A whole year…

Wow.  I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I started this blog.

I had no idea when I started this that we would be where we are today with our relationship.  In retrospect it seems crazy for even trying it.  But I was a bit confused at the time as I discovered things about myself and new feelings.  It’s such a relief to know that my wife can look back now and see the same thing I did that really helped us out.  She can now see that we’ve always been in a wife led marriage.  It wasn’t what it is today, but it was a WLM nonetheless. 

The only difference now is that we’ve found a way to make it fun for both of us and it has given our lives a refreshing twist.  It no longer dominates my thoughts, but that’s because it has been integrated into our daily life pretty well, I think.  Although we may not appear to be into a serious D/s relationship, we are at a level we are both comfortable with.

For example, last night I was on the computer as my wife was getting our kids ready for bed.  I heard my wife ask them, “whose job is it to help you make your beds”?  The oldest replied that it was their job.  My wife replied “yes, but it is daddy’s job to help you,  and your beds aren’t made, so daddy didn’t do his job today, did he”.

Ouch!

Now, I didn’t get into any trouble.  There is no discipline.  She didn’t bring it up again.  But the fact that she said it loud enough for me to overhear means that she cares and she was letting me know it.

True love!

In this next year I’d like to see my wife begin to do the things she tells me she wishes she were doing.  I’d like to see her become a bit more dominant in the ways she has told me she would like to be.  If I’m lucky then perhaps that will possibly lead to some of the things that I’d be interested in getting into.  Nothing too “out there”, but perhaps a little kinkier a little more often.  Small steps, you know.  This isn’t something I’ll push towards, just something I hope will develop naturally with time.  Hell, if I could go from my wife having no idea what I was talking about, to a fully accepted WLM in about nine months, just imagine what we may evolve into in the next six months!

I’d like to thank everyone for their comments and encouragement.  If it weren’t for the comments I probably would have quit writing a long time ago.  It is really amazing to me that I’ve had about 70,000 hits on this blog in the last year.  It makes me happy to know that so many people are interested in what I have to say, but it is also comforting in knowing that there are so many people out there with whom I can relate.  If there are five thousand couples in the US that are interested in some form of FLR than that is a very significant number.  That’s ten thousand people.  That’s a micro trend, and sometimes micro trends find themselves to be mainstream before they know it!

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Vanilla Quotient

I read a post the other day at Devastating Yet Inconsequential about service submission.  It goes along with something I’ve been thinking about lately.  It’s clear to me that my wife and I have a mostly vanilla relationship.  I was trying to put some kind of percentage on it, which would still be completely arbitrary, but I was thinking about it anyway.  I couldn’t figure out if there was a kink factor to being a househusband.  It’s not mainstream, so that could qualify it as not being entirely vanilla, but it’s not particularly a kink either.

So, I’ve been pondering this a bit and I realised that sometimes it is a kink.  Sometimes it’s just cleaning for the sake of keeping the house clean.  Other times I just don’t feel like cleaning and I fall back on fantasy and think of it as my “duty” to my wife.  That helps motivate sometimes.  Of course, my wife usually doesn’t mind if I skip one of my everyday chores, or rearrange them.  I’m in charge of cleaning so as long as things get clean she isn’t really even thinking about it.  So, it’s not like I fantasize that my wife will beat me if I don’t do it, but it’s still a bit of a fantasy anyway.

Sometimes it’s totally kinky, though, and those are the best times.  Those are the times when my wife takes the children into the family room to watch a movie or play while “daddy cleans up the kitchen”.  Or maybe she’ll take the children to a park and tell me that she “expects” a particular chore to be done by the time they get home.  These times are fun for both of us and they don’t happen all the time, but when they do I know it’s because my wife is having fun with it and she knows that I get off on it a bit.

