Where I’m at

When I started this blog it was to help me work through all the new feelings I was discovering and to relate to people with similar inclinations.  I had realized that I didn’t like when my wife had sex with me because she felt like it was her “wifely duty” and that I much preferred to just give her an orgasm and be left without one myself, than to give her an orgasm and then have her feel like she is obligated to return the favor, even when she would prefer to just roll over and go to sleep.  In the process I also realized that we had been living in a vanilla, but very real Wife Led Marriage.

As my wife came to accept this fact and later embrace her roll as leader of the household we ventured into some kinkier territories.  This was a boon to our sex life, which at that point, after 14 years together, had become pretty routine.  Now it is ANYTHING but routine.  Unfortunately, over the last six months or more it has hardly existed at all.

In the midst of all the kink and hoopla of living a WLM I firmly believed that it was “all for her”.  As my wife and I worked through the many paradoxes of power exchange kink and other issues involved in the WLM we came to understand that while she may be the prime focus it just won’t work unless we are both getting something out of it.  This understanding has led me to where I am today.

Where is that?  Well, it’s led me to feel pretty selfish about a lot of things.  It’s led me to do a lot less for my wife than I have over the past few years.  It’s led me to nearly telling my wife that it just wasn’t working any more.

There is a catch, however.  My wife has made it clear that this is the way things are now.

I have to admit that there are probably two main reasons for my change of attitude.  First would be the lack of sex.  Sexual power exchange is clearly important to me in our WLM and when it’s lacking I feel like something is missing from my life, which I guess it is.

The other reason is that the company my partner and I have been working so hard at becoming self sustaining and profitable requires me to be an Alpha male and it’s hard for me to switch back to a submissive mode when I get home.   Perhaps that works for some high powered executives (if we are to believe the stories) but it doesn’t work to well for me.  Submissive in sex, sure, but it hard to go from running a company and being in charge to scrubbing a kitchen floor and cleaning out the bathroom.

The stress of my wife’s work and the financial stress on both of us also led to my wife being less “dominant” as well, and she recognized this.  But that didn’t mean she doesn’t fully put herself first, unless it is her desire to put me first, which on occasion does happen.  She did try, however.  There have been too many instances where I would catch her saying, “damn, I missed a good opportunity to use my power over you”, or other things of that nature.

The last month or so has been a little different.  She really seems to have stepped it up.  She has been much more demanding of me and has once again used her ability to relax and have me cater to her.  A month or so ago she used me for some hot sex and had multiple orgasms while leaving me wanting.  This past Thursday night she used be for some sex, but kept telling me how she wanted to get a “good, hard fucking”.  She kept teasing me asking if I could do it knowing that I just can’t anymore.  Instead she used my mouth and her dildo to get off.  Eventually she climbed on top of me and verbally teased me until she told me to ask her for permission to cum.  I did and she thought about it before telling me I could (once again waiting nearly 5 weeks between orgasms).

Saturday before I left for work she stopped me and told me I hadn’t sufficiently thanked her my orgasm Thursday night.  She wanted me to give her several more before I left for work to show proper appreciation.  She again reiterated her desire for a “good, hard fucking” and asked me if I could do that for her.  She of course knows the answer and after a few strokes I have to withdraw and orally please her.  She then told me to watch while she brought herself several more orgasms with her toys.  I’m sure she really does want a good hard fuck like I used to give her, but she seems to find it amusing as well that I’ve become a “two pump chump”.  It is a nice erotic humiliation, but frankly I miss the days of feeling like a stud as I would bring my wife multiple orgasms with just my cock.  I think that would take regular masturbation again and since I’ve broken that habit I just don’t really think about it anymore, except the occasions where my wife will tell me to edge myself a few times before bed.  Even then I don’t last very long.  After our Saturday fling she asked me if I thought edging myself a few times that night would improve my stamina for Sunday.  I told her it would likely make no difference at all, and at this point may even decrease my stamina.  She again informed me of her desire to be fucked hard.  All I could offer was to use the dildo on her.  Her reaction could be summed up with, “if that’s what it takes”.

As I left for work I kissed her and thanked her for my orgasm on Thursday.  I also told her it was my seventh for the year.  She gave me her wicked little smile and said I was lucky to have a wife who gave me what I wanted (fewer orgasms).

