As we evolve

I think it’s safe to say that the increased dominance my wife has shown lately is now the norm.  Although she hasn’t stepped it up any, she does seem to be finding some new ways to express her Dominant role, as well as increasing her dominant attitude in the things she already does.

One of the most surprising things she did this weekend is something that I’ve been fantasizing about since day one, although I’ve never really pushed the issue.  Saturday afternoon I had just walked out of the shower and as I finished drying myself off my wife walked into the bathroom.  I was just wrapping the towel around my waist as she approached me from behind (I was watching her in the mirror in front of me) she pulled my hands back so I was holding the towel open.  She then reached down and grasped my cock.  She alternated between squeezing my cock and balls until I was rock hard.  The whole time my eyes were closed as I concentrated on not falling to my knees.  Before letting go she gave a firm squeeze to the base of my cock and my balls, not quite painful, but VERY firm, and she told me, “this is mine”.  She then let go and walked away while my cock throbbed.  I wanted to fall to my knees, I wanted to masturbate, I wanted to thank her… all of these thoughts rushed through my head.  Instead I hung the towel up and brushed my teeth.  Looking up into the mirror a few moments later I saw my wife walk past and check me out again, noticing my continued erection a good five minutes after she had left me.  As I got dressed I was leaking pre-cum and feeling the oncoming pain of blue balls.  I buckled on the leather cock ring that keeps my device on.  I didn’t want to wear the bulky gates of hell to work, but it’s nice to still feel something down there to remind me of my position.  My wife commented that she was glad I was wearing it to work, but would be happier when I got a metal cock ring that I could wear.

I was so happy that she teased me in this way.  Before I left for work I could see the sense of power she was feeling over me.  It seems to me that she is starting to really understand and appreciate the ways in which she can manipulate me.  I can see her embracing the feelings of power, confidence and control with every act of dominace on me.  This, of course, makes me feel all the more submissive to her.

Yesterday I could barely keep my hands off of her.  She continued to tease me as well, grabbing at my crotch several times during the day.  Once it felt as if she was actually checking to see if I was wearing my device or not, which she currently leaves to my discretion apparently, well, at least most of the time. 

She and the boys were out for a large portion of the morning and afternoon.  My wife left me with a single, specific chore on top of my regular chores and the general command to “do all I could around the house” while she was out.  I already had quite a bit to do, so I was glad she wasn’t more specific.  It turns out that I couldn’t really do anything extra (maybe a couple of small things I didn’t even think about).  Anyway, I started dinner just after noon as I was slow cooking a nice piece of meat on our grill that would take about five or six hours to cook.  As actual dinner time rolled near I started on the side dishes.  My wife asked how she could help.  At first I told her I was OK, but soon realised that if I did it all myself dinner would take longer than needed to get on the table and we were all hungry.  So I gave my wife a job on a side dish.  She then started teasing me about how she would do the work “this time” and it was OK because she was the boss of everything else, things like that.  She kept this up the whole time in a very sexy teasing way.  Finally, still teasing, she said, “I should stop teasing you like this, it isn’t very nice”.  I don’t remember what I said as I got a little sub-spacey when she said that, but I generally thanked her for doing it or told her I liked it or something.  She gave a little laugh at me and soon dinner was ready.

There was a lot to clean up after dinner.  My wife played a game on her ipod the whole time.  It may have just been me, but it seemed more blatant than usual as she will usually go to the office to use the computer.  Instead she sat on the couch a few feet away from me as I cleaned and ignored me. 

When I was finally done I sat down next to her on the couch.  She turned and put a foot in my lap and tossed a tube of lotion at me.  She didn’t say a word.  Instead she continued to play a game (this time on her cell phone).  When I was done she expressed that I had done well, but did not thank me.  Instead she told me to get her a drink.  She smirked at the tent in my shorts as I walked past to get our drinks.

