New Routine

Sorry for the long time between posts, but it’s been a busy summer.

My wife and I finally had a (short) conversation about her hinting at starting the Arrangement again and she basically informed me that it was a heat of the moment comment.  Basically, she’s happy the way things are but is enjoying the benefits of the power play in the bedroom.  In the bedroom it’s still “All For Her”.  Lately, it’s even escalated a bit.  I’m sure it won’t last, or at least will cool down a bit, but for now I’m enjoying it.

Essentially, of late I’ve become second fiddle to her big purple dildo, and I’m loving it!

It started one night, as usual, with her playing with her vibe before telling me to go down on her.  In my excitement I expanded my oral ministrations, so to speak.  Rather than be put off, as I was afraid she might be, she encouraged me.  This brought her several orgasms.  She then allowed me a chance to enter her.  I made love to her for few minutes before she again brought out the vibe and told me to stay still.  After another orgasm she informed me she was ready for “Big Purple”.  I excitedly slid out and presented her dildo.  I sat back and watched her and listened to her moan.  I, of course, don’t elicit such sounds.

As she continued to enjoy her orgasms she informed me that I can cum.  In my shock and joy I started stroking myself and in moments came on her thigh.  I immediately licked it off of her as she moaned in bliss.  When she was done she told me to clean up her toys as she left to clean up herself.

The next couple of times we made love it followed the same pattern, but most recently she seamed to focus even more on the pleasures of my tongue in its new territory.  As I licked her I (barely) heard her asking for Big Purple.  I paused to prepare it for her and slowly inserted it.  For the first time she took it all at once.  Before she had to slowly work it deeper over time.  This time it slid right in all the way to the big purple balls.  I continued to lick before she pushed me away and used her vibe.  I sat back and watched again as she enjoyed herself and told me how much she loved “that big cock”.

I leaned over her and kissed her and moaned with her and between orgasms she looked at me and asked, as if it had just occurred to her, “oh, did you want a chance”?\

“Yes, please”, I begged.  She slowly pulled out her dildo, moaning all the time and let me enter her.  I told her I wouldn’t last long, and didn’t.  I could feel how much the dildo stretched her and the thought put me over the edge.  As I rolled off her she put Big Purple back to work and brought herself to one last orgasm.

When she had come down she again told me to clean up the mess and went off to shower.

I love our new routine!

 

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Wanting somebody else to know

I’ve often thought about letting a friend or two of ours know about our arrangement.  Frankly it’s been on my mind a lot lately.  There is one friend of ours that I’m sure could handle it, and probably would love the idea.  I’ve brought it up with my wife in the past and she agreed that if we told anyone it would be this one person.  The last time we talked about it, though, she just didn’t feel the need to let anyone know.

I keep wresting with the idea because it probably isn’t  the smartest thing in the world to do.  And yet I really want somebody to know.  Part of it is probably just a further desire for more kink.  If person X, the person my wife and I agree would be the first to know, knew would she expect me to wait on her when she visits?  Would she treat me differently?  Probably not, but in the fantasy world it’s exciting to think about.  I’m not talking about sex or anything either.  I’m talking about her sitting with my wife and asking me to get her more coffee.  Sure, it’s fantasy fodder, but it’s not the only reason I want to let somebody know.

I also want people to know because I’m proud of our arrangement.  If person X knew shew would undoubtedly be very excited for my wife and want to know all the details.  She may very well even be envious.  We are both fairly sure she wouldn’t be repulsed by it… she’s not the most vanilla person in the world by any means.  If X knew then my wife could talk freely with her about our arrangement.  Would my wife want to?  Although she says she doesn’t need somebody to talk to about it, she often tells people everything short of the “kink factors”.  She loves to tell people that I’m her stay-at-home husband.  While other women she works with will complain their husbands don’t cook or clean she loves to tell them what I’m making for dinner (or recently made) and what cleaning job I’m likely doing at the time.  Of course, many of these people try to make me feel better and tell me how they know “another at home dad” and how “he’s OK with it” too, assuming that I’m ashamed of my status but probably shouldn’t be too much.

