Another whine, I’m afraid

Well, my wife getting so upset with me had one positive effect, I guess.  I feel like I’m back in the submissive mindset that I enjoy.  She ended up apologizing to me for being so upset.  Of course she didn’t need to, but I understand that it made her feel better about it.  She didn’t punish me in any way.  I guess she didn’t really need to.  I felt horrible about the whole thing.

Of course the mysterious clutch problem fixed itself again and we drove it to the auto shop to have it looked at.  We dropped it off after hours and my wife left a vague note about having them look at the clutch.  Well, they made assumptions and called me to tell me it needed an entire new clutch and told me the price.  They also told me we needed two new tires on the front as they were bald.  THOSE ARE NEW TIRES!  I told them not to do anything and that I would call back later when I was calm.

When I called them back I had done a bit of research on the clutch and figured out the likely cause of the problem.  I asked for the shop owner who I’ve spoken with before and seems to be an honest guy.  I asked if the person who had called me earlier had given me info on a different car because what he told me couldn’t be correct.  I was informed that, unfortunately, it was the right car.  He then went on to explain the problem in detail.  Now, he admitted that he wouldn’t know for sure until the clutch was taken apart, but from the sounds the clutch was making as well as the description of the problem, that was his best guess.  I then informed him that it was a new clutch and if it was as bad as he described why did it only do this on two occasions and work perfectly the rest of the time.  I told him (like I know what I’m talking about) that it seemed like a simple problem with the clutch’s hydraulics.  He responded that he didn’t know that was the problem, he thought the clutch was shot.  He told me he would go back and check everything again.  Today I got a call back that indeed it was a problem with the hydraulics and they would fix it. 

So, I got that taken care of and while her car was being worked on I got the oil changed in mine.  Good.  Car things taken care of by me.

I also got a lot done in preparation for my trip.  Yay me.

Meanwhile my wife was in a foul mood all day.  She has a cold.  She’s worried about money.  She is stressed about work.  The kids were rotten all afternoon while I was out running errands and she didn’t have a car to take them anywhere.  She was miserable and miserable to be around. 

So, here I am feeling submissive and whiny.  It seems like nothing I did could make her feel any better, and since she didn’t seem to get any satisfaction from everything I was doing, I didn’t either.  What good is service submission when it’s not appreciated?  Yes, it was expected of me.  Yes, she wants me to do these things.  Yes, she is in charge and looking after herself before worrying about me.  But it doesn’t work when the submission is ignored.  I wouldn’t mind going a month without an orgasm if she was aware that she is making me wait.  She is oblivious to it.  It’s not orgasm control/denial when there is no thought put into it.  To take a page from her book, if we are doing this, than this is just neglect.  It’s one thing to say, “No orgasm for you, you will have to wait until I am ready”.  It’s entirely another thing to not realise the passing of time at all and to not make even the slightest effort to acknowledge this aspect of our arrangement for as long as she has. 

Since I’m complaining I should also add that I wore the device for nearly 48 hours straight before taking it off to sleep before having to go in for a Dr.’s appointment very early the next morning.  I rubbed myself in relief as my wife and I lay down in bed.  My wife asked if I was sore and I responded that I wasn’t.  I told her that it just felt good to have it off after nearly 48 hours straight.  “That’s a bit extreme”, she replied.

A bit extreme?

Why did I have it on at all?  I thought she was behind it?  She told me she was looking forward to locking it on.  Did she plan on taking it off of me when she got home from work every night?  I guess I’d be fine with that, but she never mentioned that before.

Sigh.  I’m so confused.

I guess I should stop complaining.  I should just be happy that she wants me to do things for her and that she is selfish about things.  I should just be happy that she only thinks about sex when she wants, and if that leaves me without an orgasm for a month because her libido is low, then that’s what I get for wanting this arrangement.

At least I’m feeling submissive again.