Selfish

I think the worst of our rough last six months or so is finally over.  Our life should be getting easier to manage and we are in our nice, newly remodeled home (although the unpacking will continue to go on for a while).

At least we that’s how it should be.  My wife asked me what was on my mind recently and told me she thought I seemed distant and that we seemed to be growing apart.  I told her I didn’t really have anything on my mind other than sex and that I didn’t feel like we were growing distant.

I thought about it the next day and that night I proposed what may be the problem.  I’ve got a new job and right now I only work Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  However I work almost all day those days so still put in nearly a weeks worth of work.  Because of this we essentially don’t see each other for three days and even in our worst of times there was always the fallback Sunday night obligatory sex night which we no longer have.  At this point we started to open up and have our first (formerly known as Arrangement Chat) chat in quite a while.

I started by bringing up the old arrangement and saying we might want to try something different, a new arrangement.

She replied by telling me how incredibly angry she was at me.  She basically vented at me for 30 minutes or so and let out a lot of pent up frustrations.  I acknowledged her frustrations but somehow kept steering the conversation back to sex and my kinks.

Today I feel horrible about it. It was completely selfish of me.  It wasn’t “All For Her” at all.  It was “listen to my kinky desires”.  I told her about how I missed the feelings of humiliation.

Again she responded by telling me how upset she had been.  The night she had mentioned that I seemed distant we were going to have sex.  She seemed hesitant, though.  I was totally horny and being selfish and asked her if she just wanted to have a quickie with her toys.  She went from being hesitant to thinking it was a great idea and brought herself off multiple times while I was stuck in my device feeling desperately horny and completely submissive in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time.  I didn’t even jerk off later (which I’ve been doing plenty of) because I hadn’t experienced those feelings in so long.

So, during our next nights conversation, after I explained the desire for humiliation, she pointed out that she was so mad she didn’t want to have sex with me the night before, and when I suggested her toys she was very happy because she still got to have sex while I didn’t.

Of course, selfish me told her that was perfect!  I got to enjoy the humiliation of her not wanting to have sex with me while she got to have orgasms!

Ugh!

I wasn’t missing her point.  I was just wrapped up in my own selfish, kinky sex world.

So then we had sex.  She used her vibe and teased me while I held up her big purple dildo and showed her how much bigger it was than me.  I asked her if she felt the difference when she used it and she told me, “of course”.  Eventually she let me inside her and stupid, selfish me just went on with my humiliation fetish.  I told her how I wanted to buy a strap on so I could fuck her with the dildo and not my own cock.  She said, “if that’s what you want”.

I lasted much longer than usual (thanks to the jerking off I’ve been doing, I’m sure) and she started to tease me that she was going to make me wait.  That pretty much set me off.  I begged her for another minute and then had a magnificent orgasm.

We then told each other how much we loved each other and she fell asleep.

We spoke briefly today and everything seems fine, but I’m not sure where this is going.

I still feel like an ass for being so selfish, but maybe it needed to be said.

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