Why the ‘choice’?

You can’t change who you are.  At least that’s the saying, right?  I think there is a lot of truth to that.  In our arrangement we aren’t really changing who we are, we’re just enhancing certain aspects, I think.  Of course, we may be doing things we wouldn’t otherwise be doing, but that’s not changing who we are, it’s changing what we do.  Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.

I started thinking about it last night.  I got into bed with my wife and told her how sexy the idea of the release with conditions was.  I asked her when she came up with it.  She told me she’d thought about it a few days before.  Now, I don’t remember exactly how she worded her reasoning, but it boiled down to the idea that she felt like she was neglecting me and that she needed to do something for me.  I could tell she was a bit bummed about it and didn’t want to get too deep into it, so I just told her that I’ve been very happy and didn’t feel neglected at all.  She didn’t seem very convinced.  I then asked her if we were in bed because she wanted to have sex, or because she felt obligated to have sex.  She told me she wanted to do it for me.  I told her that I could see how tired she was and kissed her and wished her sweet dreams and got out of bed.

I’m sure a year ago I would have wanted to sit down and have a long conversation with her where I explain that she needs to relax and understand it’s all about her wants, needs and desires.  But I now accept that she will always be a loving wife who cares about my needs.  I appreciate the great gift of the “mind fuck” that she gave me, and that she will occasionally have sex when she is tired because she feels like she’s been neglecting me.  These are characteristics about her that I fell in love with.  They won’t change, and I don’t think I want them to.  However, as we’ve gotten further into our arrangement, I see that she doesn’t feel obligated to do these things all the time.  The vast majority of the time she is able to simply receive and understand that I get pleasure from it as well.  But, things have been a little hectic over the last several weeks with her family visiting and what not, and I guess I’ve been doing a good job around the house, etc., so I’m sure she is feeling a little pressure to perform for me.  Yay for me!  I’ve got a loving wife.

Having said all that, I will ask her if she wants to take a few minutes tonight to talk about it.  I just want her to really understand how very content I’ve been lately, and that the occasional “mind fuck” game can really work wonders.  Now, here’s where you are going to yell “hypocrite” at me, but I swear these two topics came up separately!  The day before she laid the “choice” on me I had been thinking (fantasizing) about blow jobs, and the lengths I’d be willing to go to get one.  I was trying to figure out how to broach the topic with her.  Actually, I guess I was going to ask in the context of birthday sex.  As I mentioned last blog for whatever reasons I did not have birthday sex and I’ve been very, very tempted to ask for a blow job for my birthday.  I know I haven’t had one since I’ve started this blog, and it would be a safe bet to say I haven’t had one in several years.  Anyway, I was thinking, how exactly do I word this?  “What would it cost me to get a blow job”, clearly makes her sound like a whore (although perhaps that would be a kinky fantasy for her).  Maybe, “I would do just about anything for a birthday blow job, what would it take”?  The thing is, at this point it’s become more about the mind fuck than about the blow job.  This became apparent to me the next day when she essentially did what I was fantasizing about, only in terms of masturbation, not oral sex.

So, I’d really like to talk to her about that.  I want her to know we don’t always have to be “doing things”, because the fact that we do all the little things everyday is really enough most of the time.  But every once in a while if we can do one of these little games of choice, well, that’s icing on the cake!  I think it will be a good talk, and besides, we haven’t really chatted about our arrangement in a while.

5 Responses

  1. You are one of the few men who has his priorities figured out. It does not take maturity to serve when one is forced. On the other hand, when a man enters a FLR, especially voluntarely, he attains or learns an amount of maturity that few people have by other means. I am not saying that one becomes altruistic. But the importance of things shift toward satisfying the woman in the relationship. At the end, this is significant only when she is aware of it, and wants it.

  2. Thanks so much for that comment. I had a bit of a chat about it (didn’t bring up the blow job) and I was kind of surprised that my wife actually doesn’t seem to be entirely satisfied with what I layed out as a very nice base for our arrangement. She didn’t put up an argument or offer another solution, but her attitude to my being happy with the tiny things every day making our FLR seemed to be met with the comment, “well, aside from a few things we are just being normal”.
    From the context of the conversation I think that she actually wants us to, well, I don’t know what, but she seems to be a bit unsatisfied in where we are. She seemed to make it clear that she wants a bit mroe.
    Yay for me (I think).

  3. Things seem to be working out well.


  4. I meant to say just one more thing, and it is just a different way of looking at the same thing. You said, “Of course, we may be doing things we wouldn’t otherwise be doing, but that’s not changing who we are, it’s changing what we do.”

    I used to think that, because that is what I heard people saying. Then when I became involved in law enforcement, I realized that “we are what we do”. Regardless of what we claim about who or what we are, at the end, it is what we do that define us. A murderer may say, “It’s not me! I never do this.”

    I don’t mean to get so serious, and please don’t think that I am jumping on you over something trivial. At some point in my life I began to examine my own self and came up with this. I thought you might benefit from it.

  5. I agree with you, but I guess my point is we aren’t changing who we are because we’re both the kind of people that “experiment” with stuff and aren’t afraid to do things that other people may consider “out there”.

    So, we aren’t changing who we are. We’re the kind of people who would do something like this. What we’re changing is the fact that we’re doing it instead of not doing it.

    Does that make sense at all? I never was one for philosophy.

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