There are also my “assignments”, my special tasks that she often gives me.  Sometimes the assignments are just extra bits of cleaning she would like to see done, but sometimes they are things that I truly do not want to do.  Not humiliating or painful things.  Annoying things.  Things she knows I won’t do unless she writes it down with a note saying “do this”.  As a matter of fact her habit of leaving me those kinds of chores was one of the clues to me that I had already been living in a WLM without realising it.  Usually they will involve being on hold for long periods of time, or dealing with some other problem over the phone.  I really, really hate those kinds of calls and would gladly pay somebody else to do it.  So, the assignments have a definite kink value.

Now that I think about it, my wife has told me several times that she thinks it’s sexy when I clean.  She was totally ogling me one night as I mopped the kitchen floor and kept commenting on how sexy it was.  Maybe she’s got a bit of a kink for my cleaning.  That would be interesting.

So, how kinky is this whole domestic thing.  I mean, if we weren’t playing around with orgasm control, which is about the only 100% kinky thing we do, would being the househusband be kinky at all?  Does the addition of being in a WLM and orgasm control automatically add a level of kink to a househusband?

I guess since we center most of the fun we have with the WLM around my service that my position as househusband is indeed one of kink.  If you take out the WLM and orgasm control it goes back to vanilla, but since we use it in more of a D/s fashion I’d have to say it’s more on the kink side.

Huh.  It seems so plain and simple now.  Our kinks are basically a WLM where the wife’s sexual pleasure is put first, she decides when I orgasm, she has final word, and I clean.  So, I don’t know…  Let’s say… 70% vanilla.

Great Friday cont./frustration understood

Last Saturday my wife took the kids to meet up with their friends at an Easter egg hunt.  They were gone most of the morning and afternoon and I was able to get a lot of cleaning done.  When they got home I took a break and we walked to a park and had some more fun.  Later I finished up cleaning as much as I could and waited for our guest to arrive in the early a.m. hours while everyone else was asleep.

The next day was pretty great.  Lot’s of fun family time and great food.  I took the kids to the neighbors who were having a party and the kids got to play some more and I had some fun as well while my wife and her cousin got to catch up on things.

Now, he’s a good guy, most of her family is great, but he’s a bit obnoxious.  I’m sure nothing seemed out of the ordinary to him, but he wasn’t looking at things in the same context as me.  Anyway, as I cleaned up from dinner and my wife put the left-overs away he lay back on the couch declaring that he was going to spend the day watching basketball and drinking beer.  As I’ve said before, I’m not really a “submissive” guy, I just submit to my wife.  So, I was getting a little irritated with his attitude.  When he told my wife to bring him a beer I got really irritated.  I looked at her and could tell she was irritated too, so she talked to him like she talks to our children.

“Use your polite words”, she said to him.  He of course went over the top with it and called her “ma’am” a lot. 

Anyway, despite his bit of obnoxiousness it was good to see him and talk with him and we had a pretty great time.  I did have to get “macho” and start relating tales of my glorious athletic past, etc.  I can’t help it.  I’ve always been that way.  And, to be honest, he seemed to enjoy listening to them, so that was nice.

He left Monday morning and later that day my family and I went for a nice picnic.  My wife told me it was a ruse to be alone with me as the kids played nearby and ignored us.  I had to work that night and she told me how disappointing that was because she wanted me in bed.  That made me consider trying to get out of working, but I knew that wouldn’t be very responsible.

Tuesday she again brought up how much she wanted me, but by the time we went to bed she was too tired.  This frustrated me, but I knew she was tired and had to be up extra early in the morning.

This got me thinking, though.  I realised that I was kind of having a similar reaction that she had about having so many more opportunities for intimacy.  At first it made her feel pressured until she realised that we didn’t have to “do it” just because there was an opportunity.  She accepted that she would be intimate when, where and how she wanted and I would be happy with that.  And I am, for the most part.  But I now see that because there are more opportunities that I can get frustrated from missing those opportunities.  The frustration only lasts a few minutes, but I only realised last night that it was occurring and that the reason I was feeling more frustration was simply because there are more opportunities.

