Not really feeling it right now

My wife and I were able to be intimate for the first time in a week last night.  She has been ready for some action for several days but the timing was off and last night was her first chance to get what she was looking for.  There was no hesitation this time in asking for her “toy”, the bullet vibe.  She’s found a way to get her motor running that she is comfortable with.  Frankly I find it sexy and a tad bit humiliating.  Since she’s told me she doesn’t like me to go down on her before penetration I can only sit back and watch.  It’s such a turn on to see her close her eyes, spread her legs and pleasure herself.  I kissed her thighs and her hands as she writhed and moaned softly.  When she was ready she turned off the vibe and teased me all too briefly with her mouth on my erection.  It’s such torture.  I can’t remember the last time she gave me oral.  I mean really, not just the teases. 

I entered her and started slow.  Soon I was following her lead as she worked me towards her pleasure.  After her orgasm she allowed me to masturbate for a few minutes.  I had to stop several times as I got close to the edge.  As she let me know my time was nearly up I was ready to explode and asked her if I could cum.  Of course she answered “no” in a teasing kind of way.  So I sit here this morning with the familiar ache between my legs.

It’s been six months since we’ve started this arrangement, but it’s well over a year since I tried to introduce it.  Last year at about this time I basically gave up on it.  Right now I’m not really sure about it.  It seems to mostly be about cleaning and orgasm control/denial right now.  I’ve been getting very lazy about my housekeeping end of things and obsessing about the OD.  It’s been very hard mentally since my last orgasm.  I know it’s been the most difficult in the days following an orgasm, but this time it’s just been brutal.  I don’t know if it’s the time of year or what.  Something is going on, though.  I’d say that it’s a lack of Dominant behaviour on the part of my wife, but that wouldn’t be true.  She sent me a list of assignments last week and was disappointed in me when I didn’t get them done at the end of the week.  So clearly it’s me.

I don’t want to end or arrangement.  In general it excites me.  But lately I’m just feeling very lazy and I guess I’m looking for a little more stimulation.  Maybe more teasing or more overt control.  Maybe I need some disciplining of some sort.  I just feel like I need something to get my head back to where it needs to be.  I know it shouldn’t have to be work for my wife, but it would help, I think.

Maybe it’s just my clogged sinuses.