A little later, earlier than her regular bedtime, she got up to use the bathroom.  I took the opportunity to start my Sunday night duties which include emptying all the trash cans.  I took a large plastic grocery store bag and went room to room emptying all the small cans.  As I reached our bedroom she walked past me out of the bathroom and got into bed.  It was early for her, but I assumed she was very tired and nice and relaxed after her foot rub.  I was horny as hell but I tried to stay as neutral as possible as I approached her and asked if there was anything I could do for her.  She told me to come back and ask again in a few minutes.  I resumed my job then sat down in the family room for a few minutes. 

I returned to her room and asked again if there was anything I could do for her.  She didn’t answer immediately and I thought she may have fallen asleep.  I kissed her lips to wish her good night and was surprised at the passionate kiss I received back.  We kissed a few more times before my wife pulled back the covers, saying nothing.  I stripped down to my boxer briefs and got into position, my had between her legs.  After a few minutes she told me to “show me my cock”.  She hadn’t done that in a while but this time it came across much more natural than when we first started in our arrangement.  I took off my briefs and knelt by her pillow.  She grabbed it firmly and used her thumb to lightly rub the underside of the head of my penis.  It was a sensation I don’t think I ever felt before.  Her light touch sent shock waves through my whole body.  I was fairly certain I could orgasm from that slight rub in a very short time if allowed.  I wasn’t.  Again she grabbed me by the balls and squeezed, harder than she had the previous day.  This time it was borderline painful, but just served to excite me more.  She told me to enter her and used my cock for her pleasure.  She seemed to have several orgasms the last being the largest, although it could have been one long build up, hard to say.  All I know is at the end I was humping for all I was worth and hoping beyond hope that I would be allowed to cum.  Perhaps she’d forget to tell me not to… Perhaps she’d allow me to just because she wanted to… But we were on her side of the bed, the surest sign I wouldn’t be allowed to cum, and when she finally tapped me on the side of my ass I knew my time was over.  As I rolled off to my side of the bed I asked permission to masturbate.  She granted me permission with the warning that if I shook the bed I’d have to kneel on the floor.  After a minute or so she gave me one more warning as I’d started to rock the bed.  After another few minutes she told me I’d had enough for the night.

Here is where these new feelings again come into play.  A few months ago I would have felt like the biggest stud in the world as I had just given my wife as many orgasms as she desired and could still go on as I hadn’t yet orgasmed myself.  Now, though, it leaves me feeling beaten down, put in my place, controlled.  I won’t say that I dislike it, because I do.  But it’s very strange to eventually take pleasure from something that at the moment it is occuring is extremely unpleasant.  I’ve already witnessed that as my wife increases her dominance I increase my submission, but I’m only now understanding it, I think.  I just realised that I’m more surprised at my increased submission than I am with my wife’s increased dominance.  As more of my fantasies are becomming reality I’m finding the feelings aren’t what I expected, but leave me wanting more. 

I’m left wondering how far I can descend.

All in my head

I realised last night how much of the D/s part of our arrangement is in my head.  I don’t mean I’m imagining it or seeing something as D/s that isn’t.  Instead it’s more of a result of other actions causes me to react or think a certain way that I wouldn’t otherwise.  This may be hard to explain.

Yesterday I started wavering on the denial issue again.  It had been 18 days since my last orgasm and I was actually starting to think about how nice it would be to go the rest of the month without an orgasm.  It would only be one more week, no big deal.  Meanwhile another voice inside my head started screaming at me to stop being stupid and just take it as it comes.  There was a definite battle going on between the part of me that would love to go back to multiple orgasms a week and the guy that thinks the achievement of only one orgasm a month is so cool that how could I not want to do that. 

