Second post of the day=massive sub space

With the kids sleeping over at a friends house tonight and my wife out of town I naturally assumed my wife would have one hell of a workout for me tonight.  Of course I have to go out and work later through the early morning hours, but still I have some time for messing around.

I just got off the phone with her and after going over our days she said segued into tonight’s session.

“So about tonight… I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now and it may be too hard for you to deal with, but I’ve made up my mind.  Your number for tonight is ZERO.”

At first Iwas crushed.  I couldn’t believe she wasn’t going to let me masturbate tonight of all nights.  Heck, when I she said it might be too hard for me I actually thought she was going to tell me to make myself cum.  Then I felt a little relieved and told her that I’m so constantly on edge emotionally right now that I feel ready to explode, and a break from blue balls might be nice.  Of course then I got a huge erection and wanted nothing more than to masturbate while talking to her.  I let her know and she laughed.  She told me she was going to make an early night of it and was likely to masturbate herself before bed sending me deeper into subspace.

I thanked her for everything she does for me and for making me feel so controlled.  I then told her how sexy it was for her to do something just to be mean and not let me touch myself tonight.  I told her that really excited me.  She then explained that she wasn’t doing it to be mean and only at the last second realised it might be very difficult on me, but none of that mattered to her.  She had decided that tonight the number would be zero and I had to deal with it whether it made me happy or sad or whatever.  That didn’t concern her.  What she wanted was for me to not masturbate tonight.  I told her that made it a thousand times more sexy and made me feel completely controlled and that I loved the feeling.  I think I may have begged for a few strokes somewhere in there as well.

She finished by letting me know she had a big smile on her face knowing that she could control me like this, and that she was going to go to bed thinking about my not masturbating because she isn’t letting me, while she will cum as many times as she likes before falling asleep.

I’m in heaven!  I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull out of it and be able to get into Alpha mode for work tonight.  I have a feeling this will last until she gets home.

Promotion and other thoughts

Before my wife left for the conference she is now attending she was informed that she had been promoted.  Her boss had taken another job several weeks ago and we were fairly confident that my wife was the #1 choice for replacement, but you can never be certain.  It will not be official until she returns and they negotiate the details, salary, etc.  They let her know early because they want her to head hunt at the conference for two more people to work for her and having the title of Director gives you a little more sway.  Of course, it would have been better if they had this all worked out a week ago and had given her updated business cards, but what can you do?

There isn’t really any point to that story.  I’m just really proud of my wife and wanted to brag a bit.  ;p

I do wonder sometimes when my wife makes a comment or a “command” about who the comment is really for.  Is she saying it because she knows I’ll like it (get off on it), or because she gets off on it, or because she just really and truly feels strongly about it and if it works on other levels than so much the better.

A recent instance of this was her first night at the conference.  She called me before she went to bed and asked me about my day with the kids and such.  Eventually she got to the orders for the night.  She wanted me to edge myself four times before bed.  HOWEVER, and she was very adamant about this, I was not to touch myself during the day for any reason at all.  I was not, while she was out of town, to edge myself under her direction, until the children were asleep and I was sure they would not wake up and at that time I was to do it in a place where even if they did wake up they would not walk in on me.

All of this seemed very obvious to me but she kept reiterating and spoke at me at great length about how I was not to touch myself and what specific circumstances I could touch myself under.  It seemed overboard.  Didn’t she believe that I had truly stopped masturbating?  Did she really think I sat around touching myself all day while I let the kids run free?  Was she saying this because she understood it was a bit humiliating being talked to in such a manner as to imply that I wasn’t disciplined enough to control my carnal instincts?  Or was it that she went on about it because it made her feel more involved, that it gave her more of a sense of control, something she could get off on a bit before going to bed?  Perhaps it was a bit of all of this, but I worry that she just thinks I sit around and masturbate all day.  Her tone of voice, though, was fairly commanding.  I don’t know.  I really shouldn’t think so much about it, but moments like this make me wonder sometimes.

That night, eventually, I did have my second session and edged myself four times in less then ten minutes.  I made sure to take long breaks between edges but it still seemed a little fast.  It also left me with a serious case of blue balls the next day.