Then again, just telling plain old anybody could be very dangerous.  Person X is like family to both of us, but as for other close friends, well, anything can happen.  Misunderstandings lead to complete fall outs all too often.  One tiny tiff could turn into a free-for-all that leads to exaggerated emails to my wife’s boss and co-workers about how she is a dominatrix or some other crazy stunts.

I suppose we could always search the internet to find like minded couples in the area, but that doesn’t really satisfy the desire for a friend to know.  I don’t particularly want to make new friends just so we can know somebody who knows about our arrangement.  It might be cool to know somebody else locally in a similar arrangement, but I think it would probably lead to a stronger desire to let a friend know.

I realise the smart move is probably to just keep it to ourselves.  But in a few weeks Person X will be in town visiting.  It would be great if she knew.  But she won’t know.  She’ll just know that I’m a very awesome husband who is lucky to have a very awesome wife.  But she already knows that.

When too much of a good thing gets to your head…

The kids are now in school and my wife took off Monday so that we could have some time alone together.  Unfortunately she was feeling a bit depressed so her plans for a sexy day together didn’t really happen.  She apologized to me several times and I asked if she would just like to lay down and cuddle for a bit just so we could be close.  We did and it was nice, but I could tell she was still feeling very bummed out.  We chatted a bit and thinking it would make her feel better (uh, oh) I thanked her for the two wonderful experiences we’d had over the last week and told her they were “fantasy-like” or something along those lines.  Now, my intention was for her to feel less guilty about not wanting sex when she had planned for it by letting her know that she had been so amazing lately.  After a few moments she apologized for not being that way all the time.  I immediately felt horrible and tried to explain that it wasn’t a complaint about other times, rather something very special that I appreciated as being above and beyond.  She told me that she knew I meant it that way, and from what she said I got the impression that she wished she was just “on” more in that sense, as in it was really sexy for her as well but her libido and having kids, etc. prevent her from feeling that way all the time but she wished she did.

I let it go and we held each other quietly for a while before getting up and doing some chores.  As I worked I thought about it.  I thought about my fantasies and what it would be like if my wife were “on” more.  Frankly, the thought of that reality was a bit overwhelming.  I thought about how the escalation would make me feel, and although I’m sure it would be very exciting at first, maintaining that excitement would be very difficult, I imagine.  You build a tolerance towards everything, so escalating a large amount would be very intimidating.  What would happen when one of us was sick and couldn’t give the other the thrill they needed.  What would happen when we go through our little bouts of depression which are already hard enough.

As if to verify my thoughts my wife has continued in her funk all week.  I, of course, can’t help but anticipate some sort of sexual encounter between us, but there has been none.  This was brought to a head Wednesday night for me.  I was sent home from work early do to lack of business.  I was a bit excited about this as I’d get to spend more time with my wife.  I arrived home to her paying bills and she was not happy to see me.  She was not happy to see me because money is very, very tight right now, and for her to see me meant that I got sent home from work early, which meant work was slow, which meant I wasn’t making enough money.

So I was on the bad end of an extended complaint about the bad shape we are in until the end of the month.  Fair enough, really.  She does make the majority of the money and is in charge of finances.  If she has to bear that end I could at least bear the complaints.  But as her bed time grew near, and our time together shorter I started feeling very down about having spent our time together with her complaining at me.  This of course made me feel guilty about thinking more about how I felt than how she felt.

When she finally noticed the time I was sure she was going to go to bed, but instead she hesitated.  I built up the slight hope that she would tell me to join her in bed.  She was clearly debating whether or not she could stay up a little longer and finally she decided she could.  That’s when she turned on the TV to watch a show she had recorded earlier.

