Steady Progress

Things have continued along at this same pace.  I think not having a set of rules (the “Arrangement”) is just right for now.  There are expectations, but no rules.  My wife seems to also be learning more about herself, her wants, needs, desires and limitations.  We were speaking last night about the difficulty she is having deciding whether or not to start a side business or even possibly two.  When I told her I would be more than willing to help her out she seemed a little more at ease and even a little excited at the possibilities.  But she also realized that she is terrible at making big decisions like these.  I pointed out several other instances over the years where she froze up the same way not to be negative, but to point out that her careful consideration is a good trait, but we have missed opportunities because of her hesitation.  It’s time to take a chance.  I told her that in the Art of War there is a saying that making the wrong decision is better than making no decision.  You can not win if you don’t try, essentially.  If you make the wrong move you can make another move to fix it.  She saw the logic and I think we are going forward on at least one of the two options (of course this could change any minute depending on her getting cold feet again).

For the most part I’ve continued to keep up with my usual chores and my wife has prioritized some of my tasks to her liking.  I guess that has replaced my old “Assignments”.  She also seems to be more willing to point out her displeasure when she thinks I haven’t been doing enough.

As well as things are going, and despite the fact that I’m trying to take it slow this time, I found myself once again in a selfish head space.  Last week my wife just wasn’t feeling great and all sexual advances were spurned.  I don’t believe I showed any negative reactions in front of her, but once again I let my feelings of neglect get the better of me one night.  Of course I felt guilty the next day and did my best to make up for it by doing extra jobs around the house.

But I wasn’t the only one left completely horny and ready for action.  This week my wife felt much better and told me to join her in bed Tuesday night.  I got her toys and while I got undressed she used her vibe on herself.  I laid next to her and she spread her legs, one thigh covering my growing erection preventing me from touching it.  I then went down on her and it soon became clear she was feeling more frisky than normal.  She began grinding on my tongue and soon was raising her hips until I was licking her bottom.  She pushed me away and told me she need a big cock inside her and grabbed her dildo.  I then licked her  and the dildo which sent her over the edge.  I knelt back between her legs and slowly stroke myself as she then used the vibrator and dildo together, all the time telling me how much she loved her big cock and how good it felt to get fucked by such a big cock.  She compared it to mine and told me mine was nice, but nowhere near as big.  She came multiple times all while talking about her big cock as I slowly masturbated.  When she was done she told me I could cum.  I was surprised as I hadn’t had a chance to enter her and I can’t remember the last time she allowed me to cum when I wasn’t inside her.

I asked if I could enter her and she considered it a moment.  She decided it would be ok and I moved above her.  As I entered her she continued to talk about the “big cock” and how it stretched her out and how she could barely feel me.  She continued to taunt me and asked me how it felt.  I told her I never felt her so loose and wet and she responded that it’s because the “big cock” made her cum so many times. The teasing continued until I came and she giggled.  She told me to take care of her big cock and let her get some rest.  She never referenced the dildo so many times and used to refer to it as the Purple Monster.  Now, apparently, it’s her “Big Cock”.

As I left the room my head was spinning.  She really blew my mind.  The humiliation was intense and obvious and I loved it.  I also realized she had originally not intended to let me fuck her at all.  She used my tongue, but the only cock she had was the dildo.  Although the feeling of being inside her was amazing I suddenly wished I had done as she intended and just masturbated to completion in front of her.

The next morning my tongue was so sore I could barely speak.  I was pleasantly surprised that even though we had amazing sex the night before I was again summoned to the bed room.  As usual she started with her vibe and then moved on to my already sore tongue.  When she was satisfied with my licking she told me that the “Big Cock” had worn her out the night before and that she was ready for my smaller cock.  I told her how sore my tongue was from the workout she had given it and she replied, “good”.  I made love to her slowly at first until she encouraged me to fuck her harder.  Of course I couldn’t last very long at that pace so she had me stop and had several more orgasms with her vibrator while I held still inside her.  She told me she was done for the night and I rolled off her.  She allowed me to masturbate a few minutes with the stipulation that I couldn’t shake the bed.  Knowing the futility of that I thanked her but left her to get her rest.

She never ceases to amaze me.

And yet another paradox

I’ve been suffering from anxiety attacks for a few years now.  They have become worse over the last year and I often have panic attacks while driving.  This is no surprise really, as I’ve had nightmares about car accidents since childhood and I’m also afraid of heights, so a highway overpass can almost shut me down completely.

Because of this I’ve been taking a low dose of Xanax for the past year.  I’d rather not take meds, but because I can’t predict when a panic attack will hit I take a regular dose every day.

I think my wife didn’t really appreciate the severity of a bad attack until she recently witnessed one.  She was a little shaken by how it could completely shut me down (curl up in a ball on the bed for an hour not moving).

Anyway, it appears that she thinks long term orgasm denial may not be helping the situation.  About a month ago she let on to this and told me she was thinking of a new plan.  That night she let me have a release even though we both felt it was a little soon.  Since then it seems to be on a two week basis.

Sunday night she was up late, very tired and a little intoxicated.  Although I’d been hoping to mess around a little I assumed she was headed straight for bed.  As usual I brought her her medicine and a glass of water after she was comfortably in bed.  She surprised me by asking if I’d also brought my “big cock”.

I had.

She played with her mini vibe for a while but it was becoming apparent to me that she’d had to much to drink to reach orgasm.  In our 19 years together I’ve learned to read these things, as you can imagine.  I’ve learned to tell the real thing (which you just can’t fake) from her just trying to get me off.

This is part of what led to our arrangement in the first place.  I didn’t like the idea of her having sex with me because she felt it was her “wifely duty”.

After some time with her vibe, an amount of time that usually would bring multiple orgasms (maybe it brought one), she had me enter her.  It became readily apparent that she wasn’t really getting off and was making lots of sexy moans and groans and comments about my size and how good I felt inside her.  These are the old tactics she used when she wanted to make me cum quickly.

So I was torn.  We were back to square one.  Or are we?

It’s an aspect of our relationship that I didn’t like in the past, but this time it’s different.  She was in control.  She had an agenda.  It had been two weeks since my last orgasm and she wanted to make sure I had another that night.  Regardless of her own enjoyment she took control and had me make love to her and brought me to an orgasm, an orgasm she wanted to make sure I had.

So it’s clearly orgasm control… Right?

I’m not going to think about it too much right now.  I know she’s also fully aware of the lack of intimacy that happened last year and she wants to make sure we don’t let that happen again.  But it’s strange to think that we’ve come full circle, except this time in a different context.

Looks like it’s time for another talk.  I’d like to hear her express her ideas fully and perhaps we can come up with some more options.  If she had ordered me to masturbate to orgasm it wouldn’t have felt so backwards.  I really had mixed emotions over the whole thing.  Clearly the idea of her still being in control of my orgasm won the day, and I once I realized there was no way I was going to make her orgasm first I did my best to “get it over with” for her (although to be honest I contemplated topping from the bottom and trying to draw it out to the point she just couldn’t go on and would give me the double tap letting me know it was over, but I didn’t).

So I guess that’s where we stand right now.  Imperfect, but her choice, so I’ll go with it.  Time will tell how it will work out.

Another year…

So it’s a new year.

Last year was very difficult, but we got everything straightened out in our relationship and ended on a high note.  I ended the year with only 15 orgasms, which you think would be a good thing as I had suggested at the beginning of last year that perhaps I should be limited to 16 for the year, but, as I have previously said it was for all the wrong reasons.

Since our last talk my wife has become more aware of our intimate times and has made sure that even if she is “too tired” or “not in the mood” she makes herself available to intimacy in some way.  Maybe it’s cuddling time or just making sure to let me know that she is looking forward to the next time we are able to be intimate.  This has been very reassuring and has really helped put us on better ground relationship-wise.

