The State of Our Union…

Is freaking AWESOME!  OK, that’s a bit cheesy, but I’m glad to know that my worries were mostly unwarranted.

We went out Friday night for a low-budget, but delicious dinner of burgers and fried things with a couple of adult beverages.  We talked a bit about our jobs and what-not.  It was nice and relaxing and the burgers were really good.

Afterwards we headed out to a bar we hadn’t been too in a long time.  On the way there we passed a different bar we hadn’t been to in a long time.  This wasn’t too amazing as we don’t really go out to bars anymore except occasionally on date nights, but those are usually restaurant bars for dinner and drinks.

Anyway, we stopped at the other bar for a drink instead.  Inside it was fairly empty and we found a table off by ourselves where we could talk.  I asked my wife how she thought our arrangement was going and she told me she was very happy with it.  She did admit, however, that much like me, she felt like over the last couple of weeks she wasn’t really giving it her all.

We talked about how it shouldn’t be “work” for her, but she explained that there were things she wanted out of it that were things that required a bit of effort on her part and she hadn’t been doing that lately, for various reasons.

One of these things is the assignments.  She enjoys sending me my assignments via email because it gives her a chance to exercise her dominance that doesn’t come naturally, but that she enjoys.  By writing to me she has time to phrase things exactly as she wants and set the tone she wants, which still requires effort on her part, but it’s something she has found that she enjoys. 

She told me she knew I was being lax as well, however not in the house cleaning department.  She was happy about my work there.  I guess I’m just used to this amount of work now, and without the assignments I felt like I wasn’t doing enough.  Anyway, she said she wasn’t sure, but was willing to bet that there was a certain part of our original agreement that I wasn’t following. 

I wasn’t sure what she meant and looked at her quizzically.  She explained that she didn’t think I was keeping up with my one hour of work a day towards my career goal.  This is actually true.  I started out making an effort, but have found that with the constant distractions from the children it really just wasn’t practical, and in fact frustrating.  This was good for neither me or the children (who wants a cranky dad?).  I didn’t make excuses, and she told me that she felt like she should have been more encouraging.  Not demanding or punishing, encouraging.  This is something she wants me to work harder on and she felt like our arrangement might help out in that department.  Instead, after the first week of frustration I actually forgot all about it.

We also talked a bit about the differences between how we started out and where we are now.  She mentioned the things that I said I wanted in the beginning and I explained that those were just fantasy things and I didn’t really know what I had wanted, and now we understand that it’s only about what she wants.  Any fear I had of her only being interested in the housecleaning was way off base.  She made it clear to me that her favorite thing is the sexual aspect of the arrangement. 

She, like me, was a bit bummed out at the lack of opportunity for intimacy over the previous couple of weeks.  She has grown accustomed to being able to use me for her pleasure whenever she wants and relishes the un-reciprocated orgasms.  As she put it, “I love that I can have as many orgasms as I want, and if I’m done and your not, well, sucks to be you”!  Of course it doesn’t suck to be me.  It pleases me immensely, and she knows it.

She did surprise me a bit, though.  When we talked about what else she might want out of the arrangement she told me that she would love to be bossy with me and sit around giving me orders.  The problem is that by the time the kids are in bed and we’re settling down she doesn’t feel able to shift gears.  She feels like she needs time to get into “bossy” mode.  I can understand that.  Once again, it not something that comes naturally, but something she thinks she can have fun with.

I suggested that perhaps we choose a weekend or a specific day to “play” and that way she can slowly build up to it and be ready when the opportunity arises.  She agreed that might be a good way to start.

We also talked about my orgasm control.  I had requested not to have to endure the dart game again and my wife wasn’t sure she wanted to try using the merit system again either.  She isn’t sure what she wants to do to determine when I should be allowed release.  I suggested some other game of chance where there isn’t the possibility of going so long, but she told me she had to think about it.  She is enjoying it, but she isn’t sure how to proceed.  I told her that in the end it should be something that she is most comfortable with regardless of what I say or feel.  I’ve been able to embrace leaving all other aspects of the arrangement to her, but it’s hard not to give my two cents about the orgasm control.  I really don’t want to have to wait that long again.

After our drink we decided to head home.  We hadn’t been out long, but we figured the kids should be asleep by the time we got home, and that would allow us to have our date at home.  Unfortunately we were wrong.  The oldest was still up.  We got him back to bed and sent the baby sitter home.  We then relaxed and talked a little while until we were sure our son was asleep.  Then it was time.

