Broken

I feel broken, and not in a sexy way.

I haven’t felt submissive in any way for well over a week.  I don’t just mean that I haven’t been in subspace.  I mean I haven’t had any type of submissive feeling at all.  And it doesn’t feel right.  I miss the feeling.  I want to have that desire to submit to my wife.  I still am, I guess.  But it’s not with the same feeling.  There’s nothing negative attached to it.  I don’t dread doing things for my wife.  And it doesn’t appear obvious to her that the feelings aren’t there.  We entertained some friends yesterday and when they were all gone she told me I did a wonderful job of serving people, etc.  So, on the surface I’m still the submissive husband.

So where did the feeling go?  When will it be back?  The “lulls” I’ve felt in the past were more along the lines of not wanting to do my housework.  This is totally different.  I don’t have a problem doing my jobs (even when feeling lazy) but part of me feels like something is missing.

I’m sure it’s still in there.  I guy doesn’t go for most of his life fantasizing about submission only to finally get there and then lose it… does he?  I really, really miss the feeling.  Would kneeling help?  Maybe I should tell my wife how I’m feeling.  Duh!  Of course I should tell my wife how I’m feeling.  Maybe she has some ideas.  Maybe we could shock my system somehow and get things jump started.

I’m not saying this has anything to do with her.  She hasn’t changed at all.  Perhaps we’ve had a little less time of my “fetching” things for her do to our both being a little busier at night, but it’s still there.  She’s seems to be enjoying her role as much as she ever has.

It’s just me.  Maybe it’s a libido thing.  I haven’t really felt very horny either.  Hormonal?  Illness?  Stress?  I’ve got both good and bad stress going on, but that’s nothing new.  God I just wish I could get back to my happy place.  I feel lost, and broken.

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Update

Not much has been going on lately.  My wife and I have been pretty busy, so we haven’t had too much fun in the WLM department.  I’m keeping up with my jobs, but I’m in one of those “down times” where I’m not really into it.  They come and go, so I’m riding it out.  I’m sure the moment my wife does something the slightest bit demanding or selfish I’ll snap back into shape.

As for the device, well, I haven’t worn it much lately.  I think I might have rushed it a bit trying to break myself in.  After just a few days I wore it for 16 straight hours.  I had put it on a few hours before bed and decided to try sleeping through the night with it again.  By late afternoon I took it off and was feeling a little sore.  My wife and I made love that night and there was something wrong with my orgasm.  Instead of pleasurable contractions I had a slightly painful pinching feeling, then nothing.  At first I didn’t think I orgasmed at all, but the large wet spot on the bed made it pretty clear that I had.

So I freaked out a little bit about this (I kept it to myself) and wondered if I had done some damage.  I “tested” myself the next day and everything worked fine.  I’m guessing there was probably some swelling from the strap behind my testicles that probably caused the problem.  Either way I decided that I’d have to be a little more careful next time I try to break myself in.  For now I’m just too busy and don’t need the extra hassel, so I’m putting it off.

Oh, by the way, I fixed the problem with the straps moving by connecting two of the straps, the ones on that are on the sides, with a loop of soft cloth.  I allowed enough room for it to fit the contours properly, although I’ll have to fix it and make it just a tad bigger for next time.  I did this between the first and second rings, the ones closes to the base.

Having worn it a bit I now realise it really could be a bit smaller.  The first ring is really too big.  The other rings seem to be a more appropriate size.  They are not too confining when flacid, but small enough to prevent a full erection.  Even with a full erection the first ring wouldn’t do a thing.  So, it’s really just added weight. 

I also worry a bit about the over-all bulk.  I wore it out a few times and wasn’t really concerned about it being noticed.  Most of my shorts hide it pretty well.  But at home with my kids I worried about it.  I’m concerned about them feeling it when they sit on my lap, or perhaps some other unintentional contact.  My wife has told me not to worry about it.  She says they won’t notice or else they will assume it’s something in my pocket.  I’m not so sure.

Well, I guess that’s about it for now.  Sorry there is nothing more exciting for me to write about right now.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m here and everything is fine.  I hope to have something spicier for next time!

The Device

Well, it got here last Friday, and I’ve been wearing it on and off for several hours at a time.  Last night was the longest so far, about 12 hours.  I probably could have worn it continuously, but there is no lock on it and at 6 am when it woke me up I just took it off and put it in the bedside drawer.

