Ahhhhh!!!!  Blushing like mad, I pretended that I had made a wrong turn somewhere and headed towards the men’s section before heading off to find the customer service counter to buy the gift card. 

We had decided to go to brunch on Mother’s Day since I had to work late the night before and I was cooking her a nice dinner at home.  Besides, we hadn’t gone out to brunch in a while.  She did some research and found a nice little out of the way place that she wanted to try.  When we got there I knew it was a bad idea.  My concerns were validated upon entering.  The place was great, don’t get me wrong, but we showed up to a buffet 10 minutes before they closed.  We were intending on having pancakes and eggs and coffee and instead found prime rib and macaroni and cheese and salmon in croissants and lot’s of other things that I’m sure were delicious but weren’t pancakes and coffee.  So, I was a little disappointed, but it’s Mother’s Day, not Father’s Day, right?  So, I figured I’d “suffer” through some prime rib, lol.  My wife chose a place outside.  That seemed like a good idea.  This place had tables in amongst their own garden that they used in their cooking and their was a large fenced in playground for our children.  So, we sat our children down with their chocolate waffles (I know, I’m bitching about not having pancakes, but I’m a pancake person, not a waffle person) and my wife went in to get herself a plate.  After a minute the sun seemed to be getting unseasonably warm.  One of our boys ate his waffle and drank his chocolate milk while the other curled up on the cement under his chair.  I picked him up and he felt very hot to me.  Both boys had been doing well, but were recovering from strep throat, so I was concerned he had a fever.  I told my wife when she returned and she thought he was just tired from the long fun day they had already had.  She had gotten up early with them and they had already had a full day of activity by our 2:00 pm brunch, so it seemed logical. 

I got up to get my plate as they were clearing all the food out.  They were pretty much willing to give me everything and heaped my plate full, then charged me a rediculous amount of money.  I sat down and tried to enjoy my meal, but after a couple of bites I had lost my appetite.  Besides, it was too difficult to eat when you are busy fighting off flies.  I really should quit bitching.  Anyway, my wife seemed to really enjoy her meal, which made me happy.  As she ate we had a nice conversation and I gave her a card and her gift.  In the card I explained that the gift card was just a small token of my affection and I promised her my love, devotioin and adoration.  I think she really liked that.

She finished and we rushed home to find our poor little one to have a fever.  I got him settled down and we gave him so Tylenol for his fever and he soon fell asleep.  I sat with him while my wife took our older boy to a Mother’s Day party across the street.  She had some fun there for a while then came back so she could relax and I went over to watch our son and sample some of my neighbors delicious cooking. 

Soon it was time to take my son home and feed him and get him off to bed so that I could grill up some steaks for my wife and I.  At some point while we were alone I told her that earlier in the week when she asked me if I’d thought about what I wanted for Father’s Day that I lied when I said “no”.  I told her that I knew what I wanted, but after my underwear shopping experience I didn’t think I could ask her for it.  She seemed a bit confused so I explained about how I had tried to buy her underwear but was too embarrassed.  So, I didn’t think I could ask her for what I wanted.

“You want me to buy you ladies underwear?”

 Ahhh!  I explained that no, I did not want her to buy me ladies underwear.  The point was that I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have the nerve.  I explained to her that what I wanted was a cock ring.  She wasn’t shocked by this because we’d actually talked about it in the past.  At one point where I had taken a dominant role in the bedroom for a period of time, I had told her that at lunch the next day she was to go out and buy me a cock ring, which she never did, just like she didn’t give me a blow job everyday like I had ordered her to do.  She isn’t a very good sub, lol, but it was only play, so I shouldn’t criticize.  Hell, I couldn’t buy her underwear, so who am I to talk?!?!

Anyway, she said that it wouldn’t be a problem to buy the cock ring because she would just get it in the gay “toy” store where you can buy bdsm clothes and paraphanalia and what not.

Well, we finished dinner, watched some tv, relaxed and talked.  When she was ready for bed she asked if I would give her a back rub.  I gladly told her I would.  So, I let her get ready for bed and came in afterward and gave her the best back rub I could.  BTW, I’m horribly out of practice.  I think I used to give really good back rubs to her years ago.  This was a shadow of the back-rubs I used to give.  So, looks like I’ll need to practice more.  She seemed to like it enough, though, and I think what was initially going to be only a back rub turned into a little more.  In the end we were both highly satisfied.

I think it was a pretty great day.

A fun weekend

Friday night while eating dinner, and afterwards while I was getting ready for work, my wife had me ready to explode!  She kept kissing and nibbling and caressing and tugging and stroking, etc…  I told her that I hadn’t cum in 8 days and that I didn’t know how I’d ever be able to last until Sunday.  I could tell she was ready to jump me as well, but, alas, I had to go to work.  I wasn’t sure my erection would go away before I got there, lol.

Upon arrival at work I was informed that I wasn’t needed and could go home.  Yay!  I rushed home, but because of a serious traffic snafu my 10 minute drive took an hour.  Anyway, I arrived home to find my wife clipping coupons and planning the weeks menu and sorting through mail.  I got her and myself a beer and sat down to help.  After a few minutes I suggested that it might be more fun to do that after we took care of some business in the bedroom.  She agreed and off we went. 