Last night at her bed time call my wife asked me about the session.  I told her the details (not much to tell, really) and informed her of the ache and desire and frustration.  She seemed genuinely pleased to hear it and gave me the goal of five edges for the night.  I thanked her and got a little weak kneed thinking about the continued ache and frustration.

I started out very slowly last night and lasted almost fifteen minutes through my first edge.  I really just wanted to see how long I could make it last.  After that though I only lasted a few seconds for each of the last four edges and on the fourth edge nearly took it too far.  I was amazed that I was able to control it by pretty much tightening every muscle in the area (it felt that way at least).  It was difficult falling asleep from the serious ache in my groin.

On a side note I discovered something fun last night.  I can wear the chrome cock ring and the device at the same time, basically just adding weight to the whole thing.  It feels wonderful!  It makes me want a heavier device or some weights or something.

Back on track (and getting it done right)

Well, I was able to scratch my wife’s itch last night successfully.  I could see in her eyes how much she really enjoyed the higher tempo and harder thrusts that had not really been involved in a while.  I’m sure the several beers I’d had earlier in the night helped greatly in this department, but I won’t complain.  It’s not like I drank the beer for that reason.

Anyway, I really enjoyed it as well.  I was at last able to feel like a big stud as I brought my wife to multiple orgasms.  After she had been satisfied I was (of course) still horny as hell and asked for permission to masturbate.  She allowed me to and feeling very submissive I commented to her that it had been years since I’d had been allowed to orgasm two days in a row.  She pointed out that it would likely be years before I ever did again.  I also mentioned that I had only had ten orgasms so far this year.  This elicited a loud laugh from her as she replied, “Only ten all year”?  She laughed a bit more about it before getting up to finish getting ready for bed.

As she dressed she informed me that she would be emailing me assignments while she was out of town, as well as other instructions, and that I was of course not allowed to touch myself except how I was specifically instructed to.  This was all to be expected, really, but hearing her say it is always wonderful.

She left the room and returned a few moments later to find me still masturbating.  She made a comment about it that implied, “I can’t believe you continue to torture yourself that way when you aren’t going to cum”.  Finally she dismissed me from the room with a small laugh at the enormous tent in my shorts.  I pointed out that it would be a few minutes before the cock ring powered erection would wear down.

At this point she is flying across the country to a conference and I have gotten my first list of jobs, so off I go like a good husband to do what his wife has told him.  It really seems like we’ve been able to get back into the groove again and damn is it exciting!

Session one: it begins

Sunday morning my wife took the kids out for a good part of the day leaving me with a kiss and a directive to edge myself three times.  Ooooh, sexy.  I was very excited by the prospect of our new game and as I lazed in bed I fantasized about it.  Eventually I got up and put the new cock ring on.  I had a couple of cups of coffee and checked the computer.  Finally I lay in bed and began stroking myself to get an erection.  I nearly came before I was even completely hard.

Well, that wasn’t very fun or sexy.

As I waited for the urge to go away I thought about my wife masturbating with her dildo and mini vibe while I lay next to her watching.  That go me completely hard and allowed me to stroke for maybe 30 seconds.

Hmmmm… this won’t do at all.

Clearly I was going about this all wrong.  I cleared my head and stared at the ceiling.  I started slowly stroking and tried to concentrate on not feeling or thinking anything sexy.  I lasted perhaps a minute.

I’m guessing the excitement of the whole situation probably made things more difficult for me, but really, three edges in three minutes?  That just will not do.

Later that afternoon my wife and I had a little private time.  She wanted to know how my “session” went.  I started by telling her about how I’ve found the tiny humiliations a serious turn on.  “I don’t know why it is and I’m not going to analyse it, I’m just going to accept that it is”, I told her.  I told her how the looks she some times give me and the conversation about my not lasting long enough in bed lately really got me excited.  She looked a bit baffled but accepted it without judgement.  I then went on to tell her all the details of my three minute session.  Needless to say she was not impressed.  She then told me to get her toys.  I had neglected to put the new batteries in her vibe which elicited a stinging comment from my wife.  Was she playing to the humiliation thing?

