A long reply to some comments

I started replying to the comments from At All Times and Fillius about my last post and it got so long winded I thought I would just create a new post and continue the discussion here.

To be honest, my first reaction to AAT was that I did not want, either consciously or unconsciously, to be locked up by my wife.  My first reaction to Fillius was that I was not topping from the bottom, but that wasn’t really his point.

Anyway, after some more thought, I do have curiosity about chastity.  I find the fantasy to be sexy.  I am very afraid to be locked in a device where I couldn’t touch myself at all, however and don’t think I would enjoy it outside of fantasy.  Not only would it be a large mental step to get over not being able to touch yourself or achieve a complete erection, there seems to be a lot of maintenance involved with difficult cleaning procedures and hygiene issues.  That doesn’t seem too sexy.

Now, the locking Gates of Hell has seemed pretty sexy to me from the first time I saw it.  It looks more like jewelry, or an adornment, than just a hunk of plastic or a metal tube.  Plus, you can get an erection with it, you just can’t really do anything with the erection.  So, it’s more about making masturbation difficult, not complete lock-up.  I think I could get into some play with that, but it’s also clearly not something that you could wear for long periods of time.  I wrote to Tom at Edge of Vanilla a while back and asked him about it.  He said it was possible to wear that for several days, but not long periods of time.  Well, maybe I could do several days.  I’d still be able to move it, feel it, get erections, pee standing up and without mess.  I think think moving from that to the complete enclosure and confinement of something like a CB6000 would be a bit too much for me, at least at this point.

Of course, it’s a pretty moot point anyway because it seems pretty clear to me that my wife doesn’t find the idea very appealing.  That was the vibe I got by her reaction to my dream, anyway.  Unless she thought I was telling her because I was, as Fillius said, topping from the bottom.

I wasn’t.  I was telling her about a dream that I thought would be kind of sexy for both of us.  I’ve been trying to talk more before and during sex, but I’m starting to sense that my wife would prefer me not to.  I’ll ask her about it this weekend.  Anyway, she might have thought I was trying to top from the bottom and just put a stop to it by telling me she would have to “think about it”.  Now, I would like to state for Fillius, since I’m not sure how long he’s been following my blog, or how much he’s read, this WLM is not being topped by me.  Not at this time.  We are still starting out and learning and discovering.  I realised about a month ago that some of the things we were doing were still about me and not things that my wife enjoyed.  After talking about it she stopped doing the things she doesn’t enjoy and is very happy that everything is now focused on her.  Sure, there are some things I would love to do, or have done to me, but I know she isn’t into those things.  She’s told me so.

That doesn’t mean that I won’t ask her if she’s interested in something new.  I’ve been wanting to something for a while now that I haven’t done for several months.  I’m not sure how she would feel about it since our arrangement has evolved since then.  I’ve been wanting to talk to her about it, but I’ve been patiently waiting for the right time.  I don’t think it will upset her, but if she isn’t happy with the idea I don’t want to spoil her mood. 

Also, I didn’t push my wife into this lifestyle.  There is no way anyone can “push” their wives into something and hope for it to work.  I introduced it to her.  I stealth subbed for a while.  Then I stopped when I worried I might push her away.  About a month or so later my wife realised she liked all the things I had been doing and missed them.  She realised that she really didn’t have to do anything, and that if she asked me to do something I would.  In her words it was “win win” for her.  So, we really started from there and we are now at a point where she gets what she wants and does what she wants and if she isn’t into it, we don’t do it.

As for not being truly submissive, well, that is something I think about a lot.  I don’t know how to define truly submissive.  I have limits and I think one of them is being locked in such a way that I couldn’t touch my penis or attain an erection for prolonged periods of time.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe I’d love it.  I can see how it could be nice.  I could see how it could help keep you in subspace.  But that’s why it’s an exciting fantasy to me.  The reality seems to be a little too much.  At least for now.

I have relinquished a lot to my wife.  She provides financially for the family, so I’m dependent on her for that.  She informed me yesterday that I would not be allowed to build the computer I had been researching for several weeks.  It was difficult for her to do, but she did not feel that now is the time to spend that much money.  She will let me know when she feels comfortable with the expenditure.  Frankly, I have always deferred to her on these matters.  She was in denial about it at first, but she has come to accept, and now expect, that I defer to her in all decisions.