My wife took me to bed and asked if I was ready.  I didn’t need to answer.  It was pretty obvious.  My wife had me start out by going down on her.  I didn’t expect to be down there very long.  It seems like on nights where I’ve been allowed release the oral is just to get her ready.  This was not one of those nights.  She kept me down there for quite a while, and after her first orgasm I was worried that I wasn’t going to be getting any intercourse that night.  Normally after an orgasm she is too sensitive for my mouth any more.  But, again, not that night.  I continued to please her with my mouth and she writhed in pleasure.  She began to have a second orgasm, and at this point she wanted me to enter her.  She was so wet I could barely feel her.  I’d never felt her that way before.  She had me hold still and “rode” me until she came again.  I continued to be amazed at the lack of friction.  I told her that I’d never felt her so wet and she looked me in the eye lustily and told me “it’s because you just made me cum three times”!  With that look it didn’t take me long and I came within moments.   I asked her if she’d like me to make her cum again with my mouth.  She thought about it and said “not tonight”. 

I rolled off her and laid back feeling relieved that everything still worked.  It wasn’t the best orgasm ever, but it was over.  Maybe it was a great orgasm.  It was hard to tell.  I was feeling pretty fantastic about the clearly amazing three orgasms I’d given my wife.  My orgasm has a hard time competing with that.

I didn’t have long to rest before my wife told me to get her a glass of water and a towel.  “You made quite a mess”.  I can only imagine. 

Saturday and Sunday were great days.  Saturday night my wife was tired so went to bed early.  Sunday night my wife asked me to meet her in bed.  I gave her some time to get ready before joining her.  She asked me if I’d like to help her cum.  I stripped and got in bed.  We kissed and touched for a while before she pushed me down.  After a few minutes she pulled me back up and I entered her.  I followed her lead and made love to her how she wanted.  I was losing myself in her and hoping for another orgasm until she said “OK, I’m done.”

Oooooh!  Used again!  Just what I love.

Anxious

So tonight’s the big night.  For the first time since new years eve I’ll be allowed an orgasm.  I’ve got to be honest, I’m a little nervous.  I don’t know why, but I am. 

We don’t really have anything planned for our date night.  I want to keep it pretty low key.  Maybe an inexpensive dinner somewhere and then a couple of drinks staying out just late enough for the sitter to get the kids in bed and asleep.  Then, back home for some fun!  I don’t know if my wife has anything special planned or not.  I kind of hope she does.  Maybe that’s where the nervousness is coming from.

No, I think it’s more performance anxiety… no… maybe it’s that I’m worried it will be a let down.  All the anticipation and agony and wanting and then, pfff, it’s over.’

I don’t know.  It’s got my head all messed up.  I think much of the reason that it was so hard to go so long without an orgasm was because I knew from the beginning how long it would be.  Now that the day has arrived I almost feel like I could go on. 

Oh, jeez!  I just had the thought of asking to go the rest of the month without and it gave me a rush and now my heart is pounding and I’m all excited (if you know what I mean).

Well, that didn’t last long.  I looked at the calender and gave it a bit of thought and all of a sudden a feeling of dread came over me and kind of killed the mood. 

I think it’s that knowledge of the time that does it.  On the other hand I think part of the reason it has been so difficult was because we didn’t have many opportunities for intimacy much of the month.  It wasn’t that I was ignored, just that sometimes things happen that interfere with potential opportunities.  The end result, though, is essential being ignored and that is more difficult than being denied, which is exciting.

We haven’t talked about our arrangement lately.  I’d like to talk tonight about it.  I think we are getting a bit lax, or I am.  I know I’ve been slacking off and doing pretty much just enough to get by.  Why?  Well, probably because right now my wife is letting me.  I don’t want her to have to force me to do more.  That wouldn’t make her life easier.  But I’m just feeling lazy.  If she were to say something to me about it I’d probably go out of my way to do better, but for now I’m just cruising and that is making me feel a bit guilty.  I think I’ll have to tell my wife this tonight.  Admit to her that I’m not doing everything I can (or very much, at least) to help out around the house.  Mostly I’m just sitting around, looking at the time to see when I have to start working in order to have what needs to be done completed before she gets home from work. 

