New Routine

Sorry for the long time between posts, but it’s been a busy summer.

My wife and I finally had a (short) conversation about her hinting at starting the Arrangement again and she basically informed me that it was a heat of the moment comment.  Basically, she’s happy the way things are but is enjoying the benefits of the power play in the bedroom.  In the bedroom it’s still “All For Her”.  Lately, it’s even escalated a bit.  I’m sure it won’t last, or at least will cool down a bit, but for now I’m enjoying it.

Essentially, of late I’ve become second fiddle to her big purple dildo, and I’m loving it!

It started one night, as usual, with her playing with her vibe before telling me to go down on her.  In my excitement I expanded my oral ministrations, so to speak.  Rather than be put off, as I was afraid she might be, she encouraged me.  This brought her several orgasms.  She then allowed me a chance to enter her.  I made love to her for few minutes before she again brought out the vibe and told me to stay still.  After another orgasm she informed me she was ready for “Big Purple”.  I excitedly slid out and presented her dildo.  I sat back and watched her and listened to her moan.  I, of course, don’t elicit such sounds.

As she continued to enjoy her orgasms she informed me that I can cum.  In my shock and joy I started stroking myself and in moments came on her thigh.  I immediately licked it off of her as she moaned in bliss.  When she was done she told me to clean up her toys as she left to clean up herself.

The next couple of times we made love it followed the same pattern, but most recently she seamed to focus even more on the pleasures of my tongue in its new territory.  As I licked her I (barely) heard her asking for Big Purple.  I paused to prepare it for her and slowly inserted it.  For the first time she took it all at once.  Before she had to slowly work it deeper over time.  This time it slid right in all the way to the big purple balls.  I continued to lick before she pushed me away and used her vibe.  I sat back and watched again as she enjoyed herself and told me how much she loved “that big cock”.

I leaned over her and kissed her and moaned with her and between orgasms she looked at me and asked, as if it had just occurred to her, “oh, did you want a chance”?\

“Yes, please”, I begged.  She slowly pulled out her dildo, moaning all the time and let me enter her.  I told her I wouldn’t last long, and didn’t.  I could feel how much the dildo stretched her and the thought put me over the edge.  As I rolled off her she put Big Purple back to work and brought herself to one last orgasm.

When she had come down she again told me to clean up the mess and went off to shower.

I love our new routine!


Another year…

So it’s a new year.

Last year was very difficult, but we got everything straightened out in our relationship and ended on a high note.  I ended the year with only 15 orgasms, which you think would be a good thing as I had suggested at the beginning of last year that perhaps I should be limited to 16 for the year, but, as I have previously said it was for all the wrong reasons.

Since our last talk my wife has become more aware of our intimate times and has made sure that even if she is “too tired” or “not in the mood” she makes herself available to intimacy in some way.  Maybe it’s cuddling time or just making sure to let me know that she is looking forward to the next time we are able to be intimate.  This has been very reassuring and has really helped put us on better ground relationship-wise.

I seem to have lost some of my submissive drive again, which does seem to ebb and flow, but I haven’t lost the desire for our dynamic, which is fortunate since my wife has made it clear that she prefers our arrangement and wants to keep it this way.  When we are in bed it’s easy to slip into the submissive mode, but other than that I’ve had to take a little more of a leadership role in the relationship and I think this was needed to help my wife out with day to day things.

This year has started pretty well.  Although money is still tight I’ve gotten some good news on the side business front and there is the potential for some extra cash to be coming in, but more importantly more doors have been opened for future business and possible investments in this side work (hopefully to become the new career).

Things have also improved on the Arrangement front.  My wife has made sure to keep me on my toes (although probably less than at our peak, but we are taking small steps).  I’ve been allowed one orgasm so far this year, but opportunities for sex have been rare (no fault of our own).

We did have a very exciting birthday night for me.  My wife summoned me to the bed room where she had been playing with her vibrator and had just brought herself to an orgasm.  I quickly stripped and joined her in bed.  We made out like teenagers for a bit before she told me she wanted me inside her.  I was a little slow to get an erection so she did something she hadn’t done in… I don’t know… seemingly forever.  She gave me oral sex for a good 30 seconds or so before I had to pull out of her mouth lest I go too far.