I started putting the new batteries in when I heard the command, “on your knees”.  I was literally shaking as I attempted to get the batteries in.  I shuffled over to the side of the bed where she had already started playing with the dildo.  She took the vibrator from me and proceeded to ignore me through several orgasms.  Eventually she told me she wanted me to masturbate.  I got undressed and she watched as I removed the device from my cock.  There was that smirk again.  I looked at the cock ring on my dresser but there was no way I was going to be able to get it on at that point.  As I knelt beside the bed again my wife addressed me and explained that I should consider myself lucky as she was going to allow me to orgasm after only 8 days.  However, she wanted me to know the only reason she was going to let me cum is because she is leaving for a business trip and wants me to give her a good fucking before she goes.  “Do you think you’ll be able to do that”, she asked?

Next she had me lie in bed beside her and she began to masturbate again.  I started stroking and exploded about 30 seconds later.  She came again, dropped her toys next to me and got up and got dressed without addressing me again.  I sheepishly got cleaned up, got dressed and followed her out of the room.

I hope her plan works.  I really don’t want to disappoint her tonight.  Either way, I’m sure it’s going to be really freaking sexy.

The new workout plan

We had a fun night last night and a great talk.  I explained my theory about my lack of staying power lately to my wife and she seemed a bit skeptical, probably thinking I was just trying to get a little more action.  But after a minute or so, and without any convincing from me, she seemed to understand the premise I was presenting to her.  She then apologized a little bit for our lack of intimacy, but before I started telling her she had nothing to be sorry for she continued and got to the heart of the matter for her.  “We may be having sex less often but when I want it I want to be FUCKED!  Lately you have to just lay there or pull out because any little movement and you are going to cum”.

Of course it’s all true, and she wasn’t trying to be mean, she was just showing her dissatisfaction with the sex I’ve been providing (or not providing for that matter).  This of course made me rock hard from the subtle humiliation factor.  She asked me if I had any ideas on how we could work on it to get me back into marathon sex shape and I offered the idea of “supervised” masturbation.  It wouldn’t have to be actually supervised as in only in front of my wife, but it was a suggestion that she would somehow be a participant in it even if she was not around.  We then kicked around some ideas and seemed to have settled on her regularly prescribing masturbation for some duration of time where she will change it up to make it more interesting.  Perhaps one night she will prescribe 5 minutes and the next night she will prescribe 5 edges.

As we talked about this I got another little rush of sub space as I realized that I was venturing back into the land of sexual frustration.  Part of the reason I’ve been able to deal with the fewer orgasms this year and the fewer intimate occasions is, I think, because of the lack of sexual stimulation overall.  I’m not masturbating and not having sex without release so basically there isn’t as much sexual frustration over all.  With nightly edgings I can pretty much count on a daily case of blue balls and feel every minute of chastity before a release.  I pointed this out to my wife he seemed a little amused by it before giving me a “sucks to be you then” type reply.

As much as the “inadequacy” humiliation was a turn on (which is OK because I know I’m more than adequate and just need to work on my staying power again) I’m ready to feel like a super stud again as my wife has orgasm after orgasm beneath me while I proudly go without.  It’s strange to think that I actually felt more like a stud from not having an orgasm than from having one.  Well, maybe not that strange.  Hell, maybe the reason we are only having sex once every three weeks is because I haven’t been giving her much of a reason to want it more often.  That has to change.

We weren’t able to start last night as I worked until 5 am and tonight I will be working late again and have to be up for a meeting at 8 am and work late again, so hopefully we can talk about it a bit more on Sunday and get started then.  Perhaps my wife will want to be actively involved or maybe she’ll have come up with some other ideas.  I’m eager to find out!

The Cock Ring Cometh

So the new cock ring arrived Wednesday.  God bless JT’s Stockroom for their speedy service.

When I first tried it on it seemed to fit nearly perfectly, maybe a tad on the loose side, but better too loose than too tight, right?  Right?  The thing is, I don’t really know.  I googled the hell out of it trying many different variations of “how do I know if my cock ring fits right” and pretty much found the exact same description of how to fit a cock ring on every different page I went to.  And that description is LACKING!