She has also never really told me what she really wants out of this arrangement other than me cleaning the house.  I know she has come to enjoy the “wife-centric” sex aspect, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what is doing it for her.  I really think it’s all about the house cleaning for her.  Sometimes I think if I told her I would continue to clean the house, but other than that we could go back to how things used to be, she would choose that option.

Wow, this post is all over the place.  And, looking at the time, I’ve got to get going or I won’t be able to do just enough…

The boundaries are broadening

As I’ve mentioned previously, my wife seems to be a little more obvious about our arrangement in front of the kids lately.  It’s funny, because there have been multiple instances where my oldest has asked his mother to tell me to do something because she is the boss of me.  She informs him that she is not the boss of me and that we are both the boss of the children.  They have clearly been able to pick up on the fact that she isn’t being entirely truthful.  It’s completely understandable as she continues to do and say things that make it clear that she is the boss of me.

 Last night, for instance, I was singing the “Clean up” song from Barney to my kids as I started cleaning up after dinner.  If you are a parent of young children you are probably familiar with it, but if not, the lyrics are basically…

We always clean up, to show we really care.  We always clean up, ’cause we like to do our share.

My wife decided to stick in an extra little bit after I finished.  “And momma’s share”, she added. 

She has also started asking me to get her things during dinner which formally whoever got up for whatever would see if anyone else needed anything.  Now, when she needs something she just asks me to get it.  It felt strange the first time she asked me to refill her drink when she could reach it but I had to get out of my chair to get it.  Well, not strange exactly, but she is clearly bringing the service aspect of our arrangement into the full view of the children, where as she previously reserved that until the children were in bed.

She also recently corrected my speech at the dinner table in the same tone as she does the children.  My son wanted another helping and was being a bit whiny and I had been up and down and hadn’t gotten much of a chance to eat myself so I said “gimme your plate”.  My wife looked at me and said “give me your plate, please” and made me repeat myself to my son.  I know she just wants us to set a good example, but she spoke to me in exactly the same way she does when our son says “I want more!”.

I’m not sure if she thinks they don’t notice, or won’t even think about it or what.  I think they see what is going on.  I know they are quite smart and very observant, and my 4 year old has an incredible memory for someone so young.  I not sure what to make of it, but, of course, I’ll follow the lead of my wife on this.

Thankfully, my wife was feeling pretty frisky yesterday.  She kept grabbing my butt and crotch whenever she got the opportunity and basically kept me excited most of the night.  At bedtime she had me join her in bed and pleasure her orally.  I was in heaven since it had been so long since she’s asked me to do that.  She nearly ripped my head off as she clamped her thighs down and twisted side to side in orgasm.  When she let me up I cuddled with her as she enjoyed the afterglow of her orgasm.  When she finally rolled onto her side, turning her back to me, I asked if I could masturbate for a bit.  She considered it for a moment and told me I could but warning me about getting “carried away”.  After maybe a minute she turned to me and told me “When your done, I need you to get me a glass of water”.  It was clear from her tone that I was done.  I had to take a some long, slow, deep breaths to gather myself as I slowly got dressed.  Even after I had gotten her water to her it took a while before I had fully regained my composure.

Oh, these next couple of days are going to last an eternity!  All I can think about is my release on Friday night! 

God!  I love my wonderful wife!

Vanilla Swirl weekend

Well, it was a pretty uneventful weekend.  That’s not exactly true, but for the most part it was a plain ol’ vanilla weekend.  Oh, there were wisps of D/s, but apparently they went unnoticed.

 

I was a bit nervous the first day after they arrived.  Right off the bat my wife, while standing in the kitchen with her sister and brother-in-law, called to me in the other room to offer our guests drinks.  I was a bit embarrassed as it seemed pretty over the top Dominant to me.  But, the in-laws didn’t even bat an eye.  This happened several other times as well.  We’d all be sitting in the family room talking and my wife would ask me to get her another drink.  As I got up she wouldn’t ask anyone else if they wanted a drink, she would tell me to check and see if they wanted another drink.  Still, no odd looks or anything else.

During dinner the first night they asked about one of my old jobs, not realising I had quit.  When I told them I only worked two nights a week now they wanted to know what else I was doing.  I told them I was concentrating on being a good househusband.  My wife added “that’s why the house is so nice and clean these days”.

Now, they might not think this strange.  They are a very compromising couple.  They split the workload at home fairly and help out wherever they can, even while visiting.  Several times one of my in-laws would clear the table and clean up before I even had a chance.  That’s just the way they are.

