The wait is worth it, but it’s not worth the wait.

Saturday afternoon my wife invited me to join her in the bedroom.  I was more than happy to oblige.  I brought her toys, including the new vibe, to the bed.  She seemed a bit skeptical with the new vibe at first.  It really doesn’t look like much, and it clearly isn’t very high end.  She played with it for a few minutes before bringing herself to a nice, big orgasm.

I asked her if she had a nice, big orgasm and she said, “yes… I didn’t mean to, but I did”.  Apparently the new mini vibe is quite a bit more intense than the other mini vibe.  She thinks the chord may get in the way sometimes, but it’s worth the hassle for the strong sensations it brings.

Next it was my turn.  She put her hand on my head and pushed me under the blankets.  I know I mention this every time, but its a detail that really helps to put me in subspace.  It’s such a powerful feeling to be so physically directed to do something that is all about her pleasure.  Of course the tap on the head when she’s had enough is pretty powerful too, especially when followed by, “now, give me your cock”.

I think I did a pretty good job of making love to her.  I know I lasted longer than the last time she wanted to have sex with me.  She was also very kind and broke it up in the middle telling me to go down on her again.  It was obvious she wanted to make sure she had another orgasm before I did.  I got her to the edge with my mouth and heard, “I need your cock inside me NOW”!  After that I didn’t last too long and as she enjoyed a prolonged orgasm I came as well.

“Was it worth the wait”, she asked?

Although I told her it was, I realized that the question wasn’t really accurate.  On the one hand it wasn’t worth the wait.  It was a pretty intense orgasm, but orgasms are the type of thing that could be intense at any given time.  There is no quantitative way to say that this particular orgasm is better, or more worth another particular orgasm.  So, to say that orgasm was worth 50 days of waiting would not be accurate.

The better way to phrase it would be, “Was the wait worth it”.  If that is the question than the answer is a resounding “YES”!  The feelings you experience through long term denial are just amazing, and they are feelings you can’t just experience when ever you want to, unlike an orgasm (well, for most people).  You can only experience what a month of chastity feels like by going through a month of chastity.  So, the wait was well worth it and I hope to be kept waiting for longer periods of time from now on.

As we lay in bed together afterward my wife told me how much she enjoyed the new toy, but also told me how much she has enjoyed the completely one sided sex we’d been having leading up to this past Saturday.  She has really enjoyed having me in my device while she uses her toys and my mouth to have orgasm after orgasm.  I didn’t bring up the question about why giving her oral sex while she uses her dildo isn’t emasculating while using an extender would be, but she made it very clear that she really enjoys my mouth and her dildo in tandem.

Lucky me!

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Some Thoughts

Well it’s week seven of chastity/denial.  I seem to have come out on the other side of the subspace that was week five.  I’m feeling mostly “normal” again.  The excitement of breaking my personal best has past and now I’m just looking forward to our little overnight get away coming in a couple of weeks.  There is the promise of an orgasm in my near future, but I won’t hold my breath.  I’m feeling pretty content right now.  We have had some pretty exciting sex over the last several weeks and I know more is in store.  I don’t have to feel anxious about a release as I know one is coming soon and I don’t have that weird “I wish I could wait longer” feeling because I’m feeling pretty good about having gone this long.  I think my wife has also seen how fun this longer term chastity/denial has been and therefore may feel more comfortable about it in the future and that’s an exciting prospect!

I think my edging exercises have been coming along pretty well.  On the one hand I have improved my staying power, but on the other hand it’s still not a very long time.  I’m fairly confident that ‘x’ amount of time masturbating actually will equal a longer amount of time of intercourse.  For one thing I’ve never been one to use lubrication while masturbating, and for another I haven’t really been able to distract myself while masturbating which is something I (as most of us) try to do during intercourse.  Hopefully this theory will hold up (insert sex pun here).

I do feel a little guilty, though.  A few nights ago she forgot to issue me a number of edges and I didn’t remind her.  The reason was that I’d had MASSIVE blue balls for two consecutive days after my edges and was glad to get a break.  I’m not sure how she’d feel about that.  I guess I’ll have to admit it to her this weekend.

One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is my wife’s comment to me about how she doesn’t want to “emasculate” me with things like penis extenders, which I mentioned would help my staying power.  Although we both agreed I don’t need the added size, she still feels like that would emasculate me.  I can understand this, but I’ve been wondering if it’s only the idea of the extender that is the problem and not the end result of hotter sex.  What has led me to wonder this is her enjoyment of keeping me in my device lately while talking about needing a hard cock.  Instead of using me she has used her dildo while I go down on her.  Isn’t that emasculating as well?  I think it’s slightly humiliating in a very sexy way.  I have really gotten off on how she has talked so dirty and sexy about fucking her “hard cock” while I am locked up and providing oral services.  How exactly is this different than my using basically an outer layer of dildo around my cock while I am making love to her?  Perhaps this is a conversation we can return to and she can think about in that context.