Anyway, here are a couple of pictures of it:

 

 It’s overall length is 4″.  That is measuring from the locking leather cock ring that goes behind the testicles to the smallest O ring at the front, which has an inner diameter of 1″.  That’s not a lot of room.  There is enough room between the rings to touch myself, however the resulting erection is not very pleasant as the O rings restrict the growth and skin starts getting pinched in leather.  So, I guess it does it’s job fairly well.

There are definitely some design flaws that could probably be corrected, but I’m not sure if I’ll bother with that at this point.  I can tighten the cock ring enough that it won’t come off without a fairly large amount of pain to my testicles (7″ circumference so roughly 2.25″ diameter), but the leather bands holding the rings in place move around and tend to migrate to the top of the device leaving ample room on the bottom for a flaccid penis to be pulled out.   I’m not sure the best way to prevent that at this time, but I’ll be thinking about it.  In the mean time this will create the interesting feeling of both having to wear a chastity device, and also having the self control to not pull out my penis and masturbate.

 

The locking cock ring itself also leaves a little something to be desired.  You can’t see it very well in these pictures, but the holes for the buckle are long slits going lengthwise down the ring and there are only four of them.  I’ve seen others that have slits going across the ring instead giving many more sizing options.  Of course, I could buy one of those and use it instead.  Hell, I’m tempted to buy some leather working tools and make my own at this point.

There is a decent amount of weight to this, as I imagine there are for just about all devices.  This creates a some pressure on the testicles which sometimes cause little twangs of pain.  Not serious pain, but enough that I’ve made sure to check myself very often to make sure everything is alright down there.  I think some of the dull pain that is almost always there comes from the largest O ring right in front of the testicles laying against them.  It doesn’t “hurt”, but I’m aware of it almost constantly.  I’ve been able to position the device so that my boxer briefs support some of the weight which helps.  I’m assuming these feelings are a natural part of wearing a device.

This brings up another thing.  Noticeablity.  The first day of wearing it I let it hang alongside my leg in my underwear.  This created a noticeable, and unnatural, bulge.  Wearing it straight down the middle makes it much less noticeable, but there is still a bit of a bulge.  I definitely won’t be wearing it to the gym, however.  I’m sure it would be quite a sight while I’m laying on a bench doing butterflies.

We haven’t fooled around in a few days, so no sexy stories about chastity sex yet.  Hah!  Chastity sex!

My wife still has the lock and keys.  I asked her if I could wear it with the lock on for a few hours to break myself in mentally as well as physically.  She informed me that the lock belonged to her and that she would determine when the lock goes on, and when it comes off.  So, I guess there will be no easing into the mental aspect of wearing this.  When she decides I’ve worn it long enough to wear it all the time, she will put the lock on.  The thought of that is giving me a painful swelling as I type.

Well, that’s it for now.  On our calender my wife has tonight labeled “fun night”.  I hope it means fun for her!

Is this arrangement sustainable?

Last week I got a comment on my “About” page (which should probably be updated).

Not so much found yourself there, but got yourself there. All power to her, for letting you get there. However, if I were you, I’d just get on with enjoying it, and may it be heaven for you for the rest of your life,.. Then, of course, a question arises.. how will you feel about this when you’re 70? Think about it, and ask her. How long did you think this might last?

How will I feel about this when I’m 70?  I can’t imagine.  I’m wondering how I’ll feel about this in a few months.  Sometimes I don’t know how I’ll feel about it tomorrow.  The deeper we get into this the more permanent it seems and the more I start wondering if I’m going to regret it someday.

I don’t regret it now.  Right now my wife and I are having the time of our lives.  Our arrangement has brought us closer than we have been in years and our relationship is much stronger.  But I still have doubts sometimes as to whether I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.  When we first talked about this it was agreed that if there were any problems we’d stop and go back to “normal” and that we might grow out of it, or some our situation may change where this arrangement would no longer work for us.  The longer we do it, however, the more difficult I think it will be to stop.  My wife has surprised me with how Dominant she has become and how happy she is to be in this arrangement.  I honestly don’t know if she would be happy if tomorrow I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore.  I know she would agree and would want to look out for me, but would she be happy?  It’s a fair question.  To go from what we have now to what we had two years ago would I think be a very difficult step for my wife.

I don’t dwell on this question, but like I said, the longer this goes on, and the deeper we get into it, the more difficult it will be to end it.  And I am reminded of that when I see my wife get more comfortable and take more pleasure from our arrangement. 

