Mellow Valentine’s Day

We had a pretty mellow Valentine’s Day.  My wife knows I’ve never been a big believer in it.  I don’t need a special day to buy my wife flowers or treat her special.  I try to do that many times throughout the year.  To top it off our wedding anniversary is in the same month so it’s almost silly to have a “fake” holiday come anywhere close to what happens on our very special anniversary day.  Since we’ve already decided that our money will be better spent on bills and our kids school tuition for next year we are just treating ourselves to a hotel and dinner for our anniversary.  This led to us only exchanging cards (and hugs and kisses) yesterday.  Just the way it should be in my opinion.

Last week was a little more exciting.  During the snowstorm that has been rocking the country we lost power for a few hours.  It was late, the kids were in bed and my wife was feeling a little frisky.  I joined her under several blankets in bed wearing only my device as has been the case lately.  After warming up under the blanket (or just getting used to the cold) my wife pulled out her mini vibe.  As per her instructions I had bought and installed new batteries.  After a few seconds it became apparent there was a problem.  I could hear the high vibration rate slowing quickly.  Huh.

I took out the batteries and tried the last three from the six pack.  Same result.  I looked at the batteries and they did look a little “off” so I chalked it up to getting ripped off at the store with old batteries.

After a bit more snuggling I asked if perhaps she would like to substitute me for her vibe until I got more batteries.  She thought about it a moment and then pushed my head under the covers.  After a few minutes I heard, “I need some hard cock”.  Finally, I thought.  Finally I get out of the device and get to make love to my wife.  I lifted my head and started to get out from under the blankets.  Her hand quickly pushed my head back down.  Right.  Not my hard cock.  The dildo.  “Don’t stop, you’re my vibrator.  I like having a hard cock inside me when I use my vibrator”.

That put me over the edge.  I didn’t want to get out from under those blankets ever again.  I was totally lost in subspace as I licked her and the dildo together sending her over the edge.

After a few moments of cuddling I was dismissed.  I gathered the toys and got dressed as I strained against the rings of the gates of hell.  I left the room and went and thought about what an amazing wife I had.

I thought about how amazing it is that she has left me in my device and replaced my cock with her dildo.  I have no doubt this is temporary, so I am enjoying every minute of it.  I’m sure once I am allowed my next release in the next week or so (whenever we get to celebrate our anniversary, which won’t be the day we actually celebrate our anniversary… I know, very complicated) she will probably go back to what we were doing before and will want to use me more than the dildo.  For now it’s a lot of fun though.  I have felt so wonderfully frustrated.  I’m at day 45 of denial and my wife estimates day 50 will be the earliest opportunity for an orgasm but day 51 is more likely.  Of course, neither day is guaranteed if my wife isn’t feeling up to it.  This has totally blown away my previous “record” of 35 days which I’ve reached I believe four times.  Now I’m looking at over seven weeks of chastity.  What an amazing feeling I have right now.  I’m buzzing in anticipation… and subspace.

In the meantime, I bought some new batteries for the vibe and it’s doing the same thing.  Looks like it is just used up.  Yesterday I ordered her a new one of the same model as well as some “Dead Batteries” brand batteries and a backup mini vibe that is about the same length but is wider around and is wired to a remote that uses AA batteries.  The second vibe was on sale.  They were practically giving it away.  If only she would allow me to get a better chastity device.

A little bit of sanity just slipped past all the chastity fueled fantasy high and said, “be careful what you wish for”, before being bounced from my brain by a big, burly endorphin.

Just a quick note

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that I had changed my attitude about expecting sex.  It was still a pretty new idea to me when I posted it, but I have to say that it has had a dramatic effect on my mental stability.  We are in what I would call a “lull”, but really it’s just life.  Colds, kids, work… the typical things.  It’s not lack of interest, just diminished opportunity.  In the past I’m sure I would have lamented this.  Poor me.  Three weeks with barely any intimacy.  But I have to say that I’m doing great.  Would I prefer more intimacy?  Absolutely!  But I no longer expect it, so I’m not disappointed.  There has even been a few times where my wife has told me that she wanted some action but due to whatever reason we couldn’t.  That probably would have really sent me spiraling out of control before.  Now I’m just content to know that what we have is real and sex or no sex doesn’t change that.  She is the boss and that makes us both very happy.