At that point I felt resentment.  How many times has she put off sex because it was “bed time”?  Not “I’m too tired”, just “it’s too late”.  So, I can’t even win out over a TV show?

This caused a huge spiral of guilt at my other feelings, all of which I really couldn’t prevent and was entitled to.  I’m human.  We can’t really control our emotions.  What I felt that I did that was inappropriate, though, was pout.  And I got the feeling my wife saw me pouting and wasn’t saying anything about it which just fueled the mixed up emotions I was already feeling.

When the show was over she got up and got herself a glass of water and took her allergy medicine and headed off to bed.  That seemed like the final snub as 99% of the time this is the last thing I do for her before she goes to sleep.

After she’d been in bed a few minutes I went in to kiss her goodnight.  She asked me if I was OK and I told her I wasn’t.  She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I couldn’t really explain it right then because it would probably make her feel guilty and that would be wrong because it had nothing to do with her, it was all in my own mind and I was acting inappropriately.  This brought a brief tear to her eye and she said, “thank you” before going to sleep.

It didn’t keep me from feeling crappy about the whole thing, though.

The next day I apologized for being pouty the night before and she told me I had every right to be after taking all that crap from her.  She then apologized for being so miserable all week and we generally tried to make each other feel better about feeling bad.  And yet, all I could think of was how she wished she would be more “on” and yet didn’t even do some of the simple things that she has been doing for two plus years now.

Completely unfair on my part, I know.

Last night was better though, and I think that’s when I figured out that my worries about her being “on” all the time were probably well founded.  I have one amazing week and when she didn’t “keep up the pace” I felt neglected and resentful.  While understandable it is entirely inappropriate for our arrangement and only makes things worse.

I’m glad she can have these wonderful moments sometimes, where everything just seems magical and meant to be, and I’ll leave the fantasies to the fantasy world.  I’m really just glad we have what we do and although I’d never say “no” to an increase in action, it’s only because that is a fantasy.

Promotion and other thoughts

Before my wife left for the conference she is now attending she was informed that she had been promoted.  Her boss had taken another job several weeks ago and we were fairly confident that my wife was the #1 choice for replacement, but you can never be certain.  It will not be official until she returns and they negotiate the details, salary, etc.  They let her know early because they want her to head hunt at the conference for two more people to work for her and having the title of Director gives you a little more sway.  Of course, it would have been better if they had this all worked out a week ago and had given her updated business cards, but what can you do?

There isn’t really any point to that story.  I’m just really proud of my wife and wanted to brag a bit.  ;p

I do wonder sometimes when my wife makes a comment or a “command” about who the comment is really for.  Is she saying it because she knows I’ll like it (get off on it), or because she gets off on it, or because she just really and truly feels strongly about it and if it works on other levels than so much the better.

A recent instance of this was her first night at the conference.  She called me before she went to bed and asked me about my day with the kids and such.  Eventually she got to the orders for the night.  She wanted me to edge myself four times before bed.  HOWEVER, and she was very adamant about this, I was not to touch myself during the day for any reason at all.  I was not, while she was out of town, to edge myself under her direction, until the children were asleep and I was sure they would not wake up and at that time I was to do it in a place where even if they did wake up they would not walk in on me.

All of this seemed very obvious to me but she kept reiterating and spoke at me at great length about how I was not to touch myself and what specific circumstances I could touch myself under.  It seemed overboard.  Didn’t she believe that I had truly stopped masturbating?  Did she really think I sat around touching myself all day while I let the kids run free?  Was she saying this because she understood it was a bit humiliating being talked to in such a manner as to imply that I wasn’t disciplined enough to control my carnal instincts?  Or was it that she went on about it because it made her feel more involved, that it gave her more of a sense of control, something she could get off on a bit before going to bed?  Perhaps it was a bit of all of this, but I worry that she just thinks I sit around and masturbate all day.  Her tone of voice, though, was fairly commanding.  I don’t know.  I really shouldn’t think so much about it, but moments like this make me wonder sometimes.