Somehow this battle going on in my mind was giving me erection after erection all day long which resulted in one of the worst cases of blue balls that I can remember.  There were times when my wife asked me if I was OK because of some look on my face.  I told her I was fine, but in reality I felt like I’d been kicked square in the groin.  Luckily, as the day wore on and I was able to be more distracted, I stopped thinking about orgasm control all together and my blue balls settled into a dull throb.  My wife and I enjoyed dinner, did the usual things, putting the kids to bed, my cleaning, etc. and ended up in front of the TV to relax before bed.  In general it was a fairly tame night, not too much service was needed of me, but enough to keep me satisfied, and I thanked her for that (or did I… I know I meant to…).  We watched the season premiere of one of her favorite shows and talked a bit.  The show had been recorded so we were able to skip the commercials and watch it in a short amount of time.  When it was over she got up and walked out of the room without saying anything.  A few moments later she walked through the family room again and on her way out she made a small gesture towards the door.  I got the hint, and an instant erection.  She headed off to bed as I put a drink I’d just opened back in the fridge. 

Again my mind started it’s inner debate about the desperate desire for an orgasm and the masochistic desire for denial.  I tried to clear my head.  I did not want to influence my wife in any way and frankly was just tired of thinking about this stuff.  Actually, I think a third part of my brain, an arbitrator, stepped in and told denial that he had gotten his way too many times in the past and it was desperation’s turn to get what he wanted, but I may have just imagined that part…

When I got to the bedroom the lights were out and my wife was laying in bed.  I quickly undressed and as I got into bed actually had the thought, “what if she just wanted me to snug her in and is going to laugh at me for assuming she wanted sex”?  That actually turned me on a bit.  I’m finding I really enjoy small amounts of humiliation.  I didn’t have to worry, though.  My wife did intend for me to join her in bed.  We actually cuddled for a while first, which again gave me pause.  I started thinking that perhaps she just wanted me to hold her while she fell asleep and had no intention of making love at all.  That got some cheers from Mr. Denial who had been pushed to the back of my mind.  This made me more excited which made Mr. Desperation want to punch Mr. Denial in the face.

After cuddling for a few minutes my wife made a move inviting me to get on top of her.  She indicated that we were going to make love but she was tired and only wanted a “quickie”.  I was more than happy to participate in that and attempted to enter her.  She stopped me, told me to slow down, and told me to go down.  As I went down on her I thought about asking her if she wanted her toys.  I thought better of it, though, as it seemed she wanted some regular old vanilla sex.  I was fine with that. 

When she was ready I entered her and started moving slowly.  She then told me to hold still and I did.  For the next few minutes I could feel her “gripping” me over and over.  I think she was using me for some kegel exercises.  It was enjoyable either way.  Anyway, after a few minutes she told me to start moving again.  I did and after a few more minutes started getting close to an orgasm.  I started to feel conflicted as I looked at my wife and she seemed so passive.  It wasn’t that she didn’t seem to be enjoying herself, though.  It appeared that she was doing it for me.  I didn’t try to over-analyse, though.  I’m confident that at this point in our arrangement if she wanted to do this for me it wasn’t because she felt pressured, but because it was a gift she wanted to give me.  That realisation nearly put me over the edge.  I told her I was going to cum soon and she said, “good” and a moment later clarified, stating, “I want you to cum”.  A few more strokes and sweet, sweet release.  It felt so good that even Mr. Denial was glad. 

As I rolled to the side two new players started in on the debates, Mr. I Don’t Want To Go Down On Her Tonight vs. Mr. Humiliation.  My wife lay with her legs spread.  I had not satisfied her.  One of her legs was draped over my legs as if to emphasise this.  But she wasn’t angry or upset.  I think she was glad she was able to make me cum in just a few minutes and was ready to move on to her own orgasm.  As I thought about this, and the debaters raged on in my mind, my wife said, “get my toy”.  I reached in the side drawer and pulled out her toys.  “Just the vibrator”.  I pulled the vibrator out of her toy bag.  With her leg still on top of my legs, pinning me in place, she used her vibrator on herself.  She moaned softly, something she didn’t do while I was making love to her.  She writhed around, something she did not do while I was making love to her.  In my head Mr. I Don’t Want stopped worrying and Mr. Humiliation was satisfied.  I watched my wife please herself as I had been unable to do.  I wasn’t really worried, though.  I felt that my wife’s goal was to get me off, not herself.  Once she had satisfied me she then centered on herself.  I was fine with that.  But at the same time I could enjoy the humiliation of my wife making herself cum while pinned under her leg. 

