More talking

Last night as I cleaned up the kitchen my wife sat at the table playing a game on her laptop.  I thought it would be a good time to expound a little on my previous attempt at talking about kicking our arrangement up a notch.  My first attempt was cut short with, “I’m happy with the way things are”.  So I tried again.  I told her it was difficult to put into words, because like much of this, I didn’t really understand it all myself.  She asked if it was hard because I was about to drop a bombshell on her and I assured her it wasn’t.  What I managed to say was that I didn’t want to add other things to our arrangement, but instead that we hadn’t fully explored our arrangement and that we could do more with it.  I told her that I would like to explore my boundaries and that I didn’t think I was very close.  I told her that I was beginning to think the reason I wasn’t getting into subspace (I said submissive buzz) was because of tolerance and that I wanted to be pushed a little harder to see if I could get there again, although I admitted to fully understanding there would eventually be a limit that she would likely reach before I did.

She told me that she didn’t feel like I’d been doing enough lately and admitted to being very irritated with me.  She thought the house wasn’t up to par and the kids room was a wreck.  Earlier in the night she’d pointed out that she couldn’t remember the last time the kids beds had been made, but she started keeping track a few days ago and was upset that she had to say anything.  A few days ago she asked me what initiative I’d taken around the house since she hadn’t sent me any specific assignment that day.  So I know this has been building up for several days.  I told her that I should have some sort of punishment.  I didn’t want to have to give her examples but I did say that I was sure she could come up with a lot of punishments for me without having to think very hard.  She replied that she would get over it and I told her that I knew she would, just like she always does, and that tomorrow she wouldn’t be upset and would be happy with me and the work I do, but that didn’t mean I shouldn’t be punished for upsetting her.  I asked her to punish me while she was angry, not to wait until later.  Of course I got no punishment.  Sigh.  I guess it’s just very difficult.

She did tell me that it still wasn’t easy for her to “do this”.  From the context of what we were saying I took it to mean that it doesn’t come naturally, not that she finds it distasteful or a chore.  Nevertheless I again assured her that were we to end the arrangement I’d maintain my role as house husband.  She responded, “Of course you will.  I work 50 hours a week and you work 10, so you would make up for it by taking care of the house”.  I have to say that hearing her say that made it pretty clear that we could remove the kink, but I don’t think there is any turning back from this wife led marriage.  I think she would still expect me to defer to her will from now on despite any other arrangement, because I always have, and now she nows it.

I have to admit that today I’ve felt pretty guilty about that conversation.  I do my best to make this all about her.  I know she caters to my kinks somewhat, but to ask her for more seems so greedy and unfair.  Clearly she is doing all she can or else she probably do more of her own initiative.  I really hope I didn’t make her feel inadequate in any way.  She seemed to understand the gist of what I was getting at, but I still feel bad about it.

Another thing we talked about was the device.  I let her know that I would be likely be able to go a full 24 hours in it very soon.  She asked me if it excited me and I told her that it honestly didn’t.  I confessed to her that the only exciting aspect of it was knowing that she would be wearing the key.  Other than that it wasn’t really a very pleasant experience and not being able to stroke myself at my leisure will be incredibly frustrating.  She seemed to enjoy that.

So, I guess overall I’m feeling a little guilty for wanting more, a little bit like a hypocrite, a little whiney, but surprisingly, a little more submissive.


One Response

  1. I can see a number of clear comparisions between your relationship with your wife and mine with Jane. Although we maybe at slightly different stages, and you communicate much more openly about your “arrangement” as you call it, it is clear that like Jane, your wife is happy to accomodate your desires only so far, and that whilst she is happy for you to be attentive and do much of the housework, there is something missing from making this a true WLM, well at least a WLM that I have in mind. In my own case, the missing part is simply that regular acknowledment, demonstrated by a lack of any natural desire from Jane to want to assert her dominace over me by imposing her will on me. This could manifest itself by either just being bossy or more demanding, or like you, I would be happier if Jane were to use small punishments or humiliations to make the point that not only was she in charge, but also that she was prepared to show it.

    From what you are saying, it sounds very much like your wife is no different to mine. She actually quite likes certain aspects of this new relationship, she likes the attention, she even probably likes being in charge, and has certainly got used to you doing many of the domestic chores, even expressing annoyance that you have not maintained standards. She may even be happy to express a certain amount of dominace in the bedroom, allowing you to buy a chasity device sounds like quite a big step to me, but like me you still crave more, that illusive feeling that she freely accpets and actively enjoys persuing a life where she is in charge and imposes her will on you using her sexuality and the treat or actual use of punishment, or denial as a way of ensuring your complete obedience .

    Are you sure that you have not let things slip in order to try and provoke a reaction? I have certainly done that in the past. All the good advice that exists out there about how to establish a WLM say that you cant pressure your wife into something and that it has to grow naturally.

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