This is fun… why wasn’t that more obvious before?

I think my wife and I have recently realized something that should have probably been obvious long ago.  This is FUN!  Aside from all the other benefits we both get from our arrangement we can really have fun with this.

It seems that after our little lull we have both started having a lot more fun with this than before.  Not that we feel like we are playing a game, but my wife seems to be able to joke about things instead of feel like anytime she says something to me that should be “domme-y” it doesn’t really have to be serious.  For example, recently we were discussing dinner and she told me the two options and said, “it’s entirely up to you”.  Then, barely containing laughter she turned to me and pointed and said, “wait, nothing is ever up to you”!  We both had a good laugh as she picked the dinner she wanted.

This could have been played out several different ways, but my wife chose to be playful the way we are about most things.  She didn’t choose a serious tone and look down her nose and tell me it’s not up to me, and she didn’t taunt me with it and bring out feelings of humiliation.  Those other things would have been nice as well, but making a joke about it was just fun.

Of course jokes aren’t the only reason I now realize this can be fun.  It’s also the understanding that it doesn’t have to be serious all the time.  I guess this goes along with my confusion about the idea of a “24/7” type discussion that comes up in blogs occasionally.  I consider my wife and I to be “24/7” because when she agreed to it she agreed that it would be all the time.  That doesn’t mean that something kinky is always going on.  During our little lull very little happened at all, but there was always the understanding that we have an arrangement and that it was to be honored at all times.

So, it now seems obvious to me that our arrangement doesn’t have to be serious all the time.  It’s whatever we are making it at that moment, and right now my wife seems to just be having fun with different aspects of it, nothing particularly kinky or exciting, but things that usually bring a smile to at least her face, if not both of ours.

My wife also seems to be pushing the boundaries a bit more.  I don’t know if this coincides with realizing things don’t have to be serious all the time or not, but she really seems to be a little more open about things right now.  I mentioned this to her last night and she didn’t think too much of it.  She still felt as if things she may say or do wouldn’t necessarily let people in on what we have going on, but to me she is definitely being more open.

Last Saturday night was a perfect example of this.  I got home from work much earlier than expected, just as my wife, kids and mother-in-law were finishing dinner.  The kids left the table and my wife and mother-in-law got up and went to watch some TV.  By way of greeting from my wife I got, “Hi!  You are just in time to clean up from dinner”!    As I cleaned she again pointed out to her mother, “Isn’t it great that (my name) comes home from work and cleans up our dinner”?

Her explanation to me was that she was just trying to point out to her mother what an awesome husband I am.  But there was a look in her eye that said she didn’t really care if her mom read more into it or not.

While that was the most blatent recent instance it is really the increasing frequency of such instances, especially in front of her mother, that stand out.  While any individual statement may leave something to the imagination of the person she is speaking to, many such statements can make people stop and wonder.  I think this is really another way she was just having fun with our arrangement.

Thankfully she is also having more fun by having more orgasms.  Not only is she taking more advantage of opportunities when she is obviously in the mood, but it appears she is also taking more opportunities to put herself in the mood.  And on one occasion just took advantage of an opportunity.

While her mother was visiting we took a short trip to the beach.  After going back to the place we had rented for lunch my wife told her mother to keep the kids at the pool and we would prepare lunch.  I quickly jumped in the shower to get the sand and salt water off of me and a minute later my wife jumped in with me… errr… jumped me.  She took me to the bedroom and told me to get to work.  Thankfully she had me go down on her first as I was slow to get an erection with the knowledge that the bedroom door didn’t lock and her mother or the kids could come barging in from the pool with little notice.  After bringing her to a couple of orgasms she asked me if I wanted to cum.  While my brain screamed “OH MY GOD YES!!!!” my mouth said, “I want whatever you want”.  Her response was, “Good, it will be more fun to make you wait”.

Moments like that are so wonderful.  They are also often the stuff of fantasy, so as soon as she said it I had a hell of a time controlling myself.  I wanted to just start pounding away while the magical words were fresh.  My mind reeled in the agony and ecstasy of the moment, getting exactly what you love so much and turns you on so much that you just want to erupt in orgasm.  Ahh, I love those moments.

It amazes me to think that we had another one of those moments last night.  We watched a little TV as I folded laundry.  At the end of the show we were watching my wife told me she was going to bed.  I wanted to ask her if I might be allowed to go down on her, but I couldn’t think of the right words, so instead I asked her if I could “help her relax” before bed.  I guess she understood my euphemism and told me to get her allergy medicine and a glass of water and take them to her in bed.  I got them and entered the room and knelt at the side of the bed (did I mention I’m doing the kneeling thing again as she made it clear to me that she enjoys it?).  As she sat up and swallowed the pills she told me that I may use my mouth on her and told me to get her toys.  I got the toys and stripped down to just my cock ring and the device.

I slid into bed and made a move to kiss her.  She intercepted me and redirected my mouth.  Although it was not the first time that I’ve gone down on her while wearing the device it is still a rare enough occurrence as to be another “fantasy” type moment.  And it only got better.

After her first orgasm she got her dildo and had me use it while licking her.  Finally she’d had enough of me and used her mini vibe and the dildo together while I lay off to the side trying not to whimper in subspace to loudly.

After another orgasm I thought she would be done, but instead took my hand and had me grip the end of the dildo while she held onto my caged cock.  The power exchange of the moment put her over the edge as she had a final, enormous orgasm.  When she had gathered herself she told me to edge myself six times before bed, but to do it somewhere else as to not disturb her.

This is so much fun!

Given a choice

I worked late last night and was only able to get about four hours of fitful sleep before having to get up and go to a short meeting at work this morning.  I have to be back to work again tonight in a few hours.  My wife, kids and mother-in-law have left for the day to do some sightseeing in a nearby city.

Before leaving my wife stole a moment alone with me and told me that I was allowed to “mess around” while she was gone.  I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that.  I assumed she didn’t mean waste my free time playing computer games since she made sure it was a private moment, but I wasn’t sure if she was just giving me permission to masturbate, or permission to cum.  She clarified it for me when she saw the uncertain look I gave her.  She said, “I know it’s been a long time so you can orgasm, but you’ll have to wear the device the rest of the day.  The choice is yours”.  This sent me into a nice little sub loop and I immediately got an erection.  I don’t really mind wearing the device, however my dilemma is that I’d have to wear it at work all night and frankly my work environment often resembles a juvenile, fraternity like atmosphere.  There is a lot of what would in many places be called sexual harassment.  It’s very common in this industry, but seems more so in this family like environment I’m now a part of.  Anyway, aside from being likely noticeable, there is a good chance one of my coworkers will rap their knuckles against my crotch trying to illicit a flinch or a jump or whatever reason they do it.  It would raise a lot of questions if they bruised a knuckle on a metal ring.