I would also like to once again give praise to the awesome service of JT’s Stockroom.  I ordered my wife’s new toys on Sunday which was Valentine’s Day.  Monday was of course a holiday so mail didn’t run.  Despite that I received my order yesterday.  What amazing service!  Thanks, Stockroom!

Mellow Valentine’s Day

We had a pretty mellow Valentine’s Day.  My wife knows I’ve never been a big believer in it.  I don’t need a special day to buy my wife flowers or treat her special.  I try to do that many times throughout the year.  To top it off our wedding anniversary is in the same month so it’s almost silly to have a “fake” holiday come anywhere close to what happens on our very special anniversary day.  Since we’ve already decided that our money will be better spent on bills and our kids school tuition for next year we are just treating ourselves to a hotel and dinner for our anniversary.  This led to us only exchanging cards (and hugs and kisses) yesterday.  Just the way it should be in my opinion.

Last week was a little more exciting.  During the snowstorm that has been rocking the country we lost power for a few hours.  It was late, the kids were in bed and my wife was feeling a little frisky.  I joined her under several blankets in bed wearing only my device as has been the case lately.  After warming up under the blanket (or just getting used to the cold) my wife pulled out her mini vibe.  As per her instructions I had bought and installed new batteries.  After a few seconds it became apparent there was a problem.  I could hear the high vibration rate slowing quickly.  Huh.

I took out the batteries and tried the last three from the six pack.  Same result.  I looked at the batteries and they did look a little “off” so I chalked it up to getting ripped off at the store with old batteries.

After a bit more snuggling I asked if perhaps she would like to substitute me for her vibe until I got more batteries.  She thought about it a moment and then pushed my head under the covers.  After a few minutes I heard, “I need some hard cock”.  Finally, I thought.  Finally I get out of the device and get to make love to my wife.  I lifted my head and started to get out from under the blankets.  Her hand quickly pushed my head back down.  Right.  Not my hard cock.  The dildo.  “Don’t stop, you’re my vibrator.  I like having a hard cock inside me when I use my vibrator”.

That put me over the edge.  I didn’t want to get out from under those blankets ever again.  I was totally lost in subspace as I licked her and the dildo together sending her over the edge.

After a few moments of cuddling I was dismissed.  I gathered the toys and got dressed as I strained against the rings of the gates of hell.  I left the room and went and thought about what an amazing wife I had.

I thought about how amazing it is that she has left me in my device and replaced my cock with her dildo.  I have no doubt this is temporary, so I am enjoying every minute of it.  I’m sure once I am allowed my next release in the next week or so (whenever we get to celebrate our anniversary, which won’t be the day we actually celebrate our anniversary… I know, very complicated) she will probably go back to what we were doing before and will want to use me more than the dildo.  For now it’s a lot of fun though.  I have felt so wonderfully frustrated.  I’m at day 45 of denial and my wife estimates day 50 will be the earliest opportunity for an orgasm but day 51 is more likely.  Of course, neither day is guaranteed if my wife isn’t feeling up to it.  This has totally blown away my previous “record” of 35 days which I’ve reached I believe four times.  Now I’m looking at over seven weeks of chastity.  What an amazing feeling I have right now.  I’m buzzing in anticipation… and subspace.

In the meantime, I bought some new batteries for the vibe and it’s doing the same thing.  Looks like it is just used up.  Yesterday I ordered her a new one of the same model as well as some “Dead Batteries” brand batteries and a backup mini vibe that is about the same length but is wider around and is wired to a remote that uses AA batteries.  The second vibe was on sale.  They were practically giving it away.  If only she would allow me to get a better chastity device.

A little bit of sanity just slipped past all the chastity fueled fantasy high and said, “be careful what you wish for”, before being bounced from my brain by a big, burly endorphin.

Money, cuddling, and blue balls.