There were multiple instances of this yesterday, and far fewer “please” and “thank you” as well.  When dinner was ready she dished the children’s food out while telling me, “serve me”.  She didn’t get up once during dinner.  Anytime anything was needed she had me get up.

While we were watching TV she put her feet out and said, “I want you to rub my feet”.  And not in a sweet way.  It was a very direct statement, a command.

She had told me about a new friend she made from the seminar she’s been attending all week.  They have hit it off great and her new friend, a female by the way, asked her out to lunch.  My wife said her friend was fascinated by my being an at home dad and had lots of questions about it.  By the questions she was asking my wife it sounds to me as if she were feeling out if I was a wimpy type of guy (I’m not), which made the woman more amazed that my ego could handle my wife being the bread winner.  She wanted to know how my wife got me to stay home and clean the house and do what a wife does.  My wife continued to brag about it as she loves to do.  She actually told me that she told her friend that “he knows I’m a powerful woman”.  WOW!  What’s funny is that this woman is married to a very successful lawyer who makes a large sum of money, far more then her, yet she said she would be happier losing his income to have what my wife and I have.

Now, if my wife gets off on bragging about how she wears the pants and I cater to her and vacuum and mop, etc., could she be as happy as she is now if I told her I didn’t want this anymore?  I don’t really want to find out, and hopefully I won’t have to.  I would think that our arrangement will continue to evolve and a few years down the road the it may not resemble our current arrangement at all.  Perhaps it will be more similar to where we were a few years ago.  It’s really impossible to know.

But, even with my occasional worries that I’m getting more than I bargained for, I think I’m doing what I really desire.  I think I’ve found evidence of this in an erotic story I wrote for my wife many years ago.  I can’t remember exactly when I wrote it, but I think it was shortly after we were married, as it takes place on a honeymoon, so it would be more than 8 years ago.  I had recently remembered this story and found it on an old cd-rom.  I tried to open it but I put a password on it and of course can’t remember the password.  Anyway, I then remembered I had a hard copy.  I found it in the first box I looked in, amazingly enough.  I reread my story and I have to say that it’s a little cliche, but pretty freaking HOT!  It’s a cuckold story.  It was a fantasy of mine that I captured on paper.  It involved bondage, cuckolding, forced bi, humiliation, D/s, light cbt.  When my wife read it years ago she thought it was sexy as hell.  I remember her asking which man I was.  I told her I was both, which was true to an extent, but I was really getting off on the D/s. 

I gave the story to her to read thinking she’d find it an enjoyable bit of erotica again.  Of course I didn’t take into consideration our new dynamic and the fact my wife often suspects a submissive subtext to things I say or do when there often isn’t any.

Last night I asked her if she’d gotten around to reading the story.  I was fishing for complements on my writing, to be honest.  She told me she had a very difficult time reading it because she kept thinking to herself, “Is this what my husband really wants”?  It made her very uncomfortable and she told me that.  I had a “smack yourself in the forehead” moment as I realised I should have given her more warning.  She didn’t remember the story until she had read it, and in the context of our arrangement she saw it as a description of what I want to happen. 

“Do you really want that”, she asked? 

I assured her that, no, I did not want to be cuckolded.  I told her I couldn’t handle it.  I did tell her that the fantasy was exciting, for reasons I don’t know, but there is no way in hell that I’d ever want to be tied up while my wife and a guy with a 10 inch cock humiliate me and force me to blow him and clean my wife up afterwards.  That would destroy me.  But I told her that I now see how I really was both characters, the big studly guy and the submissive husband.  I told her that when I wrote it it was only a fantasy.  It was just erotica.  But now I see that it was obviously more.  Could it be that my subconscious was expressing my submissive desires?  And as we talked about that I realised something else.  Even when I wrote it, 8-10 years ago or whenever, I was projecting a role of Dominance on my wife.  That was an eye opener for both of us.  I think it just affirmed that this isn’t a fad.  This is nature taking it’s course.

So, what will this be like when I’m 70?  I don’t know.  But whatever it is, I think my wife and I are better off for having started the journey.

Seminar

My wife has been attending a seminar this week for work.  Yesterday she forgot her work book for the seminar and called me to have me bring it to her.  When I got there I sent her a text message to let her know.  A couple of minutes later she came out of the building and came to get the book. 

She told me it had been a rough morning.  It had been all about introspection and she was emotionally drained.  She told me she was on the verge of tears.  Then she told me we were going to have to “talk” later.

I didn’t like the sound of that.