That was pretty amazing and I let her know it.  She found it amusing that I couldn’t last that long and teased me about it and about how rare it was that I would get more oral from her.  After composing myself I entered her and she encouraged me to some pretty hard screwing until I again needed a break.  She had me hold still inside her as she again used her vibrator to bring herself to several more orgasms.  She was so loud I worried she’d wake the kids.  She again teased me about how many orgasms she was having and asked if I could feel it (which I could).

She then pulled the old, “do you want to cum”?  Before I could answer she continued, “I know you do, don’t you…”.  As I groaned in response she followed with, “but you don’t want to either.  I know you want both and can’t decide, can you”.  I made some kind of affirmative grunt and she told me that she would have more fun if I had to wait.  She laughed and teased a bit more as I made a few more thrusts before having to pull out being so close to the edge.  I held her close as I trembled in the sub zone.

“Maybe we can have more fun tomorrow night.  Maybe you can fuck me with the big dildo.  Won’t that be fun”?

Again I grunted some kind of affirmative answer as I trembled and thanked her and told her how wonderful she was and how kind she was to me.

“Kind?  I think having so many orgasms and bringing you to the edge and not letting you cum is pretty mean, and I like that”.

Uggghhhh!  Heaven.

Perhaps I should be wearing the device today.  I haven’t done that in a while.

Where I’m at

When I started this blog it was to help me work through all the new feelings I was discovering and to relate to people with similar inclinations.  I had realized that I didn’t like when my wife had sex with me because she felt like it was her “wifely duty” and that I much preferred to just give her an orgasm and be left without one myself, than to give her an orgasm and then have her feel like she is obligated to return the favor, even when she would prefer to just roll over and go to sleep.  In the process I also realized that we had been living in a vanilla, but very real Wife Led Marriage.

As my wife came to accept this fact and later embrace her roll as leader of the household we ventured into some kinkier territories.  This was a boon to our sex life, which at that point, after 14 years together, had become pretty routine.  Now it is ANYTHING but routine.  Unfortunately, over the last six months or more it has hardly existed at all.

In the midst of all the kink and hoopla of living a WLM I firmly believed that it was “all for her”.  As my wife and I worked through the many paradoxes of power exchange kink and other issues involved in the WLM we came to understand that while she may be the prime focus it just won’t work unless we are both getting something out of it.  This understanding has led me to where I am today.

Where is that?  Well, it’s led me to feel pretty selfish about a lot of things.  It’s led me to do a lot less for my wife than I have over the past few years.  It’s led me to nearly telling my wife that it just wasn’t working any more.

There is a catch, however.  My wife has made it clear that this is the way things are now.

I have to admit that there are probably two main reasons for my change of attitude.  First would be the lack of sex.  Sexual power exchange is clearly important to me in our WLM and when it’s lacking I feel like something is missing from my life, which I guess it is.

The other reason is that the company my partner and I have been working so hard at becoming self sustaining and profitable requires me to be an Alpha male and it’s hard for me to switch back to a submissive mode when I get home.   Perhaps that works for some high powered executives (if we are to believe the stories) but it doesn’t work to well for me.  Submissive in sex, sure, but it hard to go from running a company and being in charge to scrubbing a kitchen floor and cleaning out the bathroom.

The stress of my wife’s work and the financial stress on both of us also led to my wife being less “dominant” as well, and she recognized this.  But that didn’t mean she doesn’t fully put herself first, unless it is her desire to put me first, which on occasion does happen.  She did try, however.  There have been too many instances where I would catch her saying, “damn, I missed a good opportunity to use my power over you”, or other things of that nature.

The last month or so has been a little different.  She really seems to have stepped it up.  She has been much more demanding of me and has once again used her ability to relax and have me cater to her.  A month or so ago she used me for some hot sex and had multiple orgasms while leaving me wanting.  This past Thursday night she used be for some sex, but kept telling me how she wanted to get a “good, hard fucking”.  She kept teasing me asking if I could do it knowing that I just can’t anymore.  Instead she used my mouth and her dildo to get off.  Eventually she climbed on top of me and verbally teased me until she told me to ask her for permission to cum.  I did and she thought about it before telling me I could (once again waiting nearly 5 weeks between orgasms).

