Trying to figure out this chastity thing

My wife and I had a nice chat last night.  Most of it was about non-arrangement stuff, but still important to our relationship.  As the evening drew to a close, and her bed time drew near I brought up a topic that I have been unsure about lately… chastity.

Well, it wasn’t even that simple.  It was kind of a multifaceted question, maybe not even a question at all.  It was a bit difficult to put into words.  As I stumbled along trying to talk to her about it I realized I likely wasn’t thinking very clearly about it due to the five weeks of chastity that I’m currently at.   Anyway, I think the “question” boiled down to these series of questions.

First, if we could afford to get a long term chastity device, would she want to keep me locked up?  She has never locked me in my device, but has told me to wear it many times.  It became clear shortly after getting my current device that it wouldn’t work as a 24/7 device.  I explained to her that lately I’ve had a great desire to be more securely locked up and that it would be incredibly erotic for her to hold the key.

A possible problem with this scenario is that we have found that a lack of stimulation leads to a lack of performance stamina… I cum too fast when we have sex.  Not too long ago we came up with the idea of nightly forced edgings.  Each night she would give me a number of times I was to edge myself before going to bed.  Somewhere along the line she stopped doing this.  I didn’t want to start asking her because I didn’t want to aggravate her before bed.  And frankly, it made life more difficult, sometimes erotically, sometimes just painfully.  When I was edging myself every night I was generally suffering from blue balls more often, and it made going weeks between orgasms much more difficult.  When I wasn’t masturbating at all the time just seemed to fly by and going four weeks without an orgasm was no big deal.  I actually welcomed the nights where she would give me the number “zero”, meaning I wasn’t allowed to masturbate that night.

So, my the point I was trying to get across to my wife was, “which is it”?  I told her that I love chastity now more than ever, but admitted that it has evolved.  I pointed out that after only having 24 orgasms my first year of chastity I thought it was far too few.  Last year I only had 20 and I think it was far too many.  I told her that this year I think every six weeks would be ideal.  I told her that I would also like to do it locked up.

My wife understood what I was getting at and started working through it.  She enjoys the chastity as well, but it’s never been as important to her as a good fucking.  She thought the required nightly edgings had been working, but somehow at some point had forgotten about it.  She told me that she wanted to start the program back up and if she forgets at night to give me a number I should ask for one.  It might aggravate her a bit, but it’s less aggravating than not being able to fuck her.

I told her I understood, but times like the last time we were intimate were so exciting and erotic.  Unfortunately it was one of those things that is just difficult to explain.  But I liked that I could only fuck her for less than two minutes before having to stop, and that she had orgasms from her vibrator, my mouth and her dildo.  It soooo amazing!

Because of this I brought up other potential methods.  I know she has always had a dislike for condoms, but I thought perhaps it had something to do with oral sex or something like that.  I asked her about it and she flat out said “no” to them.  She actually just doesn’t like how it feels inside her.  She says its just an unpleasant feeling.  I then brought up the penis extenders that we had seen on RWDDH.  I pointed out that they wouldn’t really be about adding size, just decreasing my stimulation.

She told me she didn’t like the idea of a penis extender because it seemed “emasculating”.  I told her I wouldn’t consider it that, I know I have plenty of size.  She told me that frankly one of her favorite things about me since we started going out was that I had a big, hard cock that could give her a thorough fucking.  That was very nice to hear.  I decided to skip the possibility of my using a strap on after hearing that.

So what did that leave us with?  Well, she likes the idea of my not masturbating, unless it’s her who is telling me to masturbate.  She likes my not cumming, but doesn’t like when it interferes with her cumming.  She likes to be fucked by a nice hard cock, but apparently only mine, au natural.  She doesn’t like when I can’t fuck her like she wants to be fucked.

Hmmm… I don’t think we really got anywhere at all.  And looking back she never actually answered the question on whether or not she would actually ever lock me in a device if I had one.  Which was actually kind of my original question.

You know, earlier in the night I had asked her about our upcoming anniversary.  It is our tenth, so a pretty big deal.  I told her that I was really worried about gifts.  I can’t afford an appropriate gift and I wouldn’t want to upset her on such a special day by screwing it up.  She agreed and we decided not to get gifts since we can’t really afford it.

Now I think we should get her a nice new dildo, and me a cb3000 (currently half off at the Stockroom).  Nah.  That’s just the five weeks of chastity talking.

4 Responses

  1. At least you can have a conversation about chastity, so that’s something. Maybe you could raise the issue about locking you and holding the key at some other time.

    Now if your wife secretly bought the anniversary gifts that you suggested, that would be great, but if you bought them, I am not so sure, I certainly wouldn’t risk those for an anniversary gift, especially as you have agreed not to buy anything for financial reasons.

    Why dont you just give her a key for your anniversary, the “key to your heart”, a more romantic gesture, but one that she can draw her conclusions from to.

    Just a thought.

  2. I would never buy those things without her permission, let alone as an anniversary gift, lol. That was just fantasy.
    And I shouldn’t say we aren’t getting gifts at all, we are taking a little in town get away to a nice hotel and having dinner, etc.

  3. I agree with At All Times. It takes courage to discuss this issue.

    Bobbi

  4. I have posted on my blog about evolution, which is what you are experiencing. The other issue is that any practice, ritual, relationship, or service, requires constant commitment and and occasional review, which feeds back to evolution.

    The problems that creep into this process have to do with “How much are the participants rewarded?” If the rewards are all yours, your partner will lose incentive. If the rewards are all hers, you will lose your commitment over the long run. This relationship is not one where you make some rules, and then simply follow them, as you obviously found out.

    All I can suggest in a supportive way is that it works if both of you maintain interest. Over the long run that is difficult to do. Good luck to both of you.

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