As her mother approached the room we were in she wrapped up by telling me that she wanted the kitchen clean before they got home, and she couldn’t tell me when that would be.  As I probably mentioned in posts after visits from my mother-in-law, she tends to make large messes.  The kitchen is trashed just from their breakfast.  It’s pretty amazing how much of a mess it is, really.

So, I’m off to clean and to contemplate.  I’m sure my wife gave me this choice to play with my head.  I’m sure she thinks I’ll choose to wait over wearing the device at work.  It’s very clever of her.  Something else to consider is the possibility that she is considering this my “chance” to orgasm, and if I don’t another may not come up for two, three, even four weeks.

I do have a pair of pants that may offer enough room.  If I keep my guard up perhaps I can avoid any hands coming my way….

ugh.

More of the same, lucky me!

Well, it’s been just over a week since my wife’s sister and her family left, giving me just enough time to have to clean up for the visit from my mother-in-law who I have to pick up from the airport in a couple of hours.  The house wasn’t really in too bad of shape.  The kitchen floor was a little worse off than normal, but that’s only because I was waiting to clean it until last night so it would be all bright and shiny today.

My wife didn’t have to go in to work until noon yesterday due to the ice storm that seems to have rocked half the country.  She did work from home for several hours while everyone slept, however.  I got up with the kids to let her work some more before she beckoned me to the bed room.  We rarely do anything naughty while the kids are awake, but as she’s made clear to me on many occasions, she is horniest early in the day.  So I put the kids down in front of a movie that I knew would keep them occupied for at least half an hour and got into bed with my wife.  She got out her toys, but ended up not needing them.  Instead she smiled as she pushed my head beneath the blankets.  After she had enjoyed enough oral pleasure she pulled me up and I entered her.  I was really letting go and getting into it.  I was certain that I’d be allowed an orgasm as we seemed to be mostly on my side of the bed and she wouldn’t be sleeping in bed anyway and it had been three weeks and… and… she had a wonderful orgasm and I rolled off of her.  I slowly masturbated and kissed her shoulder as she lay enjoying the after effects.  When she had come down she looked at me and said, “no”.  I pleaded with her with my eyes and she again told me, “no, you cannot come”.  I was crushed, and for the first time in weeks felt submissive.

We dressed and went about our day.  My wife then informed me she was leaving to have her hair done before heading in to work.  She surveyed the family room and kitchen and looked at me and said, “these rooms are a wreck, fix it”.  I cleaned for the rest of the day, actually until about 1:30 am this morning.  Most of the time I just thought about the fact that I won’t have another opportunity to orgasm until Monday night, pushing a month between orgasms.  Two years in a row have started out with only one orgasm in the month of January.  This year it wasn’t even close to my birthday.  Not only did I not get birthday sex, the closest I got to birthday sex ended with continued denial.  So much for trying to increase my orgasm percentage!

I feel so content right now.  Yay for us.

Laying down the law

My wife has remained fairly strict with me.  I’m a bit surprised by it and even a little upset about this past Saturday.  I realised, though, that she must have been very upset with me to be treat me the way she did, so I got over it and then felt bad for being angry about it.

As I’ve let on in my past two posts, I’ve been slacking a bit lately.  Things are getting done, just not always on time or to the standard that is expected.  I don’t really have a good reason for it, but it happened.  Over the last couple of weeks it’s been made clear to me that my wife has noticed and is not happy.  To top it off this has coincided with something my wife introduced a few weeks ago, the Sunday Night Meeting.  It all came to a boil Saturday afternoon and it appears I’ll be paying for it for a while.

I’ve already filled in most of the background in my last two posts, but I forgot to mention the Sunday Night Meetings, so I’ll start with that.  Three Sundays ago my wife asked if I had checked our online calender.  I told her I had not (I usually don’t on weekends) and she informed me that we had a meeting scheduled for after the children went to bed.  Now, at this time I’d already been slacking a bit and I knew it.  I was worried she was going to chew me out about it.  Instead the meeting was mostly about weekly finances, the weeks menu, appointments, etc.  When we were done I told her I was relieved because I thought she was going to start evaluating me (I never know when to keep my mouth shut).  “What a great idea!”, was her response.  D’oh.

At meeting #2 she brought up the fact that I needed to pick up the slack a little more.  That week (as I’ve posted before) she also sent a stern email about neglecting changing the oil on her car.  I resolved to take care of the oil change Saturday afternoon before going in to work and on Friday told my wife how I had everything planned.

Saturday morning my wife and kids went to the gym and I slept in a bit (I work late Friday nights).  When I got up I straightened the house up a bit and did some dishes from Friday night before my wife got home.  After she and the kids were settled I asked if I could take a shower before getting the oil changed so that I’d be ready to go to work if it took too long.  “When do I get to take a shower?”, was her response.  I stammered a bit and told her I’d wait until she’d showered but she told me to forget about it and get going. 

After my shower I went around the house saying ‘goodbye’ and when I got to my wife she looked like she didn’t feel well so I offered a “feel better” as well.  “I feel fine”, she responded.  “Oh”, I said, “is there something wrong”?  This is where she lays into me a bit and although I didn’t say anything I got pretty defensive and upset myself.  She told me she was upset that I’d waited so long to get the oil changed and that because I chose to do it on the weekend I was cutting into family time and that she had suggested that I could do it during the week.  I mentioned that she always took her car to work and she said she could have taken mine.

Now, as I left the house I was thinking, “you could have taken my truck and then I would have been able to take your car to have it’s oil changed, but you didn’t” and “you saying, ‘maybe you could take the car in during the week’ isn’t the same as saying, ‘take the car in Monday while I’m at work'”.  She had made a suggestion but left it up to me.  I chose the weekend.  To me it made more sense.  I see now that if I had done it during the week it wouldn’t have interfered with her at all.  I think we’ll have to talk about how she could have let me know what she wanted more effectively instead of relying on me to read her “suggestion” as “DO THIS NOW AND DO IT THIS WAY”. 