Saturday before I left for work she stopped me and told me I hadn’t sufficiently thanked her my orgasm Thursday night.  She wanted me to give her several more before I left for work to show proper appreciation.  She again reiterated her desire for a “good, hard fucking” and asked me if I could do that for her.  She of course knows the answer and after a few strokes I have to withdraw and orally please her.  She then told me to watch while she brought herself several more orgasms with her toys.  I’m sure she really does want a good hard fuck like I used to give her, but she seems to find it amusing as well that I’ve become a “two pump chump”.  It is a nice erotic humiliation, but frankly I miss the days of feeling like a stud as I would bring my wife multiple orgasms with just my cock.  I think that would take regular masturbation again and since I’ve broken that habit I just don’t really think about it anymore, except the occasions where my wife will tell me to edge myself a few times before bed.  Even then I don’t last very long.  After our Saturday fling she asked me if I thought edging myself a few times that night would improve my stamina for Sunday.  I told her it would likely make no difference at all, and at this point may even decrease my stamina.  She again informed me of her desire to be fucked hard.  All I could offer was to use the dildo on her.  Her reaction could be summed up with, “if that’s what it takes”.

As I left for work I kissed her and thanked her for my orgasm on Thursday.  I also told her it was my seventh for the year.  She gave me her wicked little smile and said I was lucky to have a wife who gave me what I wanted (fewer orgasms).

Yes, it was a “careful what you wish for” moment.  As I’ve said, lately the WLM is not really doing it for me.  Kinky sex?  Sure.  All the rest… hmmm… not so sure any more.  I guess if the kinky sex keeps up it will help me get back into the right frame of mind.  But as I left for work Saturday with an erection that wouldn’t go away I really wanted an orgasm.  I can’t remember the last time I wanted an orgasm more than that.  But my wife left me with the reminder that it would be many weeks before I got another opportunity, and in that time she was planning on having many more herself.

I certainly hope so.

Trying to figure out this chastity thing

My wife and I had a nice chat last night.  Most of it was about non-arrangement stuff, but still important to our relationship.  As the evening drew to a close, and her bed time drew near I brought up a topic that I have been unsure about lately… chastity.

Well, it wasn’t even that simple.  It was kind of a multifaceted question, maybe not even a question at all.  It was a bit difficult to put into words.  As I stumbled along trying to talk to her about it I realized I likely wasn’t thinking very clearly about it due to the five weeks of chastity that I’m currently at.   Anyway, I think the “question” boiled down to these series of questions.

First, if we could afford to get a long term chastity device, would she want to keep me locked up?  She has never locked me in my device, but has told me to wear it many times.  It became clear shortly after getting my current device that it wouldn’t work as a 24/7 device.  I explained to her that lately I’ve had a great desire to be more securely locked up and that it would be incredibly erotic for her to hold the key.

A possible problem with this scenario is that we have found that a lack of stimulation leads to a lack of performance stamina… I cum too fast when we have sex.  Not too long ago we came up with the idea of nightly forced edgings.  Each night she would give me a number of times I was to edge myself before going to bed.  Somewhere along the line she stopped doing this.  I didn’t want to start asking her because I didn’t want to aggravate her before bed.  And frankly, it made life more difficult, sometimes erotically, sometimes just painfully.  When I was edging myself every night I was generally suffering from blue balls more often, and it made going weeks between orgasms much more difficult.  When I wasn’t masturbating at all the time just seemed to fly by and going four weeks without an orgasm was no big deal.  I actually welcomed the nights where she would give me the number “zero”, meaning I wasn’t allowed to masturbate that night.

So, my the point I was trying to get across to my wife was, “which is it”?  I told her that I love chastity now more than ever, but admitted that it has evolved.  I pointed out that after only having 24 orgasms my first year of chastity I thought it was far too few.  Last year I only had 20 and I think it was far too many.  I told her that this year I think every six weeks would be ideal.  I told her that I would also like to do it locked up.