Now, this isn’t a complaint.  I’m glad my wife accepts that it will be up to her.  But, being human I have emotions that I can’t control.  What’s nice is being able to understand the emotions so that they don’t control you.  I think I’ll have an easier time not pouting about my wife going to sleep rather than being intimate now.

Great Friday!

Well, it was a pretty great weekend.  I didn’t get all my jobs done, but that’s OK because we chose to have family fun over work.  The house did look great, though.  Also, the arrival of our guest (one had to back out) was pushed back to Saturday night, so we were able to be intimate on Friday.  We were both happy about that!

After a long day of cleaning mixed with fun, my wife asked if I wanted to join her in bed.  I, of course, agreed and met her there shortly.  I asked if she’d like me to wear my cock ring and she said “definitely”.  As seems to be the case lately I got the feeling she wanted me to start out as the dominant partner, so I got on my knees across her chest and let her “prep” me.  Soon enough we were both ready to go and we were having some super hot sex.  Of course, part of the reason it was super hot for both of us was because she soon took over and had me making love to her exactly how she wanted it.  Then we heard a noise at the door.  Uh oh.  I quickly rolled to the side as our youngest came into the room (mental note, get locking doorknob for bedroom).

Luckily, this turned out to be far less traumatic than I had worried it might.  This was the first, and hopefully only, time that one of our children has walked in on us.  We knew it was bound to happen someday so we both were OK with it.  My wife put on her nightie and put our youngest back to bed.  We waited a few minutes and figured he went right back to sleep, so we got back to messing around.  When it seemed my wife was close she had me go down on her until I brought her to orgasm.  It was very big and in her words “drawn out”.  She allowed me to masturbate as she came down.

Now, I don’t normally ask for permission, but that night I asked if she would allow me to have a release.  She asked me how long it had been since my last orgasm and my mind raced as I got closer to my orgasm.  It was very difficult to think clearly, but I didn’t want to give her the wrong amount of days in case it was a test.  Finally I told her “eleven, I think…”.  It was actually twelve, but I guess it wasn’t a test.  She thought about it for a few seconds.  “Mmmmmm… I guess you’ve waited long enough.  Yes you may.”   It only took a few more strokes for me to have a tremendous orgasm as I covered my chest and abdomen with ejaculate. 

That was when we heard the tap at the door.  Oh no, not again.  I pulled the sheet up to cover myself as my wife laughed at me and put on her nightie.  She again returned him to his bed as I got cleaned up.  That night I got to experience something new.  The reverse wet spot.  Somehow it’s more annoying when it’s on top.

 Well, that’s it for now.  I’ll save the rest of the weekend for tomorrow.

Feeling complain-y

I talked briefly with my wife about the “shopping thank you”.  I mostly wanted to clear up any confusion over why I told her that she didn’t need to thank me for letting her buy clothes for herself.  I wanted her to know that I wasn’t asking her to be more bossy or more dominant.  I wanted her to understand that I don’t think she needs to request permission or thank me solely because it’s her money that she earned and that she is in charge of the finances and that I know she isn’t frivolous.  She told me she understood and she was glad I cleared it up.  She also reiterated her appreciation of my watching the children while she was out.  That was a legitimate ‘thank you’ and I appreciated it.  She did point out, again, that she wishes being a bit more bossy in her tone and statements came more naturally.  She was just raised to “please and thank you” everything, but gets pleasure out of the more dominant tone when she is able to do it.

Frankly, I’m continuing to find her natural dominance in more subtle ways.  She really doesn’t need to sound bossy when she asks me, “did you actually clean the bathroom” after I requested that she inspect it.  She wasn’t being bitchy or bossy.  She just asked in a matter-of-fact way.  Clearly I had not done a good enough job.  There was no punishment, just her pointing out things that I missed that should have been obvious.