When she was done she took the vibe and dropped it on my chest as she rolled over to go to sleep.  The vibe was covered in our cum and sat sticky on my chest.  “Clean that”, she told me, “and bring me some water”.  I got dressed and did as I was told.

After it was all over I realised that something so simple, a “quickie”, was such an emotional roller coaster.  It was something that had really lasted all day long.  It was something that wasn’t said or done to me.  It was all in my mind.  And I loved every minute of it.

Back again

As usual I was allowed to sleep in Saturday morning.  I awoke to an nice, quiet, empty house.  As I made the bed I found my wife’s toys under my pillow.  She places them there when she uses them alone so I will know to clean them for her and put them back in their place so she always knows where to find them.  I was so tired the night before I hadn’t even noticed them as I went to sleep.  I cleaned them and put them away.  I then cleaned up the kitchen from my wife’s and kid’s breakfast.

When the family returned home my wife and I talked a bit.  I asked her how she liked her new vibe.  She told me that even though it was the same size as her old one it was much stronger vibrations.  She said it was great, but would take a little getting used to.

When I got home from work that night I again found her toys under my pillow.  I cleaned them before going to sleep. 

I woke up Sunday again to a nice, quiet, empty house and packed for my overnight business trip.  It was about a four hour drive to a city I realised I hadn’t been to in many years and I was looking forward to the drive and the nice hotel room my wife was able to book for less than half the normal price.  When my family got home we decided to go to brunch together before I left.  My wife asked if I had packed everything and I went through my list and told her that I thought I had it all covered.  She looked at me and said, “I think you should bring your ‘device’ as well”, in a fairly stern voice.  I was a bit taken aback and didn’t know what to say so I simply said, “yes, my love”.

When I was settled in the hotel I put the device on and called to let my wife know.  I was a bit nervous as I would be meeting up with somebody to talk about business later that night and I knew I’d be meeting some new people as well.  I asked if she wanted me to wear it the whole time, or just after I got back to the room.  She thought about it a minute and I was relieved when she told me I only had to wear it in the room.  I took it off and headed out.  When I returned that night I put it back on and wore it until morning.  I considered wearing it home, but four hours in a car seemed a little chancey since I’m still don’t have a lot of experience with it.

When I got home yesterday afternoon my wife was working from home and our youngest was playing.  We hugged and kissed and they welcomed me home.  We chatted for a bit before I begged off for a nap.  Although I felt fine earlier, now that I was home I felt drained from the whole trip.  As soon as my head hit the pillow I felt it.  Her toys.  They were waiting for me.  While I was “locked” up safe and sound in my hotel room she was playing and playing.  I fell asleep with an erection and dreamed that my wife had me locked in my chastity device while I served her and her friends.  Thus, I awoke with an erection.  I also awoke to an empty house as my wife had just left to pick our son up from school.  I took the opportunity to clean her toys and started cleaning up the mess from Sunday night and Monday morning, but not until after putting the device back on.

We had an low stress dinner of pasta and some nice, inexpensive wine and we chatted.  Later, while she played around on her laptop in the dining room, I cleaned up dinner, finished a general cleaning of the messy counters (so much mess in less than 24 hours of being gone!) and got things ready for the morning.  From the dining room I heard “bring me a beer”.  It was so nice to hear.  Not a polite request, but an order.  It was very sweet of her.  I brought her a beer and told her how much I missed serving her.  She said, “I know”.  She then told me she missed my service and was a bit put off by the idea of having to do things for herself, like getting up to get things and making coffee, and cleaning up after dinner.  It was really thrilling to hear.  How wonderful for her to have reached a point of pampering that even one night without it leaves her pouty. 