They also apparently didn’t notice the Mama Gena’s book in our bedroom either.  That’s probably a good thing since I don’t think my wife has even looked at it yet.  It would be pretty difficult to explain.  I think overall they were pretty preoccupied with their nine month old baby and their nephews. 

Historically speaking, my wife has always been a little “domineering” during visits from her family.  I’ve gotten very irritated in the past as decisions start getting made without my consideration, etc.  This weekend was no different in that respect, only at first I didn’t get irritated.  By the Sunday I started to lose my cool a bit.  We were going to go to the park early in the day before football started to fly a kite and lets the kids work off some energy on the playground.  Well, things went a bit long and we didn’t leave until the first game of the day started.  No problem.  That wasn’t the game that I really wanted to see and I was sure we’d be back by the second half.  So, as we leave my son says he wants to go to a certain park.  I wanted to go to a different park.  My wife decided we should go to the park my son suggested because it had a nicer baby play area.  I had no problem with that.  It also had lots of open space for flying a kite.  So my wife, who was driving, heads out.  Only, she doesn’t head out to the park my son suggested.  She goes the opposite direction.  She ends up taking us to a third park.  She thought it would be best for everyone.  It was filled with trees and had the oldest equipment and the playground was smaller than the other two.  This is when I started to get aggravated.  I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it.  On top of that my wife had apparently broken the handle to flip the seat up in the truck to get people in and out of the 3rd row.

I put on a happy face and played with the kids.  My wife could tell that I was a bit peeved and clearly saw that she had chosen the lesser of the three parks.  She apologized and told me she remembered it as having more open space for kite flying.  She suggested that once the kids were done playing we take a walk to find a better place for flying the kite.  I told her it was pretty cold and windy and that we should probably just go home, but deferred to her decision take the “nature hike”.  In the end I’m glad we did because I’m a dork who likes to fly kites, but it just would have been sooooo much easier if we’d gone to either of the other parks.

I mentioned a friend of mine in a post last month.  He was clearly a bit “whipped”.  Well, they soon moved in together and got a joint bank account and she had him working more and on a budget.  She had him staying in and doing work around the house and yard.  It seemed like she had put an end to his party days and had domesticated him.  Unfortunately it seems there were plenty of rough times as well.  He came over on Friday with a broken heart as she had asked for a “break” for a week or two.  He would be staying at a motel during that time.

He poured his heart out to me.  He told me he’s never loved anyone as much as her and has let her know it.  He told me he’s happy to be “whipped” by her.  He says she wants to compromise with him, but it’s him that makes all the compromises, and he says that’s fine with him too.  But it never seems to be enough.  She continues to find things to yell at him about.  He was a complete wreck and started drinking in the afternoon despite having to work that night.

Anyway, we are both fans of the same football team and because he was down and kicked out of his house I invited him over for the football game on Sunday.  I figured my wife would be OK with this as he had invited me over to his house the previous Sunday to watch the game and my wife was upset because she wanted to watch it too and enjoys it more when I’m home.  Well, I got out of that one because he ended up having to work.  So, I thought inviting him over would be what my wife would want.

I was horribly wrong. 

Sunday, after getting home from the park I called my friend to find out when he was coming over.  I hadn’t previously thought about the fact that this would effect our dinner plans, what with the in-laws visiting and all.  He told me he’d be over in a little bit after he picked up his brother.

Uh, oh.

I mentioned this to my wife and she went ballistic!  She told me that neither one of them was going to come over.  I hadn’t asked her and she hadn’t planned for it and it was the last night her sister was in town, etc.  I asked her what she wanted me to do and she told me to call him back and tell him he couldn’t come over.  I said “OK” and called him and backed out of the deal.  Now, I was fairly honest with him.  I told him I was embarrassed, but my wife had made other plans and was pissed that I hadn’t checked with her and that he wouldn’t be able to come over.

My wife later apologized for putting her foot down and checked to make sure I wasn’t mad at her.  I assured her that she should never be afraid to “put her foot down” as I would always respect her decisions.

This brings up another issue.  My wife has been a bit contradictory lately.  For example, when we talked about how she felt I was pressuring her for sex she told me that I needed to go out more with the guys and I admitted that I hadn’t been going out as much because it took away from my time with her, as well a potential night of sex.  So, when the opportunity to go out and watch football with my best friend came up, she said she’d rather he come over to our house so we could all watch together.  So, when I did that she was upset because of her sister visiting and my not checking with her first.