I seem to have lost some of my submissive drive again, which does seem to ebb and flow, but I haven’t lost the desire for our dynamic, which is fortunate since my wife has made it clear that she prefers our arrangement and wants to keep it this way.  When we are in bed it’s easy to slip into the submissive mode, but other than that I’ve had to take a little more of a leadership role in the relationship and I think this was needed to help my wife out with day to day things.

This year has started pretty well.  Although money is still tight I’ve gotten some good news on the side business front and there is the potential for some extra cash to be coming in, but more importantly more doors have been opened for future business and possible investments in this side work (hopefully to become the new career).

Things have also improved on the Arrangement front.  My wife has made sure to keep me on my toes (although probably less than at our peak, but we are taking small steps).  I’ve been allowed one orgasm so far this year, but opportunities for sex have been rare (no fault of our own).

We did have a very exciting birthday night for me.  My wife summoned me to the bed room where she had been playing with her vibrator and had just brought herself to an orgasm.  I quickly stripped and joined her in bed.  We made out like teenagers for a bit before she told me she wanted me inside her.  I was a little slow to get an erection so she did something she hadn’t done in… I don’t know… seemingly forever.  She gave me oral sex for a good 30 seconds or so before I had to pull out of her mouth lest I go too far.

That was pretty amazing and I let her know it.  She found it amusing that I couldn’t last that long and teased me about it and about how rare it was that I would get more oral from her.  After composing myself I entered her and she encouraged me to some pretty hard screwing until I again needed a break.  She had me hold still inside her as she again used her vibrator to bring herself to several more orgasms.  She was so loud I worried she’d wake the kids.  She again teased me about how many orgasms she was having and asked if I could feel it (which I could).

She then pulled the old, “do you want to cum”?  Before I could answer she continued, “I know you do, don’t you…”.  As I groaned in response she followed with, “but you don’t want to either.  I know you want both and can’t decide, can you”.  I made some kind of affirmative grunt and she told me that she would have more fun if I had to wait.  She laughed and teased a bit more as I made a few more thrusts before having to pull out being so close to the edge.  I held her close as I trembled in the sub zone.

“Maybe we can have more fun tomorrow night.  Maybe you can fuck me with the big dildo.  Won’t that be fun”?

Again I grunted some kind of affirmative answer as I trembled and thanked her and told her how wonderful she was and how kind she was to me.

“Kind?  I think having so many orgasms and bringing you to the edge and not letting you cum is pretty mean, and I like that”.

Uggghhhh!  Heaven.

Perhaps I should be wearing the device today.  I haven’t done that in a while.

Being set straight

It’s been a long time since the last post.

As the title of the post announced, break time was over… or was it?

The stress and strain of real life continued and although I kept up with a lot of our arrangement rules I felt that I should let up a little as I felt that the arrangement only added to the stress on my wife.  It wasn’t entirely gone, but it seemed to be pushed to the back burner.

Yesterday i was informed that I was severely mistaken.

I asked if my wife would like some “us” time yesterday as the kids watched a movie.  I showered and waited for my wife.  I brought out the toys and put on my cock ring.  When my wife was ready she had me go down on her.  After her first orgasm she took a break and I told her I had put fresh batteries in her vibe.

“Good”, she replied.

She then brought herself to another orgasm with the vibe.

After that I asked if she wanted the Purple Monster.  She did.  She slid it all the way in.  My God that thing is huge.  She took it all with pleasure.  She told me to show her my cock so I got on my knees near her head and presented myself.  She then did what I had fantasized about for years.  She slowly stroked me to the edge while bringing herself to another orgasm.  As I shuddered in agony/ecstasy she told me to slowly fuck her with the dildo.

After several orgasms I asked if I enter her.  She let me and I lasted a few minutes before having to pull out.  She used the vibe a little longer and got herself off a few more times.  She then allowed me to masturbate for a few minutes.

While I masturbated she let me know she was disappointed in my service.  Not only that, but disappointed that I had apparently given up on the arrangement.

That is how deep we are into the arrangement.  Things that were once special are now normal, so to say that I had given up on it means that she expects more.

To be honest, though, I had let things go a bit.  As I said I felt like it was added stress to my wife’s life and also I was just feeling selfish and lazy.

My wife cleared this all up and told me how I have been disappointing her by not catering to her needs more.  In her times of stress with work and life I should be offering myself to her more, not less.  I should be asking how I can help her more and not relying on her asking me to do/get things for her.  I should be anticipating her needs and finding ways to surprise her or finding ways to please her.

Duh.  I can be very ignorant at times.  And selfish.  And lazy.

She continued on to tell me that she has seen a drop off  in service between orgasms and that I she thinks she has let me cum too often.

This is where this blog is going to start sounding like fantasy fodder.

Really?  I cum too often?  I’ve had 14 orgasms this year and one of those wasn’t really an orgasm, just an ejaculation.  I think this may be where she thinks I cum too often.  A few weeks ago while we made love she told me I could cum.  I felt the build up and told her I was going to cum and right before orgasm I told her it was gone.  I was baffled.  I didn’t know what had happened.  I told her I didn’t cum and she told me I had.  I pulled out and it was obvious I had ejaculated.  If it wasn’t for my obvious worry she probably wouldn’t have believed me.  It had been six weeks since my previous release.  To make up for it she let me orgasm a week later and asked, “was that  better”?

Anyway, I asked her what letting me cum too much meant (I’m guessing I’m done for the year) and she listed all the things she expects from me, including the fact that I missed our 4 year arrangement anniversary.

Aaaaahhhhh!

How is it that I missed it and she remembered?!?!

All this time I worried that she felt this was more about me and my kinks than her and her needs.  Instead this has become such an ingrained part of our life that she knows it’s about her and her needs and wants and not about what I think.

This post has been a bit of a ramble but my mind is just racing right now and I wanted to catch everyone up.  I’ll probably be posting more regularly.  Hopefully I’ll have interesting things to say and not just repeating what I’ve posted over the years.

Huh.  How about that.  This blog has been going for several years.

Selfish and Lazy

I haven’t been posting very much these last few months, but I have been following other blogs and I’ve been commenting more lately.

There has been a conversation conducted through several blogs that I find very interesting.  The conversation started with the idea that the longer we blog the less we post about kinky things.  In my own experience I think I post less about kinky things because what was once kinky (being told to mop the floor, clean the toilet, etc.) become routine after a while.  Sure, when I first started doing it I couldn’t wait to blog about how I mopped the floor and had an erection the entire time thinking about how I was cleaning and my wife was relaxing.

This doesn’t mean I’m unhappy, just that it’s not really news any more.

Lady Grey has taken the conversation to the next level in her latest post and having thought about this for a while I’ve discovered something about myself.  I’m being very lazy.

I know some of the agreements made in our Arrangement are not being lived up to and my wife, being busy with her career and being a mother and a wife, is not enforcing the rules.  I recognize this and I’m OK with it… for now.

Lady Grey points out that the staleness that sets in is mostly the result of the wife being lazy and not changing things up or enforcing the rules.  This is true.  But I am VERY guilty of letting her do this.  Why?  Well, as I said, I’m being lazy.

If I were to point out to her that she is letting me get away with keeping a messier house than she is used to she might make me work harder.  Right now I don’t really want that.  So I’m being lazy AND selfish.  I admit it.

Frankly, hanging out at the pool with the kids is more important to me right now than making sure the house is spotless.  And with the kids out of school keeping the house clean with them in it is nearly impossible.  While I clean one room they are usually destroying another.  The first couple of weeks of summer break nearly gave me a breakdown.  That’s when I just accepted I couldn’t keep up with the work and embraced the laziness.