Look, I measured the damn thing exactly the way all the different sights said and ordered the largest size as it seemed closest to the measurements I took.  And it fits and does what it’s supposed to do.  I actually can’t imagine getting a size much smaller as it’s already a tricky job finagling yourself into it.  I did jumping jacks and made wild thrusts and it stayed on.

OK, job well done.  Except.

I went to work last night and decided against wearing the new ring until I’d had more time at home with it on.  Instead I wore the leather ring as I usually do.  When I got home I eagerly traded the rings out and “plunk”, the chrome ring dropped to the floor.

Hmmm.  That’s odd.

I put it back on and walked a few steps and it continued to slip down and fall off again.

I put it on a third time and wondered how it could be so much looser than before.  The problem nobody gets into on the “fitting” issue is WHEN to measure.  When I measured I was mostly in the “high and tight” position.  When I first put the ring on I was mostly in the “high and tight” position.  When I tried to put it on at night I was hanging very, very low.  So low that I think their may have been at least a .25″ difference in size.  I don’t think I could squeeze into a 2″ ring when I’m high and tight, though.  This is a bit of a puzzler.  Even if they let me return it I want to make sure I get the correct size next time.  I could split the difference and go with the 2 1/8″ size.  Or, I could just not wear it when it’s not going to be used, but the point is that I like the feeling of wearing it while out and about.

What to do, what to do…

One of the best parts of the new cock ring so far has come through a simple question my wife asked me.

“So, is this going to help you last longer”?

Oooh!  That simple question made me feel soooo good and gave me such a rush.  She is thinking about her own benefit and slightly providing a tad bit of humiliation (I’m really starting to get into this tiny little humiliations thing).  Now, she’s commented to me many times that she would love for me to get a metal cock ring, but I of course wanted it for my own selfish reason of how sexy I think it is.  Here she is reminding me that she doesn’t care if I like the feel of it or not, is it going to help me pleasure her (which has been a bit of a problem lately).

Although one of the claims of benefits of cock rings is to delay orgasm, I personally haven’t found it to be true.  I’ve been thinking about my wifes comment the last few days (she made it after I ordered it, not after I got it) and I think it’s the result of another one of the many contradictions we seem to find in our idea of the Arrangement.  I’ve gotten to the point where I have essentially stopped masturbating.  Period.  Unless it’s in the context of us together I just don’t do it.  No more edging in the shower.  No more late night edging when everyone is asleep.  The closest I get is the pressure of restrained erections against the device.  This was our goal and something my wife actually really bought into from the beginning.  I do not touch myself without her consent.   Yay!  We’ve done that.

Now I have almost no endurance.  Hell, while “testing” the new cock ring yesterday I wanted to see how well it did in the erection department so put it on and masturbated for a bit (it was done in the name of product testing!!!) and frankly after I got the full erection and admired the super hot look of a big chrome ring around my stuff and admired the little bit of added girth it gave me I decided to indulge in a few more strokes… and nearly came.

So, yeah, not so much on the helping me last longer.

Before I finally won the battle against masturbation I was actually edging myself multiple times a day, often with the consent of my wife.  Last year we were having sex multiple times a week, I was edging in the shower, I was edging after everyone was asleep, my wife was having me edge as she masturbated, in other words, I was giving my cock a HUGE workout.  Clearly the answer is the more I edge the more used to the feeling of being close to the edge I get and the longer it takes to get there.  I really felt like I was the master of my endurance last year.

Now I get in and a minute later I’m having to stop and I know it’s frustrating my wife as we have sex maybe once every three weeks on average now.  When she wants it, she wants it they way she wants it!  And that does not involved stopping every minute or having an orgasm before she is sated.

So, clearly the answer is that I need to frustrate myself a LOT more often again.  Sure, we won the battle of masturbation, but at what cost?  We have a date night tonight so I’ll bring it up with her.  Yes, my love, you think it’s hot that I don’t touch myself anymore and kind of get off on it, but isn’t it better when I get you off without getting off on it?

Yay,  we haven’t really talked about sex much lately.  This will be HOT!

In unrelated news I’m going to be doing some house cleaning around here, just not right now because I, of course, have to do some actual house cleaning first.  But next week I’ll start cleaning out all the dead links and adding some new links (sorry for the delayed link love people!).