When I was done she stopped playing on the computer and joined me in the family room for some chatting and TV.  We folded laundry and I was often up and about getting and or doing things for her.  I think one of her favorite things about watching TV with me is using me as the remote control.  The volume controls on our remote no longer work (thanks kids) so throughtout the night I’ll hear “turn it up a bit” or “it’s too loud”.

Too soon it was time for her to go to bed.  I went into our bedroom to tuck her in and see if there was anything she needed.  She pulled back the covers and told me to hurry up and get naked.  I stripped as quickly as I could and took off the device.  As I undressed I heard the vibrator start.  I turned to see her on her face down and her bottom slightly raised.  I was quickly in subspace as I felt put in my place.  I started slowly, kissing all around.  With her urging and encouraging I was soon enough making love to her bottom with my mouth.  Eventually she rolled over and had me go down on her again.  She writhed beneath me and rolled side to side, all while locking my head in place with her legs.  She told me how fast, how hard, how soft until she told me to take a break.  She had me get her dildo nice and wet for her and let me use it on her for a bit before taking over herself and using the dildo and vibrator together.  I was allowed to masturbate on the floor, but not allowed to cum (of course).  The next half hour or so was a blur of different variations of the same and a few moments of actual intercourse.  There was actually a lot of talking during the sex.  Far more than usual, that’s for sure.  Often I couldn’t really hear what my wife was saying.  It wasn’t just directions or commands.  And often seemed to be more than just dirty talk.  I found myself talking more as well.  Very strange.  I don’t know if my wife heard me, and I’m not sure if I even want her to, but when she let me make love to her after she’d been using the dildo for so long she really felt stretched out and I made some comment about it.  It was really hard to tell if she heard me and like I said, I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing.  But I said it.  At some point I was also pretty much begging for an orgasm.  I have to say I felt slightly out of my head.  I was very much in subspace and perhaps a little tipsy, so I’m sure that came in to play.  But I remember feeling like I was almost close to tears and feeling very desperate.  I remember saying something along the lines of, “it’s not like before, please don’t make me wait”.  I wouldn’t say that she “enjoyed” hearing it.  She didn’t seem to be upset by it, at least.  But she didn’t allow me an orgasm, and since she wasn’t angry I guess it would be safe to assume she got off on it a little. 

After more than an hour, and I don’t know how many orgasms for her, she dismissed me and set me to my Monday night mopping duty.  While I mopped I thought about orgasm denial.  I think I’ve been transformed, a bit.  It used to be what I wanted and I got off on going long periods of time without cumming.  That was a great feeling and made me feel very submissive.  But now it’s changed.  Now I don’t want to go long periods of time without cumming.  But I find that it actually makes me get even more subspacey than before.  Because now my wife REALLY is in control.  I’m not manipulating anything.  It’s all her.  My balls are aching and all I want to do is be allowed a nice orgasm.  But I will wait for her to allow it.  God.  I’m getting all subspacey just thinking about it, and again feeling very emotional.  Part of it may be that she’s had orgasms everyt night for the last four nights.  All together probably more than I’ve had all this year.

I’m really blessed to have such an amazing wife!

Order is restored

Well, he’s finally gone.  He was supposed to leave yesterday… again.  We said our goodbyes and watched him go.  My wife and I celebrated by getting pizza and sending the kids to the family room for a “picnic” while we drank wine and ate pizza and talked.  We were feeling good and looking forward to our night together (after she got back from her first PTA meeting, anyway). 