At some point my wife saw how much stress I was under and made some suggestions as to what might help.  Unfortunately the only thing that seemed to work was to just accept that I was beaten and to not stress out that the house is messy.  My wife told me that I needed to figure something out because that wasn’t really acceptable.  My reaction to this is to get her to the pool with us as often as possible, preferably with a margarita in her hand.  If she isn’t in the house she doesn’t have to see it’s messy.

Too soon the pool will be closed, but with that the children will be back in school.  Then my wife and I can have one of our chats about our arrangement and we can get back on track.

Until then I’m going to be lazy and selfish.  I’m going to enjoy playing computer games at night instead of mopping the kitchen floor.  I’m going to enjoy watching cartoons with the kids.  I’m going to enjoy hanging out with friends and family at the pool.  I’m going to enjoy my wife sending me to the bar to get her drinks in front of our friends.  I’m going to enjoy the chastity and orgasm control she has over me.  I’m going to enjoy the knowledge that I’ve only had seven orgasms this year.  I’m going to enjoy giving her countless orgasms whenever she wants….

Whoa!

There I go getting kinky again!

Yeah.  I’m just selfish and lazy.  But the summer is halfway over.

Where I’m at

When I started this blog it was to help me work through all the new feelings I was discovering and to relate to people with similar inclinations.  I had realized that I didn’t like when my wife had sex with me because she felt like it was her “wifely duty” and that I much preferred to just give her an orgasm and be left without one myself, than to give her an orgasm and then have her feel like she is obligated to return the favor, even when she would prefer to just roll over and go to sleep.  In the process I also realized that we had been living in a vanilla, but very real Wife Led Marriage.

As my wife came to accept this fact and later embrace her roll as leader of the household we ventured into some kinkier territories.  This was a boon to our sex life, which at that point, after 14 years together, had become pretty routine.  Now it is ANYTHING but routine.  Unfortunately, over the last six months or more it has hardly existed at all.

In the midst of all the kink and hoopla of living a WLM I firmly believed that it was “all for her”.  As my wife and I worked through the many paradoxes of power exchange kink and other issues involved in the WLM we came to understand that while she may be the prime focus it just won’t work unless we are both getting something out of it.  This understanding has led me to where I am today.

Where is that?  Well, it’s led me to feel pretty selfish about a lot of things.  It’s led me to do a lot less for my wife than I have over the past few years.  It’s led me to nearly telling my wife that it just wasn’t working any more.

There is a catch, however.  My wife has made it clear that this is the way things are now.

I have to admit that there are probably two main reasons for my change of attitude.  First would be the lack of sex.  Sexual power exchange is clearly important to me in our WLM and when it’s lacking I feel like something is missing from my life, which I guess it is.

The other reason is that the company my partner and I have been working so hard at becoming self sustaining and profitable requires me to be an Alpha male and it’s hard for me to switch back to a submissive mode when I get home.   Perhaps that works for some high powered executives (if we are to believe the stories) but it doesn’t work to well for me.  Submissive in sex, sure, but it hard to go from running a company and being in charge to scrubbing a kitchen floor and cleaning out the bathroom.

The stress of my wife’s work and the financial stress on both of us also led to my wife being less “dominant” as well, and she recognized this.  But that didn’t mean she doesn’t fully put herself first, unless it is her desire to put me first, which on occasion does happen.  She did try, however.  There have been too many instances where I would catch her saying, “damn, I missed a good opportunity to use my power over you”, or other things of that nature.

The last month or so has been a little different.  She really seems to have stepped it up.  She has been much more demanding of me and has once again used her ability to relax and have me cater to her.  A month or so ago she used me for some hot sex and had multiple orgasms while leaving me wanting.  This past Thursday night she used be for some sex, but kept telling me how she wanted to get a “good, hard fucking”.  She kept teasing me asking if I could do it knowing that I just can’t anymore.  Instead she used my mouth and her dildo to get off.  Eventually she climbed on top of me and verbally teased me until she told me to ask her for permission to cum.  I did and she thought about it before telling me I could (once again waiting nearly 5 weeks between orgasms).

Saturday before I left for work she stopped me and told me I hadn’t sufficiently thanked her my orgasm Thursday night.  She wanted me to give her several more before I left for work to show proper appreciation.  She again reiterated her desire for a “good, hard fucking” and asked me if I could do that for her.  She of course knows the answer and after a few strokes I have to withdraw and orally please her.  She then told me to watch while she brought herself several more orgasms with her toys.  I’m sure she really does want a good hard fuck like I used to give her, but she seems to find it amusing as well that I’ve become a “two pump chump”.  It is a nice erotic humiliation, but frankly I miss the days of feeling like a stud as I would bring my wife multiple orgasms with just my cock.  I think that would take regular masturbation again and since I’ve broken that habit I just don’t really think about it anymore, except the occasions where my wife will tell me to edge myself a few times before bed.  Even then I don’t last very long.  After our Saturday fling she asked me if I thought edging myself a few times that night would improve my stamina for Sunday.  I told her it would likely make no difference at all, and at this point may even decrease my stamina.  She again informed me of her desire to be fucked hard.  All I could offer was to use the dildo on her.  Her reaction could be summed up with, “if that’s what it takes”.

As I left for work I kissed her and thanked her for my orgasm on Thursday.  I also told her it was my seventh for the year.  She gave me her wicked little smile and said I was lucky to have a wife who gave me what I wanted (fewer orgasms).

Yes, it was a “careful what you wish for” moment.  As I’ve said, lately the WLM is not really doing it for me.  Kinky sex?  Sure.  All the rest… hmmm… not so sure any more.  I guess if the kinky sex keeps up it will help me get back into the right frame of mind.  But as I left for work Saturday with an erection that wouldn’t go away I really wanted an orgasm.  I can’t remember the last time I wanted an orgasm more than that.  But my wife left me with the reminder that it would be many weeks before I got another opportunity, and in that time she was planning on having many more herself.

I certainly hope so.

A story for you

Somewhere in this blogs dusty old archives I mentioned a story I had written many years ago (I’m guessing about 14 years).  I believe the subject of the post was about how you can have submissive tendencies and not realize it until later.  When I wrote this I did not consider myself submissive in any way and when I showed it to my wife (at that time girlfriend) she asked me if I identified with the husband in the story.  I told her I could see myself as both male characters.  While that is true I can now look back at our history and see that what really excited me was the husband.

Yes, this is a cuckold story, and no, I do not think I would like to be a cuckold in real life.  Fantasy is fantasy and I will leave this there.  However this didn’t just come out of thin air.  After dating for six months my wife took an internship out of state for three months.  I told her at the time that she could mess around if it came to it and that led to many steamy letters between she and I.  She had also just had her first lesbian experience and before she left we had been trying to set up a threesome (with her forbidding me to have any contact with the other female).

Not too long after that she got another internship in a state even further away.  At this point I wasn’t sure our relationship could last but I still wanted to make an effort.  Part of this effort, in my mind, was the idea that she did not have to stay monogamous with me.  In my mind trying to keep a monogamous relationship over long distance would just add stress and lead to a likely break up.  If you feel like you are “cheating” than you will end the relationship you are in to relieve the guilt.  If it’s “OK” to fool around then there is nothing to feel guilty about.

Well, it’s one thing to have this philosophy, but another to practice it.

Over time, as I regularly called her, she was home less and less at night.  Eventually her roommate told me she was out with a guy, a guy she was usually out with.  I confronted her about this over the phone.  In my mind it was OK to mess around, but that meant one night stands, not dating a guy.  But as we talked I got into what I now know would be a cuckold mind set.  As jealous as I was I couldn’t deny the excitement.  As I pressed her for answers I found out he was bigger in body and cock, was superior in sex in all ways and was a tough guy.