I’m also going to try to get back into reading everyone’s blogs more regularly again.  I did a quick check today and see that I’ve missed out on lots of fun chats (and arguments).

Life getting in the way…

Arrrggghhhh!

I am so ready for this project to be over.  We are taking too long to complete it.  At first it was nice knowing that we would have plenty of time to get it done, but now I just want it DONE!

Granted, it’s mostly for selfish reasons.  I would just love to be able to spend more nights and more time with my wife.  I’d love to be able to get out of this “Alpha” mind set that I really need to stay in during the project (although maybe I’m being a little too Alpha as my associates have even started commenting on my apparent change in personality lately).  I also think the project is contributing to my feelings of depression.  We are working on our project one night a week, but generally we go almost all night leaving no time to sleep and the next night I’m up late at my regular job.  This is creating a general feeling of fatigue throughout the week which makes me have very little motivation to do anything else and with conflicting emotions about submissive feelings and a general lack of regular intimacy with my wife, well, is it depression or just a coincidence of crappiness?  I don’t know, but I’m ready to get back to my regular old routine.

Speaking of intamacy, we stole a few moments Saturday for some shared time.  It started with my wife asking me to watch the kids for a while so she could shower and have some alone time.  I was going to take the kids to the pool, but it was closed due to thunder in the area.  So I kept the kids occupied while my wife showered.  I also took the opportunity to lay my wife’s toys next to her pillow in case she wanted to have a little “relaxation” during her alone time.  After about an hour she came out of the bedroom and gave me a big kiss and whispered in my ear, “we need new batteries”.  My knees just about buckled.  I was wearing my device and was instantly pressing against the restraint.

Having relaxed my wife now spent some time with the kids herself.  I took the opportunity to order some batteries online.  Of course with the shipping charge it doesn’t make sense to order them online, unless I get something else, so I also ordered the chrome cock ring my wife has wanted me to get for a while now.  I’m pretty excited to get it.  I often wear the leather cock ring that is part of my device when I’m at work or out and about and wearing the device isn’t feasible.  Hopefully I’ll be able to wear this chrome one often as well.

I’m a little nervous about the sizing.  It seems that 2 1/4 inches is the largest the majority of the rings come in.  I measured myself multiple times and I’m afraid it’s going to be too small.  On the other hand I just find it hard to believe that I would be that much larger than the largest size.

Anyway, the thunder passed without any storms and we decided to all go to the pool.  My wife and I got undressed to put our suits on.  I also removed the device which I’d been wearing since before bed the night before.  I immediately became partially aroused from the feeling of relief.  As I slid my suit on I became completely aroused.  My wife saw the strange look on my face and asked what was wrong.  I apologised and told her I was just “incredibly horny”.  She asked if she thought we could distract the kids for a bit and mess around.  I jumped and put the kids in front of a movie and told them not to move.  I then locked and barred the doors to the room and jumped into bed as my wife used up what life was left in the batteries in her vibe.  She then had me go down on her for a bit before asking for her cock.  It felt so good to be inside her again after three weeks that I initially feared I’d lose it right away.  I shook those thoughts off (literally) and went to work concentrating on her.  I could tell she was getting close when there was an unfortunate rattle of the door knob.  We were able to send the kids away without getting out of bed, but we’d lost momentum.  We started back up but a few minutes later we were again disrupted.  At this point I was sure my wife had lost interest but she hadn’t told me to stop yet.  I wasn’t sure if I should continue though.  Finally we kind of mutually agreed the moment was lost.  As my wife got up to get dressed she looked down at my erection and said, “you can play with that for a bit, but don’t make a mess”.

“Don’t make a mess”?

“You may cum”.

She then watched with a smirk as I feverishly masturbated myself to an orgasm making a mess of myself, but nothing else.  Her little smirk was just humiliating enough to make the whole thing incredibly hot and has helped put me in a bit of kinky head space since.  Not quite sub head space, but definitely kinky head space.

Now if we could just get back to being intimate more often.  I really think it would heal a lot of things right now for both of us.

OC/OD stats to date – 10 (oops, 9) releases.

(these stats are mostly for my own counting although I’m sure there are some others who are interested in such things)