Meeting #3 was not as bad as I thought it would be.  While I cleaned up from dinner she prepped for the meeting by finding out where we can vote early, and by buying a new pair of shoes and a new pair of boots online.  When I finished cleaning and the kids were asleep the meeting officially started.  We worked out our schedules, etc. and she told me about her new purchases.  I told her that she didn’t need to justify her purchases to me or ask my permission and she gave me a “look” and explained that she was aware of that.  She was merely informing me of the purchases and letting me know about the boots because I (like many of you out there I’m sure) think boots are super HOT!  The meeting ended without much comment on my household duties.

I was invited to bed with her a little later.  Things got hot and heavy and a bit kinky at times.  I was wearing the leather cock ring from my device and that was met with some pleasure from my wife.  She enjoyed many orgasms from her vibrator, my mouth and my cock.  She had decided that my cock had been allowed enough pleasure from her, however, and made me stop.  I whimpered a bit as I knelt on the bed and she masturbated.  She asked how long it had been since my last orgasm and I informed her it had been two weeks.  She informed me that I was being punished for my poor service of late, especially for making her so upset about the car.  She allowed me to masturbate on the floor while kneeling next to her bed.  She continued to use the vibe on herself and cum again and again while I edged myself.  Finally she told me that I’d touched myself enough and made me stop while she continued to masturbate.  I was in heaven and hell and buzzing in subspace.  She pulled the sheets back so I could see her and asked if I wanted to lick her some more.  I told her that I did.  She teased me and asked me if I loved licking her pussy and I told her I did and that I wanted to do it all the time.  She turned off the vibe and put it on my pillow and pulled my head between her legs.  “You should ask me to let you do it more often, then”, she told me. 

Eventually she’d had enough and dismissed me to get her water and an allergy pill.  I quickly dressed, being careful not to have an orgasm form the friction of my shorts, and went to get her things.  I brought them back and knelt beside the bed offering the water and pill to her.  She took them and reminded me that I was not allowed to touch myself and that I was being punished.   She then laughed at me and the tent in my shorts and dismissed me from the room.

I think this is the first time she’s used denial as a punishment.  While it’s exciting I almost wish she’d chosen something else.  Then again, I might get what I want and really regret it, or she could come up with something even worse.  I guess I’ll just endure this.  At least it’s something I know I can endure… at least for a while.

A long post about not that much…

Last week my wife told me that she realised she was a week late but quickly realised it was because she’d messed up with her birth control.  Since her period had started she could look back and laugh.  One of the things she thought was funny is that she uses her current form of birth control because she only has to think about it twice a month so it’s harder to screw up – yet she screwed it up.  Another thing she found funny was the irony of the possibility of getting pregnant by letting me have an orgasm at precisely the time she messed up with her birth control.  She found that hilarious.  “Imagine the odds of me getting pregnant when you only get to cum once a month!”, she said.

As funny as the conversation was, especially when she considered suggesting to the Catholic Church orgasm denial as birth control (I told her it probably wouldn’t go over well with the men), what was telling was her comment about letting me cum only once a month.  Is that what she thinks?  Is that how she’s trying to time it in her head?  As I’ve said before I’m actually averaging once every two weeks, but the idea that in her head she’s making me wait much longer is… sexy.  I wonder if it’s a conscious effort to keep me to about once a month or if it’s her calculation of how long she usually keeps me waiting?  It works for me either way… as long as she doesn’t start making me wait a month in between, that is!

One of the points of this conversation we were having Wednesday night was that she had started her period, as I’d previously mentioned.  Because of this I wasn’t expecting any action for the next few nights, although the waiting period (no pun intended) has been shortened by her current contraception (another plus for her).  When Friday night rolled around I got a surprise call from work telling me that I didn’t need to come in.  Shortly after I got a call from one of my friends/business partners telling me he wanted to talk about some things he was working on.  I told him that I would most likely be able to go out and have a drink with him a little later in the night and we could talk about it.  I was of course assuming my wife would want to go to bed early and wouldn’t be interested in sex due to the “time of month”.

I was wrong, of course.

As I went to kiss her goodnight she started ripping my shirt off.  I was able to extricate my self from her clutches and remove the rest of my clothes.  A strange thought went through my head as I got undressed.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have sex, it was just that I had been so certain that there wasn’t any chance for it that I’d put it completely out of my mind.  Now that I was being put on the spot it felt strange.  Again, it’s not that I didn’t want to have sex, but for the first time I felt like I was being called on to do a job.  Usually when she goes to bed I’m hoping that she is going to want to fool around, but for some reason it was the last thing on my mind and as I stood naked I felt strange, although in a good way.  It didn’t last long, though.  Soon enough I was in the “hell, yeah!” mind set and feeling very lucky.

She put me through my paces and when I had to take a break she used her vibe.  At one point I thought I was going to lose it for sure and told my wife I was close.  She didn’t tell me to stop which meant she was probably close as well.  I didn’t think I’d be able to hold out so I started apologizing.  She told me not to apologize and I was able to pull myself together a bit and somehow found the fortitude to last a bit longer.  It was just long enough, apparently.  As soon as I started cumming I could feel her start as well.  It was wonderful and only eight days since my previous orgasm.  I was in heaven.  As I rolled to my side of the bed I realised that she hadn’t intended for me to cum.  If she had she would have been on my side of the bed.  Oh, well.  She lay next to me wriggling around, rolling back and forth, sometimes putting her legs over me and sometimes rolling away from me.  Finally she lay on her back and started using her vibe again.  After a few minutes she seemed frustrated and in a very Veruca Salt kind of way whined/commanded, “I want more”!  With that I was awakened from my post-orgasmic bliss and I went down on her.  It wasn’t so much oral sex as her using my whole face.