That’s not to say that I’m not horny as hell.  Because I am.  Really.  Really.  Horny.

Last week she did surprise me a bit.  I had gotten up early to do something and she had told me that I could go back to bed for a little nap.  I took her up on that offer.  A few minutes later she was in bed next to me.  I was so close to sleep.  Next I felt her leg across my lap and heard a familiar buzz.  “Good for her” I thought as I was drifting off.

“I want you to lick me”.

So much for telling me to take a nap.

No longer tired I went down on her and brought her to an orgasm.  She told me I could edge myself and I dared ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask for quite a while now, “will you please edge me”?

At first she seemed a little taken aback, but I’m sure she saw the puppy dog eyes I was giving her.  Then she got a wicked look in her own eyes.  I was expecting her to lie next to me and half heartedly masturbate me for a few minutes.  Instead she straddled my legs.  That was a surprise.  Then she leaned over and wrapped her lips around my cock for a moment.  I assumed it was for lubrication.  Then she completely shocked me by giving me a real, honest to goodness blow job.  Well, as much of an honest to goodness blow job as one can get in ten to fifteen seconds.  That’s how long it took to get me to the edge.  I probably could have lasted a few more seconds, but I honestly didn’t know if I’d be able to stop her or myself in time.  Hell, I’m probably being generous with thinking it lasted 15 seconds.  All I know is that she had a little chuckle at how quickly I got to the edge, “that didn’t take long”.  She totally got off on her ability to tease me with her mouth for a brief moment knowing I wouldn’t be allowed to cum.  It has been years since she had used her mouth like that and now it is fresh in my mind how amazing it is.  And it is fresh in my mind that I will be lucky to feel it again any time soon.

Sometimes vanilla IS kinky!

Well, it ended up being a pretty great weekend.  Of course, it was nothing like I imagined, which it never is.  I said at the end of my last post, “I’m really having a hard time keeping my mind from thinking about all sorts of deviant things, lol.  Oh, the possibilities!”.  Of course this was after explaining that I now understand that it’s best to try not to expect anything, that way you are less likely to be disappointed.  Well, I wasn’t disappointed, even if it would have been fun to do all the deviant things I was fantasizing about.

It turned out to be fairly vanilla, well aside from being told to clean the master suite so that it “felt like a hotel room”, and the pre-party orally induced orgasm my wife enjoyed while I remained in the device.  The device remained off the rest of the weekend, although the cock ring stayed on most of the time.

We had a good time at the party and got to know some new friends a little better.  I guess it’s not completely uncommon, but I was actually a bit surprised to see the two other husbands in our little circle we had formed serving their wives.  I usually don’t see too much of that at the few parties or events we attend.  We all sat around a table, but whenever a wife needed a drink the husband got up and got it.  Did a wife want something else?  Her husband attended to it.  It was nice to see.  I’m not implying this means anything, other than the husbands aren’t jerks.

Eventually we left and headed home.  Her toys had been left on my pillow, but as she had told me earlier in the evening while I went down on her, she would not be needing the dildo that night.  She told me she needed a “good, long, hard fucking”.  She did use her vibe a bit to get warmed up, then had me go down on her again for another orgasm.  Finally she told me she wanted me inside her and it was just good old fashioned sex.  It honestly was very much like the sex we used to have years ago.  I held her in the same ways and made the same moves.  After she came she told me I was allowed to cum and soon did.

The next morning we did something we haven’t been able to do for a long time.  We slept in and woke up and had morning sex.  It was very much like the night before, old fashioned sex.  The same pattern we’d had for years.  I go down on her, then we have sex, then she cums, and just like old times, she allowed me to orgasm again.

WOW!

I hadn’t had two orgasms in consecutive days since… when did I say I started doing this?  It was incredible!  As I lay next to her all I could think was, man, I could enjoy that feeling every day!  I mean, I used to enjoy that feeling multiple times a day!  I mean… Oh… My… God!  What have I done?

