Patterns (or I feel like I am repeating myself because I am repeating myself)

I was just reading over some old posts when I realised something about myself and the arrangement.  As I mentioned in my last post I think I’ve come to terms with it not being all about the sex while often feeling like it’s all about the sex.  But looking back over old posts I’ve realised that the sex is kind of an affirmation of our arrangement.  There have been plenty of times where we’ve run into problems or I’ve questioned whether we were really “doing this” or if it was all a game.  These doubts can last for days at a time.  Then we have sex, and my wife tells me I’m not allowed to cum or allows me to masturbate for just a minute or two while kneeling on the floor.  After that all my doubts, worries, fears are gone… at least for a while.

I can see the same pattern over time while reading through this blog.  My wife worries about her libido or oral sex or something else or I worry that she’s not really into it or that I’m not really into it and I write about it.  Often my next post will be about super hot sex and my wife feeling/acting more dominant and me feeling more submissive and I’ll end the post by stating how lucky I am to have such an amazing wife.

The sex is an affirmation that everything else we are doing is ‘real’.  I don’t know why, but it is.

So, the last few days I’ve been worried about my wife a little.  Not because she wasn’t feeling horny at night, but because she seemed to be worried about it and probably worried about how I felt about it.  Since we had the same conversation six months ago I’m guessing it’s a hormonal cycle or something like that.  I was fairly certain it would pass, but I was worried that it would be difficult emotionally for my wife.

Knowing this I felt like a jerk when she got home from work last night and asked me how I was and I replied, “Horny”.  I was being honest, but regretted it because I didn’t want her to feel pressured, especially since she just pointed out how her libido was out of synch with my availability.  She didn’t seem upset as she replied, “duh, of course you are”.

I wasn’t expecting anything when she went to bed last night, and I was a bit surprised when she asked me if I wanted to fool around.  First I kind of stammered, “sure, if you do”, but quickly changed that to, “yes, please”!  I got undressed in got into bed.  We snuggled and kissed a little for a few minutes but I got the feeling my wife wasn’t really into it.  Part of me wanted to ask her if I should stop and leave, but I decided I should trust that she wouldn’t do anything she didn’t really want to do.  To be honest, I think that she kind of forced herself to get over her “not feeling horny at night” and asked me to get her vibe.  I got it for her and she spread her legs pinning mine (and my cock) under one of hers.  I watched and gently stroked the inside of her thigh as she used the vibe, eyes closed and oblivious of me.  After a few minutes she asked me to go down on her.  I did and soon my head was locked between her thighs as she had an orgasm.  When she had enough she opened her legs and pushed me away.  I moved back up the bed and as I went to put my arm around her and kiss her she rolled over and told me she was going to sleep.  She allowed me to masturbate on the floor for a few minutes before dismissing me to let her get her rest.

So, there you go.  It’s our pattern, I guess.  Hopefully this is what my wife needed to feel more relaxed about sex again.  I know for me it’s my affirmation that this is real.  I’m a very lucky man.

4 Responses

  1. Interesting post. Our sex life is different. Very little intercourse and virtually no oral sex. Affirmation for me come in the little daily things that she expects and lately, more openly public and active acknowledgement of our wife led marriage. And of course, the affirmation is a HUGE turn on.

    Great post.

  2. All for Her – you maybe out of sync with your wife, but very much in sync with my own way of thinking at the moment. I have just read your latest entry, and can’t believe how close your thinking, and the subject of your entry, fits so close to how I am feeling at the moment. I can’t help feeling exactly as you are, and have come to the same conclusion. It shouldn’t be so much of a surprise, when you think about it, that our confidence and belief that we are in wife led marriages is so strong around the times when our wives are demonstrating such a high level of control and dominance in the bedroom. Like you I am at my most confident and happiest when Jane has had me kneel before her and masturbate or, as happen most recently, even managed to arouse me only to deny me twice in the week. However, as time then passes without any sexual contact, and no apparent or really obvious signs from Jane that she demands or expects my submission outside the bedroom, I begin to get those same doubts, I am really in a wife led marriage or not. It’s at these times, that I am most tempted to text Jane or send her an email, either seeking confirmation that she is in tune with the concept of being in charge, or trying to illicit some sort of sexual contact, probably before she is ready to.

    I don’t know what the answer is, other if Jane were to start acting more assertive, and be more demanding in everyday situations. It wouldn’t necessarily have to involve anything sexual, but it would be nice to feel that she accepted her dominance, and used more in everyday life.

  3. It’s really no coincidence that we’re thinking about the same things. Reading everyone’s blogs makes me think about what they are saying and how it relates to my own life and that usually leads to incites about myself.
    This post about affirmation is really directly related to many of your posts as you seek affirmation to let you know that “it’s real”. I just realised, and maybe it’s not entirely true but it seems that way, that our sex life is the affirmation that she is into this.

  4. I hear what you are saying about our sex lives, and the obvious connection with being wife led, but for me at least, the sexual side of being in a wife led relationship is only a part of it now. At the start it may well have been the single largest part, but as time has gone by, I find myself wanting to feel far more controlled and dominated outside the bedroom. In fact , I would almost go as far to say that I would prefer it if Jane were to deny me almost entirely, as long as she was teasing and aloowed me to pleasure her. I would be more than satisfied just to serve and submit to her power.

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