After she had regained her composure from her last orgasm she addressed me again.  She pointed out that my unscheduled orgasm had left a nasty (and rather large) wet spot on her side of the bed.  She told me to clean it up and make it comfortable for her to sleep.  I cleaned it up as best I could and put a towel over it so she could sleep.  When she had returned to bed she told me to bring her water and her allergy medicine (as I do every night).  When I returned I knelt beside her bed as she took her pill and drank some water (as I always do).  When she was done she handed me the water and I placed it on her night stand next to the bed.  She then laid into me a bit.  She told me how lucky I was to cum and that it was far too soon since my last orgasm.  She implied that it would be a while until my next one to compensate.  She also told me how lucky I was because she thought that I had been slacking in my duties lately and that she was going to correct that.  That was actually a surprise to me, and disappointing.  I’d felt earlier in the week that I’d been doing a great job and felt like the house was in better shape than it had been in a while.

I awoke Saturday morning to a large list of chores.

Saturday night we attended a party for parents of my sons classmates, a “get to know you” kind of affair, although most of them already knew each other.  The host and hostess were fairly wealthy and had a beautiful house full of big screen TVs.  As we were greeted at the door we were informed that the men were upstairs watching football and the women were gathered in another room talking.  That made me uncomfortable, but I wasn’t too worried.  Of course, about 15 minutes into the party, as I stood next to my wife alongside a counter full of appetizers, a woman approached me and asked if I knew that all the husbands were upstairs watching football.  “But the food is here”, I replied.  That seemed to satisfy her.  “And I’m here”, my wife added matter-of-factly.  Touche.

I spent most of the night getting my wife drinks or holding her plate while we chatted with people.  At one point I even took a dirty plate from another woman while she talked with my wife.  Part of it was from my years in the service industry and working private parties, but part of it was me wanting to show off.  I wanted them to see what a good husband my wife had.  We also met a great couple that were clearly wife led, although I’m sure in a more traditional way (but you never know).  My wife actually seemed to get defensive at one point as this other woman talked about how her husband did all the cleaning and how when he goes out of town the house falls apart and she just can’t function.  If it had been two men talking I’d describe it as a pissing contest at one point as they both went on about how little they do around the house and how much they have to do at their jobs.  It was interesting, really.  I look forward to seeing them again.

Sunday, after watching football, I started on more chores my wife had given me.  While I was working in the garage my wife and kids were playing in the back yard.  At one point I heard my wife tell them that she would be back in a few minutes because she had to “go supervise your father”.  It made me laugh.  She came and checked on my progress and satisfied, she left.  Soon one of my boys came to me with a bottle of nice, cold water.  “Mom said you have to drink that”, he told me before leaving.  What would I do without her?  Dehydrate, for sure.

After dinner I put on the gates of hell and started cleaning.  I find that sometimes when I’m just not in the mood to do one of my chores, like washing dishes, if I put on the gates of hell it will put me in the right mindset.  Actually, last night it just really felt good to wear, as well.  It felt comfortable and… well… right.  The way a watch feels “right” on your wrist.  Anyway, we watched a bit of tv after I’d finished cleaning and then my wife announced that she was going to bed early.  I followed her a few minutes later to bring her some things she’d left in the other room and that I knew she’d want.  I also checked to see if there was anything else she needed (like I always do… sometimes I feel this blog is getting redundant).  Anyway, I asked her what else I could get for her and she replied, “when I said ‘I’ was going to bed early, it meant ‘we’ were going to bed early… now get undressed”!  Now, I don’t want to get all “porny” again, but I did want to point out that it feels weird, in a sexy way I guess, to get naked and then have to take off your unlocked chastity device that your wife didn’t ask you to put on but watches as you take it off.  I wonder what she thinks about that…  I’m also still hoping that she will have me keep it on one night and have me take care of her in other ways, or just watch as she uses her dildo, but that’s for another blog entry I think.

As we evolve

I think it’s safe to say that the increased dominance my wife has shown lately is now the norm.  Although she hasn’t stepped it up any, she does seem to be finding some new ways to express her Dominant role, as well as increasing her dominant attitude in the things she already does.

One of the most surprising things she did this weekend is something that I’ve been fantasizing about since day one, although I’ve never really pushed the issue.  Saturday afternoon I had just walked out of the shower and as I finished drying myself off my wife walked into the bathroom.  I was just wrapping the towel around my waist as she approached me from behind (I was watching her in the mirror in front of me) she pulled my hands back so I was holding the towel open.  She then reached down and grasped my cock.  She alternated between squeezing my cock and balls until I was rock hard.  The whole time my eyes were closed as I concentrated on not falling to my knees.  Before letting go she gave a firm squeeze to the base of my cock and my balls, not quite painful, but VERY firm, and she told me, “this is mine”.  She then let go and walked away while my cock throbbed.  I wanted to fall to my knees, I wanted to masturbate, I wanted to thank her… all of these thoughts rushed through my head.  Instead I hung the towel up and brushed my teeth.  Looking up into the mirror a few moments later I saw my wife walk past and check me out again, noticing my continued erection a good five minutes after she had left me.  As I got dressed I was leaking pre-cum and feeling the oncoming pain of blue balls.  I buckled on the leather cock ring that keeps my device on.  I didn’t want to wear the bulky gates of hell to work, but it’s nice to still feel something down there to remind me of my position.  My wife commented that she was glad I was wearing it to work, but would be happier when I got a metal cock ring that I could wear.

I was so happy that she teased me in this way.  Before I left for work I could see the sense of power she was feeling over me.  It seems to me that she is starting to really understand and appreciate the ways in which she can manipulate me.  I can see her embracing the feelings of power, confidence and control with every act of dominace on me.  This, of course, makes me feel all the more submissive to her.

Yesterday I could barely keep my hands off of her.  She continued to tease me as well, grabbing at my crotch several times during the day.  Once it felt as if she was actually checking to see if I was wearing my device or not, which she currently leaves to my discretion apparently, well, at least most of the time. 

She and the boys were out for a large portion of the morning and afternoon.  My wife left me with a single, specific chore on top of my regular chores and the general command to “do all I could around the house” while she was out.  I already had quite a bit to do, so I was glad she wasn’t more specific.  It turns out that I couldn’t really do anything extra (maybe a couple of small things I didn’t even think about).  Anyway, I started dinner just after noon as I was slow cooking a nice piece of meat on our grill that would take about five or six hours to cook.  As actual dinner time rolled near I started on the side dishes.  My wife asked how she could help.  At first I told her I was OK, but soon realised that if I did it all myself dinner would take longer than needed to get on the table and we were all hungry.  So I gave my wife a job on a side dish.  She then started teasing me about how she would do the work “this time” and it was OK because she was the boss of everything else, things like that.  She kept this up the whole time in a very sexy teasing way.  Finally, still teasing, she said, “I should stop teasing you like this, it isn’t very nice”.  I don’t remember what I said as I got a little sub-spacey when she said that, but I generally thanked her for doing it or told her I liked it or something.  She gave a little laugh at me and soon dinner was ready.