My wife understood what I was getting at and started working through it.  She enjoys the chastity as well, but it’s never been as important to her as a good fucking.  She thought the required nightly edgings had been working, but somehow at some point had forgotten about it.  She told me that she wanted to start the program back up and if she forgets at night to give me a number I should ask for one.  It might aggravate her a bit, but it’s less aggravating than not being able to fuck her.

I told her I understood, but times like the last time we were intimate were so exciting and erotic.  Unfortunately it was one of those things that is just difficult to explain.  But I liked that I could only fuck her for less than two minutes before having to stop, and that she had orgasms from her vibrator, my mouth and her dildo.  It soooo amazing!

Because of this I brought up other potential methods.  I know she has always had a dislike for condoms, but I thought perhaps it had something to do with oral sex or something like that.  I asked her about it and she flat out said “no” to them.  She actually just doesn’t like how it feels inside her.  She says its just an unpleasant feeling.  I then brought up the penis extenders that we had seen on RWDDH.  I pointed out that they wouldn’t really be about adding size, just decreasing my stimulation.

She told me she didn’t like the idea of a penis extender because it seemed “emasculating”.  I told her I wouldn’t consider it that, I know I have plenty of size.  She told me that frankly one of her favorite things about me since we started going out was that I had a big, hard cock that could give her a thorough fucking.  That was very nice to hear.  I decided to skip the possibility of my using a strap on after hearing that.

So what did that leave us with?  Well, she likes the idea of my not masturbating, unless it’s her who is telling me to masturbate.  She likes my not cumming, but doesn’t like when it interferes with her cumming.  She likes to be fucked by a nice hard cock, but apparently only mine, au natural.  She doesn’t like when I can’t fuck her like she wants to be fucked.

Hmmm… I don’t think we really got anywhere at all.  And looking back she never actually answered the question on whether or not she would actually ever lock me in a device if I had one.  Which was actually kind of my original question.

You know, earlier in the night I had asked her about our upcoming anniversary.  It is our tenth, so a pretty big deal.  I told her that I was really worried about gifts.  I can’t afford an appropriate gift and I wouldn’t want to upset her on such a special day by screwing it up.  She agreed and we decided not to get gifts since we can’t really afford it.

Now I think we should get her a nice new dildo, and me a cb3000 (currently half off at the Stockroom).  Nah.  That’s just the five weeks of chastity talking.

Just a quick note

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I had changed my attitude about expecting sex.  It was still a pretty new idea to me when I posted it, but I have to say that it has had a dramatic effect on my mental stability.  We are in what I would call a “lull”, but really it’s just life.  Colds, kids, work… the typical things.  It’s not lack of interest, just diminished opportunity.  In the past I’m sure I would have lamented this.  Poor me.  Three weeks with barely any intimacy.  But I have to say that I’m doing great.  Would I prefer more intimacy?  Absolutely!  But I no longer expect it, so I’m not disappointed.  There has even been a few times where my wife has told me that she wanted some action but due to whatever reason we couldn’t.  That probably would have really sent me spiraling out of control before.  Now I’m just content to know that what we have is real and sex or no sex doesn’t change that.  She is the boss and that makes us both very happy.

That’s not to say that I’m not horny as hell.  Because I am.  Really.  Really.  Horny.

Last week she did surprise me a bit.  I had gotten up early to do something and she had told me that I could go back to bed for a little nap.  I took her up on that offer.  A few minutes later she was in bed next to me.  I was so close to sleep.  Next I felt her leg across my lap and heard a familiar buzz.  “Good for her” I thought as I was drifting off.

“I want you to lick me”.

So much for telling me to take a nap.

No longer tired I went down on her and brought her to an orgasm.  She told me I could edge myself and I dared ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask for quite a while now, “will you please edge me”?