She controls my orgasms and only lets me masturbate when we have sex.  That was a tough thing to give up, the masturbation.  It was easier to give up orgasms.  Saturday it will be March and I’ve only had 4 orgasms all year.  That’s an average of 24 a year.  Before I gave up control of my orgasms to my wife I probably averaged probably 360 orgasms a year.  That’s quite a change.

The day my wife told me she wanted to pursue this she told me I would no longer receive oral sex from her.  Sure, she sometimes teases me with a few seconds of it, but that just reminds me of what I’m missing.  My most common sexual dream now is receiving a blow job from my wife.  Unfortunately I always wake up before I cum.  Neither of us can remember the last time she had my cum in her mouth.  I’ve had it in mine many times in the last year.

She takes immense pleasure in the fact that I clean the house.  She did some dishes a few weeks ago and was amazed that she couldn’t remember the last time she had done them.  She was so pleased about it she bragged to her friends and co-workers for days.

She takes immense pleasure in the fact that sex is about her, focused on her, and my role is to make sure she is sexually satisfied.  As she put it, “if you don’t get to cum, well, sucks to be you”.

I could go on, but that’s generally what this blog is all about.

I hope that didn’t sound too harsh, Fillius.  I appreciate your post and understand what you are trying to say.  I get your point that it is all about my wife, not me.  Luckily, I don’t think my wife is into the CB6000, so I don’t have to worry about it.  But, I also don’t measure myself against other subs.  My measure is my wife and how she feels about me and my actions.  At the moment, we are doing great!

Something I forgot to mention in a previous post:

In Flexing the Dom muscles a bit I talked about how I asked my wife if she wanted to be “bossy” last weekend as she has mentioned she’d like to try doing more.  Then, Saturday morning she bossed me around in a very dominant tone and it seemed so natural.  Well, Saturday night when I asked her if she had enjoyed her day of being “bossy”.  She wasn’t sure what I was talking about so I reminded her of the conversation we had the previous day about “playing” that weekend.  She had forgotten entirely and was just taking pleasure in being dominant!  What a big step for her!  (She also pointed out that I had failed in my last task… having her jeans ready.  Damn dryer!)

Random:

I’m a bit surprised I didn’t get a bunch of comments on the cuck post.  I’ve actually been getting a lot of hits by random people googling it.  I’m sorry to disappoint, guys, lol.

12 Responses

  1. Whow, so many long posts in such a short time.
    Just some thoughts on the chastity issue. I also refrain from masturbation most of the time. For me it is a very difficult exercise to keep the fingers off myself. I guess it would be much easier if I was locked up, because of the physical barrier. Hence, I find it is a greater act of submission to voluntarily refrain from masturbation rather than being forced. But I guess that is subjective. The symbolism of such a device is of course tremendous. It shows that you are being owned. But then, a collar around your neck or cock has the same effect. Maybe even stronger, because you can attach a leash.
    And sorry that I have nothing to say about the cuckolding, I am not to sure that I have an opinion on this. It is not part of my personal repertoire of fantasies, but I can understand the appeal for others.

    Thanks for the great posts!

  2. The only reason I suggested that by mentioning your dream to your wife that you may have wanted to be locked up is because it’s the sort of thing that I may have done in the past, and wrongly assumed that you may have been the same, so my apologies, if I was wrong. I must admit that the thought of being locked up by my wife is appealing, but probably more so than the actual reality would be. I think that actual act itself would be extremely erotic, as it would demonstrate that she would be in ultimate and complete control over that particular aspect, and that you would be completely at her mercy. Can you actually be locked into one of these devices with a full errection though, because I just can see how I wouldn’t have one if my wife was fitting it to me, and knowing what that would mean to me.