There was a lot to clean up after dinner.  My wife played a game on her ipod the whole time.  It may have just been me, but it seemed more blatant than usual as she will usually go to the office to use the computer.  Instead she sat on the couch a few feet away from me as I cleaned and ignored me. 

When I was finally done I sat down next to her on the couch.  She turned and put a foot in my lap and tossed a tube of lotion at me.  She didn’t say a word.  Instead she continued to play a game (this time on her cell phone).  When I was done she expressed that I had done well, but did not thank me.  Instead she told me to get her a drink.  She smirked at the tent in my shorts as I walked past to get our drinks.

A little later, earlier than her regular bedtime, she got up to use the bathroom.  I took the opportunity to start my Sunday night duties which include emptying all the trash cans.  I took a large plastic grocery store bag and went room to room emptying all the small cans.  As I reached our bedroom she walked past me out of the bathroom and got into bed.  It was early for her, but I assumed she was very tired and nice and relaxed after her foot rub.  I was horny as hell but I tried to stay as neutral as possible as I approached her and asked if there was anything I could do for her.  She told me to come back and ask again in a few minutes.  I resumed my job then sat down in the family room for a few minutes. 

I returned to her room and asked again if there was anything I could do for her.  She didn’t answer immediately and I thought she may have fallen asleep.  I kissed her lips to wish her good night and was surprised at the passionate kiss I received back.  We kissed a few more times before my wife pulled back the covers, saying nothing.  I stripped down to my boxer briefs and got into position, my had between her legs.  After a few minutes she told me to “show me my cock”.  She hadn’t done that in a while but this time it came across much more natural than when we first started in our arrangement.  I took off my briefs and knelt by her pillow.  She grabbed it firmly and used her thumb to lightly rub the underside of the head of my penis.  It was a sensation I don’t think I ever felt before.  Her light touch sent shock waves through my whole body.  I was fairly certain I could orgasm from that slight rub in a very short time if allowed.  I wasn’t.  Again she grabbed me by the balls and squeezed, harder than she had the previous day.  This time it was borderline painful, but just served to excite me more.  She told me to enter her and used my cock for her pleasure.  She seemed to have several orgasms the last being the largest, although it could have been one long build up, hard to say.  All I know is at the end I was humping for all I was worth and hoping beyond hope that I would be allowed to cum.  Perhaps she’d forget to tell me not to… Perhaps she’d allow me to just because she wanted to… But we were on her side of the bed, the surest sign I wouldn’t be allowed to cum, and when she finally tapped me on the side of my ass I knew my time was over.  As I rolled off to my side of the bed I asked permission to masturbate.  She granted me permission with the warning that if I shook the bed I’d have to kneel on the floor.  After a minute or so she gave me one more warning as I’d started to rock the bed.  After another few minutes she told me I’d had enough for the night.

Here is where these new feelings again come into play.  A few months ago I would have felt like the biggest stud in the world as I had just given my wife as many orgasms as she desired and could still go on as I hadn’t yet orgasmed myself.  Now, though, it leaves me feeling beaten down, put in my place, controlled.  I won’t say that I dislike it, because I do.  But it’s very strange to eventually take pleasure from something that at the moment it is occuring is extremely unpleasant.  I’ve already witnessed that as my wife increases her dominance I increase my submission, but I’m only now understanding it, I think.  I just realised that I’m more surprised at my increased submission than I am with my wife’s increased dominance.  As more of my fantasies are becomming reality I’m finding the feelings aren’t what I expected, but leave me wanting more. 

I’m left wondering how far I can descend.

All in my head

I realised last night how much of the D/s part of our arrangement is in my head.  I don’t mean I’m imagining it or seeing something as D/s that isn’t.  Instead it’s more of a result of other actions causes me to react or think a certain way that I wouldn’t otherwise.  This may be hard to explain.

Yesterday I started wavering on the denial issue again.  It had been 18 days since my last orgasm and I was actually starting to think about how nice it would be to go the rest of the month without an orgasm.  It would only be one more week, no big deal.  Meanwhile another voice inside my head started screaming at me to stop being stupid and just take it as it comes.  There was a definite battle going on between the part of me that would love to go back to multiple orgasms a week and the guy that thinks the achievement of only one orgasm a month is so cool that how could I not want to do that. 

Somehow this battle going on in my mind was giving me erection after erection all day long which resulted in one of the worst cases of blue balls that I can remember.  There were times when my wife asked me if I was OK because of some look on my face.  I told her I was fine, but in reality I felt like I’d been kicked square in the groin.  Luckily, as the day wore on and I was able to be more distracted, I stopped thinking about orgasm control all together and my blue balls settled into a dull throb.  My wife and I enjoyed dinner, did the usual things, putting the kids to bed, my cleaning, etc. and ended up in front of the TV to relax before bed.  In general it was a fairly tame night, not too much service was needed of me, but enough to keep me satisfied, and I thanked her for that (or did I… I know I meant to…).  We watched the season premiere of one of her favorite shows and talked a bit.  The show had been recorded so we were able to skip the commercials and watch it in a short amount of time.  When it was over she got up and walked out of the room without saying anything.  A few moments later she walked through the family room again and on her way out she made a small gesture towards the door.  I got the hint, and an instant erection.  She headed off to bed as I put a drink I’d just opened back in the fridge. 

Again my mind started it’s inner debate about the desperate desire for an orgasm and the masochistic desire for denial.  I tried to clear my head.  I did not want to influence my wife in any way and frankly was just tired of thinking about this stuff.  Actually, I think a third part of my brain, an arbitrator, stepped in and told denial that he had gotten his way too many times in the past and it was desperation’s turn to get what he wanted, but I may have just imagined that part…

When I got to the bedroom the lights were out and my wife was laying in bed.  I quickly undressed and as I got into bed actually had the thought, “what if she just wanted me to snug her in and is going to laugh at me for assuming she wanted sex”?  That actually turned me on a bit.  I’m finding I really enjoy small amounts of humiliation.  I didn’t have to worry, though.  My wife did intend for me to join her in bed.  We actually cuddled for a while first, which again gave me pause.  I started thinking that perhaps she just wanted me to hold her while she fell asleep and had no intention of making love at all.  That got some cheers from Mr. Denial who had been pushed to the back of my mind.  This made me more excited which made Mr. Desperation want to punch Mr. Denial in the face.