She also said she’d like me to pick up an occasional extra shift at work for a bit of extra money.  Only, she doesn’t want it to interfere with family time.  What does that mean?

There are other instances of this happening lately as well.  It’s very confusing.  After apologizing to me on Sunday she told me, again, that I should go out and do something with him soon.  I pointed out that he had already mentioned a party for the Super Bowl, since our favorite team is in it.  She, of course, stated that she wanted to watch the Super Bowl with me.  Bah!  Sooo confusing!!!

To top everything off I’m just sooooooo sexually frustrated right now.  My wife and I haven’t even been intimate in the last ten days other than some hugs and snuggles on the couch.  She’s apologized about that as well, and I told her I understand, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m aching and ready to explode!  Twenty-two days and counting since that last orgasm.  I don’t know how I’ve made it this long.  I hope I don’t have to ever wait this long again.

I guess that’s it for now.  I’m sure not much will happen around here until Friday night, which is a “date night”.  I haven’t even received an “assignment” email in a couple of weeks.  So, don’t be surprised if there isn’t another post until next Monday.

The new normalcy

Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “hmmm… I’m not feeling very wife-led” or “my wife hasn’t dominated me lately”.  OK, maybe that’s not exactly what I’m thinking, but you get what I mean.  Usually these thoughts pop into my head while I’m mopping the floor or cleaning the bathroom or doing one of the jobs my wife has assigned me for the day.  And then I stop and think to myself, “oh… yeah… this is it”.

I’m not trying to be negative.  It’s just that I’m getting to the point where the fantasy is fading away and the reality is becoming routine.  And I think that’s a good thing.  I mean, when I’m doing things for my wife, and she isn’t around, I’m not thinking about being submissive in any way.  But, when I do stop to think about it I realise I’m living the dream.  This is it.  I’m making her life easier and happier.  Oh, yeah, let’s not forget the fact that it’s been 16 days since my last orgasm and it will be 9 more until the next.  This is my new normality.

It’s strange, really, this feeling of not being submissive as I check the time and realise I need to quit writing here and go back to cleaning so that I can have all my jobs done before my wife gets home.  I guess it’s because I don’t get the rush that I used to get doing these things.  Well, it’s not that I don’t get a rush at all, it’s just that I get it when I stop to think about it, because it’s become so routine.

Is this making sense?

OK, for example, when my wife is standing near the refrigerator and I’m sitting down and she asks me to get her a drink, I don’t get a rush.  But when I sit down and think about the fact that this is now “normal” and not something we have to think about I get a rush.  It’s now “normal” for me to ask my wife permission to do things.  It’s “normal” for her to sit back while I clean the dishes. 

And that is super cool.

Oops!

It was a pretty vanilla weekend.  Actually, I guess our arrangement is fairly vanilla, so I guess that’s how it is most days.  I like that.  I think we’ve found the balance that we are both happy with. 

When it comes to the housekeeping aspect, my wife just seems to be pretty matter-of-fact about it.  When we were going to have dessert one night my wife took the kids into another room and said “we’ll have dessert as soon as daddy cleans up from dinner”. 

Part of the reason I think this weekend was a bit more vanilla than others was because of the NFL playoffs.  My wife let me enjoy myself watching football and we had a bit of a party (not really, but it almost felt that way) since my favorite team was playing.  Of course, during half-time she had me on my hands and knees spot cleaning the carpet.  She also let me know that I should enjoy the day because this week she was going to work me hard in preparation of her sister’s arrival.

In other news…

I had a bit of an “accident” Saturday night.  My wife took me to bed and being very conscious of what she had told me after our last romp I tried to make sure that I didn’t hold back at all while making love to her.  After a while she could tell that I was reaching my limit and she told me to take a rest, at which point she took matters into her own hands.  After a minute I was ready again and got back on top of her.  She continued to masturbate as I moved slowly in and out.  I was quickly getting to the edge again and once more pulled out.  My wife continued to masturbate and a few moments after I pulled out she started to orgasm.  Hearing her and seeing her sent me over the edge.  With nothing in contact with my penis I came.  It wasn’t a full orgasm though.  I didn’t get a pleasurable feeling, there weren’t any contractions, nothing really positive about it at all.  Just a bit of cum.