We said our goodbyes, she kissed the boys, and we left for home.

I was a little nervous about “the talk”.  In general I love our conversations.  Our communication lately has been wonderful.  But the tone she used had a negative feeling to it.  I assumed it meant the end of the WLM was near.  I was fine with it.  There is no way I would put this aspect of our relationship ahead of anything else.  Her well being, mentally, emotionally, physically, is what is important to me.  If she has realised this is not the way our lives should be I will not put up a fight.  I will embrace whatever direction she wants to go and do it with as much passion as I’ve put into this.

At dinner my wife started telling me about her day.  She started with the afternoon session which was all about delegating your time as a manager.  It was very interesting and I was able to relate to it and even to tell her how I actually had to use the same technique, on a different scale, at my part time job. 

She then talked about another more emotional aspect of the day.  I would call it karma, but basically it was about how in your relationships you make emotional deposits and withdrawals from the people you interact with by your actions and attitude.  I don’t know if I can explain it very well since I wasn’t the one attending, but I understood what she meant.  Anyway, she went on to tell me that she realised I was making all the deposits in our relationship. 

This is where I started to get a bit nervous.  I thought that maybe she was going to say that I needed to back off, or perhaps that she needed to start doing more around the house.  I was relieved when she went on to explain that she saw that I was putting so much work into making our relationship better and stronger and happier and that she wasn’t putting in nearly as much effort as she should.  She said I was always ready to talk about our relationship and make sure things were working well and looking out for her well being and that often she just wasn’t into talking about it.  She now realises that it’s not a problem that I want to talk about our relationship all the time.  It’s me putting effort into making sure everything is working as well as it could be, and that she needs to put more effort into thinking about it and talking about it and letting me know how she feels and what she thinks.

After the kids went to bed she sat in the kitchen as I cleaned up.  This was the difficult part for her, and it wasn’t directly about me or our arrangement.  I’m not sure I really want to get into it, as it was personal for her, but in the end she feels she needs to make a certain change that she feels will benefit the family in general and in many ways me.  I was supportive but uncharacteristically at a loss for words when I felt that I should have said more.  In the end everything was OK, though.

She went to bed early and I stayed up to do some work.  Hopefully today’s session won’t be as difficult for her and we can just kick back and relax a little later.  That would be nice.

Update on the device:

Ordered June 29.

Confirmed payment for priority mail June 30.

Request to be picked up for delivery July 3.

Picked up July 8.

How exactly a five day wait between request for pickup and actual pickup is considered priority mail is a mystery to me.  I can fault the company for waiting several days between order and them shipping it out, but what is the deal with putting in a request for delivery and it not being picked up for five days when it’s PRIORITY MAIL?!?!!?!

Holiday Weekend

Well, I guess everyone has been busy over the holiday weekend.  None of the blogs I follow regularly seem to have been updated in a while.  Oh, well.

I had a decent sized list of chores to take care of this weekend.  Some were jobs my wife gave me and others were things I just needed to get done. 

The Fourth of July wasn’t very exciting.  I had to work that night so I grilled up some burgers for lunch and that was our mini-celebration.  Usually I’m more excited about the fourth, but this year it just snuck up on me.  I didn’t even have a flag to fly (somebody ripped up my last one early in the spring).  

The fifth was a little more fun.  My wife was feeling very frisky and was trying to figure out how to keep the kids entertained for a while so that she could get some personal attention from me.  Unfortunately for us there was no lock on our bedroom door and the fear of getting caught won the day.  Until I suggested that she use her dildo and vibrator while I played with the kids.  She told me that was a great idea and off I went.  A while later she came out of the bedroom.  The kids went out to play and she told me she had a great time and that she’d forgotten how much she loved her dildo (it hasn’t been used in at least ten years).  She then told me that she’d left the dildo and vibe in my pillow for me to take care of.  “And I need you to replace the batteries in the vibrator and buy a doorknob that locks”.  Duly noted and added to list of things to buy at the hardware store Sunday.

There was a bit of excitement as I was about to leave for work.  My wife noted the mailman was down the street.  Ugh.  Anxiety.  He was moving so slowly and the time was ticking away and I really had to leave for work, but couldn’t.  Right as I decide I can’t wait any longer and head out to the garage my wife calls that the mail came.  There is disappointment in her voice.  No device.  Reprieve.

Sunday – lot’s of yard work and sweating and more work.  Nothing exciting.

