The problem with success

Two weekends ago I thought we had turned the corner and were heading back to a more active and exciting “arrangement”.  My wife had just finished up with a conference she had put together and it was a success.  I had to work that night, but knowing all the stress she’d gone through I thought to put her toys and a sexy magazine under her side of the bed.  That night (while I was at work) I talked to her and told her that I knew how stressed she had been at work and told her about the toys for some late night relaxation.  She was very pleased and excited about that.

Later she sent me a text message indicating (through symbols) that she came three times and how much she loved me for thinking of her.  That put me into subspace for the first time in… well, a long time.


That Sunday we had a little “afternoon delight”.  She had four more orgasms and right before her fifth I told her that I needed to stop or I would cum.  She told me to cum and she came shortly after.  

As we lay together in bed I started to realize why things didn’t seem to be working.  Now, I had just gone three weeks without an orgasm and this year have only had six.  We’re more than five and a half months in and I’ve only had six orgasms!  I should have been relieved to cum, right?

No.  Of course not.  That would only make sense.  The problem, if it is a problem, is that we’ve only had sex six times this year.  That just is not fun.  Not only is there just not enough sex going on, but that also means that there has been no denial going on.  Six orgasms and only six instances of sex means that I’ve been allowed to cum every time.

Not that I want to have sex after five weeks of chastity only to be denied for another month.  Hell, I actually want MORE orgasms.  But there is just so much fun in one sided sex and we just aren’t having it.  Frankly, even without the denial more sex is really just needed right now.

Of course, stating the lack of sex is the problem isn’t the real problem.  The real problem seems to be the “success” of our arrangement.  Especially since my wife has come to welcome sex on Sunday afternoons I’ve come to learn to pretty much NEVER expect to have it any other time.  This removes the feeling of being on edge, never knowing when you will be called on for service or being denied or being allowed an orgasm.  All that emotion is gone.  Instead, come every third or fourth Sunday I try to arrange for time for us to be intimate.  While this leads to a complete let down of the emotional and mental fun for me, it seems to be exactly what my wife wants sex-wise.  She is only having sex on her terms, when she wants it.

This has really led to a hollow version of our arrangement.  I don’t masturbate and only cum when she allows, which is half as often as last year, I clean the house and I cater to her.  I do these things (although the cleaning and the catering are probably proportional to my orgasms right now, meaning about half as much as last year) but there is none of the excitement around it.  I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.  A few weeks ago I whined about some cleaning related task and she just said, “Arrangement!”.  She followed that up with a, “huh, I haven’t said that in a while…”  

Not only have I not enjoyed our arrangement lately, but while doing yard work recently I thought, “we could get sooo much more done if she would do…”.

That is not how I want to think.  I really want to get back to what we had before, but I just don’t know how to get there without my wife taking some sort of leading role, which is of course a paradox because that’s what led us to this current situation.  My wife getting things just how she wanted has led to it being less fun for both of us.

We definitely need to talk.