I got up to get a towel to clean my wife off.  She hadn’t even noticed.  She was too wrapped up in her orgasm to notice my pitiful little cum.  “I should probably be mad, but right now I feel too good” she told me.  As I wiped her abdomen she told me “softly, this is an opportunity for you to caress me”.

DAMN!  She is so freaking HOT! 

As we talked last night I told my wife how it wasn’t even a “real” orgasm and that after it was done I actually had a nasty case of “blue balls”.  She found this a bit amusing.  I asked her where this left me in the orgasm control department.  I thought she might want to get rid of that aspect as I hadn’t been able to stop and she recently felt like it was inhibiting my performance.  Instead she told me that I wouldn’t be punished this time.  She told me to use it as a learning experience so that I could learn my limits and learn to pleasure her better.  She told me that if it was going to be a problem I should find something to help me.  In the mean time the 25th is still the “official” release day.

Procrastinating…

I’m feeling soooooo lazy and unmotivated today.  The last two nights at work were much busier than they have been lately and I’m a bit worn out from it.  I don’t have many chores to do today, and yet all I’ve done is tidy up the kitchen a bit.

I’ve been preoccupied with my stupid orgasm for the last few days as well.  It’s only been eleven days, which is no big deal, but it’s the knowledge that it will be another two weeks is just messing with my head.  I’ve gone three weeks before, and I don’t even remember why.  This twenty-five day orgasm control head trip is really messing with me.  I mean, it will probably be the only orgasm I have all month!  At that rate I’d only have 14 1/2 orgasms (half an orgasm?) all year!  Of course, that’s not likely to happen.  As a matter of fact I think I’ll ask my wife to either go back to her merit system or something after this.  I just don’t think I can deal with the dart game again.  Or maybe I can.  I dunno.  All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about cumming.  It’s very distracting.

I was reading a thread on the Female Led Relationships forum about how guys want their wives to take away their independence.  I can relate to what they are saying, but I’m not really interested in that too much.  But I thought about it and remembered that when we first got married my wife wanted to keep separate bank accounts and was considering keeping her name.  I asked her why she wanted separate accounts and she pointed out that since we were both earning money we should have our own accounts for our own money.  I asked her what the point of marriage was if we weren’t becoming one.  It sounded to me very much like two individuals rather than one married couple.  She ended up agreeing with my point of view, and I’m not sure if that had anything to do with her taking my name or not but she did take my name.

I would have been more understanding if she’d kept her own name.  In her line of work (at the time) women often kept their own names once married.  She explained it to me once.  I guess it’s because you’re known in the industry by that name and if you change it people won’t know how to find you or if they see your new name listed somewhere they won’t know it’s you, etc.  So I would have understood.  But I’m glad she took my name.  Well, actually she took my name but had hers changed so her maiden name is still part of her name.  It’s not hyphenated or anything, just part of her name. 

There is no real point to that story, just interesting to me I guess.

Oh, well.  I guess I’ve procrastinated long enough.  Sometimes I find that to get in the proper mental place for my chores I just have to start.  Once I’m going I can get in the right frame of mind and I make sure I get things done well enough to make my wife happy.  Not “just get by” happy.  The “walk in a room and everything is clean and in it’s place and it makes me smile” kind of happy.  That’s my real motivation.  Except, right now I’m feeling sooooooo lazy.

Sigh.  Well, off to work!

Talking through it

We had a good talk last night.  My wife had seen how worried I was when she left for work yesterday and gave the issue some thought.  She didn’t fully understand the problem until we started talking, though.

First off, everything about the arrangement seems magnified right now because we are so focused on it.  My wife pointed out that other than our wedding and buying our house we’ve probably never talked so much about a single subject.  Not that that’s a bad thing, but with so much focus on it anything that happens seems to be bigger than it necessarily is.

Second, my wife realised that part of the problem is that until a few months ago she just didn’t think about sex that often.  When I was working four nights a week we generally only had sex one night a week and that was usually Sunday.  So, the rest of the week she didn’t give it much thought.

Now I’m home five nights a week and with our arrangement she finds that most nights she is thinking about sex and whether she wants to or not, etc.  I found this to be a very valid point as I think it explains why I’m “ready” for sex every night I’m not at work.  It’s because I realise there are many more opportunities for sex now.  Hell, I don’t even want to have guy’s nights out anymore.  That lowers my chances at having sex!  I didn’t realise that motivation until my wife pointed it out.

