A long reply to some comments

I started replying to the comments from At All Times and Fillius about my last post and it got so long winded I thought I would just create a new post and continue the discussion here.

To be honest, my first reaction to AAT was that I did not want, either consciously or unconsciously, to be locked up by my wife.  My first reaction to Fillius was that I was not topping from the bottom, but that wasn’t really his point.

Anyway, after some more thought, I do have curiosity about chastity.  I find the fantasy to be sexy.  I am very afraid to be locked in a device where I couldn’t touch myself at all, however and don’t think I would enjoy it outside of fantasy.  Not only would it be a large mental step to get over not being able to touch yourself or achieve a complete erection, there seems to be a lot of maintenance involved with difficult cleaning procedures and hygiene issues.  That doesn’t seem too sexy.

Now, the locking Gates of Hell has seemed pretty sexy to me from the first time I saw it.  It looks more like jewelry, or an adornment, than just a hunk of plastic or a metal tube.  Plus, you can get an erection with it, you just can’t really do anything with the erection.  So, it’s more about making masturbation difficult, not complete lock-up.  I think I could get into some play with that, but it’s also clearly not something that you could wear for long periods of time.  I wrote to Tom at Edge of Vanilla a while back and asked him about it.  He said it was possible to wear that for several days, but not long periods of time.  Well, maybe I could do several days.  I’d still be able to move it, feel it, get erections, pee standing up and without mess.  I think think moving from that to the complete enclosure and confinement of something like a CB6000 would be a bit too much for me, at least at this point.

Of course, it’s a pretty moot point anyway because it seems pretty clear to me that my wife doesn’t find the idea very appealing.  That was the vibe I got by her reaction to my dream, anyway.  Unless she thought I was telling her because I was, as Fillius said, topping from the bottom.

I wasn’t.  I was telling her about a dream that I thought would be kind of sexy for both of us.  I’ve been trying to talk more before and during sex, but I’m starting to sense that my wife would prefer me not to.  I’ll ask her about it this weekend.  Anyway, she might have thought I was trying to top from the bottom and just put a stop to it by telling me she would have to “think about it”.  Now, I would like to state for Fillius, since I’m not sure how long he’s been following my blog, or how much he’s read, this WLM is not being topped by me.  Not at this time.  We are still starting out and learning and discovering.  I realised about a month ago that some of the things we were doing were still about me and not things that my wife enjoyed.  After talking about it she stopped doing the things she doesn’t enjoy and is very happy that everything is now focused on her.  Sure, there are some things I would love to do, or have done to me, but I know she isn’t into those things.  She’s told me so.

That doesn’t mean that I won’t ask her if she’s interested in something new.  I’ve been wanting to something for a while now that I haven’t done for several months.  I’m not sure how she would feel about it since our arrangement has evolved since then.  I’ve been wanting to talk to her about it, but I’ve been patiently waiting for the right time.  I don’t think it will upset her, but if she isn’t happy with the idea I don’t want to spoil her mood. 

Also, I didn’t push my wife into this lifestyle.  There is no way anyone can “push” their wives into something and hope for it to work.  I introduced it to her.  I stealth subbed for a while.  Then I stopped when I worried I might push her away.  About a month or so later my wife realised she liked all the things I had been doing and missed them.  She realised that she really didn’t have to do anything, and that if she asked me to do something I would.  In her words it was “win win” for her.  So, we really started from there and we are now at a point where she gets what she wants and does what she wants and if she isn’t into it, we don’t do it.

As for not being truly submissive, well, that is something I think about a lot.  I don’t know how to define truly submissive.  I have limits and I think one of them is being locked in such a way that I couldn’t touch my penis or attain an erection for prolonged periods of time.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe I’d love it.  I can see how it could be nice.  I could see how it could help keep you in subspace.  But that’s why it’s an exciting fantasy to me.  The reality seems to be a little too much.  At least for now.

I have relinquished a lot to my wife.  She provides financially for the family, so I’m dependent on her for that.  She informed me yesterday that I would not be allowed to build the computer I had been researching for several weeks.  It was difficult for her to do, but she did not feel that now is the time to spend that much money.  She will let me know when she feels comfortable with the expenditure.  Frankly, I have always deferred to her on these matters.  She was in denial about it at first, but she has come to accept, and now expect, that I defer to her in all decisions.

She controls my orgasms and only lets me masturbate when we have sex.  That was a tough thing to give up, the masturbation.  It was easier to give up orgasms.  Saturday it will be March and I’ve only had 4 orgasms all year.  That’s an average of 24 a year.  Before I gave up control of my orgasms to my wife I probably averaged probably 360 orgasms a year.  That’s quite a change.

The day my wife told me she wanted to pursue this she told me I would no longer receive oral sex from her.  Sure, she sometimes teases me with a few seconds of it, but that just reminds me of what I’m missing.  My most common sexual dream now is receiving a blow job from my wife.  Unfortunately I always wake up before I cum.  Neither of us can remember the last time she had my cum in her mouth.  I’ve had it in mine many times in the last year.

She takes immense pleasure in the fact that I clean the house.  She did some dishes a few weeks ago and was amazed that she couldn’t remember the last time she had done them.  She was so pleased about it she bragged to her friends and co-workers for days.

She takes immense pleasure in the fact that sex is about her, focused on her, and my role is to make sure she is sexually satisfied.  As she put it, “if you don’t get to cum, well, sucks to be you”.

I could go on, but that’s generally what this blog is all about.

I hope that didn’t sound too harsh, Fillius.  I appreciate your post and understand what you are trying to say.  I get your point that it is all about my wife, not me.  Luckily, I don’t think my wife is into the CB6000, so I don’t have to worry about it.  But, I also don’t measure myself against other subs.  My measure is my wife and how she feels about me and my actions.  At the moment, we are doing great!

Something I forgot to mention in a previous post:

In Flexing the Dom muscles a bit I talked about how I asked my wife if she wanted to be “bossy” last weekend as she has mentioned she’d like to try doing more.  Then, Saturday morning she bossed me around in a very dominant tone and it seemed so natural.  Well, Saturday night when I asked her if she had enjoyed her day of being “bossy”.  She wasn’t sure what I was talking about so I reminded her of the conversation we had the previous day about “playing” that weekend.  She had forgotten entirely and was just taking pleasure in being dominant!  What a big step for her!  (She also pointed out that I had failed in my last task… having her jeans ready.  Damn dryer!)

Random:

I’m a bit surprised I didn’t get a bunch of comments on the cuck post.  I’ve actually been getting a lot of hits by random people googling it.  I’m sorry to disappoint, guys, lol.