Speaking of cleaning, my cleaning assignments have picked up this week due to houseguests coming this weekend for Easter.  As usual it’s members of my wife’s family, two male cousins.  While scrubbing the toilet a few minutes ago I experienced a new feeling.  Well, maybe not new.  I guess it was just a combination of feelings that I haven’t felt before in this context.  It was a bit humiliation and a bit anxiety, I guess.  Here I was cleaning the toilet for my wife’s two male cousins.  My alpha ego was raising to the surface and I was starting to feel like I needed to get a bit macho.  There is no way I’d want these guys to know about our arrangement.  I started feeling competitive.  It’s really the first time I’ve felt this way since my wife and I started this.

I’ve got a lot more cleaning left to go, but I knew I needed to settle down so I decided to sit down and write about it a bit before getting back to my chores.  It doesn’t make it any easier knowing that we haven’t been intimate since Saturday, and it’s been ten days since my last orgasm and we won’t be able to be intimate again until next Monday at the soonest.  That is assuming my wife will want to be modest while guests are here for Easter.

OK, enough whining.  Time to get back to work!

A small misunderstanding?

My wife told me that she needed to go shopping for some new clothes.  Now, we’ve had this discussion many times over the years and I’ve always told her that she doesn’t need permission from me to buy new clothes.  I know she is frugal and that she needs “professional” attire.  I don’t.  I will wear t-shirts until they fall apart, although to be fair, I have tried to look my best anymore while out in public with her, even if casual (meaning I’ll wear a nice t-shirt and tuck it in).  Anyway, she brought this up again and I agreed that it was probably time for some new clothes and told her I’d be glad to watch the kids so she could have several hours alone shopping. 

When she was done she thanked me for letting her buy the new clothes.  I told her that she didn’t need to thank me.  She said, “oh, I know”.  I started to feel relieved.  Then she added, “I always think after I say something to you that I should say it a way to make it sexier and more fun for you”.

Sigh.

I haven’t brought it up yet since we’ve just been having such a great weekend, but not only was I surprised that she is second guessing herself to make things “more fun for me”, which is nice, but not needed.  But she also seems to be missing the HUGE point that it’s her money.  Let’s forget about the WLM for a minute.  When I was bringing in the majority of cash into the relationship (although probably only slightly more) I didn’t stop her from buying clothes whenever she wanted.  Now she is bringing in 95% of the family income!  It’s HER money!  She is in charge of the budget and finances!  She knows if it’s there to be spent and how it should be spent.  This has nothing to do with the WLM.  It’s the reality of our relationship.  I’m not very responsible with money.  I never have been.  She is the responsible one, so out of necessity became the person in charge of the money.  So, why thank me?

Now, to make it more complicated she saw my statement that she didn’t need to thank me as part of my “role” in our WLM.  I appreciate that she still thinks being a bit more “demanding” or “bossy” when talking to me is an easy way for her to make things more exciting for me.  It’s the difference between, “would you mind getting me another beer when you have a minute” and “bring me another beer”.  I can appreciate that even though I’ve told her it’s not a big deal.  She has told me in the past that it’s something she wants to work on because it’s fun and makes it better for me.  OK.  That’s her prerogative and I love her for thinking of me.

It’s just unfortunate that she is tying together my trying to tell her that she doesn’t need to thank me for buying clothes with her own money that she works hard for, especially when the clothes she is buying are for her job so that she will look more professional, with some kind of request for her to make me feel more submissive. 

This is definitely something we’ll need to talk about.  If she thinks that I’m trying to get her to be more dominant when I’m trying to make some other point then things can get out of hand and complicated very quickly.  And no, this is not my subconscious trying to top from the bottom.  When she thanked me for watching the kids all Saturday I accepted that thanks.  It was my pleasure to watch the kids while she shopped.  Here I could accept a little bit of D/s if we were to play.  I can get behind a “I’m a good househusband who watches the kids while my wife shops” game.  But I’m being completely serious that my wife doesn’t need to thank me for letting her buy clothes for herself and that if she thought my intentions behind letting her know that she doesn’t need to thank me for it is that I really want her to be more dominant then we could find ourselves in trouble soon.