At first she seemed a little taken aback, but I’m sure she saw the puppy dog eyes I was giving her.  Then she got a wicked look in her own eyes.  I was expecting her to lie next to me and half heartedly masturbate me for a few minutes.  Instead she straddled my legs.  That was a surprise.  Then she leaned over and wrapped her lips around my cock for a moment.  I assumed it was for lubrication.  Then she completely shocked me by giving me a real, honest to goodness blow job.  Well, as much of an honest to goodness blow job as one can get in ten to fifteen seconds.  That’s how long it took to get me to the edge.  I probably could have lasted a few more seconds, but I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to stop her or myself in time.  Hell, I’m probably being generous with thinking it lasted 15 seconds.  All I know is that she had a little chuckle at how quickly I got to the edge, “that didn’t take long”.  She totally got off on her ability to tease me with her mouth for a brief moment knowing I wouldn’t be allowed to cum.  It has been years since she had used her mouth like that and now it is fresh in my mind how amazing it is.  And it is fresh in my mind that I will be lucky to feel it again any time soon.

This is fun… why wasn’t that more obvious before?

I think my wife and I have recently realized something that should have probably been obvious long ago.  This is FUN!  Aside from all the other benefits we both get from our arrangement we can really have fun with this.

It seems that after our little lull we have both started having a lot more fun with this than before.  Not that we feel like we are playing a game, but my wife seems to be able to joke about things instead of feel like anytime she says something to me that should be “domme-y” it doesn’t really have to be serious.  For example, recently we were discussing dinner and she told me the two options and said, “it’s entirely up to you”.  Then, barely containing laughter she turned to me and pointed and said, “wait, nothing is ever up to you”!  We both had a good laugh as she picked the dinner she wanted.

This could have been played out several different ways, but my wife chose to be playful the way we are about most things.  She didn’t choose a serious tone and look down her nose and tell me it’s not up to me, and she didn’t taunt me with it and bring out feelings of humiliation.  Those other things would have been nice as well, but making a joke about it was just fun.

Of course jokes aren’t the only reason I now realize this can be fun.  It’s also the understanding that it doesn’t have to be serious all the time.  I guess this goes along with my confusion about the idea of a “24/7” type discussion that comes up in blogs occasionally.  I consider my wife and I to be “24/7” because when she agreed to it she agreed that it would be all the time.  That doesn’t mean that something kinky is always going on.  During our little lull very little happened at all, but there was always the understanding that we have an arrangement and that it was to be honored at all times.

So, it now seems obvious to me that our arrangement doesn’t have to be serious all the time.  It’s whatever we are making it at that moment, and right now my wife seems to just be having fun with different aspects of it, nothing particularly kinky or exciting, but things that usually bring a smile to at least her face, if not both of ours.

My wife also seems to be pushing the boundaries a bit more.  I don’t know if this coincides with realizing things don’t have to be serious all the time or not, but she really seems to be a little more open about things right now.  I mentioned this to her last night and she didn’t think too much of it.  She still felt as if things she may say or do wouldn’t necessarily let people in on what we have going on, but to me she is definitely being more open.

Last Saturday night was a perfect example of this.  I got home from work much earlier than expected, just as my wife, kids and mother-in-law were finishing dinner.  The kids left the table and my wife and mother-in-law got up and went to watch some TV.  By way of greeting from my wife I got, “Hi!  You are just in time to clean up from dinner”!    As I cleaned she again pointed out to her mother, “Isn’t it great that (my name) comes home from work and cleans up our dinner”?

Her explanation to me was that she was just trying to point out to her mother what an awesome husband I am.  But there was a look in her eye that said she didn’t really care if her mom read more into it or not.

While that was the most blatent recent instance it is really the increasing frequency of such instances, especially in front of her mother, that stand out.  While any individual statement may leave something to the imagination of the person she is speaking to, many such statements can make people stop and wonder.  I think this is really another way she was just having fun with our arrangement.

Thankfully she is also having more fun by having more orgasms.  Not only is she taking more advantage of opportunities when she is obviously in the mood, but it appears she is also taking more opportunities to put herself in the mood.  And on one occasion just took advantage of an opportunity.