It didn’t take too long for me to decide to drop everything and move away to be with her.  When I told her I would move to be with her we agreed that we would no longer “mess around” and would be committed to each other.

The day I got there, as we lay in bed after some hot, steamy sex, she had something to confess to me.  Up until my arrival he had been in that bed, and less than 24 hours before he had been inside her having “good bye sex”.

She continued to see him off and on for a few weeks after that.  I had burned many bridges in my move and had upset my family, so moving back home wouldn’t be easy.  I eventually confronted her and told her how difficult it was for me to sit in an apartment in a city that I didn’t know and didn’t have any friends in while she was out with him.  She told me they weren’t having sex any more, but that didn’t make it much easier.

Of course he was in her group of friends and I saw him often as we went out.  I never held a grudge against him.  Hell, I was flattered that he found my girlfriend as attractive as I did.  I didn’t blame him for wanting to have sex with her.

I also never felt threatened by him.  He was a bit of a brute, but I honestly felt superior to him in most ways… well, other than him having a bigger cock and being better at sex.  But I was/am clearly far more intelligent than he was and frankly, at that point in my life I would thought my odds in a fight against him would be pretty good (I was a bit of a brawler in my younger years).

Anyway, there is the set up.  I was at first excited by my girlfriend cheating on me with someone that she admitted was better at sex, but eventually I couldn’t take the jealousy and forced her to stop seeing him (except in group settings where she couldn’t avoid him).

So, as I said, this story is just fantasy, but is clearly proof that I had submissive tendencies from early on that I had not yet accepted.

Hmmm…. I scanned this story in as a PDF and pasted it here.  There are clearly some problems.  I’ll work on fixing them.  I’m sure you can get the gist of the story, though. (Jeez.  It would have been easier to retype the 11 pages than scanning it and correcting all the errors.  Stupid ’90’s printer font didn’t scan so well.)

The Story

I tried again at the restraints. I couldn’t budge. She had tied me down to the chair very well.  Four nylon stockings tied my wrists and ankles to the arms and legs of a chair in our hotel room. She had left me with an adult movie on the television a hard-on that wouldn’t quit and quite a buzz from all the liquor we’d been drinking all day. Although I was gagged with a pair of her panties and a nylon stocking I wasn’t too uncomfortable and I was incredibly turned on in anticipation of her return. It was just like the fantasies I’d written about in my computer journal. She’d been gone about half an hour but I was still rock hard in anticipation. She’d left in the sexy new bikini I’d bought her for our honeymoon which we’d been on for 3 days now. The sex had been magnificent and we’d started getting really kinky. I barely remembeled the drunken sex we’d been having at 5 am this morning. It was now 8 pm and the sun was down and the weather in the Caribbean never seemed to change, so her bikini wouldn’t be too cold. I thought back to the fantasies we’d shared last night. I couldn’t remember exactly what I’d told her, but I did remember it included being dominated which is what led to my current situation. By 45 minutes I was wondering where she was and was losing my buzz and my hardon. The porn had become annoying as I couldn’t even mastubate to it. After an hour I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable in the chair and the air conditioning was making me cold. I became briefly aroused again after an hour and a half thinking she would be back at any minute. I waited in anticipation but after two bours was almost shivering in the coolness of the AC which seemed to be blowing directly on my back.  At this point I became worried. Not about myself, but about my wife, Anne. I was worried that something had happened to her. We were in a foreign country after all. After she had been gone two and a half hours I heard a key in the door. I breathed a huge sigh of relief through my gag which by this point had completely dried out my mouth. Anne walked through the door, almost staggering. Her eyes were heavy as she focused on me.

“Get ready for the night of your life, motherfucker!”

I tried to smile through the gag. I was a little disappointed to see her still drunk, as I had lost my buzz. As I looked closer at her I realized her lipstick was smeared around her lips. “You are going to get what you’ve been wanting! And I don’t want to here a word out of you, you understand me little boy?” She grabbed me by my balls and squeezed enough to make me wince. I let out a muffled cry. “None of that or it will just be more difficult for you.” She didn’t seem quite as drunk as I’d first suspected but something was different.  She smiled wickedly as she removed her bikini.

“I bet you’ve been wondering where I was for so long”, she said as she strutted toward the TV and shut it off. She then moved to the wet bar and poured herself a vodka tonic.

“Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret”.  I’ve been off at the pool bar. For a honeymoon spot this place has a lot of single men hanging around”.   My cock raised as I realized she’d been flirting. I remembered telling her about that last night in our fantasy session although it was mostly still a blur.

“Oh, look at how hard that little cock of yous is getting.”  This was strange coming from Anne. I knew I didn’t have a small cock. It may not be excepionally large, but I knew my 6 inches wasn’t small, at least it was average. Yet her referring to my cock as small made me even harder. For the first time ever she seamed to be embracing the dominant role I’d fantasized about all through our relationship. I’d played the dom role most often, yet I’d let her know recently that I really wanted to be completely dominated, at least once in a while. That’s what I told her, at least. In my fantasies I wanted even more than that, but that’s why we call them fantasies, right?

She lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in my face making my eyes water. By this time the cold was again getting to me and I’d lost my hardon, despite the intense eroticism of the moment. She was now laying across from me on the bed and began sroking her pussy. When she noticed my shrunken prick she lauged.

“Look at that pathetic cock! How do you expect to please me with that?”  My cock slightly twitched at the tone of her voice, but by this point I was so uncomfortable and cold it continued to shrink to a mere mushroom head. Her nipples, and mine for that matter were hard and pointed from the chill.

“I’ve got a surprise for you, you know. It’s what you’ve wanted and I really want t0 give it to you. You

may be a lide uncomfortable at first, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Well, I will at least”,she said with a wicked laugh. She rose from the bed and approached me. Once again she puffed smoke in my face before putting her cigarette out. She again walked to the bar and refilled her drink. She then turned to face me again.

“Remember what we talked about last night?”

I shrugged and looked away. I didn’t want her to know that I really didn’t remember all that much.

“‘Well, that’s ok, I do. And I want yor to know that it really wasn’t a surprise”. She gave me an evil look that I’d only seen a few times in our seven year relationship. She only gave me that look when I really fucked up. I began to get very nervous and my cock shrunk even more, if that was possible.

“You know I found your little ‘diary’.”

I looked at her in shock and embarrassment . It wasn’t so much a diary as much  as all my kinky fantasies I wrote late at night. I could feel myself blushing. I couldn’t even remember half of what I wrote in there, but most of it involved being dominated and cuckolded. She approached me and reached out and twisted one of my nipples. This got a brief and very

small rise out of my cock.

“You are far more kinky than I ever realized.  But that’s ok, because I’ve had fantasies very similar to yours. I think this will work out very nicely.”

With that she walked to the phone and dialed a number. “You can come up now”, she said and hung up. My eyes shot wide open in panic for a moment, but I calmed down quickly. I was out of view of the door and she must bave been calling room service. I recalled mentioning a food fantasy to her recently and figured that was what this was all about. Anne gently smacked me on the face as she walked past me to the bathroom. When she emerged she had fixed her hair and her makeup. She smirked at me as she entered the room again. She poured another vodka tonic in a new glass.

“She must be getting pretty drunk to pour herself a second drink”, I thought.  That is when there was a knock on the door.

“It’s time for your deepest, darkest fantasy to come true”, she said nastily as she passed me on the wayto the door with both drinks in her hand.