Yesterday morning the anxiety creeped up again.  Surely it would arrive that afternoon.  It was ordered eight days before.  The previous Monday morning I had received my email confirmation of payment and delivery address.  The company ships everything priority mail, so two to three days shipping. 

My wife called at lunch time.  With barely contained excitement she asked, “did the mail come”?

“No”.

Disappointment.

Later that afternoon the mail did arrive and there was a small box by our door.  It was not the box she was eagerly anticipating.

So, at this point I felt compelled to send an email out asking if there is tracking information available.

I woke up this morning to find an email response with the tracking number and an appology for any delay due to the holiday.  OK.  I knew the holiday could interfere.  But that was one day.  They were asking me to expect and extra 2-3 day wait.  Fine.

I checked the delivery status of the package:

The U.S. Postal Service was electronically notified by the shipper on July 3, 2008 to expect your package for mailing. This does not indicate receipt by the USPS or the actual mailing date. Delivery status information will be provided if / when available. Information, if available, is updated every evening. Please check again later.

What?  I ordered it on the 29th of June, I get the confirmation on the 30th of June and then three days later they request a pickup?  And there is no indication it has actually left their building.  Of course these guys need to send things priority mail.  They need that just to get you your package within two weeks!

It’s funny that because of this whole shipping fiasco I’m actually not even concerned about what’s going to happen once the package gets here.  I’ll withhold a final critique of the company until I actually get the product and check it out.  I’ll see if it was worth the wait and then let everyone know what company it is.

Fits and Starts or OMG, OMG, OMG!!!

I have been trying to think of what to title tonight’s post before I even write it.  Not for any particular reason, but titles keep popping into my head and I realise I’ve already used them.  This is significant because I now realise last night was a very significant step we’ve taken into D/s, let alone WLM.  All of the titles I’ve used in the past for significant steps are now unworthy of those titles, because all of them fit last night.

OK, OK.  I don’t want to build it up too much, but it was a HUGE step into my wife’s Dominance and my submission.  And to me that’s funny, because although a WLM is clearly a D/s thing, it’s not like we are looking to get really into the D/s thing.  I mean, she told me early on not to say, “yes Ma’am”, and last night told me not to say, “yes, dear”.  She told me she didn’t know what the correct response is yet, and I think it’s because now “yes, dear” isn’t enough for her, while “yes, Ma’am” was at first too much.

Anyway, I’ll start at the beginning. 

In order to save money my wife has said she is going to try to take the bus to work more often.  Yeah, we’re trying to be “green”, but this isn’t about the environment, it’s about $$.  So, she drove a few miles to the YMCA (our gym) and took the bus from there.  The plan was to meet there after work for our workout and then go home.  The only difference between this and our usual routine is that normally she drives to work and drives to the gym to meet us.  She takes the bus for free so driving to the gym is saving $$ on gas.  Anyway, I get there before her as usual, drop the kids of in the child care area (which they love) and work out.  She shows up a bit later and tells me she’s forgotten her shoes.  She has decided to go home and do yoga.  I tell her that’s great and continue my workout.  At least that’s the situation in short.

About 45 minutes later I leave the gym with the kids and head home.  As we walk in the door my wife is only then just about to start yoga (I’ve recorded yoga sessions on our DVR for her).  After all the greetings I ask her, just out of curiosity, what she has been doing that whole time if not yoga.  I didn’t even really think about it.  I was just curious what she was up to if not yoga.  This is where the action really starts.  I can tell she’s a bit caught off guard.  I don’t know what’s up, but she can not pull of a lie.  She is one of the worst liars I’ve ever met.  What I mean is she has too many “tells”.  Not that it has to be bad or anything, but I can tell she isn’t being totally honest when she told me, “I was checking my email and stuff”.  No big deal.  I don’t know what else she did, but it was more than that.  I made some comment, I don’t recall now, questioning the amount of time maybe, and her response was along the lines of, “you shouldn’t be questioning me if we are ‘going to do this'”.  It was kind of a cop out for her, but I knew she meant it.

Later on, after the kids were in bed, I apologized for it.  She responded with something like, “what should be happening is that I should be asking you to account for every minute of your day”, and she meant it.  That kind of scared me, because as much as I desire to do things for her and clean and what not, I waste a lot of time.  Clearly now I don’t waste as much as I used to, but I still waste a lot of time.  I quickly backed off as to prevent her from thinking that would be a great think to start enforcing.