I recently got a check from my father as a belated birthday gift.  It was very nice of him and a nice amount, $100.  You can do a lot with $100.  Unfortunately, most of the things that it would be best to use it on aren’t very much fun… car payments, mortgage, groceries, tuition…

Seeing as how it was a birthday gift, and I believe gifts should be special treats, I asked my wife if I could use the money on something fun or if it was going towards bills.  “You know the answer to that”, was her reply.  But in a moment of weakness she said she’d think about it.  Later on I suggested that we could take a little bit of the money and buy her a new dildo.  She responded that the one she has is fine and I let it drop.  Eventually she asked me if I had any special wish for the money and I told her that I’d love to buy her a new dildo, but other than that I’d love to buy a new device.  I told her about the cb3k being on sale for only $82 right now and that was basically half price.  She said that seemed expensive, but I pointed out that it was less than $20 more than my current device (which I mis-remembered, the current device was waaay cheaper).  Again she told me she’d think about it.  In the mean time she has gathered up my paycheck, my cash and the birthday check and is set to deposit them.  She was kind enough to leave me a little bit of cash, which she hadn’t been doing for a while (my dole she calls it).

Yesterday afternoon we had a little private time.  Wearing only the device, I got her toys and joined her in bed.  As she used her mini vibe she commented that it would need new batteries.  I asked her if she wanted me to go get them while she played but she told me it was fine for the moment.  While she played she had me warm up her dildo for her.  She seemed to really be enjoying herself, but eventually she just stopped and said she was too distracted.  After that we just cuddled and kissed and it was very nice.  At All Times just posted about cuddling as well mentioning how his wife appreciated the ability to just cuddle and kiss without it having to lead to something else.  My wife told me the same thing at one point as well.  On this occasion we both knew I wasn’t going to get anything any way, so for me it was so nice to just be able to hold her and kiss her even though she wasn’t going to be having orgasms.

While we cuddled we chatted.  I again asked her if she was sure she didn’t want to get a new dildo.  I pointed out that her current one was 17 years old and that it just seemed to be time for a newer model.  She is perfectly content with it, though.  Oh, well.

She asked me how my new edging regiment had been going.  The first two nights she has told me to edge myself five times.  I told her that unfortunately I hadn’t been able to make it to five times yet.  So far I had only been able to make it to three.  She asked me if I was waiting in between and I told her I was, but I am just starting this again and the length of time I needed to wait to edge myself a fourth time was long enough to basically go completely flaccid again.  She asked me why that mattered and I realized we hadn’t really set up any “rules” but I had somehow figured that once I was flaccid my time allowed for masturbation was done.  My wife thought that was a dumb rule.  If she wanted me to edge five times then I had to edge five times, even if I had to wait half an hour between edgings.  She did note that it was clearly difficult for me to do five edgings since we are just starting again and gave me the number three for that night.

With the thought of my less than stellar, under two minutes of endurance, performance recently I decided that it might be a good measure of my improvement to start timing the edgings as well.  Sadly, I haven’t really improved much yet at all.  I went from flaccid to my first edge in less than a minute.  All three edges were done in 2:47, and that’s including waiting 30 seconds between each edge.  Perhaps I should wait five minutes between each edging and start from flaccid each time.  I wonder how much of an effect that would have.

I’m pretty sure the timer had an effect as well.  I’m in such a submissive mind frame right now from the 38 days of chastity that my lack of stamina is a turn on and the thought of not lasting very long got me to the edge even quicker.  That doesn’t really help my wife out, does it?  Oh, well.  I’ll continue to work on this.  You would think suffering from blue balls all the time would be a better motivator.

Trying to figure out this chastity thing

My wife and I had a nice chat last night.  Most of it was about non-arrangement stuff, but still important to our relationship.  As the evening drew to a close, and her bed time drew near I brought up a topic that I have been unsure about lately… chastity.

Well, it wasn’t even that simple.  It was kind of a multifaceted question, maybe not even a question at all.  It was a bit difficult to put into words.  As I stumbled along trying to talk to her about it I realized I likely wasn’t thinking very clearly about it due to the five weeks of chastity that I’m currently at.   Anyway, I think the “question” boiled down to these series of questions.

First, if we could afford to get a long term chastity device, would she want to keep me locked up?  She has never locked me in my device, but has told me to wear it many times.  It became clear shortly after getting my current device that it wouldn’t work as a 24/7 device.  I explained to her that lately I’ve had a great desire to be more securely locked up and that it would be incredibly erotic for her to hold the key.

A possible problem with this scenario is that we have found that a lack of stimulation leads to a lack of performance stamina… I cum too fast when we have sex.  Not too long ago we came up with the idea of nightly forced edgings.  Each night she would give me a number of times I was to edge myself before going to bed.  Somewhere along the line she stopped doing this.  I didn’t want to start asking her because I didn’t want to aggravate her before bed.  And frankly, it made life more difficult, sometimes erotically, sometimes just painfully.  When I was edging myself every night I was generally suffering from blue balls more often, and it made going weeks between orgasms much more difficult.  When I wasn’t masturbating at all the time just seemed to fly by and going four weeks without an orgasm was no big deal.  I actually welcomed the nights where she would give me the number “zero”, meaning I wasn’t allowed to masturbate that night.