“What took you so long?” I heard after the door opened. Although I was out of sight I was nervous and self conscious.  Then I heard Anne give a slight moan and what sounded like a kiss. My mind reeled as I strained my neck to see around the corner. I didn’t have to wait long as she came back in the room and I heard the door close. Behind her walked another man.

I wanted to scream through the gag but nothing came out. He seemed cliche. Tall, dark and handsome. Muscularly built without being out of proportion. His hair was shoulder length and he wore tight shorts and a tight, silky shirt.

“I couldn’t bear another minute without you”, he said to Anne without even glancing at me. He approached her from behind and grabbed her large breasts with his hands. “I’ve missed you in the short time we’ve been apart.”

I couldn’t place the accent but I hated it from the first word he said. It was then that he seemed to notice me. “So this is the little freak you told me about”.  I wanted nothing more at this point than to get up and kick his ass but realized that even if I was free he was big enough to probabty kick my ass.  I had never felt so jealous and humiliated in my life. But this was just the beginning.

“You weren’t lylng about his small cock either,” he laughed. “It’s not right to spend your honeymoon with such a worthless cock.”

“Mike, I watt you to meet…” Anne turned to the man.

“You can call me whatever you want. He has to call me Sir,” he laughed. Anne laughed too and

said, “Come here baby. Let’s show him that big cock I felt in the bar.”

Anne backed up to the bed and sat down as ‘Sir’ approached.  He removed his shirt as she lifted his feet to remove his sandals. Then she slowly unbuttoned his shorts and let them drop to the floor. I stared in disbelief at his cock. It must have been at least 8″ flaccid.

“Your boy seems to be impressed”.  Anne saw the stunned look on my face and fell back on the bed laughing.

“You know,” she told him, “I said he had a big cock when we  first started dating, just because he was so shy I wanted to make him feel good about himself, and he has strutted around ever since thinking he really had a big dick”.  This caused them both to laugh even harder. Sir approached me with his now semi-hard cock and looked at my shrunken tool and said, “You thought you had a big cock”?  He waved his dick in my face as it startd to grow. “‘This is a cock, my litte boy. Yours is just a little toy, isn’t it?”

Anne and Sir both began laughing again. I struggld to get free from my bonds which made them laugh even harder. The worst part was knowing that even if I got free, I didn’t know what I could do. I stopped struggling and looked away. Anne got up and approached me and grabbing my chin so I faced her said, “It’s what you’ve always wanted little boy. I read yor stories and you told me your fantasies and it’s time you got what you wanted.”

I shook my head and pleaded to her with my eyes. “Please don’t do this”, is what I wanted to say.

“No. no, no,” she replied. “I’ve read your naughty stories about what you want. And tonight you are going to get it. You know there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you”, she said in a condescending tone as she once again squeezed my nipple, this time hard enough to make me wince.

That is when Sir smacked me. “Don’t be such a pusy, litle boy. You should feel lucky that you have a wife who wants to give you your fantasy. You are such a little pansy and you should feel privileged to have a woman as beautiful as she is”.

He turned his head to Anne and smiled and said, “although she is mine for tonight.” Sir and Anne embraced and kissed.  I could hear moans of passion escape Anne’s lips. Sir ran his hand up her side and cupped one of her big, beautiful  breasts. His thumb brushed her hardening nipple as his tongue probed deeper into her mouth.

I began shaking and struggling and trid to scream through the gag. Anne broke off the kiss, turned to me and smacked me.

“Oh calm down and grow up. This is what you’ve always wanted. This is what you think about when you play with that little cock of yours. Even last night you were telling me how you wanted to watch me fuck another man. Well now you’re getting what you want.. . what you deserve. It’s been my fantasy for some time now too, at least since I started reading  those stories of yours.  You are a very good writer, you know”.

I shook with rage and strained to get free. This time Anne raised her foot and placed it on my cock and balls. I tried to squirm out of the way, but the arms of the chair held me down. Slowly she pressed down on my balls. I shook my head and begged her with my eyes.

“Will you be a good boy”, she asked pressing harder?  I moaned in pain and nodded terrified and sat still. Despite the AC sweat was now pouring down my body. “That’s my good” little boy”, said Anne.

“If you are really good you may even get to play. But if you are a naughty boy you’ll be punished.  Maybe  I should tell my sweet Honey over there how you love to have your ass played with…”.

She walked back to Sir who was sitting on the bed.  She knelt between his legs as he leaned back.  She sucked his growing cock and softly licked the underside of the shaft. Sir leaned on one elbow and pulled her head closer with his other hand. He looked into my eyes and smiled.  I closed my eyes and began to cry. How could this be happening?  Why was she doing this to me?  I lowered my head and heard her begin to suck in earnest.

“God, it’s so big and beautiful”, she said. “Look at it Mike. I said look”!

I gently shook my lowered head back and forth.

“Mike, you will play nice or I will make this much rnore difficult for you.  Now raise your head and look at a real man’s cock little boy”!

I raised my head and looked through tear filled eyes at his monster. It seemed to be about the length of her forearm and almost as thick. It must have beer at least 10 inches.

“Look, the poor baby has been crying”,  mocked Sir. I again turned my head away. Sir rose from the bed and approched me, his enormous dick swinging like a club in front of my face. He grabbed my head with both hands and held it in place as his dick swayed before me. “I think he is jealous that you are having all the fun. Would you like to have some fun too?”

I tried to shake my head but he held it firm.

He leaned in closer and smacked my face repeatedly with his cock leaving trails of pre-cum across my face.

“Now you will keep your eyes open and watch us or I will have to get mean”,  he said sternly. I stayed perfectly still and looked up at him. “That’s better”.  He struck me one more in my face with his cock making a loud slapping sound and leaving a large splatter of pre-cum on my cheek.  This caused Anne to laugh hysterically. She was lying on the bed watching us.

“Come here lover.  Let me put that magnificent tool of yours to better use”.  Sir lay next to her on the bed and she knelt beside him and began sucking his cock in earnest. She couldn’t get much more than the tip into her mouth. She used one hand to caress his enormous prick and tickle his balls as the other stroked up and down the shaft of his cock. It was so thick her fingers couldn’t wrap all the way around it. She sucked louder and louder and raised her head completely making a popping noise as his cock was released.  She began licking it all over. She seemed lost to the world as she made love to that cock. She even seemed to forget that I was there. She moved her head lower and began to lick and suck his balls. I glanced at Sir and saw he was staring at me and smiling.

“Your wife gives great head”.

Anne stopped long enough to took at Sir and smile before returning to her work. She continued stroking his cock as he spread his legs and her head moved lower.  He shifted his hips up and she begnn to lick below his balls. Her  tongue traced a path down to his ass hole.  She circled it several times before licking straight up and down the crevice. Her head moved in slow circles as she tongued him, faster and faster  as she went deeper inside. I again glanced at Sir as he

moaned in pleasure. His hips began to buck and he grabbed the back of her head Anne slowed as Sir drew her head up to his cock again. She licked all the way.

“I think your pathetic husbad really enjoyed that”, Sir said to Anne laughing.  Anne turned to me and burst out laughing herself. I looked down and realized that my cock was rock hard.

“How could you ever expect to please a woman with that little thing?’ he mocked. Anne ran her hands over his chest and licked and sucked at a nipple. “After I’m done with her, your wife will never be satisfied with that little peter of yours… if she ever was.. .” he laughed. “I’ve got an idea.”  Sir got off the bed and approched me. “What are you going to do”, Anne asked?