Yes, it was a “careful what you wish for” moment.  As I’ve said, lately the WLM is not really doing it for me.  Kinky sex?  Sure.  All the rest… hmmm… not so sure any more.  I guess if the kinky sex keeps up it will help me get back into the right frame of mind.  But as I left for work Saturday with an erection that wouldn’t go away I really wanted an orgasm.  I can’t remember the last time I wanted an orgasm more than that.  But my wife left me with the reminder that it would be many weeks before I got another opportunity, and in that time she was planning on having many more herself.

I certainly hope so.

6 Responses

  1. Hi AFH

    Sounds as though you are a little confused, unsure of what you would like to happen.

    It sounds from what you say, that you are sort of getting what you want from your wife in the bedroom, denial, teasing even humiliation, but that life and your work are making equally difficult for you and your wife to act out a WLM in everyday things.

    I am not sure what the answer is, only you can decide that, but whatever it is I hope that it works out for you both.

  2. That is pretty accurate, except that for several months there was nearly no sexual contact at all, which just amplified the feelings of disconnection in our WLM.
    I think in one three month period of time I only had 3 orgasms, however we only had sex those three times.

    On the other hand a lot of this has to do with my perspective at any given moment. I can say that I’ve slacked on a lot of my end of the WLM agreement, but in reality today I stopped at one point realizing I was rushing to get a bunch of chores done before heading out to pick up my kids from day camp. So, while I may at times feel like the WLM is in many ways slipping away, perhaps it’s just so routine that I don’t even notice it any more except for the few times where I will just blow something off, like mopping the floor, and let it go for a week or two longer than normal. On the one hand my wife won’t usually comment on this, but on the other hand there have been times where she has made her irritation with the lack of effort pretty clear to me.
    She has also become quite strict with my finances, much more so than before. I no longer carry any credit cards and any debit card usage is immediately sent to her as an alert and I may be expected to answer for it.

    Ugh. I’m so confused. Here I am explaining how much more controlling my wife has gotten after feeling like she has neglected the WLM. It’s clearly all me and my attitude and perspective.

    I don’t know what’s what right now.

  3. Have you considered wearing 2 or 3 condoms so you’ll last longer?

    • This has been covered in earlier posts. My wife hates the feel of condoms and doesn’t like the idea of my wearing an extender or anything else that would help dull sensations.
      She loves the idea of being able to control my sexual pleasure and understands this leads to a lack of stamina, but also wants to get a good, hard fuck.
      We never came up with a solution, just acknowledged the problem. I think this is why she is mostly “OK” (I think) with my current lack of staying power. I think she enjoys the control of cock more so accepts the price.

  4. AFH

    I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. It seems to me that most wives, and lets face it they have been put in this position by their husbands, do not readily take to or even particularly enjoy “playing” the dominant wife. Most, if truth be told, would much prefer and ordinary loving vanilla relationship. It’s not surprising therefore that we submissive husbands often feel neglected and frustrated.

    Don’t give up….!!!

    PS. I am going to contiune this train of thought over on my blog, as it’s an interest thought, what if the boot was on the other foot, how would we respond or cope.

    • That’s the weird thing, AAT, I’m coming to understand that I’ve been very selfish in thinking about “poor old me” and not realizing that my wife hasn’t really stopped being dominant at all. Sure, during all the stress we have been through things slowed down, but that is to be expected. I guess that’s why it’s come as a bit of a shock to me that for the last couple of weeks she has been very dominant.
      After my last release she pointed out that she hoped I enjoyed it because I have to wait many weeks between orgasms while she can have them whenever she wants, and she told me that I haven’t been providing her with enough (that’s a bit frustrating as I’m always horny and she seems to have the lack of libido often). But she continued to point out that it would be a LONG time before my next orgasm.
      I’m definitely finding my submissive mind set again, though. She has helped get me there as well as the fact I’ve taken to wearing my device again. I’ve been wearing it non stop since Monday (well, except for showers) and wore it to work last night for the first time. She was very pleased to hear that.
      Well, hopefully my drought is over and I’ll have exciting things to post again in the near future.

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