So, my the point I was trying to get across to my wife was, “which is it”?  I told her that I love chastity now more than ever, but admitted that it has evolved.  I pointed out that after only having 24 orgasms my first year of chastity I thought it was far too few.  Last year I only had 20 and I think it was far too many.  I told her that this year I think every six weeks would be ideal.  I told her that I would also like to do it locked up.

My wife understood what I was getting at and started working through it.  She enjoys the chastity as well, but it’s never been as important to her as a good fucking.  She thought the required nightly edgings had been working, but somehow at some point had forgotten about it.  She told me that she wanted to start the program back up and if she forgets at night to give me a number I should ask for one.  It might aggravate her a bit, but it’s less aggravating than not being able to fuck her.

I told her I understood, but times like the last time we were intimate were so exciting and erotic.  Unfortunately it was one of those things that is just difficult to explain.  But I liked that I could only fuck her for less than two minutes before having to stop, and that she had orgasms from her vibrator, my mouth and her dildo.  It soooo amazing!

Because of this I brought up other potential methods.  I know she has always had a dislike for condoms, but I thought perhaps it had something to do with oral sex or something like that.  I asked her about it and she flat out said “no” to them.  She actually just doesn’t like how it feels inside her.  She says its just an unpleasant feeling.  I then brought up the penis extenders that we had seen on RWDDH.  I pointed out that they wouldn’t really be about adding size, just decreasing my stimulation.

She told me she didn’t like the idea of a penis extender because it seemed “emasculating”.  I told her I wouldn’t consider it that, I know I have plenty of size.  She told me that frankly one of her favorite things about me since we started going out was that I had a big, hard cock that could give her a thorough fucking.  That was very nice to hear.  I decided to skip the possibility of my using a strap on after hearing that.

So what did that leave us with?  Well, she likes the idea of my not masturbating, unless it’s her who is telling me to masturbate.  She likes my not cumming, but doesn’t like when it interferes with her cumming.  She likes to be fucked by a nice hard cock, but apparently only mine, au natural.  She doesn’t like when I can’t fuck her like she wants to be fucked.

Hmmm… I don’t think we really got anywhere at all.  And looking back she never actually answered the question on whether or not she would actually ever lock me in a device if I had one.  Which was actually kind of my original question.

You know, earlier in the night I had asked her about our upcoming anniversary.  It is our tenth, so a pretty big deal.  I told her that I was really worried about gifts.  I can’t afford an appropriate gift and I wouldn’t want to upset her on such a special day by screwing it up.  She agreed and we decided not to get gifts since we can’t really afford it.

Now I think we should get her a nice new dildo, and me a cb3000 (currently half off at the Stockroom).  Nah.  That’s just the five weeks of chastity talking.

Still so busy, but things looking up

Well, it’s been a while between posts again.

Mostly life has just been hectic.  My wife and I are making a greater effort to not let it get us down, though.  There have been a couple of times where she has stopped and made comments about how rough a week was going to be on both of us and how we should try to not get to upset about it.  Basically I think she is just acknowledging that life can be just as hectic for me as for her, and that’s nice.

My partners and I are again working on a project that will take a few months and it’s taking up most of what would be my “free time”, meaning my time I would normally be cleaning the house, etc.  Because of this things are slowly (or maybe not so slowly) falling apart around the house.  This would usually stress out my wife even more but this time she understands that I am working myself very hard right now and unfortunately sacrifices have to be made.  I would rather be spending my time catering to her needs, but if my partners and I can ever get this ongoing project to succeeded it will be a much bigger boon to her than my vacuuming, and she knows that.

On top of this it seems like we haven’t been able to go a week without somebody, or all of us, getting sick.  I’m sure you all know how frustrating that can be.  When you get illness after illness it not only physically beats you down, it mentally beats you down as well.  I start to feel like I just can’t catch a break.  At least today I feel like I’m mostly over a sinus infection.

So, knowing all this I have been wondering about the infrequency of sex lately.  I know I’ve talked about this plenty of times before, but I would say that it really sets the tone for so many other things in our life, kink related or not.  Sex isn’t always just sex.  I’m sure part of the feeling of distance between us that my wife felt in December was due to a lack of sex.  Not that she “just needed to get laid”, but we were missing the intimate connection between lovers.  There is far more to it than that, but that intimate connection is a very fundamental part of sex, and if that is missing (no sex) than I think you feel disconnected.