“Since your little freak husbad is enjoying the show so much, I thought we should let him get a better view”.  His large hand encircled my neck and tilted my head up to look him in the eyes. “Now I’m going to untie you for a minute. You try anything stupid and you’ll be very sorry”.   He reachd down with his free and grasped me by the balls. “Do you understand”, he asked squeezing?  I again began to sweat and nodded my head. “That’s a good boy”.  He quickly untied my hands as Anne untied my feet. “Lay on the bed with yor head at the foot. Now give me your hands.” They retied me spread eagle on the bed. “Now”, ‘ he began, once more grabbing me by the balls, “I’m going to take off the gag. You are not to make a sound unless spoken to. Do you understand”?  Again he roughly squeezed my balls as I nodded.

“Very good”.  Anne pulled ths nylon down around my neck and removed the panties fum my mouth. I stretched my jaw and tried to lick my lips.

“I think I should put that tongue to work”, Anne said as she climbed onto the bed and straddled my face. She lowered  her pussy to my lips. “Get to work”, she demanded. I tried to lick but my mouth was dry. Sir again squeezed my balls.

“You heard her! Get that pussy nice and wet for me”!  I opened my mouth wide to gasp in pain as Anne groud her pussy into my face. I stuck mt tongue out as far as I could as she rode me.

“That’s it ” she said. “Get my pussy nice and wet for that big beautiful cock”.  My cock began to

throb to life again as I pleasured her.

“Look at that little tool grow,” laughed Sir. “He really loves to use his mouth doesn’t he? You love eating pussy, don’t you”?  I moaned my agreement. Anne slid forward. I tried to raise me head to keep my tongue in her pussy, but was instead rewarded with her ass hole. She fingered herself as I stuck my tongue in her back door.

“Ohhhhh…”, she moaned.  “Lick my ass, you little sissy boy. Work that mouth of yours”!  She began to shake and quiver and I knew she was close to orgasm. She again covered my mouth with her pussy as she came, covering my face with her juices. My cock jumped vainly as she dismounted and I gasped for air.

“Thank yor for getting her ready for me. But you aren’t done yet”.   I raised my head up and looked fearfully at Sir. Anne moved down to the end of the bed and ran her nails gently up and down the inside of my thigh. Sir straddled my chest.

“You know what I want, don’t you”?

“No”, I gasped. I had a hard time breathing with all that weight on my chest.   Anne dug her nails into my balls.  “Ahhh” was all I could manage as pain raced through me, again causing me t0 lose my erection.

“First of all”, began Anne, “the word ‘no’ is not allowed. Second, your response was not phrased correctly. And third, you know exactty what he wants, don’t you? Now, let’s try again. Lover, ask him again”.

“You know what I want, don’t you”?  He gave me a wicked smile.

“Yes…”, I said hesitantly, although I wasn’t exactly sure. The way things were going he could want anything. I cringed as Anne began to squeeze my balls again.

“Yes, what”, she demanded?

“Yes, Sir”.

“Much better, little boy. Now open your mouth for my lover and get to work on that gorgeous cock of his”.  Anne got up from the bed and stood at the foot behind my head. “I’ve got to see this,” she laughed.

“Please don’t make me do this”, I said looking into her eyes. I clamped my lips shut. Anne laughed and held my nose until my mouth opened. They both laughed at this.

“If I so much as feel one tooth scrape against my cock I’ll crush those worthless nuts of yours.  Do you understand”?  Once again he slapped me in the face with his cock.

“Yes, Sir”.

“Open wide”, he laughed. I gagged as he thrust his cock into my mouth. Tears again filled my eyes as I tried to catch my breath.   “Use your tongue, boy”.  It felt like my mouth was going to rip open.  How did Anne take this into her mouth I wondered, and how was she going to take it in her pussy?

“Lick it all over”, said Sir as he pulled out and rubbed his cock all ovet my face.  “I see you are a natural cocksucker”.

“Look at that “, said Anne with a wicked grin. “His tiny little pecker is getting hard again”.  I could feel myself blush as I knew it was true. It was at this point that I broke down and accepted my role in this relationship.

“Get it good and wet so i can fuck your wife with it”.  I raised my head as far as I could off the bed and took the tip in my mouth. I bobbed up and down until my neck tired and my head fell back. I gasped for air as they both laughed at me.

“Come on you pathetic piece of crap. Keep licking. You know you love it”, mocked Anne. I stuck my tongue out as Sir continued to rub his cock over my face.

“You know, I think he is really enjoying this,” laughed Sir. With that he got off me and moved over to Anne. They kissed deeply as I lay panting on the bed, my cock harder then it’s ever been in my life.  I felt like it would explode at any moment. I looked back at them as I heard Anne moan. Sir was sucking on her neck. When he moved his mouth down to her breasts I saw he left a large hickey. Anne continued to moan as he sucked first one, than the other nipple. He moved her over to the bed and had her kneel over my face.

“Little boy”, he said, “I want you to have the best view in the house”.

Anne tooked back over her shoulder. “Fuck me with that magnificent cock.  I need it now. Show this pathetic boy how a real man satisfies a women”.  Sir approached her from behind and placed one hand on her hip while the other rubbed  his cock over her pussy. “Don’t tease me”, she begged.

Sir slowly inserted the large head of his cock into her pussy. Anne let out a long deep groan. He stayed still for a moment letting her pussy adjust to his girth. Slowly Anne began to rock back. She took another inch or so and let out a long hiss.

“Oh, God! You are so fucking huge”! Gently, Sir began to pull Anne further onto his cock. I couldn’t believe how he stretched her pussy. In and out he went, each time filling her more. When half his shaft was buried he stopped. Anne quivered above me. Her hips began to jerk, but he held her back in his strong hands.

“Oh, God… I’m… unghh… cumming”!  Her body shook in orgasm and her juices dripped to my already covered face.

“You see that”, Sir said. “I’m not even halfway in and I’ve already pleased your wife more than you ever could”. He heald her until she recovered. When she was still he quickly thrust all the way into her, his balls smacking against her clit and my face.

Anne let out a scream and collapsed on top of me. Sirbegan fucking her slowly. He pulled all out  until only the head of his cock was inside her. His cock shined with her juices. He again buried himself  to the hilt, causing Anne to again scream. It was a scream mixed with pleasure and pain.  She again raised herself above me as he began to speed up.

“Fuck me”, she panted. “Yeah, fuck me good with that fat cock”. She moaned in pleasure. My cock throbbed in rhythm to their fucking. I tilted my head back and licked at Anne’s clit causing her to moan louder. “That’s it my little cuckold.  Suck my clit while a real man fucks your wife.”

Anne came three more times while Sir fucked her. I had lost all sense of time. It may have been hours. I couldn’t believe his stamina. Anne’s big tits rubbed against my stomach and Sir’s balls smacked my face. My tongue was sore and my cock rock hard. Finally Sir broke his rhythm. I knew he was ready to cum. So did Anne.

“Yes, baby! Oh,YES! Fill me up with that hot cum. Give it to me! AHHHHH”!  Anne came again as Sir thrust deep one last time and came with a groan. As they both parted Anne began to laugh.

“Ha, ha. The little boy shot his cum without my even touching his cock!” With that they both laughed.  Sir removed his cock making sure to drag it across my face. Anne’s pussy gaped wide open and Sir’s cum dripped onto my face.

“You aren’t done yet little boy”, she said as she lowered her pussy to my mouth. “Now it’s time to get me all cleaned up”.

At first I gagged on the bitter taste of his cum, but I knew better than to protest and eagerly sucked her dry.

“I see you really enjoyed that”, mocked Anne.  “His pathetic little boy cock is hard again.  Now, time to clean up my lover”.  Anne rolled off me and was replaced by Sir, whose cock was still rock hard.  “Go ahead, boy.  I saw how much you loved sucking his cock last time.  Get it nice and clean. And for being such a good boy I’ll even untie you”.

