More new feelings

It’s strange the new feelings I continue to experience as we move further along into D/s and our arrangement.  When I received my assignments yesterday my wife informed me that we would be wrapping Christmas presents in the evening.  When we were done it was late and she was tired and ready for bed.  Before going to sleep she sat down with me on the couch and informed me that I had performed my tasks exceptionally well and that she expected me to perform at that level every day.  She then went into detail about what a long, rough day she had.  She had gotten home very late and told me that in the past she would have had to prep and cook dinner as well as clean it all up herself while I would probably do something annoying like play games on the computer.  She told me how it was nice to know that she didn’t have to worry about that anymore as I was there to get dinner prepped and I cleaned up afterwards.  She also let me know that I had earned my release, but she was tired and not interested in sex, so I would be allowed to masturbate.  I asked if I could do it in bed next to her and she agreed.

We retired to the bed room and she got into her pj’s and got under the covers.  I stripped and got in the bed next to her on top of the covers.  She talked a bit naughty to me and moved her hand over my chest and within a few minutes it was over.  “Oooh, that was a lot”, was all she said before rolling over, turning out the light and going to sleep leaving me to clean myself up and let her get her rest.

I left the room and sat down on the couch and experienced some strange new feelings.  It was like guilt, mixed with embarrassment, mixed with relief, mixed with regret?  I’m not sure.  I know there was a little bit of guilt in there in there because I felt a bit like I had put my wife out.  She wasn’t interested in sex so I feel like she would have preferred if I either waited until Friday night with her or maybe just taken care of it by myself in a separate room.  I know she did it because she understands we both need to get something from our arrangement, but at the same time I don’t ever want to her to have to do things she doesn’t want to do just for me.  Of course, while I was doing it I wasn’t thinking about anything but my impending orgasm, but afterward there was this conflict of feelings.

I know I could have waited longer.  That, I guess, was part of the feelings too.  And being allowed to orgasm when she hasn’t was a strange feeling as well.

None of this is bad, just new.  The feelings were much more intense last night right after it happened.  This morning they are a bit more dull, but still there. 

There are some other feelings mixed in as well that don’t have to do with the release session.  There is a bit of anxiety again as I witness my wife evolve into her more dominant role.  I worked my butt off yesterday.  It was a tough, long day.  I’m not complaining, but just making it clear.  At the end of the day when my wife told me I had done an exceptional job, she actually didn’t seem too convinced of it and had me remind her of some of the extra jobs I had done.  Either way, as I said earlier, she told me that she expected that level of work every day.  Now, I’m half turned on by that and half freaked out!  Those are some high level expectations.  My life is going to get a lot busier, it looks like (although not as busy as Daryl Glenn’s – best of luck to you buddy!). 

I think this is starting to become natural to my wife.  On Monday night she began to make some chocolate/pecan candies for her mother.  She put the chocolate in a double boiler and the pecans in the over to roast.  She told me to keep an eye on them, stir the chocolate as it melted and every 15 minutes stir the pecans in the oven.  She then left to order Christmas gifts on the computer leaving me for the next 45 minutes to keep HER cooking process going.  When everything was done I mixed the pecans with the chocolate and she came in and spooned them onto trays to cool.  She never even thought twice about it.

Last night she had me come from another room to fetch her a drink.  Of course, she had to move out of my way as she was standing right in front of the refrigerator.  She’s also having me get things more often in front of the children, as well as saying things like, “We can have dessert after daddy cleans up from dinner”.

I also caught her a few times actually catching herself requesting things in a more dominant tone and throwing in “please and thank-you” at the end.  I know that’s a conflict for her.  She didn’t throw the “please and thank-you” in because she felt guilty, but because her brain caught it and did it automatically.  I’m sure in another week or so that will be gone.

Last Sunday night after giving her that looong orgasm I talked about in the last post, she commented to me how her orgasms were all so much better now that she was free.  I asked her what she meant and she told me she was free to be selfish about sex and not care about my needs at all.  I was there to make her cum and I was not allowed to.

So, it appears that I’m getting everything that I had dreamed of, which is why I’m anxious.  It looks to me as if there is no going back at this point.  I can’t imagine my wife accepting any laziness from me ever again.  I can’t imagine her performing sex again as an obligation.  I see her thriving in her new role and as much as I love it, it’s a bit intimidating.  This is completely exciting, but so new.  I’m thrilled and terrified.  OK, maybe terrified is extreme, but you get the idea.

I hope I’m up to the challenges that lay ahead of me.  What an amazing and wonderful wife I have!


On a side note, I have a half-formed idea that I hope some of you may be able to help me out with.  It goes along with the merit system my wife is using.  I had the idea that I could “save up” releases for something else in the future. 

For example, I’ve earned a release and my wife wants to have sex.  I tell my wife that I would like to put those points towards x and make love to my wife but am not allowed to orgasm until I’ve earned enough points again.  Perhaps to achieve xI need to have passed on three releases.  To me the idea is exciting because I would voluntarily forgo release to attempt to receive some other reward.  The problem is I don’t know what x is.

Granted this would be something that my wife and I would be into but I’d love to hear any ideas you may have.

One Response

  1. It’s great to hear that things are moving forward so well, and that your wife is getting comfortable in her new role. It can take a long time before your wife gets comfortable enough with her new found power before she gets openly demanding and expects things done for her on a regular day to day basis. The more however you do, and the longer you do it, the more she will “boss” you around, and tell you what she wants rather than ask. My own wife still has great difficulty in not slipping in an odd please or thank you, and even offered to make me a cup of tea this morning as we lay in bed. In the past I would have been annoyed, but I have learned to accept that we are still a couple and if it’s important for her to do things, then she should be allowed to. I of course refused politely and made her tea for her. It’s the same with please and thank yous, although I would much rather that she didn’t use tem in most situations. This is one of the smallest things that she can do to demonstrate her dominant position, and with very little effort, makes you feel so much more submissive because you are being told to do something. Add to this the simple fact that she just expects you to do it and you can get a real buzz from just doing as you are told.

    Can I ask you whether your idea for a “savings scheme” is more about you looking for a way for your wife to deny you your orgasm, so that you will remain unfulfilled, whilst she has had her pleasure, or just a way of getting something that you may not normally expect from your wife.

    For me at least, being aroused, teased, and having given my wife her orgasm, only then to be denied one myself and told that I must wait or earn it, is the ultimate demonstration of female dominance over me. For some strange reason, despite my wife knowing that I enjoy this, she seems very reluctant to put me in this position. I guess it something to do with always wanting to please your man, and reaching an orgasm in her eyes is the ultimate pleasure for a man. Without re-reading your blog, I can’t remember if your wife has denied you yet, so was just wondering.

    The only reason that I ask this question is that whatever the answer is, I would be very careful about trying to introduce more and more dynamics to your relationship too soon, especially as things are going so well for you, and if there is a danger that your wife is going to feel that it is more for your benefit than hers. I am probably completely wrong, so I will apologise in advance, having made so many mistakes myself, its always worth considering all angles.

    Here is my suggestion for X though. Maybe you should suggest that you use your credit to take your wife out for an expensive dinner once a month. In that way you will be denied, she will feel that you are doing it for her benefit ,and I am sure she will feel like “rewarding” you after the meal.

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