It was actually a very enjoyable self inflicted (well, I guess her telling me to cum a second time really induced it) mind fuck.  Yes, I thought about how insane it was to not cum whenever I wanted, but I’m not about to stop what we are doing.  I also know it’s a lot of fun to NOT cum.  Especially for weeks.  You can’t not cum for weeks if you are cumming all the time.

While sitting and watching football last night my wife asked me if I had fun over the weekend.  I assured her I did.  I appreciate that sometimes she just wants to get laid.  I don’t have any problems with that.  I’m sure she was a little worried that I’d be disappointed because she didn’t get all “domme-y” and keep me locked up while she used the dildo.  What is more important to me is that she gets what she wants.  Sometimes she wants it kinkier than other times, and that is great.  This time she wanted it in a very vanilla way.  What’s great about that is that it is so rare for us that it was exciting!  I’m sure she isn’t about to start letting me cum every day, so having that happen in a way could be considered incredibly kinky.  We were doing something “outside the norm”.

As a matter of fact it will probably be a lot more difficult these coming weeks as the memory of how amazing it is to have orgasms only hours apart.  Although I felt incredibly wiped out all yesterday, today I’m horny as hell and ready for more!

Second post of the day=massive sub space

With the kids sleeping over at a friends house tonight and my wife out of town I naturally assumed my wife would have one hell of a workout for me tonight.  Of course I have to go out and work later through the early morning hours, but still I have some time for messing around.

I just got off the phone with her and after going over our days she said segued into tonight’s session.

“So about tonight… I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of days now and it may be too hard for you to deal with, but I’ve made up my mind.  Your number for tonight is ZERO.”

At first Iwas crushed.  I couldn’t believe she wasn’t going to let me masturbate tonight of all nights.  Heck, when I she said it might be too hard for me I actually thought she was going to tell me to make myself cum.  Then I felt a little relieved and told her that I’m so constantly on edge emotionally right now that I feel ready to explode, and a break from blue balls might be nice.  Of course then I got a huge erection and wanted nothing more than to masturbate while talking to her.  I let her know and she laughed.  She told me she was going to make an early night of it and was likely to masturbate herself before bed sending me deeper into subspace.

I thanked her for everything she does for me and for making me feel so controlled.  I then told her how sexy it was for her to do something just to be mean and not let me touch myself tonight.  I told her that really excited me.  She then explained that she wasn’t doing it to be mean and only at the last second realised it might be very difficult on me, but none of that mattered to her.  She had decided that tonight the number would be zero and I had to deal with it whether it made me happy or sad or whatever.  That didn’t concern her.  What she wanted was for me to not masturbate tonight.  I told her that made it a thousand times more sexy and made me feel completely controlled and that I loved the feeling.  I think I may have begged for a few strokes somewhere in there as well.

She finished by letting me know she had a big smile on her face knowing that she could control me like this, and that she was going to go to bed thinking about my not masturbating because she isn’t letting me, while she will cum as many times as she likes before falling asleep.

I’m in heaven!  I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull out of it and be able to get into Alpha mode for work tonight.  I have a feeling this will last until she gets home.

Session one: it begins

Sunday morning my wife took the kids out for a good part of the day leaving me with a kiss and a directive to edge myself three times.  Ooooh, sexy.  I was very excited by the prospect of our new game and as I lazed in bed I fantasized about it.  Eventually I got up and put the new cock ring on.  I had a couple of cups of coffee and checked the computer.  Finally I lay in bed and began stroking myself to get an erection.  I nearly came before I was even completely hard.

Well, that wasn’t very fun or sexy.

As I waited for the urge to go away I thought about my wife masturbating with her dildo and mini vibe while I lay next to her watching.  That go me completely hard and allowed me to stroke for maybe 30 seconds.

Hmmmm… this won’t do at all.

Clearly I was going about this all wrong.  I cleared my head and stared at the ceiling.  I started slowly stroking and tried to concentrate on not feeling or thinking anything sexy.  I lasted perhaps a minute.

I’m guessing the excitement of the whole situation probably made things more difficult for me, but really, three edges in three minutes?  That just will not do.