Once I was untied Sir lay back on the bed and pointed to his cock.  “Get to work”.  I crawled over to him and licked him clean. “You aren’t done yet”, he said as I began to pull away. “I’ve got another load in there and I want you to help me with it”, he laughed. I again began sucking as Anne stroked his shaft. My head bobbed up down as my saliva covered his cock. Sir sat up and pushed me back.  He knelt above me and jacked off while Anne sucked one of his nipples. “This is your place, boy.  This is where you belong”.   With that he came all over my face. They laughed mercilessly as I realized

that I too had cum.

Took a little break

Sorry for the absence.  I needed some time off.

The past few months have been incredibly stressful and to be honest I don’t think my relationship with my wife was ever on rockier ground.  In the fantasy land of FLR it may be sexy when your wife berates you about money problems but in reality it sucks.  Not only that but she has always been supportive of the projects my partner and I work on and out of nowhere she seemed to turn against this pursuit of a dream career and blame financial woes on it.

These weren’t the only problems.  I had issues of my own.  I started having insecurity issues that I have never felt before.  One afternoon as we lay in bed together kissing she basically turned cold and turned and gave me an “it’s not you , it’s me” about not being interested in sex.  Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem.  I understand this about her.  We’ve discussed her libido together.  Not a big deal.  Only it was.  I told her that it felt like I was the problem because if we are in bed together, naked, kissing, she should be aroused by me, so it felt like I was the problem.

I know it wasn’t very nice, and I wasn’t trying to be mean.  She didn’t get angry with me for saying it because she could see how hurt I felt.  Nonetheless it clearly wasn’t “all for her”.

There were other issues as well (I really could write a big long post about it but I don’t want to be too negative) and adding it all up I just decided to let go of the WLM thing for a bit.  That didn’t mean that I started jerking off every day and stopped cleaning the house.  As a matter of fact, to an outsider things might not have seemed very different at all.  The only obvious sign was that I stopped kneeling at bed time when I brought her glass of water and medicine.  I think she took a break as well as she mostly stopped asking me to get things for her.  So, the framework stayed in place but we both just seemed to take a break from the obvious catering duties.

During this break I basically lost all sense of submissiveness and started wondering if it was all over.  Actually, at one point I was pretty convinced it was all over.  It is funny to think back a few weeks debating whether or not to masturbate to orgasm just to prove to myself it was all over.  Of course I didn’t, but at the time it didn’t prove anything to me.  Obviously if I’m not going to masturbate than it isn’t all over, but I couldn’t tell at the time.

Also during this break I stopped wearing my cock ring and/or device.  These are things I just like the feel of and so often wear them.  But I had absolutely no desire to.  That is until a few days ago.  This past weekend I decided to wear my cock ring to work like I usually do but haven’t been.  It felt so nice I decided to wear the device one day.  I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it, I was just going to wear it.  It felt so wonderful I slept with it on.  I know my wife saw it as I slept in and she got up, it’s pretty difficult not to notice through boxer briefs.  She didn’t say anything about it but that day it felt like we were connecting better.

Yesterday I decided to attempt to rekindle a “working” WLM.  After a shower I asked my wife if she wanted to fool around.  She was indeed up for some fun and was quickly undressed.  I stripped down to just the device and got into bed with her toys.  Seeing me in the device she commented, “I see you are in the giving mood today”.  I agreed that I was, but actually started regretting it.  I couldn’t remember how long it had been since my last orgasm, which was also the last time we had sex.  That, unfortunately, was on of the things I quit doing for a while.  Although I never started masturbating I had quit paying attention to my orgasms, or lack there of.

Anyway, after bringing her to her first orgasm she pushed me off to the side as she reached for her dildo.  I then asked if it was too late to change my mind and I was informed that it was.  Instead I was allowed to lick her while she got her fill of the dildo.

I was incredibly horny and shaking with lust.  I don’t remember it ever feeling so frustrating before.  In the past I have been so focused on chastity and orgasm denial that I usually wanted to be made to wait.  This was the first time in I don’t know how long that I just wanted to have an orgasm.

After she had her share of orgasms we lay quietly together.  I asked her if I could be allowed to masturbate a little.  I could not.  I then asked her if it would be OK if I took off the device.  Again I could not.  I guess I pouted a little and that is when she told me, “Don’t pout.  You wanted me to have a bunch of orgasms and I did and it made you happy.  You enjoy making me cum while you are denied”.  She wasn’t bitchy about it, just matter of fact.  And it is true.  Like I said I don’t remember it ever feeling so frustrating, but it is what I like and I’m glad she didn’t just cave and let me do what I wanted.  She took control and enjoyed herself knowing that I enjoy giving her pleasure, and that I also enjoy feeling controlled.

Hopefully this will help get us back on track.  Of course I forgot to set up her coffee last night.  Through our little hiatus I never forgot that.  Get me high on endorphins and BOOM, I forget the most basic things.

Oh, and by the way, I did actually mark down the last time I orgasmed.  I went to check and was surprised to see that I had recorded it.  It has been four weeks.  Thought you’d like to know.

Still so busy, but things looking up

Well, it’s been a while between posts again.

Mostly life has just been hectic.  My wife and I are making a greater effort to not let it get us down, though.  There have been a couple of times where she has stopped and made comments about how rough a week was going to be on both of us and how we should try to not get to upset about it.  Basically I think she is just acknowledging that life can be just as hectic for me as for her, and that’s nice.

My partners and I are again working on a project that will take a few months and it’s taking up most of what would be my “free time”, meaning my time I would normally be cleaning the house, etc.  Because of this things are slowly (or maybe not so slowly) falling apart around the house.  This would usually stress out my wife even more but this time she understands that I am working myself very hard right now and unfortunately sacrifices have to be made.  I would rather be spending my time catering to her needs, but if my partners and I can ever get this ongoing project to succeeded it will be a much bigger boon to her than my vacuuming, and she knows that.

On top of this it seems like we haven’t been able to go a week without somebody, or all of us, getting sick.  I’m sure you all know how frustrating that can be.  When you get illness after illness it not only physically beats you down, it mentally beats you down as well.  I start to feel like I just can’t catch a break.  At least today I feel like I’m mostly over a sinus infection.

So, knowing all this I have been wondering about the infrequency of sex lately.  I know I’ve talked about this plenty of times before, but I would say that it really sets the tone for so many other things in our life, kink related or not.  Sex isn’t always just sex.  I’m sure part of the feeling of distance between us that my wife felt in December was due to a lack of sex.  Not that she “just needed to get laid”, but we were missing the intimate connection between lovers.  There is far more to it than that, but that intimate connection is a very fundamental part of sex, and if that is missing (no sex) than I think you feel disconnected.

Of course looking back I think that having more sex also created the desire for more sex in my wife.  And wanting more sex generally led to my wife being actively more dominant and I more submissive.  I’m not sure that my wife sees this, and perhaps we’ll talk about it, but the times where our WLM has been more exciting have been the times where we were having sex a few times a week as opposed to a few times a month.

Last month we had sex on New Years Day.  I was allowed my first orgasm of the year, but having just been allowed an orgasm on Christmas I was again starting to wonder about the orgasm control situation.  After that we didn’t have sex for over three weeks.  After bringing her to several orgasms she pointed out that it had been a long time since I’d cum.  She asked me if I would like to and I took the opportunity to request that she keep me waiting until our anniversary that was coming up.  She pointed out that it would be a long time between orgasms and I told her that I thought I could do it.  I actually expected her to possibly protest a little, or just tell me that she wanted me to cum, which she has in the past.  Instead she seemed almost relieved.  Her response was basically, “good, then we are done here”.  She rolled over to go to sleep and I left to do some work.