After cuddling for a few minutes my wife made a move inviting me to get on top of her.  She indicated that we were going to make love but she was tired and only wanted a “quickie”.  I was more than happy to participate in that and attempted to enter her.  She stopped me, told me to slow down, and told me to go down.  As I went down on her I thought about asking her if she wanted her toys.  I thought better of it, though, as it seemed she wanted some regular old vanilla sex.  I was fine with that. 

When she was ready I entered her and started moving slowly.  She then told me to hold still and I did.  For the next few minutes I could feel her “gripping” me over and over.  I think she was using me for some kegel exercises.  It was enjoyable either way.  Anyway, after a few minutes she told me to start moving again.  I did and after a few more minutes started getting close to an orgasm.  I started to feel conflicted as I looked at my wife and she seemed so passive.  It wasn’t that she didn’t seem to be enjoying herself, though.  It appeared that she was doing it for me.  I didn’t try to over-analyse, though.  I’m confident that at this point in our arrangement if she wanted to do this for me it wasn’t because she felt pressured, but because it was a gift she wanted to give me.  That realisation nearly put me over the edge.  I told her I was going to cum soon and she said, “good” and a moment later clarified, stating, “I want you to cum”.  A few more strokes and sweet, sweet release.  It felt so good that even Mr. Denial was glad. 

As I rolled to the side two new players started in on the debates, Mr. I Don’t Want To Go Down On Her Tonight vs. Mr. Humiliation.  My wife lay with her legs spread.  I had not satisfied her.  One of her legs was draped over my legs as if to emphasise this.  But she wasn’t angry or upset.  I think she was glad she was able to make me cum in just a few minutes and was ready to move on to her own orgasm.  As I thought about this, and the debaters raged on in my mind, my wife said, “get my toy”.  I reached in the side drawer and pulled out her toys.  “Just the vibrator”.  I pulled the vibrator out of her toy bag.  With her leg still on top of my legs, pinning me in place, she used her vibrator on herself.  She moaned softly, something she didn’t do while I was making love to her.  She writhed around, something she did not do while I was making love to her.  In my head Mr. I Don’t Want stopped worrying and Mr. Humiliation was satisfied.  I watched my wife please herself as I had been unable to do.  I wasn’t really worried, though.  I felt that my wife’s goal was to get me off, not herself.  Once she had satisfied me she then centered on herself.  I was fine with that.  But at the same time I could enjoy the humiliation of my wife making herself cum while pinned under her leg. 

When she was done she took the vibe and dropped it on my chest as she rolled over to go to sleep.  The vibe was covered in our cum and sat sticky on my chest.  “Clean that”, she told me, “and bring me some water”.  I got dressed and did as I was told.

After it was all over I realised that something so simple, a “quickie”, was such an emotional roller coaster.  It was something that had really lasted all day long.  It was something that wasn’t said or done to me.  It was all in my mind.  And I loved every minute of it.

Back again

As usual I was allowed to sleep in Saturday morning.  I awoke to an nice, quiet, empty house.  As I made the bed I found my wife’s toys under my pillow.  She places them there when she uses them alone so I will know to clean them for her and put them back in their place so she always knows where to find them.  I was so tired the night before I hadn’t even noticed them as I went to sleep.  I cleaned them and put them away.  I then cleaned up the kitchen from my wife’s and kid’s breakfast.

When the family returned home my wife and I talked a bit.  I asked her how she liked her new vibe.  She told me that even though it was the same size as her old one it was much stronger vibrations.  She said it was great, but would take a little getting used to.

When I got home from work that night I again found her toys under my pillow.  I cleaned them before going to sleep. 

I woke up Sunday again to a nice, quiet, empty house and packed for my overnight business trip.  It was about a four hour drive to a city I realised I hadn’t been to in many years and I was looking forward to the drive and the nice hotel room my wife was able to book for less than half the normal price.  When my family got home we decided to go to brunch together before I left.  My wife asked if I had packed everything and I went through my list and told her that I thought I had it all covered.  She looked at me and said, “I think you should bring your ‘device’ as well”, in a fairly stern voice.  I was a bit taken aback and didn’t know what to say so I simply said, “yes, my love”.

When I was settled in the hotel I put the device on and called to let my wife know.  I was a bit nervous as I would be meeting up with somebody to talk about business later that night and I knew I’d be meeting some new people as well.  I asked if she wanted me to wear it the whole time, or just after I got back to the room.  She thought about it a minute and I was relieved when she told me I only had to wear it in the room.  I took it off and headed out.  When I returned that night I put it back on and wore it until morning.  I considered wearing it home, but four hours in a car seemed a little chancey since I’m still don’t have a lot of experience with it.

When I got home yesterday afternoon my wife was working from home and our youngest was playing.  We hugged and kissed and they welcomed me home.  We chatted for a bit before I begged off for a nap.  Although I felt fine earlier, now that I was home I felt drained from the whole trip.  As soon as my head hit the pillow I felt it.  Her toys.  They were waiting for me.  While I was “locked” up safe and sound in my hotel room she was playing and playing.  I fell asleep with an erection and dreamed that my wife had me locked in my chastity device while I served her and her friends.  Thus, I awoke with an erection.  I also awoke to an empty house as my wife had just left to pick our son up from school.  I took the opportunity to clean her toys and started cleaning up the mess from Sunday night and Monday morning, but not until after putting the device back on.

We had an low stress dinner of pasta and some nice, inexpensive wine and we chatted.  Later, while she played around on her laptop in the dining room, I cleaned up dinner, finished a general cleaning of the messy counters (so much mess in less than 24 hours of being gone!) and got things ready for the morning.  From the dining room I heard “bring me a beer”.  It was so nice to hear.  Not a polite request, but an order.  It was very sweet of her.  I brought her a beer and told her how much I missed serving her.  She said, “I know”.  She then told me she missed my service and was a bit put off by the idea of having to do things for herself, like getting up to get things and making coffee, and cleaning up after dinner.  It was really thrilling to hear.  How wonderful for her to have reached a point of pampering that even one night without it leaves her pouty. 