I hope that made sense.

On a sexier note, we had some amazing sex on Saturday night.  Maybe it was the modelling of the new clothes, or the fact that we hadn’t been intimate for several days, I don’t know.  Either way it was hot!

My wife started by telling me she was giving me a “freebie” and that I could do whatever I wanted.  I expressed some confusion as to what she meant, but didn’t want to discuss it so I did what I wanted, which was to go down on her.  Now, if she had indeed wished for me to do whatever I wanted, it didn’t last too long.  After a couple of minutes she was controlling the sex.

After bringing her to two orgasms she told me she’d had enough and I rolled off her and as she lay on her back I “spooned” her side.  She felt my erection poke her hip and reached down and gently held it in her hand.  I started rocking my hips and soon was humping her hand.  She teased me by tightening her grip and then loosening it to the point there was barely any contact.  She teased me this way for several minutes until she let go and started playing with herself.  She must have gotten very excited teasing me the way she had because it took her only a few seconds to have another orgasm. 

She looked at me and thanked me for the orgasms and told me to get up and get her some water.  In a daze I did as she asked and felt incredible.

She is so good to me.

Subtle Domination

Due to my having to work this weekend my wife and I spent very little time together, so not much happened.  Last night, though, we tried to make up for it by putting the kids to bed a little early and having dinner together without the kids (easier said than done).

Anyway, after dinner we talked and relaxed and caught up on the weekends events.  My wife started to go to the kitchen for a drink but stopped and turned to me.  “Would you get me a drink, please?  Sorry, I’m learning”, she said.

“I understand, it’s O.K.”, I replied.

From that point on she made a point of not getting up, but instead asking me to get things for her.  It was nice since we hadn’t been able to do anything like that for the last several days.

This morning, however, I was thinking about something else she had said/done earlier in the evening.  I was complaining about my allergies and how they seemed to be worse in the house than outside or where I had been working all weekend.  I recently replaced our airfilter with a high end model and it made no difference.  My wife told me I needed to vacuum more.  I pointed out that I vacuumed twice a week so she told me other things I could do as well.

This was a matter of fact conversation.  There was nothing “dom” about it.  But, looking back, it was subtle domination.  My wife didn’t make any comments like “poor you”, she told me what Icould do to fix it.  She didn’t offer to help, she said “vacuum more”.  And she said it without any inflection.  Looking at it now, although it was subtle, it was far more “dom-y” than her asking me for drinks or lotion or anything like that. 

Here we are at night thinking, “Oh, this is a learning experience for both of us, we still have to work at doing it”, when in reality it’s already second nature for my wife to take for granted that I will clean and she will tell me how, what, where and when.

It’s wonderful!

Later on she was a little less subtle.  As I went to kiss her goodnight she ordered me into bed (although she shortly qualified it with “unless you don’t want to”, lol).  I, of course, stripped and got in bed.  She began instructing me on how to service her and in short order she was enjoying orgasms.  As the feelings began to get too intense she had me stop moving, buried deep inside her.  Before this I felt I would be able to last well past her use for me, but within just a few moments I knew better.  The force of her orgasms brought me closer and closer to the edge.  I told her I couldn’t last much longer and she ordered me to cum.  I did and as I orgasmed she commented on how much cum she could feel inside her.  As I rolled off her I nearly fell of the bed as she didn’t make room for me on my side at all.  I was barely on the bed as she lay there.  “I’m making sure there is going to be a really big wet spot for you tonight”, she told me.  After a couple of minutes I asked if she would like me to get her some water and she told me yes. 

I totally get that the wet spot should be on my side of the bed, but I find it interesting that my wife really seems to enjoy using it as a reminder of our roles.  It’s almost like she reaches her pinnacle of dominance right before she goes to sleep after we both orgasm.

What an amazing wife I have!