I didn’t even really have to say anything.  She had my side of the conversation for me “you shouldn’t feel pressured…, it’s should be what you want…” etc.  For now she feels that just having talked about it and having a bit of better understanding about her feeling may be enough. 

I again pointed out to her that we really have focused on me to much and this needs to be done the way she wants it and is most comfortable.  I asked her to read an article by Ms. Rika that I happened to re-read yesterday that I thought she would be able to relate to.  I told her that it deals with a more vanilla version of WLM than Lady Misato does and that it seemed to follow more of what she wanted.  Essentially, it re-iterates that she needs to focus on what she wants the arrangement to be, not what I want it to be.  I also liked that it comments on men who say “I want to endure things for you” as being a bunch of BS.  Of course, that is exactly what I said to my wife on New Years Eve and clearly something she was not entirely comfortable with. 

Anyway, I again told her that whatever changes she wanted to make would be fine with me, and that if she wanted to stop or take a break I would be fine with that as well.  She told me she just wanted me to be her husband first and anything else after. 

Not only are we not taking a break, but my wife actually seemed to be a bit more controlling last night than she normally is.  She made statements like “bring me another drink, please” rather than her normal “when you get a minute I’d like another drink, please” or some other more polite way of asking.

When it was time for bed she made it clear that she wanted to have sex, or at least wanted to try.  I of course started out by preparing her with my mouth.  When she was ready she brought me up and grabbed my recently shaved cock and balls.  She stroked me to a full erection and commented on the new sensation of smoothness down there.

After a few minutes of some relaxed sex I thanked her for my early birthday gift she had given me earlier in the night.  She slowed down and I saw her looking at me intently.

“What are you talking about”, she asked?

“The gift you gave me earlier, thank you”, I replied.

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think I was going to give you anything else earlier”, she replied, implying my orgasm that I won’t be receiving for another 16 nights (sigh).

So, it looks like not much is going to change, at least not for now.  I’m sure she will have some things she wants done differently, but for now, she still rules my world!

What an amazing wife!

More bumps

Well, it looks like we’ve run into another bumpy area on the road…

Last night, as usual, my wife and I sat talking on the couch.  I’d finally completed my long list of chores for the day and we were relaxing a bit before bed.  It was about time for my wife to go to sleep when I looked over and she was covering her face with her hands.  I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was hiding.  I asked her what she was hiding from and she told me that she was hiding from me.  I asked her why and she was hesitant.  I told her that if there were any problems we needed to talk about them.  She took a moment and told me that she was feeling pressured for sex.

I assured her that I was trying to go out of my way to not pressure her.  I again apologized for the night last week when I had a bit of attitude about not having sex.  She again told me that that night wasn’t the problem because she did indeed lead me on that night and she apologized for that.  She told me she was talking about x night and y night.  I wasn’t sure what nights she meant because they sounded like good nights.  I was a bit confused.  She told me that even when I wasn’t pressuring her with comments she felt pressure because she knew that I was always horny.

“It’s not that I want to go back to the way things were”, she assured me.  She explained that she often didn’t want sex, only sometimes she finds she does want sex after fooling around a bit, and occasionally she’s really horny.  She said that some of the best orgasms she’s had were on nights when she didn’t think she wanted sex at first.  So, add to that the fact that I’m always horny, and the fact that I only work two nights a week instead of four, and I go out with friends much less frequently and you get pressure to perform, I guess. 

I tried to assure her that I didn’t intend on pressuring her and would do my best to correct that, but she told me it wasn’t always my actions or words.  It was just the fact that unlike in the past I’m always ready.  A few years back we may have gone a month without sex because when one of us was in the mood the other wasn’t.

There was another problem as well.  This one goes back to the comment she made a few nights ago that I mentioned in my last post.  She feels that the orgasm control aspect is taking away from my lovemaking abilities.  She said she was getting frustrated that when I get close to orgasm I hold still.

I pointed out that if I didn’t I’d have an orgasm and she still wouldn’t have cum, so I wasn’t sure how trying to prolong sex was the problem.  She said that it must be because it’s never been much of a problem of my having an orgasm before her in the past.  This is true, but in the past I’d have to pause as well.  I think the real issue here may be that I’m over using a technique I thought she liked, and now it’s clear she doesn’t, at least not as often as I’ve been using it.

So, the problem seems to be the orgasm control.   

“So do you want to stop with the orgasm control”, I asked?

“No, that’s part of the thing”, she told me.