That night, eventually, I did have my second session and edged myself four times in less then ten minutes.  I made sure to take long breaks between edges but it still seemed a little fast.  It also left me with a serious case of blue balls the next day.

Last night at her bed time call my wife asked me about the session.  I told her the details (not much to tell, really) and informed her of the ache and desire and frustration.  She seemed genuinely pleased to hear it and gave me the goal of five edges for the night.  I thanked her and got a little weak kneed thinking about the continued ache and frustration.

I started out very slowly last night and lasted almost fifteen minutes through my first edge.  I really just wanted to see how long I could make it last.  After that though I only lasted a few seconds for each of the last four edges and on the fourth edge nearly took it too far.  I was amazed that I was able to control it by pretty much tightening every muscle in the area (it felt that way at least).  It was difficult falling asleep from the serious ache in my groin.

On a side note I discovered something fun last night.  I can wear the chrome cock ring and the device at the same time, basically just adding weight to the whole thing.  It feels wonderful!  It makes me want a heavier device or some weights or something.

Quick arrangement chat

Well, we were able to have a short talk about our arrangement last night.  I started by expressing that it seemed like the arrangement seemed to have, I forget what word I used, but I think something along the lines of mellowed maybe.  Anyway, my wife disagreed.  She said the arrangement is what it is, the problem was that we weren’t very connected due to how busy she had been with work and how busy I’ve been and the kid activities going on and now that our oldest is on summer vacation from school they are staying up later, etc…

In some ways this was a relief to hear, despite the fact we were talking about a complete strain on our relationship.  Her point was it didn’t have anything to do with the arrangement.  All aspects of our relationship have been effected.  

I told her that I wish I had gone out of my way to be more helpful, but honestly felt that I was going through a period of depression.

I also brought up the lack of sex and asked if it was because she was getting all she wanted and that was it, or if it was lack of time or what.  She was a bit surprised to realise we’ve only had sex 7 times this year and said that we needed to work on that as well.  Once again time and stress have taken a toll, but my wife assured me that in no way did she intend to only have sex once a month.  She too would like to be back to at least a couple of times a week.  Whew.

We didn’t talk for very long, but we agreed that we needed to put more effort into our relationship and since our arrangement is a big part of that hopefully we will be back to where we were in no time.

 

Side note – 

I’ve been wearing my device a lot lately.  I’ve really grown to enjoy the feeling, especially when I get excited and feel how it restrains my erection.  It’s damn sexy.

And for the OC/OD fans I need to make a correction.  I’d previously said that I’d only had 6 orgasms for the year (I think).  I’ve actually had 7, but haven’t had a release for 31 days now with no opportunity until at least 35 days.

Why the ‘choice’?

You can’t change who you are.  At least that’s the saying, right?  I think there is a lot of truth to that.  In our arrangement we aren’t really changing who we are, we’re just enhancing certain aspects, I think.  Of course, we may be doing things we wouldn’t otherwise be doing, but that’s not changing who we are, it’s changing what we do.  Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.

I started thinking about it last night.  I got into bed with my wife and told her how sexy the idea of the release with conditions was.  I asked her when she came up with it.  She told me she’d thought about it a few days before.  Now, I don’t remember exactly how she worded her reasoning, but it boiled down to the idea that she felt like she was neglecting me and that she needed to do something for me.  I could tell she was a bit bummed about it and didn’t want to get too deep into it, so I just told her that I’ve been very happy and didn’t feel neglected at all.  She didn’t seem very convinced.  I then asked her if we were in bed because she wanted to have sex, or because she felt obligated to have sex.  She told me she wanted to do it for me.  I told her that I could see how tired she was and kissed her and wished her sweet dreams and got out of bed.