While her mother was visiting we took a short trip to the beach.  After going back to the place we had rented for lunch my wife told her mother to keep the kids at the pool and we would prepare lunch.  I quickly jumped in the shower to get the sand and salt water off of me and a minute later my wife jumped in with me… errr… jumped me.  She took me to the bedroom and told me to get to work.  Thankfully she had me go down on her first as I was slow to get an erection with the knowledge that the bedroom door didn’t lock and her mother or the kids could come barging in from the pool with little notice.  After bringing her to a couple of orgasms she asked me if I wanted to cum.  While my brain screamed “OH MY GOD YES!!!!” my mouth said, “I want whatever you want”.  Her response was, “Good, it will be more fun to make you wait”.

Moments like that are so wonderful.  They are also often the stuff of fantasy, so as soon as she said it I had a hell of a time controlling myself.  I wanted to just start pounding away while the magical words were fresh.  My mind reeled in the agony and ecstasy of the moment, getting exactly what you love so much and turns you on so much that you just want to erupt in orgasm.  Ahh, I love those moments.

It amazes me to think that we had another one of those moments last night.  We watched a little TV as I folded laundry.  At the end of the show we were watching my wife told me she was going to bed.  I wanted to ask her if I might be allowed to go down on her, but I couldn’t think of the right words, so instead I asked her if I could “help her relax” before bed.  I guess she understood my euphemism and told me to get her allergy medicine and a glass of water and take them to her in bed.  I got them and entered the room and knelt at the side of the bed (did I mention I’m doing the kneeling thing again as she made it clear to me that she enjoys it?).  As she sat up and swallowed the pills she told me that I may use my mouth on her and told me to get her toys.  I got the toys and stripped down to just my cock ring and the device.

I slid into bed and made a move to kiss her.  She intercepted me and redirected my mouth.  Although it was not the first time that I’ve gone down on her while wearing the device it is still a rare enough occurrence as to be another “fantasy” type moment.  And it only got better.

After her first orgasm she got her dildo and had me use it while licking her.  Finally she’d had enough of me and used her mini vibe and the dildo together while I lay off to the side trying not to whimper in subspace to loudly.

After another orgasm I thought she would be done, but instead took my hand and had me grip the end of the dildo while she held onto my caged cock.  The power exchange of the moment put her over the edge as she had a final, enormous orgasm.  When she had gathered herself she told me to edge myself six times before bed, but to do it somewhere else as to not disturb her.

This is so much fun!

Second post of the day=massive sub space

With the kids sleeping over at a friends house tonight and my wife out of town I naturally assumed my wife would have one hell of a workout for me tonight.  Of course I have to go out and work later through the early morning hours, but still I have some time for messing around.

I just got off the phone with her and after going over our days she said segued into tonight’s session.

“So about tonight… I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now and it may be too hard for you to deal with, but I’ve made up my mind.  Your number for tonight is ZERO.”

At first Iwas crushed.  I couldn’t believe she wasn’t going to let me masturbate tonight of all nights.  Heck, when I she said it might be too hard for me I actually thought she was going to tell me to make myself cum.  Then I felt a little relieved and told her that I’m so constantly on edge emotionally right now that I feel ready to explode, and a break from blue balls might be nice.  Of course then I got a huge erection and wanted nothing more than to masturbate while talking to her.  I let her know and she laughed.  She told me she was going to make an early night of it and was likely to masturbate herself before bed sending me deeper into subspace.

I thanked her for everything she does for me and for making me feel so controlled.  I then told her how sexy it was for her to do something just to be mean and not let me touch myself tonight.  I told her that really excited me.  She then explained that she wasn’t doing it to be mean and only at the last second realised it might be very difficult on me, but none of that mattered to her.  She had decided that tonight the number would be zero and I had to deal with it whether it made me happy or sad or whatever.  That didn’t concern her.  What she wanted was for me to not masturbate tonight.  I told her that made it a thousand times more sexy and made me feel completely controlled and that I loved the feeling.  I think I may have begged for a few strokes somewhere in there as well.

She finished by letting me know she had a big smile on her face knowing that she could control me like this, and that she was going to go to bed thinking about my not masturbating because she isn’t letting me, while she will cum as many times as she likes before falling asleep.

I’m in heaven!  I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull out of it and be able to get into Alpha mode for work tonight.  I have a feeling this will last until she gets home.