When I was done she stopped playing on the computer and joined me in the family room for some chatting and TV.  We folded laundry and I was often up and about getting and or doing things for her.  I think one of her favorite things about watching TV with me is using me as the remote control.  The volume controls on our remote no longer work (thanks kids) so throughtout the night I’ll hear “turn it up a bit” or “it’s too loud”.

Too soon it was time for her to go to bed.  I went into our bedroom to tuck her in and see if there was anything she needed.  She pulled back the covers and told me to hurry up and get naked.  I stripped as quickly as I could and took off the device.  As I undressed I heard the vibrator start.  I turned to see her on her face down and her bottom slightly raised.  I was quickly in subspace as I felt put in my place.  I started slowly, kissing all around.  With her urging and encouraging I was soon enough making love to her bottom with my mouth.  Eventually she rolled over and had me go down on her again.  She writhed beneath me and rolled side to side, all while locking my head in place with her legs.  She told me how fast, how hard, how soft until she told me to take a break.  She had me get her dildo nice and wet for her and let me use it on her for a bit before taking over herself and using the dildo and vibrator together.  I was allowed to masturbate on the floor, but not allowed to cum (of course).  The next half hour or so was a blur of different variations of the same and a few moments of actual intercourse.  There was actually a lot of talking during the sex.  Far more than usual, that’s for sure.  Often I couldn’t really hear what my wife was saying.  It wasn’t just directions or commands.  And often seemed to be more than just dirty talk.  I found myself talking more as well.  Very strange.  I don’t know if my wife heard me, and I’m not sure if I even want her to, but when she let me make love to her after she’d been using the dildo for so long she really felt stretched out and I made some comment about it.  It was really hard to tell if she heard me and like I said, I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing.  But I said it.  At some point I was also pretty much begging for an orgasm.  I have to say I felt slightly out of my head.  I was very much in subspace and perhaps a little tipsy, so I’m sure that came in to play.  But I remember feeling like I was almost close to tears and feeling very desperate.  I remember saying something along the lines of, “it’s not like before, please don’t make me wait”.  I wouldn’t say that she “enjoyed” hearing it.  She didn’t seem to be upset by it, at least.  But she didn’t allow me an orgasm, and since she wasn’t angry I guess it would be safe to assume she got off on it a little. 

After more than an hour, and I don’t know how many orgasms for her, she dismissed me and set me to my Monday night mopping duty.  While I mopped I thought about orgasm denial.  I think I’ve been transformed, a bit.  It used to be what I wanted and I got off on going long periods of time without cumming.  That was a great feeling and made me feel very submissive.  But now it’s changed.  Now I don’t want to go long periods of time without cumming.  But I find that it actually makes me get even more subspacey than before.  Because now my wife REALLY is in control.  I’m not manipulating anything.  It’s all her.  My balls are aching and all I want to do is be allowed a nice orgasm.  But I will wait for her to allow it.  God.  I’m getting all subspacey just thinking about it, and again feeling very emotional.  Part of it may be that she’s had orgasms everyt night for the last four nights.  All together probably more than I’ve had all this year.

I’m really blessed to have such an amazing wife!

Another whine, I’m afraid

Well, my wife getting so upset with me had one positive effect, I guess.  I feel like I’m back in the submissive mindset that I enjoy.  She ended up apologizing to me for being so upset.  Of course she didn’t need to, but I understand that it made her feel better about it.  She didn’t punish me in any way.  I guess she didn’t really need to.  I felt horrible about the whole thing.

Of course the mysterious clutch problem fixed itself again and we drove it to the auto shop to have it looked at.  We dropped it off after hours and my wife left a vague note about having them look at the clutch.  Well, they made assumptions and called me to tell me it needed an entire new clutch and told me the price.  They also told me we needed two new tires on the front as they were bald.  THOSE ARE NEW TIRES!  I told them not to do anything and that I would call back later when I was calm.

When I called them back I had done a bit of research on the clutch and figured out the likely cause of the problem.  I asked for the shop owner who I’ve spoken with before and seems to be an honest guy.  I asked if the person who had called me earlier had given me info on a different car because what he told me couldn’t be correct.  I was informed that, unfortunately, it was the right car.  He then went on to explain the problem in detail.  Now, he admitted that he wouldn’t know for sure until the clutch was taken apart, but from the sounds the clutch was making as well as the description of the problem, that was his best guess.  I then informed him that it was a new clutch and if it was as bad as he described why did it only do this on two occasions and work perfectly the rest of the time.  I told him (like I know what I’m talking about) that it seemed like a simple problem with the clutch’s hydraulics.  He responded that he didn’t know that was the problem, he thought the clutch was shot.  He told me he would go back and check everything again.  Today I got a call back that indeed it was a problem with the hydraulics and they would fix it. 

So, I got that taken care of and while her car was being worked on I got the oil changed in mine.  Good.  Car things taken care of by me.

I also got a lot done in preparation for my trip.  Yay me.

Meanwhile my wife was in a foul mood all day.  She has a cold.  She’s worried about money.  She is stressed about work.  The kids were rotten all afternoon while I was out running errands and she didn’t have a car to take them anywhere.  She was miserable and miserable to be around. 

So, here I am feeling submissive and whiny.  It seems like nothing I did could make her feel any better, and since she didn’t seem to get any satisfaction from everything I was doing, I didn’t either.  What good is service submission when it’s not appreciated?  Yes, it was expected of me.  Yes, she wants me to do these things.  Yes, she is in charge and looking after herself before worrying about me.  But it doesn’t work when the submission is ignored.  I wouldn’t mind going a month without an orgasm if she was aware that she is making me wait.  She is oblivious to it.  It’s not orgasm control/denial when there is no thought put into it.  To take a page from her book, if we are doing this, than this is just neglect.  It’s one thing to say, “No orgasm for you, you will have to wait until I am ready”.  It’s entirely another thing to not realise the passing of time at all and to not make even the slightest effort to acknowledge this aspect of our arrangement for as long as she has. 

Since I’m complaining I should also add that I wore the device for nearly 48 hours straight before taking it off to sleep before having to go in for a Dr.’s appointment very early the next morning.  I rubbed myself in relief as my wife and I lay down in bed.  My wife asked if I was sore and I responded that I wasn’t.  I told her that it just felt good to have it off after nearly 48 hours straight.  “That’s a bit extreme”, she replied.