Then it hit me.  I was thinking I was asking to be able to wait for essentially six weeks, but I had forgotten one very important thing.  We had been talking that night about our anniversary plans and had decided to put off celebrating our anniversary for a few weeks to make it easier on us (thus more enjoyable).  If my wife chose to she might be able to keep me chaste for up to 9 weeks.  As exciting as that seems in my fantasy world, I was hoping for the closer to six weeks.

Perhaps things are turning around, though, as my wife and I had some kinky fun yesterday.  The kids were occupied with a movie and I had just gotten out of the shower.  She came in as I was just about to get dressed and started locking doors.  I understood her intentions and had to race against time to get my cock ring on.  I was barely able to get it on in time as my cock wasted no time getting erect.

She got into bed and I got her toys.  As we lay together kissing and cuddling she asked if I would be able to fuck her without cumming.  It was a nice bit of teasing on her part and I told her that the pressure from her leg against my cock had me close to the edge already.  She then reminded me that she really likes fucking a cock and at this point I was pretty sure that she intended to use me for as long as she could, and that if I came before her it was too bad for me.  On the one hand I understand that since this is about her that it is power exchange, but on the other I just really wished she would make me wait.

I wasn’t disappointed.  First she took out her mini vibe and started working on her first orgasm.  As she did so she rubbed her leg against my erection and seemed to take pleasure in seeing the reactions it got from me.  After she came she relaxed for a few minutes then asked if I thought I could give her the fucking she needed.  I told her I didn’t know that I could and she asked again, “are you sure” as she reached into the bag of toys to get the dildo.  Realizing I had been wrong and my wife was indeed being wicked I saw I was about to lose out on what has been a rare opportunity… fucking my wife.  I almost begged at this point, “I think I can last a few minutes.  Please…”.  My wife paused to consider, the dildo firmly in hand.  “Well, OK”, she told me.  She then spread her legs and gave me another wicked look that said, “this won’t take long”.  Sadly it didn’t.  Not that I was watching the clock, but it was right there for me to see and I lasted less than two minutes before I had to stop.

“OK, you’re done”, she teased as she picked the dildo up again.

“May I be allowed to go down on you, please”, I was again near begging.

She allowed me to, but her tone let me know that she was just being nice and doing it for me.  What she really wanted was a cock that wasn’t going to cum until she was done with it, and that was in her hand.  Knowing this I did my best to please her and was rewarded by her legs locking my head in place as she came again.

At this point I was done.  She had her fill of me.  Now she could finally get the cock she needed.  She spread her legs and pinned my cock underneath on of them so I couldn’t touch it.  She looked me in the eyes as she fucked herself with her dildo.  It was that amazing look she gives me when she gets off on the power exchange.  The look that says, I get to cum and you don’t, and I like it that way.  I hadn’t seen that look for a while, and perhaps part of the look she gave me was an, “oh, yeah.  Now I remember why we do this”.

As we lay together afterward, her completely relaxed and me shaking with desire, I decided to bring up our anniversary date.  After beating around the bush for a while (insert sexual pun here) I finally admitted that when I requested be required to wait until our anniversary for my next orgasm I hadn’t considered that we were putting it off for a few weeks and that I hadn’t really intended to wait that long.  She, of course, laughed at my dilemma but was kind.  She pointed out that the day of our anniversary was still the same so I wouldn’t have to wait.  Then she continued and pointed out that I wasn’t actually guaranteed to be allowed to orgasm that day any way.  As a matter of fact we weren’t going to see each other that day and we aren’t likely to have much time the following days.  So, she thinks my earliest opportunity will be at seven weeks.  She made sure to stress OPPORTUNITY.  Nothing is written in stone.  She seems to have rediscovered a little bit of her pleasure of power.

I hope she hold on to it for a while.

A Rough December

It’s been a rough month… more actually.  It really started a few weeks before Thanksgiving when our oven died.  That in itself wasn’t horrible, but since then things kept piling up until about 12 days before Christmas.  The day of my work Christmas party our kids were sick on top of all the other stress that had been building up and my wife had reached her breaking point and took it out on me.

She basically felt completely frustrated and alone and in the moment felt like our Arrangement was part of the problem.  She felt that because she was supposed to lead that I didn’t have to deal with all the stress an didn’t do anything unless specifically told to do something by her.  I acknowledged her hurt feelings and let her continue.  She then started into the sources of our stress and how she felt that I hadn’t done anything about any of it and explained all the things that she had done.

I began to feel hurt and angry.  She couldn’t see how much this stress was hurting me as well.  Instead of snapping at her I told her that she had a right to feel the way she did, but then gave her a different perspective.  I started with the oven.  Our old oven was small and wall mounted.  We also had an old, dying stove top.  When the oven died I suggested getting a range to replace the oven and stove top.  To do this I would have to do some work in the kitchen.  My wife ended up disagreeing because she didn’t have faith that I would follow through with the plans.  Instead she just wanted to update and replace what we had… until a salesman essentially advised that we do what I had initially suggested (without knowing I had already suggested it).  With that my wife changed her mind and we bought the range.

With my wife feeling stressed and depressed, however, she remembered it differently.  In her mind I hadn’t done anything until she decided to buy a range, order it and give me a deadline to have the demolition and other work done.  I gently reminded her of this pointing out that it wasn’t that I hadn’t done anything, it had just taken her some time to agree to what I had initially suggested and that I had done everything I had said I would do.  The project isn’t over by any means.  We had agreed that this would be just the start of a kitchen remodel that may take a year or two (since we don’t have the money to do it all at once).

Once she realized that I was right she relaxed a little, but I could tell she was now starting to feel guilty and that wouldn’t help anything.  I also gave her a different perspective on some of the other issues that had been causing us stress and then suggested what the real problem was.  I pointed out the problem wasn’t that she was “in charge”, or that I was “lazy” or any of those things.  The problem was that these issues were piling up and we were both very busy before Christmas and had no time at all to commiserate and deal with what was happening together.  She felt like she was dealing with it alone because she was dealing with it alone, or nearly.  I was dealing with it alone as well.  Hell, I was at work when I got the news that our son required a surgical procedure to correct his vision.  All I wanted at that moment was to be with my family, but I had to work.  In all the stress, and grief and depression my wife only remembered that I wasn’t there.  She didn’t remember why I wasn’t there.  That was secondary to her feeling alone to deal with the news.

When it was all said and done we both felt much better.  It was clear that my wife was relieved.  It also served to reinforce the idea that she doesn’t “lead” because of our Arrangement, but we came up with the Arrangement because for better or worse, the final decision is always hers.  It may sometimes feel like extra stress, but probably is no more stressful than when I make a decision for her and she has to second guess it and often disagree with it (at least initially).

Since that conversation things have been wonderful.  We still have all of the stress to deal with, but she knows she isn’t alone in it.  As a matter of fact she has relaxed enough to the point where her sex drive seems to have kicked in to overdrive.  This hasn’t exactly turned into more sex for me, unless you count cleaning her toys as sex… which I don’t.  Not that I’m complaining.  I enjoyed being in my device all day yesterday while she spent an hour in the afternoon by herself just “messing around”.  When she was done she joined me in the family room and hugged me, then cupped my caged cock while looking deep into my eyes.  It was a wonderful moment of power exchange.  Later that night, as she went to bed, I asked if I might be allowed to fool around a bit as well.  She replied, “Just for a minute… I don’t want you getting carried away”.

Having been allowed to orgasm Christmas day I would guess I’m done for the year bringing me to a total of 20 orgasms.  Four less than last year.  Oddly, at this point last year I felt like I wanted more orgasms.  24 seemed too few.  This time I feel like 20 was too many.  Next year I would love to wait six weeks between releases.  I think that would be HOT!!!