I’m sure a year ago I would have wanted to sit down and have a long conversation with her where I explain that she needs to relax and understand it’s all about her wants, needs and desires.  But I now accept that she will always be a loving wife who cares about my needs.  I appreciate the great gift of the “mind fuck” that she gave me, and that she will occasionally have sex when she is tired because she feels like she’s been neglecting me.  These are characteristics about her that I fell in love with.  They won’t change, and I don’t think I want them to.  However, as we’ve gotten further into our arrangement, I see that she doesn’t feel obligated to do these things all the time.  The vast majority of the time she is able to simply receive and understand that I get pleasure from it as well.  But, things have been a little hectic over the last several weeks with her family visiting and what not, and I guess I’ve been doing a good job around the house, etc., so I’m sure she is feeling a little pressure to perform for me.  Yay for me!  I’ve got a loving wife.

Having said all that, I will ask her if she wants to take a few minutes tonight to talk about it.  I just want her to really understand how very content I’ve been lately, and that the occasional “mind fuck” game can really work wonders.  Now, here’s where you are going to yell “hypocrite” at me, but I swear these two topics came up separately!  The day before she laid the “choice” on me I had been thinking (fantasizing) about blow jobs, and the lengths I’d be willing to go to get one.  I was trying to figure out how to broach the topic with her.  Actually, I guess I was going to ask in the context of birthday sex.  As I mentioned last blog for whatever reasons I did not have birthday sex and I’ve been very, very tempted to ask for a blow job for my birthday.  I know I haven’t had one since I’ve started this blog, and it would be a safe bet to say I haven’t had one in several years.  Anyway, I was thinking, how exactly do I word this?  “What would it cost me to get a blow job”, clearly makes her sound like a whore (although perhaps that would be a kinky fantasy for her).  Maybe, “I would do just about anything for a birthday blow job, what would it take”?  The thing is, at this point it’s become more about the mind fuck than about the blow job.  This became apparent to me the next day when she essentially did what I was fantasizing about, only in terms of masturbation, not oral sex.

So, I’d really like to talk to her about that.  I want her to know we don’t always have to be “doing things”, because the fact that we do all the little things everyday is really enough most of the time.  But every once in a while if we can do one of these little games of choice, well, that’s icing on the cake!  I think it will be a good talk, and besides, we haven’t really chatted about our arrangement in a while.

Things are looking up

Things have remained pretty mellow in the WLM department.  I think it mostly has to do with the fact that my wife has had a bad cold for a couple of weeks now.  She’s just starting to feel better.  Of course, I’m starting to feel crappy.  Typical.

On the plus side my wife has managed to do a few small things that have put me into a more submissive frame of mind.  It’s so strange how I go back and forth.  For some reason I feel so much more at ease when I’m in a submissive mindset, yet when I’m not in that frame of mind I can’t imagine why I would want to be in that frame of mind.  Very strange.

Saturday night, after getting home from work very late (about 2:30 am) my wife stirred from her sleep just enough to say, “my toys are on your pillow for you to clean”.  I was soooo horny I immediately grabbed them and licked them clean before washing them.  That act alone put me into a mini-sub space.  I returned to the room, put them away and asked if I could be allowed to go down on her.  She replied that she was too tired.  I wasn’t upset as I expected her to be too tired.  I was just happy she was feeling better enough to even want to masturbate.  Frankly, having her get off without me probably did more for me than had I been involved.

There have been other little things as well.  Comments made here and there, things like that.  Just enough to let me know that the lull has to do with her not feeling well and stressed about work.  It doesn’t have anything to do with our arrangement.

Speaking of which, Wednesday marks our first anniversary in the arrangement.  Speaking on the phone to my wife a little while ago I mentioned this to her.

“Really, a year has gone by already?  What are you going to do for me?”

That was a very nice response to get.  She didn’t ask what we could do, or talk about how we could celebrate.  She responded by asking me what I was going to do for her to mark the occasion.  How exciting!  Of course, I have no idea what I’m going to do.  The few things I’ve thought about excite me so much it makes me feel like I’m doing it more for me than for her.

Any suggestions?