“I’ll do whatever I need to do to make you happy”, I explained.

We finished the talk on a positive note, again with her assuring me that she doesn’t want to go back to the way things were, and went to bed.  Earlier today while we were talking on the phone I asked her if in her free time she could think about what she wants from our arrangement so that we can reconcile between what we have and what she wants.  She told me she would do that.

Since she agreed to give this a go I’ve been asking her what she might want from it, and she has never really talked about that.  We’ve always focused on me.  What she wants from me, what I want for me, etc.  It helped us get started, that’s for sure.  I’m not sure how we can work out the sex issue, however.  I don’t think the orgasm control has much to do with it these days.  The fact is when my sex drive was down a few years back it was for different reasons.  We were overweight, over worked, depressed, etc.  Then the kids came along and you could remove depression and replace it with over tired.  Now the kids are old enough were we can get enough sleep, I’m not worn out from getting only 4 hours of sleep 4 nights a week, we are both in the best shape we’ve been in in the last 7 or 8 years.  I feel great!  My wife feels great and she looks amazing!  In my opinion that’s the reason for my increased sex drive.

Oh, well.  I’m sure we’ll figure it out.  Or rather, maybe this is something she needs to figure out on her own.

Preparing for a visit

The next week and a half will have me preparing for for a visit from my wife’s sister, brother-in-law, and their baby.  In anticipation of this my wife has rearranged my schedule a bit to better coincide with their arrival. 

I asked my wife if we should “tone things down” during their stay.  She told me that wouldn’t be needed as to them it would just look like me helping out.  I pointed out to my wife that in the past when they visited I generally did less than I normally would because often they would do things like clean up after meals.

“Well, this time I’ll tell her that she’s the new momma so she needs to rest, and I’ll play with the baby and you’ll do the cleaning after every meal along with your regular chores”.

She thinks they won’t notice anything strange at all.  I told her that I disagreed, but would go along with as usual.  Frankly, I think they will be very curious as to my change in house-cleaning habits.  They may also be curious about the calender listing all my weekly/bi-weekly/monthly chores (with two days marked as “(wife’s name)’s choice of jobs”). 

I guess my wife sees the househusband aspect of our new arrangement to be a perfectly natural dynamic.  She earns the money, I clean house and raise the kids.  She doesn’t think this is anything to hide from anyone.  I’m fine with that.  Looking back I can see that she initially saw the D/s aspect as something that she might do in return for the “submissive” cleaning jobs I did around the house.  That is until she realised that there were boons for her on that end as well.  Sure, orgasm control might not be all that appealing to her at first, until she understood that she could stop caring about my pleasure and concentrate on her own.  Now she doesn’t care if I wait 4 days or 25.  That’s my thing, not hers.  As long as she’s  getting it when she wants it she’s more than happy.

Which brings me to something she said the other night while we were having a mini-marathon sex session.  She had been more aggressive all night and had told me she was horny all day.  She started out a bit kinky and as she rode me she teased me about how I couldn’t come for twenty more days.  After quite a bit of oral/intercourse/manual/vibe she had me on top of her and she was urging me on.  I had to slow down for a minute, though.  She then gave me the double-tap on my ass (double-tap on the head during oral)  which let’s me know she’s done with me (at least in that position).  I rolled off her and she rolled to face me.

“That’s the problem.  Sometimes I just want to get a hard fucking.”

I asked her what she meant but she didn’t answer.

“I’m sorry”, I said, not knowing if she was disappointed in my endurance or with the orgasm control aspect or what.

“Why?  I just used you!”

Good point!  With that I started to masturbate a bit.

“You really do want to endure things for me, don’t you?” she asked as she watched me.

“Oh god yes!  Would you like me to fuck you some more?”

With that she rolled onto her back and spread her legs for me.  After needing to slow down a bit later I finished with my mouth and her vibe on her before we both drifted off to sleep.

So, I’m still wondering what the problem was exactly.  Maybe she doesn’t have an answer either.  She enjoys her mini-vibe, but doesn’t like to use her dildo.  I asked a while back if she would like a smaller one and she said “what’s the point of that” implying if anything she would want a bigger one.  But, like I said, she never seems to want to incorporate that.  I’m guessing it was a problem just for that moment and not a problem in general.  If it is, I’m sure she’ll let me know.

Hmm… I seem to have lost my point.  I got a little excited thinking about all that hot sex!  Oh, well.