A bit extreme?

Why did I have it on at all?  I thought she was behind it?  She told me she was looking forward to locking it on.  Did she plan on taking it off of me when she got home from work every night?  I guess I’d be fine with that, but she never mentioned that before.

Sigh.  I’m so confused.

I guess I should stop complaining.  I should just be happy that she wants me to do things for her and that she is selfish about things.  I should just be happy that she only thinks about sex when she wants, and if that leaves me without an orgasm for a month because her libido is low, then that’s what I get for wanting this arrangement.

At least I’m feeling submissive again.

Is this arrangement sustainable?

Last week I got a comment on my “About” page (which should probably be updated).

Not so much found yourself there, but got yourself there. All power to her, for letting you get there. However, if I were you, I’d just get on with enjoying it, and may it be heaven for you for the rest of your life,.. Then, of course, a question arises.. how will you feel about this when you’re 70? Think about it, and ask her. How long did you think this might last?

How will I feel about this when I’m 70?  I can’t imagine.  I’m wondering how I’ll feel about this in a few months.  Sometimes I don’t know how I’ll feel about it tomorrow.  The deeper we get into this the more permanent it seems and the more I start wondering if I’m going to regret it someday.

I don’t regret it now.  Right now my wife and I are having the time of our lives.  Our arrangement has brought us closer than we have been in years and our relationship is much stronger.  But I still have doubts sometimes as to whether I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.  When we first talked about this it was agreed that if there were any problems we’d stop and go back to “normal” and that we might grow out of it, or some our situation may change where this arrangement would no longer work for us.  The longer we do it, however, the more difficult I think it will be to stop.  My wife has surprised me with how Dominant she has become and how happy she is to be in this arrangement.  I honestly don’t know if she would be happy if tomorrow I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore.  I know she would agree and would want to look out for me, but would she be happy?  It’s a fair question.  To go from what we have now to what we had two years ago would I think be a very difficult step for my wife.

I don’t dwell on this question, but like I said, the longer this goes on, and the deeper we get into it, the more difficult it will be to end it.  And I am reminded of that when I see my wife get more comfortable and take more pleasure from our arrangement. 

There were multiple instances of this yesterday, and far fewer “please” and “thank you” as well.  When dinner was ready she dished the children’s food out while telling me, “serve me”.  She didn’t get up once during dinner.  Anytime anything was needed she had me get up.

While we were watching TV she put her feet out and said, “I want you to rub my feet”.  And not in a sweet way.  It was a very direct statement, a command.

She had told me about a new friend she made from the seminar she’s been attending all week.  They have hit it off great and her new friend, a female by the way, asked her out to lunch.  My wife said her friend was fascinated by my being an at home dad and had lots of questions about it.  By the questions she was asking my wife it sounds to me as if she were feeling out if I was a wimpy type of guy (I’m not), which made the woman more amazed that my ego could handle my wife being the bread winner.  She wanted to know how my wife got me to stay home and clean the house and do what a wife does.  My wife continued to brag about it as she loves to do.  She actually told me that she told her friend that “he knows I’m a powerful woman”.  WOW!  What’s funny is that this woman is married to a very successful lawyer who makes a large sum of money, far more then her, yet she said she would be happier losing his income to have what my wife and I have.

Now, if my wife gets off on bragging about how she wears the pants and I cater to her and vacuum and mop, etc., could she be as happy as she is now if I told her I didn’t want this anymore?  I don’t really want to find out, and hopefully I won’t have to.  I would think that our arrangement will continue to evolve and a few years down the road the it may not resemble our current arrangement at all.  Perhaps it will be more similar to where we were a few years ago.  It’s really impossible to know.

But, even with my occasional worries that I’m getting more than I bargained for, I think I’m doing what I really desire.  I think I’ve found evidence of this in an erotic story I wrote for my wife many years ago.  I can’t remember exactly when I wrote it, but I think it was shortly after we were married, as it takes place on a honeymoon, so it would be more than 8 years ago.  I had recently remembered this story and found it on an old cd-rom.  I tried to open it but I put a password on it and of course can’t remember the password.  Anyway, I then remembered I had a hard copy.  I found it in the first box I looked in, amazingly enough.  I reread my story and I have to say that it’s a little cliche, but pretty freaking HOT!  It’s a cuckold story.  It was a fantasy of mine that I captured on paper.  It involved bondage, cuckolding, forced bi, humiliation, D/s, light cbt.  When my wife read it years ago she thought it was sexy as hell.  I remember her asking which man I was.  I told her I was both, which was true to an extent, but I was really getting off on the D/s. 

I gave the story to her to read thinking she’d find it an enjoyable bit of erotica again.  Of course I didn’t take into consideration our new dynamic and the fact my wife often suspects a submissive subtext to things I say or do when there often isn’t any.

Last night I asked her if she’d gotten around to reading the story.  I was fishing for complements on my writing, to be honest.  She told me she had a very difficult time reading it because she kept thinking to herself, “Is this what my husband really wants”?  It made her very uncomfortable and she told me that.  I had a “smack yourself in the forehead” moment as I realised I should have given her more warning.  She didn’t remember the story until she had read it, and in the context of our arrangement she saw it as a description of what I want to happen. 

“Do you really want that”, she asked? 

I assured her that, no, I did not want to be cuckolded.  I told her I couldn’t handle it.  I did tell her that the fantasy was exciting, for reasons I don’t know, but there is no way in hell that I’d ever want to be tied up while my wife and a guy with a 10 inch cock humiliate me and force me to blow him and clean my wife up afterwards.  That would destroy me.  But I told her that I now see how I really was both characters, the big studly guy and the submissive husband.  I told her that when I wrote it it was only a fantasy.  It was just erotica.  But now I see that it was obviously more.  Could it be that my subconscious was expressing my submissive desires?  And as we talked about that I realised something else.  Even when I wrote it, 8-10 years ago or whenever, I was projecting a role of Dominance on my wife.  That was an eye opener for both of us.  I think it just affirmed that this isn’t a fad.  This is nature taking it’s course.

So, what will this be like when I’m 70?  I don’t know.  But whatever it is, I think my wife and I are better off for having started the journey.