Of course looking back I think that having more sex also created the desire for more sex in my wife.  And wanting more sex generally led to my wife being actively more dominant and I more submissive.  I’m not sure that my wife sees this, and perhaps we’ll talk about it, but the times where our WLM has been more exciting have been the times where we were having sex a few times a week as opposed to a few times a month.

Last month we had sex on New Years Day.  I was allowed my first orgasm of the year, but having just been allowed an orgasm on Christmas I was again starting to wonder about the orgasm control situation.  After that we didn’t have sex for over three weeks.  After bringing her to several orgasms she pointed out that it had been a long time since I’d cum.  She asked me if I would like to and I took the opportunity to request that she keep me waiting until our anniversary that was coming up.  She pointed out that it would be a long time between orgasms and I told her that I thought I could do it.  I actually expected her to possibly protest a little, or just tell me that she wanted me to cum, which she has in the past.  Instead she seemed almost relieved.  Her response was basically, “good, then we are done here”.  She rolled over to go to sleep and I left to do some work.

Then it hit me.  I was thinking I was asking to be able to wait for essentially six weeks, but I had forgotten one very important thing.  We had been talking that night about our anniversary plans and had decided to put off celebrating our anniversary for a few weeks to make it easier on us (thus more enjoyable).  If my wife chose to she might be able to keep me chaste for up to 9 weeks.  As exciting as that seems in my fantasy world, I was hoping for the closer to six weeks.

Perhaps things are turning around, though, as my wife and I had some kinky fun yesterday.  The kids were occupied with a movie and I had just gotten out of the shower.  She came in as I was just about to get dressed and started locking doors.  I understood her intentions and had to race against time to get my cock ring on.  I was barely able to get it on in time as my cock wasted no time getting erect.

She got into bed and I got her toys.  As we lay together kissing and cuddling she asked if I would be able to fuck her without cumming.  It was a nice bit of teasing on her part and I told her that the pressure from her leg against my cock had me close to the edge already.  She then reminded me that she really likes fucking a cock and at this point I was pretty sure that she intended to use me for as long as she could, and that if I came before her it was too bad for me.  On the one hand I understand that since this is about her that it is power exchange, but on the other I just really wished she would make me wait.

I wasn’t disappointed.  First she took out her mini vibe and started working on her first orgasm.  As she did so she rubbed her leg against my erection and seemed to take pleasure in seeing the reactions it got from me.  After she came she relaxed for a few minutes then asked if I thought I could give her the fucking she needed.  I told her I didn’t know that I could and she asked again, “are you sure” as she reached into the bag of toys to get the dildo.  Realizing I had been wrong and my wife was indeed being wicked I saw I was about to lose out on what has been a rare opportunity… fucking my wife.  I almost begged at this point, “I think I can last a few minutes.  Please…”.  My wife paused to consider, the dildo firmly in hand.  “Well, OK”, she told me.  She then spread her legs and gave me another wicked look that said, “this won’t take long”.  Sadly it didn’t.  Not that I was watching the clock, but it was right there for me to see and I lasted less than two minutes before I had to stop.

“OK, you’re done”, she teased as she picked the dildo up again.

“May I be allowed to go down on you, please”, I was again near begging.

She allowed me to, but her tone let me know that she was just being nice and doing it for me.  What she really wanted was a cock that wasn’t going to cum until she was done with it, and that was in her hand.  Knowing this I did my best to please her and was rewarded by her legs locking my head in place as she came again.

At this point I was done.  She had her fill of me.  Now she could finally get the cock she needed.  She spread her legs and pinned my cock underneath on of them so I couldn’t touch it.  She looked me in the eyes as she fucked herself with her dildo.  It was that amazing look she gives me when she gets off on the power exchange.  The look that says, I get to cum and you don’t, and I like it that way.  I hadn’t seen that look for a while, and perhaps part of the look she gave me was an, “oh, yeah.  Now I remember why we do this”.

As we lay together afterward, her completely relaxed and me shaking with desire, I decided to bring up our anniversary date.  After beating around the bush for a while (insert sexual pun here) I finally admitted that when I requested be required to wait until our anniversary for my next orgasm I hadn’t considered that we were putting it off for a few weeks and that I hadn’t really intended to wait that long.  She, of course, laughed at my dilemma but was kind.  She pointed out that the day of our anniversary was still the same so I wouldn’t have to wait.  Then she continued and pointed out that I wasn’t actually guaranteed to be allowed to orgasm that day any way.  As a matter of fact we weren’t going to see each other that day and we aren’t likely to have much time the following days.  So, she thinks my earliest opportunity will be at seven weeks.  She made sure to stress OPPORTUNITY.  Nothing is written in stone.  She seems to have rediscovered a little bit of her pleasure of power.

I hope she hold on to it for a while.