First “Arrangement Talk” in a long time

Well, we had our first talk in a long time last night about the arrangement.

It had been a long rough day, and my wife had earlier been informed of a loss in the family, so I had planned on putting it off.  My wife, however knows me well and could tell I wanted to talk.  I tried to beg off, but she sat down and told me to get whatever it was off my chest.

I stumbled a bit at first trying to set it up and put it in perspective and she told me to basically spit it out.  So I did.  I told her that I got her message of her opinion of my “cumming too much” and “it’s not always about the sex”.  I then gave her the statistics.  I could see the stunned look in her eyes as she took it in and sat quietly for a moment before responding, “those are some sad stats”.  She got it.  But as it all set in she got a bit defensive and tried to rationalize it all.  I told her that she was right on all counts and justified in her beliefs that she is the prime bread winner, the runner of the household, etc. and the high stress.

I explained that all this was true, but it has been true for years now.  The main difference that stands out, though is the correlation between the high feelings of stress we both feel and the problems with anxiety I’ve been dealing with over the last year.  I pointed out a lot of things she already knows, like how sex releases all those feel good chemicals that help with these things, and if we have only been intimate 19 times this year as opposed to, let’s say roughly 60-70 last year and 140-ish the previous year, then it seems like the lack of intimacy could be a main culprit in our problems.

I also explained how I saw the arrangement as adding to the stress so stepped back a bit from it while she saw my pulling back as adding to the stress of the arrangement.  I told her that arrangement or not, the lack of intimacy would cause the disconnect in any relationship and if ending our arrangement would help then so be it, because the only important thing to me was the health of our relationship.

At one point she broke down and cried and I comforted her.  She asked what I thought needed to happen to fix things.  I explained how she told me in the past (and from what I understand is a familiar feeling in many women) that often she wouldn’t be in the mood initially, but once we started she would warm up to it and usually ended up having her best orgasms.  She agreed with that.  I then said that perhaps we had to go back to an old fashioned (for us and many others I’m sure) scheduled night of sex.  Sunday night will be “sex night”.  We’ll take it from there.  It doesn’t have to be only Sunday, but hopefully having sex regularly will help her to remember how GOOD sex is.

She realized that she had taken the “all about her” aspect to the extreme and that I clearly needed attention as well and saw that her extreme view was also detrimental to her.

As I put her to bed I told her that I was fine if we needed to stop the arrangement and start fresh.  She was dead set against that.  “Nothing is over”, she informed me.  “The arrangement stays”!

It was rough, but we never should have let it get that bad.  I think things will turn around from here.

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Frustration, and not the fun kind

Last night as my wife set off for bed she asked me for a back rub.  This often, not always, but often, leads to other things.  Seeing as she seems to have sparked renewed attention to our arrangement and that she knows how I have been on edge since our last intimate encounter I was hoping for something more than the back rub.

She laid on her stomach and I straddled her to give her the back rub.  When she was satisfied I rolled off to the side (quite worked up).  I gently caressed her and planted small kisses on her shoulder.  She turned to me and said, “this isn’t always about sex”.

Huh.

She mentioned that the other day as well.  She must think we are having an awful lot of sex.

The problem is, from my point of view, this year it has always been NOT about sex.  We have been intimate a mere 19 times since January 1.  This has been a large factor in my stepping back from the arrangement.  This isn’t a pleasant teasing denial.  This is disregard.  There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow because there is no rainbow.  It’s just gray and dreary out.  Over the year I stopped holding out hope that things would change.  A few years back we were intimate 2-3 times a week.  Last year 3-5 times a month.  Now we are intimate once every 5-7 weeks.  Fourteen of our 19 encounters ended with me being allowed to orgasm.  It’s like we’ve moved from chastity for me to celibacy for us.

So last night I felt a great frustration.  Not the pleasant frustration of being allowed to give and not receive, just the frustration of realizing my wife and I are clearly not on the same page right now.  This lack of intimacy is brutal.

Being set straight

It’s been a long time since the last post.

As the title of the post announced, break time was over… or was it?

The stress and strain of real life continued and although I kept up with a lot of our arrangement rules I felt that I should let up a little as I felt that the arrangement only added to the stress on my wife.  It wasn’t entirely gone, but it seemed to be pushed to the back burner.

Yesterday i was informed that I was severely mistaken.

I asked if my wife would like some “us” time yesterday as the kids watched a movie.  I showered and waited for my wife.  I brought out the toys and put on my cock ring.  When my wife was ready she had me go down on her.  After her first orgasm she took a break and I told her I had put fresh batteries in her vibe.

“Good”, she replied.

She then brought herself to another orgasm with the vibe.

After that I asked if she wanted the Purple Monster.  She did.  She slid it all the way in.  My God that thing is huge.  She took it all with pleasure.  She told me to show her my cock so I got on my knees near her head and presented myself.  She then did what I had fantasized about for years.  She slowly stroked me to the edge while bringing herself to another orgasm.  As I shuddered in agony/ecstasy she told me to slowly fuck her with the dildo.

After several orgasms I asked if I enter her.  She let me and I lasted a few minutes before having to pull out.  She used the vibe a little longer and got herself off a few more times.  She then allowed me to masturbate for a few minutes.

While I masturbated she let me know she was disappointed in my service.  Not only that, but disappointed that I had apparently given up on the arrangement.

That is how deep we are into the arrangement.  Things that were once special are now normal, so to say that I had given up on it means that she expects more.

To be honest, though, I had let things go a bit.  As I said I felt like it was added stress to my wife’s life and also I was just feeling selfish and lazy.

My wife cleared this all up and told me how I have been disappointing her by not catering to her needs more.  In her times of stress with work and life I should be offering myself to her more, not less.  I should be asking how I can help her more and not relying on her asking me to do/get things for her.  I should be anticipating her needs and finding ways to surprise her or finding ways to please her.

Duh.  I can be very ignorant at times.  And selfish.  And lazy.

She continued on to tell me that she has seen a drop off  in service between orgasms and that I she thinks she has let me cum too often.

This is where this blog is going to start sounding like fantasy fodder.

Really?  I cum too often?  I’ve had 14 orgasms this year and one of those wasn’t really an orgasm, just an ejaculation.  I think this may be where she thinks I cum too often.  A few weeks ago while we made love she told me I could cum.  I felt the build up and told her I was going to cum and right before orgasm I told her it was gone.  I was baffled.  I didn’t know what had happened.  I told her I didn’t cum and she told me I had.  I pulled out and it was obvious I had ejaculated.  If it wasn’t for my obvious worry she probably wouldn’t have believed me.  It had been six weeks since my previous release.  To make up for it she let me orgasm a week later and asked, “was that  better”?

Anyway, I asked her what letting me cum too much meant (I’m guessing I’m done for the year) and she listed all the things she expects from me, including the fact that I missed our 4 year arrangement anniversary.

Aaaaahhhhh!

How is it that I missed it and she remembered?!?!

All this time I worried that she felt this was more about me and my kinks than her and her needs.  Instead this has become such an ingrained part of our life that she knows it’s about her and her needs and wants and not about what I think.

This post has been a bit of a ramble but my mind is just racing right now and I wanted to catch everyone up.  I’ll probably be posting more regularly.  Hopefully I’ll have interesting things to say and not just repeating what I’ve posted over the years.

Huh.  How about that.  This blog has been going for several years.