After she left I put the children to bed, cleaned the kitchen and began folding laundry.  After about an hour my phone rang.  I was expecting my wife.  It wasn’t her.  I didn’t recognize the incoming number.  Now, on my home phone I wouldn’t have bothered answering it, but I’ve used my cell # as my business number for my new business and have received several calls from people that were business related.  So, instead of letting it go to voice mail I answered.  It was him again.  He hadn’t left to go home at all.  He met up with some friends he had gone to college with and assumed he could spend the night at their place.  He had assumed wrong.  He asked if he could stay for one more night.  He said he had called my wife but she hadn’t answered so he called me.  I was in a tight spot.  I wasn’t sure I could say ‘no’.  Perhaps that’s why my wife didn’t answer the phone, though.  Without too much thought I told him he could.

So, our vision of a nice romantic evening was crushed.  Hell, it probably wasn’t going to be very romantic, really.  Our evening of planned super hot sex was ruined.  That seems more appropriate.

To top it off I have to work tonight and tomorrow night and I’ll be out of town on Sunday night so at best it will be Monday night that I have a chance to be intimate with her again.  Not that I’m counting, but that will make it 15 days between orgasms.  I really need to stop counting.  I only get my hopes up.  Actually, I suppose there is a small chance I could get out of work a little early and get home in time for a little fun, but I wouldn’t count on that.

Sorry there is nothing exciting to relate.  I just wanted to give an update so everyone will no that I’m not likely to post again before Tuesday… unless something comes up, that is…  Wish me luck!

The uninvited house guest.

I haven’t really had time to post lately as we’ve had a visitor staying with us, my wife’s cousin who visited at Easter.  It was short notice and we thought he was leaving two days ago.  I think it’s safe to say he has overstayed his welcome.

Not only has he overstayed his welcome because he is generally obnoxious seems to expect to be waited on, or his lack of politeness, or even the fact he hasn’t asked for permission to stay longer or thanked us for putting him up on short notice.  These are all reasons why I’m ready to have him leave.  My wife has also stated her agreement with this.  But I see something else in my wife’s eyes.  I see her annoyance at having to censor herself and at having her sex life curtailed.

Although I can tell she’s censoring herself, she has actually also been far more open in her dominance, which is very interesting.  Sunday night we were getting ready for dinner and the arrival of another guest we’d invited over for dinner.  My wife said that “we” should clean something.  With her cousin in the same room she stopped, turned to me and said, “and when I say ‘we’, I mean you”.  She wasn’t trying to embaress me, I just don’t think she could help herself.  That night, after dinner, we sat and talked.  Well, house guest was in the other room watching football and drinking my beer while my wife and I and our dinner guest caught up with each other.  Here my wife was fairly openly dominant, telling me to refill drinks, etc.  It wasn’t really in an overbearing manner, but still, it must have been obvious to our friend.  Maybe not.  I’ve gotten the impression over the years from some of our closest female friends that they think my wife won the husband lottery.  Maybe they even expect these kinds of actions at this point. 

I’ve cotinued to be the good househusband throughout this prolonged visit.  I’ve cleaned up after every meal, kept the kitchen tidy, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, washed the pots and pans, swept, prepped coffee for my wife every night so it’s ready and waiting for her in the morning, etc.  I have been given a reprieve from some of my bigger jobs, like cleaning the shower and mopping the floor while he is here.

The new bullet vibe arrived Friday.  I can tell my wife is incredibly frustrated that she hasn’t been able to try it out yet.  Clearly she’s just uncomfortable to have any kind of sex with her cousin in our house.  I can see how sexually frustrated she is every night.  Of course, I am too, but I’m usually frustrated.  But now I’m frustrated for her as well.

I think the fact that she has been so open with giving me commands, while at the same time clearly holding back is just more proof that she is so much more comfortable in her leading role right now.  It is really pretty amazing, and I’m looking forward to our first night together after our guest leaves, which I hope is soon.

Milestones

It’s so satisfying to watch my wife become more comfortable with herself in our arrangement.  We’ve both clearly had some set backs, perhaps even doubts about our arrangement.  But we’ve both been able to move past those and grow.  Right now I’d say my wife is blooming.  All the little acts of Dominance seem so natural and comfortable to her.  An act as simple as her taking a drink from her glass at dinner and then putting it down so it is next to me instead of her.  It’s so obviously an unspoken order to refill her drink, and it’s done without a gesture or even a look.  It’s simple and matter of fact.