  3. Thanks Urmel!

    AAT-
    I understand what you meant. My first impression was to get defensive about everything, but it made me think.
    I think what I was trying to do was not ask my wife to cage me, but to have some fantasy play where we talked about all of the things I was describing in the dream. I was hoping to have a positive reaction to a couple of them and thought perhaps we could try them, but I didn’t really get any response to those.
    But, the main reason of bringing any of it up was really just to engage in some “dirty talk”, I guess. I can see where everyone, including my wife, would think that I was trying to get her to put me in enforced chastity. To me, in the dream, having the cage on was sexy, but it was my having to be creative and find more ways to please her, and her using me in different ways that was supposed to be the main point.
    Oh, well. Perhaps I should try to bring that up with her. Probably not tonight. That might be a little too soon for her taste.

  4. AfH- First let me say that I apologize if it seemed i was being disrespectful. I did not intend to at all. I have a tendency to want to continue to probe and prod and discover as much as possible by discussion, questioning and sometimes even playing devil’s advocate.
    I do understand your hesitance towards a chastity device. It could be a scary prospect if your/our wives enjoyed the outcome or the control. For me I find them to be erotic and also a tool. One that for myself was helpful for a while in keeping me from masturbating incessantly. My wife however does not like it and told me to no longer wear it. After a rough spell of non-wlm time we have come back around to it and are doing well. A large part of the success has been my dedication to not having orgasms without my wife knowing. She is now truly in control of them. I do however masturbate from time to time. This is a difficult habit to give up.
    As far as topping from the bottom i find that it is sometimes difficult not to. we have desires as much as anyone else and seeking to make those desires come true is only natural. Its when we ‘introduce’ them that we push the boundaries of whom is in control. I think it is in finding new ways to best serve or to better serve our wives that introducing new ideas is appropriate. For instance i love being facesat however my wife finds it to be too much work and she is concerned about smothering me to death. A perfectly valid concern and continuing to ask for it is inappropriate and is ‘topping from the bottom’. However letting her know that instead of her getting up to get something i forgot at the dinner table, she could tell me to get it, is perfectly okay. Anyway, i’m finding I am rambling a little.
    I do want to say that I respect your relationship with your wife and hope to soon be where you are at right now in your wlm. I enjoy your blog and love the discourse it creates. thank you!!

  5. Thanks for again responding. I was a bit afraid that I sounded too harsh in my response to you and AAT. I can get a bit passionate about this topic, as anyone can.
    The more I have thought about it, the more I realise that you were right. I was perhaps topping from the bottom a bit, and suggesting a bit of what I’d like to do.
    Ironically, it wasn’t the chastity part. It was the part I mentioned to my wife early and often. She has “kinda” told me in the past that, well, it’s not that she isn’t into it, it’s just that it’s not her favorite thing. I think in my retelling of the dream and the “dirty talk”, if there was anything that I wanted a chance to try again, it was this other thing.
    I’m not mentioning it now, but I’ll probably bring it up sometime soon and we’ll see how it goes.

    Thanks again for everyone’s replies to all of my posts.

  6. Sorry i have been absent in posting comments. I am going to give you a detailed comment about the cuckolding post when i get my housework done.

    BTW yours is truly one of the best submale blogs out there, keep up the great work advocating our lifestyle!!!

    helpmate hubby

  7. “if you don’t get to cum, well, sucks to be you”.

    That is one point I just can not get my wife to wrap Her head around. Luck you.

  8. Thanks HH!

    UHC, I know, I am lucky!

  9. I think your Wife may be interested in cuckolding you. Do an introspective search on how you would feel about it, and then ask Her. That’s my advice, even if it is something you do not want. i think you should know what is on Her mind regardless. However, if she indicates She does not want it and you do not want it either then i would suggest never bringing it up again, as She likely will think you do want it even if you don’t or don’t trust Her. Those would obviously be bad developments.

  10. I appreciate the advice, HH, but I’m not touching this one. I think she was just using the old joke, but now it’s got a new twist.
    She can be a flirt, however.

  11. Congratulations on showing so much restraint without being put in one as it were.I could not for one refrain for long without artificial help.There is nothing wrong with Her flirting and it will make Her feel attractive to more than the one man She knows finds Her so.
    Cuckolding is largely a male fantasy and is likely to alienate Her.

  12. Oh, she flirts all the time. There are places we go where when we walk in half the guys call out and welcome her. It makes me feel great knowing that she’s with me!
    Also, cuckolding is likely to alienate me, lol.

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