Later that afternoon my wife and I had a little private time.  She wanted to know how my “session” went.  I started by telling her about how I’ve found the tiny humiliations a serious turn on.  “I don’t know why it is and I’m not going to analyse it, I’m just going to accept that it is”, I told her.  I told her how the looks she some times give me and the conversation about my not lasting long enough in bed lately really got me excited.  She looked a bit baffled but accepted it without judgement.  I then went on to tell her all the details of my three minute session.  Needless to say she was not impressed.  She then told me to get her toys.  I had neglected to put the new batteries in her vibe which elicited a stinging comment from my wife.  Was she playing to the humiliation thing?

I started putting the new batteries in when I heard the command, “on your knees”.  I was literally shaking as I attempted to get the batteries in.  I shuffled over to the side of the bed where she had already started playing with the dildo.  She took the vibrator from me and proceeded to ignore me through several orgasms.  Eventually she told me she wanted me to masturbate.  I got undressed and she watched as I removed the device from my cock.  There was that smirk again.  I looked at the cock ring on my dresser but there was no way I was going to be able to get it on at that point.  As I knelt beside the bed again my wife addressed me and explained that I should consider myself lucky as she was going to allow me to orgasm after only 8 days.  However, she wanted me to know the only reason she was going to let me cum is because she is leaving for a business trip and wants me to give her a good fucking before she goes.  “Do you think you’ll be able to do that”, she asked?

Next she had me lie in bed beside her and she began to masturbate again.  I started stroking and exploded about 30 seconds later.  She came again, dropped her toys next to me and got up and got dressed without addressing me again.  I sheepishly got cleaned up, got dressed and followed her out of the room.

I hope her plan works.  I really don’t want to disappoint her tonight.  Either way, I’m sure it’s going to be really freaking sexy.

The Great Mind Shift

Things have been very relaxed lately.  Not as in “lax”, but very comfortable in our arrangement.  I believe I mentioned in either my previous post or the post before that where my wife and I talked about our arrangement and I pointed out that it just seemed so regular and everyday that I almost thought we’d stopped doing it.  Only we haven’t stopped.  It’s just that our arrangement feels like the normal way of doing things now.

My wife’s reaction led me to believe that she agreed, but I think she felt like she could be getting more out of it.  Not that I was lacking, but that she wasn’t putting enough into it to the point where she would get more out of it.  It would seem that she enjoys it when she’s a little more “Domme-y” and likes to make me squirm a bit.  So, although I’m happy knowing that we could easily live with our arrangement indefinitely and nobody would ever think I was anything other than a loving husband, I think she likes a little more spice, but it has to come from her.

Either way, I think that conversation has left us both feeling very happy and relaxed knowing that we don’t have to “work” or “act” at the arrangement.  We can just be ourselves and that’s it.  Knowing this it’s actually made it even easier to talk about it.  About a week ago, after finally getting a release (31 days), we were on our way to pick up our kids from a friends house where they had spent the night.  It was nearly an hour ride and we enjoyed talking with each other.  At one point I said to her, “Look, this could come out sounding horrible if I don’t word it the right way, so if it comes out wrong just assume it could have been said better”.  She laughed and understood what I meant and told me to fire away.  I then explained how exciting the mind game was where she said I could masturbate to orgasm, but then had to wear my device to work that night.  I then just flat out asked her what I would have to do to receive a blow job.  She indicated that it would clearly cost a lot and that she would have to think about it.  She seemed to enjoy the challenge as well.

Yesterday morning, after a “quickie” we lay together in bed and cuddled.  She was very content and I was frustrated (and happy) as you could imagine.  I asked her if she had been thinking about the blow job at all.  She told me she had, but she hadn’t come up with anything.

“The problem is I’ve had this great shift in the way I think about these things now.  It’s all about me and my pleasure and what I want to do.  It was rare that I ever wanted to give a blow job.  I’m having a really hard time thinking of what you could do that would make me want to give you a blow job”.

First off, WOW!  She was just so matter of fact about it.  It’s now normal for her to think of herself.  She’s not working at it.  She is completely selfish sexually.  Amazing!  However, in the interest of the mind games (which she also enjoys, I’d like to point out) I tried to rephrase the challenge in a way that she hadn’t thought of it.  I asked her if she could think about it in a way where the blow job was a gift to me.  She understood, but seemed a bit more skeptical of this approach.