When we started out I often wondered whether my wife intentions were “Dominant” or if I was just perceiving her actions and intentions as “Dominant”.  I often wrote about it, trying to figure out if an action was done with the intention of being dominant or if I was just imagining it.  Last night I realised that we had definitely passed the point of doubting.  Even if the dominant act wasn’t intentional it is now appreciated by both of us and just accepted.

I realised this when I got up from the couch to get my wife a drink and returned to find her feet stretched out where I was sitting.  So I put her drink down and knelt on the floor.  She didn’t move her feet and she didn’t take her eyes away from the TV.  Did she intend to create an act of dominance?  Probably not.  She probably just wanted to stretch her legs.  Would she have moved her feet if I had made a motion to sit down?  I don’t know.  Maybe by that point she had decided it was an act of dominance.  My point is that a year ago I probably would have blogged about that moment arguing back and forth about whether that was a real act or a perceived act.  Was it really an intended act of dominance?  At this point it doesn’t matter because what ever the intention the end result was an act of dominance that we both could enjoy, and clearly we did because she got to keep her legs stretched out and I got to kneel.  As my wife likes to define our arrangement it was win/win. 

As my wife laid down in bed she seemed to have a moment of reflection before stating, “You need to rub my back”.  She rolled over to her stomach and I lifted her night shirt up to her shoulders and started to rub.  She snapped at me to “use lotion” and “hurry up”!  I did and I rubbed her back until she was satisfied.

As I finished I had the feeling that I was about to be invited to leave while she played.  I took a bit of a chance and asked if I could get her “warmed up”.  I was tempted to push my luck and refer to the dildo as her “boyfriend” but thought better of that.  Either way, I guessed right.  She was planning on playing with her dildo and she allowed me to go down on her and get her ready.  Then she got really kinky and had me get the dildo ready (although she didn’t make a big deal about it).  Then she kicked me out of bed and told me to kneel on the floor next to the bed.  She allowed me to play with myself a bit as she started her first of many orgasms.  After a while, I don’t know how long but I had edged myself enough times that I had to stop masturbating entirely, she told me to tongue her clit while she fucked the dildo.  She told me I was lucky that the vibrator hasn’t arrived yet.  I guess if she had that I wouldn’t have been allowed to get involved.

  After cumming from that she took the dildo out and wrapped her legs around my head.  It was pretty aggressive.  She’s tightened her legs around my head during orgasms, but she’s never “locked” me in like that.  Then again, at that point she seemed to be having continuous orgasms.  She finished off by again going solo with her dildo again while I slowly masturbated next to her on the bed.  When she had recovered enough to talk she asked me what I was doing.  I stopped masturbating and appologized.  “You must always ask permission before masturbating”, I was scolded.

This morning, after getting up, I mumbled something to one of my children.  “Having trouble talking”, asked my wife?  I assumed she was talking about my grogginess.  She followed me out of the room and into our bedroom.  “I was talking about your tongue.  Is it sore”?  I told her that indeed it was, and realised that was why I was having trouble talking.  “Good, I like it that way”.

As much as I like all the kink and D/s and what not, today I’m reminded of what started all of this.  I had realised that my wife just wasn’t enjoying sex, and I decided to change things so that the sex would be all about her.  She had stopped masturbating years ago, was convinced that she was lucky to have a single orgasm, let alone multiple, she didn’t seem to even think about sex more than once a week, usually just because it was Sunday, the day we had sex.  She just seemed resigned to the fact that her best sex was behind her, never to be had again.  In the last five days she’s had sex with me, masturbated with her toys multiple times, and got to enjoy her toys and my tongue at the same time.  She’s had countless orgasms as well.  I’m so happy.  If you took away every other aspect of our arrangement at this point I’m so happy that she is really enjoying sex again, especially solo.  Yay!