I told her that I probably wouldn’t be able to last very long.  Just the thought of sex alone had me on the verge of orgasm.  We made out for a bit and I kissed her all over.  She had me climb up her so that she could give me a bit of oral.  I was afraid I was going to lose it right there.  I layed back down on top of her and slowly entered her.  I tried to move slowly and keep myself under control, but my wife started moving faster and grinding.  I warned her that I was close to cumming, so she told me to go down on her.  I brought her to the edge with my mouth before she pulled me up to fuck her again.  Within a few moments I was again telling her that I was close, but I was afraid to stop because I knew she was close as well.  I ended up having one of the most amazing and intense orgasms of my life.  It seemed to go on forever, even after I was done cumming.  As I regained my composure, I realized that she was playing with herself and had not cum yet, so I went down on her again which seemed to bring her to another level.  She ended up having a huge orgasm as well, thankfully.

After the super hot sex she took a shower and I waited for her in the family room.  When she was done she surprised me by asking if I would put lotion on her legs.  Wow, that seemed to be a big step.  Yay!  I lovingly rubbed the lotion on her legs and gave her a little foot rub at the end.  We briefly discussed how awesome the sex we just had was, lol, and both decided that my going down on her after cumming was pretty freaking sexy.

What an awesome night.

Saturday night I had to work, but we had planned a special night for Sunday.  We were treating ourselves to a special date because later in the night we were going to go over financial things, which would likely be unpleasant, lol.

So, we put the kids to bed early and I grilled up some delicious steaks and we had a quiet dinner with our good china and a bottle of wine and it was great.  After dinner we grabbed some beers and went to work.  When all the unpleasantness was done we were ready to relax again and also we were pretty drunk, lol.  We adjourned to the bed room and proceeded to fool around.  She sexily asked if I would go down on her again after cumming, but we both soon realised that the alcohol had taken it’s toll on us, and that neither of us were likely to cum any time soon.  So we called it a night.  Another awesome night.  Yay.

On a less sexy note, I also rearranged the kitchen table Sunday night.  It really wasn’t set up very well at all.  I’m not sure why we hadn’t moved it sooner.  Anyway, we had been sitting on one side of the table (a vintage dinette) while our kids sat on the other side.  After moving it around we now each sit on one side.  My wife was pleased at our seating arrangement as well.  I admitted that the seat I picked made it impossible for me to watch TV while eating, which I had been sneakily doing for years, while she now sat at the head of the table.  While that may be a bit obvious, she told me that it was a great idea.

What a great weekend that was.  My wife seems to be getting more into this!  Yay!

Random bits

So, I got a new, rather second, part-time job a couple of months ago.  I only work 2 days a week there, so I’m still getting to know people.  This past weekend at work a fellow employee, a rather butch lesbian, called out my name.  “Yeah?”, I responded.  “Shut up!”, she said back to me.  My mind went blank as I thought of a witty come back.  Having taken too long, she walked up to me and said, “Just what I like.  A man who knows how to listen.”

I laughed, but the truth was I just didn’t have a comeback.  Frankly, I had barely met her, so I was taken aback by the comment.  This was part of the problem with not being able to find a comeback, lol.

Later, another female employee asked if I worked another job during the day.  I told her that I watched my kids during the day.  The woman from the above encounter threw in her 2 cents, “Oh, so you are a houshusband too!”  I wasn’t embarressed.  I’ve referred to myself as “Mr. Mom” many times.  I don’t see anything wrong with it.  If anything, I think she was much nicer to me after these encounters.  I dunno.  Maybe it’s my imagination.

Things have been going great with my wife.  I mentioned to her that my plan of a weekly list of chores to accomplish wasn’t working out quite as well as I’d hoped.  Sometimes we just don’t get to spend as much time together as we’d like, so I skip mopping the kitchen floor and instead spend time with her.  She told me that “everything you do around here helps the family”.  That was a nice way of putting it.  Although I enjoy the cleaning, it’s the little things like picking her clothes up off the floor and folding them and arranging them for her that really get me going.  It gets me excited to pick up her nightie, fold it, and place it on her pillow for her.  It gets me excited to wash the bath towels and put a fresh towel out for her by the shower, folded and ready to go.  Hell, just writing about it is turning me on, lol.  I think after this I’ll go mop the kithen floor, I know it needs it.

Well, it’s been a week since my last orgasm.  My wife took the kids out of town last weekend and I broke down and masturbated, lol.  Monday night, after a long day of driving she was too tired for sex.  She did let me rub her back a bit, which I think we both enjoyed.  Tuesday night we made love and I was able to bring her to an enormous orgasm.  She asked me to hold still inside her until it stopped a few minutes later.  When it had subsided enough I started to move again.  It took all my willpower to not just start hammering away.  I started very slowly and asked if I should stop.  “It’s up to you”, was her response, but I could tell she would rather not, so I stopped.  So, as I said, it’s now been a week without orgasm, and no prospect of it until Sunday night.  Not that it’s guaranteed, but chances are good, I think.  At this point, I’m almost growing accustomed to blue balls.  It’s like having a loving, yet slightly painful squeeze, reminding me of how incredibly awesome my wife is. 

I’m not sure if my wife knows that I’m doing this, not masturbating to climax that is.  I’ve told her I want her to control my orgasms, but we haven’t really talked about it and I’m not sure she knows that I’m trying to hold out and only cum after her, or more often with her.  But I know she is starting to notice how much more passionate I’m becoming.  Just hugging her or touching her has become something almost electrifying.  I mean, I literally feel like I’m being overcome with sexual energy when I touch her.  I shudder with pleasure when we hug.  I think she feels this energy.  The longer I go without, the stronger it gets, and the more it seems like she can feel it as well.  What might normally be a “welcome home” hug, has turned into mini make-out sessions.  I wonder if she has stopped masturbating as well?