Wanting somebody else to know

I’ve often thought about letting a friend or two of ours know about our arrangement.  Frankly it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  There is one friend of ours that I’m sure could handle it, and probably would love the idea.  I’ve brought it up with my wife in the past and she agreed that if we told anyone it would be this one person.  The last time we talked about it, though, she just didn’t feel the need to let anyone know.

I keep wresting with the idea because it probably isn’t  the smartest thing in the world to do.  And yet I really want somebody to know.  Part of it is probably just a further desire for more kink.  If person X, the person my wife and I agree would be the first to know, knew would she expect me to wait on her when she visits?  Would she treat me differently?  Probably not, but in the fantasy world it’s exciting to think about.  I’m not talking about sex or anything either.  I’m talking about her sitting with my wife and asking me to get her more coffee.  Sure, it’s fantasy fodder, but it’s not the only reason I want to let somebody know.

I also want people to know because I’m proud of our arrangement.  If person X knew shew would undoubtedly be very excited for my wife and want to know all the details.  She may very well even be envious.  We are both fairly sure she wouldn’t be repulsed by it… she’s not the most vanilla person in the world by any means.  If X knew then my wife could talk freely with her about our arrangement.  Would my wife want to?  Although she says she doesn’t need somebody to talk to about it, she often tells people everything short of the “kink factors”.  She loves to tell people that I’m her stay-at-home husband.  While other women she works with will complain their husbands don’t cook or clean she loves to tell them what I’m making for dinner (or recently made) and what cleaning job I’m likely doing at the time.  Of course, many of these people try to make me feel better and tell me how they know “another at home dad” and how “he’s OK with it” too, assuming that I’m ashamed of my status but probably shouldn’t be too much.

Then again, just telling plain old anybody could be very dangerous.  Person X is like family to both of us, but as for other close friends, well, anything can happen.  Misunderstandings lead to complete fall outs all too often.  One tiny tiff could turn into a free-for-all that leads to exaggerated emails to my wife’s boss and co-workers about how she is a dominatrix or some other crazy stunts.

I suppose we could always search the internet to find like minded couples in the area, but that doesn’t really satisfy the desire for a friend to know.  I don’t particularly want to make new friends just so we can know somebody who knows about our arrangement.  It might be cool to know somebody else locally in a similar arrangement, but I think it would probably lead to a stronger desire to let a friend know.

I realise the smart move is probably to just keep it to ourselves.  But in a few weeks Person X will be in town visiting.  It would be great if she knew.  But she won’t know.  She’ll just know that I’m a very awesome husband who is lucky to have a very awesome wife.  But she already knows that.

10 Responses

  1. I know the feeling of wanting to tell someone. I told a close friend, but not the entire extent, and she turned out to be kinky as well. I can’t say I’d tell anyone else right now, but I want to.

  2. AFH – be very careful here, I know exactly how you are feeling, and have wished for the same thing myself. What you are feeling, however, is pure fantasy. You like the idea of another woman knowing your secret. This would serve two things, one, your desire for your wife to demonstrate her acceptance that she had willingly accepted and wanting to encourage your submission, sharing her enjoyment with her friend, and two, to fulfil your desire to be ordered about and dominated by two women, maybe the second more than the first. Of course, I could be wrong here, but I suspect I am close to the mark.

    I too have had this fantasy many times, the idea of two women knowing that you were submissive and wanting to take advantage of the fact that they knew. Maybe even your wife’s friend coming back alone one day and “black mailing” you into serving her in some way lol. I suspect that this is a very common fantasy for most submissive husbands, but one that many wives would not want to share. Jane is not dissimilar to your wife and is happy to boast to her friends and colleagues just how helpful I am about the house, and what I do for her, even sometimes jokingly that she is the “boss”. Joking about and showing off her friends and colleagues is one thing, openly divulging the extent of your submissive tendencies is quite another thing. More than that, your wife would be admitting to her dominant tendencies, is this something that you think that she would be comfortable with?

    If the answer is yes, then she maybe happy to tell this one friend, you said she might, but only to this friend.

    If I were you, knowing that your wife knows how you feel about telling this person that will be visiting soon, I would say to your wife in general conversation, that you are pleased that XXXXX is coming to stay, that you are looking forward to making the house look clean and tidy and kept that way during her visit, that you want to do anything that will give your wife and her friend more time to relax and enjoy her visit, and to prove just what a good husband your are, but leave it at that. If your wife wants to take advantage of your offer, or to show you off in this “submissive” role, then she will but only to the extent and in ways that she will be comfortable with. All you have to do then is remain attentive, obedient and hope that things escalate from there.