The best part of this conversation is that we were just laying in bed, casually chatting.  There wasn’t the slightest bit of stress or worry or anything.  We could have been talking about what to have for lunch.  Actually, I believe we did talk about lunch immediately after.  It’s all so laid back and easy going that I was even able to sneak in a little, “what are the odds of me being allowed to cum” (mostly as a joke) at some point in the conversation, as if by sneaking it in I could catch her off guard.  She laughed and told me my chances were “ZERO”.  It was worth a shot.

We are both so happy right now.  What an amazing step we’ve taken.  Being able to joke about our arrangement as if it were no big deal while also being able to talk about it in a very matter of fact and relaxed way.

Why the ‘choice’?

You can’t change who you are.  At least that’s the saying, right?  I think there is a lot of truth to that.  In our arrangement we aren’t really changing who we are, we’re just enhancing certain aspects, I think.  Of course, we may be doing things we wouldn’t otherwise be doing, but that’s not changing who we are, it’s changing what we do.  Maybe I’m thinking about it too much.

I started thinking about it last night.  I got into bed with my wife and told her how sexy the idea of the release with conditions was.  I asked her when she came up with it.  She told me she’d thought about it a few days before.  Now, I don’t remember exactly how she worded her reasoning, but it boiled down to the idea that she felt like she was neglecting me and that she needed to do something for me.  I could tell she was a bit bummed about it and didn’t want to get too deep into it, so I just told her that I’ve been very happy and didn’t feel neglected at all.  She didn’t seem very convinced.  I then asked her if we were in bed because she wanted to have sex, or because she felt obligated to have sex.  She told me she wanted to do it for me.  I told her that I could see how tired she was and kissed her and wished her sweet dreams and got out of bed.

I’m sure a year ago I would have wanted to sit down and have a long conversation with her where I explain that she needs to relax and understand it’s all about her wants, needs and desires.  But I now accept that she will always be a loving wife who cares about my needs.  I appreciate the great gift of the “mind fuck” that she gave me, and that she will occasionally have sex when she is tired because she feels like she’s been neglecting me.  These are characteristics about her that I fell in love with.  They won’t change, and I don’t think I want them to.  However, as we’ve gotten further into our arrangement, I see that she doesn’t feel obligated to do these things all the time.  The vast majority of the time she is able to simply receive and understand that I get pleasure from it as well.  But, things have been a little hectic over the last several weeks with her family visiting and what not, and I guess I’ve been doing a good job around the house, etc., so I’m sure she is feeling a little pressure to perform for me.  Yay for me!  I’ve got a loving wife.

Having said all that, I will ask her if she wants to take a few minutes tonight to talk about it.  I just want her to really understand how very content I’ve been lately, and that the occasional “mind fuck” game can really work wonders.  Now, here’s where you are going to yell “hypocrite” at me, but I swear these two topics came up separately!  The day before she laid the “choice” on me I had been thinking (fantasizing) about blow jobs, and the lengths I’d be willing to go to get one.  I was trying to figure out how to broach the topic with her.  Actually, I guess I was going to ask in the context of birthday sex.  As I mentioned last blog for whatever reasons I did not have birthday sex and I’ve been very, very tempted to ask for a blow job for my birthday.  I know I haven’t had one since I’ve started this blog, and it would be a safe bet to say I haven’t had one in several years.  Anyway, I was thinking, how exactly do I word this?  “What would it cost me to get a blow job”, clearly makes her sound like a whore (although perhaps that would be a kinky fantasy for her).  Maybe, “I would do just about anything for a birthday blow job, what would it take”?  The thing is, at this point it’s become more about the mind fuck than about the blow job.  This became apparent to me the next day when she essentially did what I was fantasizing about, only in terms of masturbation, not oral sex.

So, I’d really like to talk to her about that.  I want her to know we don’t always have to be “doing things”, because the fact that we do all the little things everyday is really enough most of the time.  But every once in a while if we can do one of these little games of choice, well, that’s icing on the cake!  I think it will be a good talk, and besides, we haven’t really chatted about our arrangement in a while.