After that we started talking about the arrangement a bit.  I think it started by my commenting that she seems to be taking to being more Dominant in “leaps and bounds”.  She described it as “fits and starts”.  OK.  I get that.  I think that is more appropriate.  What I see as a “leap” is when we try something new, do that for a while and something else comes from it.  But it may be more accurate the way she sees it, or perhaps just a different way of thinking, that it kind of starts and stops instead.  So she makes a jump, is idle for a while and makes a jump.  OK.  That works.

So now we talk about some different aspects of the arrangement.  I may forget some details as we basically sat and talked for a couple of hours in a totally non-pressured, enjoyable way.  I had asked her early in the conversation if I could be allowed an orgasm that night.  She hemmed and hawed a bit before saying “maybe”, which to me sounded mostly like a “yes” at first.  A conditional yes, but a yes.  Anyway, at this later stage of the conversation I bring it up again and mention that I wanted to ask her the night before but she had been tired, and it seemed like we had talked about it at some point and I couldn’t remember if we had decided if I could or could not ask for an orgasm orgasm outside of sex.  She told me that, “if we are ‘doing this'” than I shouldn’t be allowed to ask.  It would only be up to her.  Once again she seemed to be putting a “Domme” foot down with the “if we are doing this” thing.

So, we continue to talk.  I start out by sitting on the coffee table across from her, well next to her feet that are resting on the table.  At some point I moved down to kneel in front of her while mentioning an upswing in feeling of submissiveness to her on my part. 

I ask her if she has thought about the details of my wearing a chastity device.  She told me she thought it would be best for me to wear it during the day when she wasn’t around, but expected I’d wear it all the time except for when she let me out.  So, pretty much whenever she wasn’t there, and often when she was.  I brought up showering as it’s made of leather.  I told her I could wait until she got home from work every night but Friday when I had to be prepared for work before then.  She told me she liked my being showered and clean before she got home.  So the options are sealing it, which I was probably going to do anyway, or just showering with it on as it’s fairly inexpensive.  For the price if it lasts a year with showering it was worth the price.  We both accept it’s a ‘starter’.

From there we talked about random things.  At some point she told me to rub her feet and I got the cream and sat in front of her on the floor and rubbed her feet as she played a game on her cellphone.  She almost completely ignored me except to tell me where to rub for extra attention.  Other than that her focus was on the word game she was playing.

Eventually, after the foot rub, I asked if she would like to read the letter I wrote her a couple of weeks ago together.  She then told me she had read it earlier in the night and felt good about it, but wanted to read it together (this was what she was trying to hide earlier, I’m guessing).  We read it together and she basically said “yes” to everything I wrote except about having orgasms inside her.  She told me she liked it as long as the wet spot was on my side of the bed.  OK.  I was wrong when I thought she felt this was a good idea and would rather have me masturbate to orgasm except on special occasions.  It just seemed that if she chose to do it the night she read the letter than maybe that’s how she felt.

After reading the letter together my wife wanted to go to bed… with me.  Now, she had just started her period and usually that means wait a few days for us.  So, I was a bit surprised when she offered sex.  Of course I didn’t refuse. 

As I got into bed with her she told me she wanted to have “regular, plain” sex.  OK.  I can do that.  At that point all I wanted in the whole world was to cum.  We’d been kind of kinky all night.  A bit of vanilla sex would be fine with me.

And so it was, for about five minutes.  Then my wife smacked my ass.

For once I’m not going to go into all the details.  I’m not sure I could.  Suffice to say that “regular, plain” sex ended up with my ass getting smacked, dirty Dominant talk from my wife, my going down on her, her having an orgasm with my tongue in her ass and a vibrator in her pussy and her telling me to get on my knees and masturbate to an orgasm which I was told to not “make a mess” with, so caught it in my hand and licked it up.

So, today I let her know that if that is her idea of “regular, plain” sex, I’m not sure I’m interested in what she would call “kinky”.  She told me that it just “built up”, but it did so fast and fierce.  By the end of the night she had gone from the wife who told me she could never spank me, to pretty much promising “real spankings” in the future.

I woke up this morning still in shock.  We hadn’t had this kinky of sex… well, maybe ever.  We were kinky in college, but I’m not sure we were that kinky all in one go.

I don’t know if I’ll have to amend this.  It’s still so much of a blur.  We talked about and did so much.  I’m completely blown away.  Hell, if we spend the next two weeks totally vanilla I’d probably have enough fodder to go on.  Luckily for me (I think) I won’t have to wait that long, I’m sure.

WOW!  She never ceases to amaze me!