Her reaction to my jealousy of the inanimate object

Last night my wife and I had to fill out some very boring forms online.  At one point she got up and left the room and I of course opened another window on the computer and googled “bullet vibe”.  I wasn’t trying to be sneaky or anything, I was just curious about prices as I’d nearly purchased one earlier in the day from JT’s Stockroom.  When she returned to the room I closed out the window and we went back to what we were doing.  I’d piqued her interest, though.

When we were done she decided to do some “window shopping”.  I told her about my near purchase earlier in the day but had second thoughts because of the price of shipping and whether or not I should check locally first.  Since I’d done the shopping at the Stockroom I’d figure we’d start there.  To be honest, we finished there as well.  I think she was a bit overloaded by the choices.  There were several times where she gushed over some huge dildo and made me feel a bit inadequate and jealous.  In the end she decided against “upgrading” or buying a new dildo and told me to go ahead with the purchase I had selected earlier in the day.

As she was leaving the room I asked her what size dildo she would want if I were to buy one for her in the future.  I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment, but I asked anyway.

“Oh, BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!”, was her response. 

I asked her to be more specific, dreading her potential response.  I was afraid she was going to say, “If it’s not 10 inches then what’s the point”, but she didn’t.  Instead she said, “I don’t know… BIG!  Your size or the size of the dildo I have now, how big is that?  Nothing smaller.”

Somehow that was both reassuring and humbling at the same time.  I remember when she first got the dildo she has now.  We’d been dating a few months and she ended up hosting one of those “sex toy sales party” deals for a friend of hers.  She’d felt obligated to buy something so she bought the “Big and Thick” dildo and a mini-cat-o-nine tails.  Back then I felt like a huge stud because she told me the reason why she bought the “Big and Thick” was because it was the closest in resemblance to me.  When I saw it I had to agree (although it’s mostly a symmetrical circle as where I’m basically flat on top and bottom and just wide, but that’s TMI, huh).  Anyway, my point is that I felt like a big stud because my cock measured up to a dildo labeled “Big and Thick”.  Maybe I still should.  But I don’t.  I saw the look in her eye when she looked at the 8″ and bigger dildo’s.  It’s the same look she had when she first told me about having sex with her friend in college who had 10″.  No, she didn’t date him.  Like all her other friends she just wanted to be fucked by a 10″ cock.

I had a point to this post when started, but I have to say I’ve lost it.  Screw it, I’ll just see where this takes me.

Anyway, I was still feeling incredibly submissive because of the “jealousy” thing from her using her dildo to get off while I was sleeping.  As we sat watching TV together I told her about it.  She seemed to be a little excited by this and asked if I felt a little humiliated as well.  I told her I did.  She also corrected me.  She didn’t ONLY use it in the morning.  That night she had allowed me to masturbate in another room for five minutes before I had to mop the kitchen floor.  It turns out that while I was doing that she was again using the dildo on herself.  The idea of limiting me to five minutes of masturbation without orgasm while she got fucked by a dildo turned her on immensely.  It also became apparent that she enjoyed the effect it was having on me (jealousy/humiliation). 

It really seems as if the more submissive I am the more dominant she will be, which makes me feel more submissive, which makes her act more dominant, etc…  The more we talked the more she ordered me around.  Eventually I asked for permission to kneel and she gave it.  After kneeling for a while she presented me with her feet for a short foot rub.  Eventually it was time for bed, though.

I, of course, was horny as hell and again asked for permission to masturbate.  She asked me how my five minutes were the night before.  I told her it was just enough time to edge myself once and start over again.  Her reply was, “tonight you only get four minutes, then”.

It is really amazing to me how she has been able to keep my submissive buzz going for several days.  A week ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel this way again.  I’m such a lucky person to have this amazing wife!