    Just an idea.

  3. I have to agree that it is great when others know about our relationship and are accepting of it. However, there is always the risk that someone won’t like it and could cause problems by telling others. So you have to be really careful who you tell, how much you tell, and even how you tell them.
    If your wife is in agreement about letting this friend know, then ask her how much she wishes to share. Let your wife determine the how much.
    If this friend is coming to visit, that might be the opportune time to test the water and try gaging her reaction to a little exposure. If the signs look to be favorable, then you can push it further.
    Just remember, you can’t un-ring a bell and you can’t un-tell a secret.
    But it is fun when the right people know!

  4. Of course there is a fantasy element to this, but if it was only that I wouldn’t even think of bringing it up. Part of it is just the KNOWING. I honestly don’t think that much would change after the initial shock or excitement of the knowledge wore off. But she would know, and we would know that she knows and that would just be nice.

    Frankly, as far as the two women fantasy goes, a female friend who is bi and LOVES my wife has told her that she would love to have a threesome and has told me that she would love to tie me to a chair while her and my wife go at it. My wife feels she is too old to indulge in such activities anymore (we did do wilder things when we were younger). So, if we were to indulge in the fantasy it wouldn’t be with this friend I would love to tell our secret to, it would be the friend who already wants to get it on without even knowing our secret, lol.

    As for telling my wife that I look forward to showing our friend what a good husband I am, etc… well, that just seems passive aggressive and isn’t how we communicate at all. If I were to bring it up with my wife again I would be honest and straight forward and say, “I think it would be so great if we could tell X about our arrangement”.

    Clearly this isn’t something I’m considering lightly. The safest thing is to tell nobody and have our secret. But having a person who knows would just be nice.

  5. I too want others to know. But if I am completely honest it is because if my wife let others know then it would prove to me that she is totally accepting of our wife led relationship dynamic.

  6. Why don”t you just run an ad in the paper. Telling anyone about ‘our thing” will spread like crazy. “Ordinary” people are not comfortable with what we are so they make jokes about it or laugh up there sleeve. Stop and think about how people used to react when they found out someone they knew was a homosexual. You would be risking your well being and that of your family. Do Not do it. That said I do understand how powerful the fantasy is I have had it for 50+ years.

    • Pasha,and others… let me at least put this out there… I was a bit vague when I said this person was less than vanilla… I was being nice.
      This person has a history to herself that we keep to ourselves. It is over and done with for her, but it’s not like we can all just forget it.
      With this particular person we can be as close to 100% assured of confidentiality as can ever be assumed. There is essentially no threat of “outing” from her.

      Once again, this does not mean I’m going to go through with anything. This is just a very powerful idea for me that I’m clearly going to put off.

  7. The wife of a close friend recently left him, apparently after several years of frustration with various causes. He knew she was unhappy but never acted, and eventually she left.

    After she left, he and I spoke on the phone often. I guess I was something of a sound board. He told me that he really wanted to save his marriage. I told him all about the books “Worshiping Your Wife” and “Around Her Finger”, and that (at least to some degree) the ideals expressed in those books encourage the sort of attentive devotion his wife felt was missing. He read “Worshiping Your Wife”, and we talked a good deal about it. He never bought into all of it, but he said that he understood how it might be very appealing to many people, especially his own wife.

    Well, he did get divorced. I’ve spoken with him off and on in the year since. He still asks me about these books, and about my own marriage. I’m not at all embarrassed, just because of who he is. But there aren’t many friends I would ever share any of this with. He is not my best friend, but he’s also not the type to judge me for any personal tastes.

    So, the point is: I think it’s fine to share with a trusted friend… but be sure that he/she is open-minded enough not to let this revelation impact your friendship.

  8. Seems we have a consesus. It is your fantasy that would be served by your “outing”.

    You might be satisfied with the feeling you get when this person X is present, and you are being polite to her/him, and simply serve your wife in ways that most husbands don’t do. Your position will be obvious. If X ever asks your wife about it, it would be up to her to tell or not. Meanwhile, you can have a slight feeling of superiority over other husbands who usually haven’t a clue about being nice to a wife, except when they feel guilty.

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